My Pregnancy Journal...

Hi! Here's the story of my pregnancy journal... I was a DJ for a radio station... I started a journal on the website to track my pregnancy - and talk about the other things going on in my life... I have since had my baby and stopped working there... but I wanted to hold onto the journal. It is VERY LONG... the pages still "live" out there in cyberspace so I am copying them into this blog as one long entry...

The journal starts in November of 2003 when I was 4 months pregnant, and goes through March 30, 2004 when Kyla was born... and then to September of 2004 when I left my job...

Some entries are edited to protect the innocent... and there are some pictures that should be here that I have not had a chance to load yet... Enjoy!

b a b y • j o u r n a l



Kyla Marilyn

3/30/04 1:23am
6lbs 9oz 18in




5/15/04... 3:18pm... Back to work in 2 days!! I'll be on the air Monday - are you excited???? Well we have something great to talk about!!! Gwyneth Paltrow had her baby. Guess what lovely name they gave their adorable but not as cute as Kyla little girl????????? APPLE. Her name is APPLE. They named their baby APPLE... Apple Blythe Alison Martin according to cnn.com. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?????? APPLE!!!!!!!!!!!! That is just EVIL. I want an explanation for the name Apple. Like Apple computer... MacIntosh Apple... Applesauce, applejuice, apple pie, apple dumplings... What is WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE??? Is she TRYING to win the award for most RIDICULOUS thing to name your child. Who names their child after a FRUIT!!! Why did nobody stop her? What shocks me is that TWO people had to agree on this name... and you know Blythe Danner, Gwyneth's fabulous mother, had to agree on the name too... God I am so annoyed. I can't wait to see pictures of this little fruitloop!! That's all for now....... I think I'm going to go have a bowl of Apple Jacks... with Apple Strudel for desert! D

5/14/04... 11:37pm... BAD DAY!!!! It's been a while since I've had a bad day!!! I had my post-pardum check up today at 1:30... Kyla and I chilled out this morning and then I got us ready to go... I fed her right before I changed her and put her in her seat... I was all ready too. She SCREECHED when I put her in her seat and it took me a good 15 minutes to calm her down. Get in the car, she falls asleep. Got to the doctors at 1:25 - EARLY!! She was sound asleep.... for about 30 minutes... and I was STILL WAITING - there was nobody else in the office!! I didn't see one other patient the whole time. So of course right before they come get me she wakes up and starts screaming. So the nurse had me feed her and told me to let her know when I was ready for them to examine me... I fed her for about 15 minutes, knowing full well she wasn't even hungry but just tired of sitting in her seat... and then told them I was ready. I stripped, put the little white paper outfit on, and waited... Kyla slept for another 15 minutes and THEN they came in to examine me... again right after she woke up. So one of the nurses held her and walked around with her while I had my check-up. I'm fine, everything healed up nicely :) So this completely threw my day off because I had made a hair appointment at 3pm. I figured an hour and a half was more than enough time to get a check up and get to the mall to feed the baby and then get my hair done. I had a friend meeting me there to help take care of Kyla because I was getting color/cut and I knew it would take a few hours. Well, since the doctor appointment took so long, I was already a half hour late for my hair appointment... so I couldn't go to the ladies room and nurse her before getting my hair done... So the one bottle I had brought with me wasn't going to be enough. Then I go to the ATM machine to get money for a drink and to give my friend some loot for helping me, and I'm negative a whole bunch of dough. I KNEW something was wrong since I haven't been spending like I used to... more on that in a few. So then I'm freaking out that I can't even get my hair done because I have no money left, etc... so TK gave me his credit card number and I used that to get my hair done... Well, hair cut took FOUR HOURS. I wanted my natural color back with a few highligts... so it was like getting it done twice. I had no idea it woudl take so long. Kyla was fussy an hour into this process so I ended up nursing her (bottle was gone quick) while sitting under the dryer!! I put one of the robes over myself and fed her... she fell asleep, but woke up pretty quick and was only content for a little while. I felt so bad for my friend who was watching her... I don't know, she was just cranky and wanted nothing but my BREAST even though she couldn't be hungry. Once my hair was done I couldn't find the ladies room with the nursing area in the mall... and there were little hoodrat kids EVERYWHERE in my way and I was getting really upset. Kyla was SCREECHING so of course I'm ready to cry because I know at this point she IS hungry and I feel like I've neglected her all day just because I wanted to get my hair done... and then I get to the bathroom and the nursing area and these 13 year olds dressed like little hoochies are on their cell phones giggling on the couch... I was like "excuse me girls, this is a nursing area and I need to sit down and feed my baby" and they're like "oh sorry." At least they took their powwow elsewhere. So I fed her and then called my bank to find out what happened. I just overspent... but really I only overspent by about $100... They charged me $240 in fees because a bunch of transactions for like $20 for gas, $30 at CVS, etc. stuff like that - overdrawn at $30 each time - it added up!!! So they credited me for HALF of them. Then I realized that a check TK deposited for me never made it. I have the receipt from the deposit so now I have to figure out why that money never went in. It was a check from my dad for our baby gift - the rocker - and had that money gone through I would have had no problems. Now I have to call my dad and find out if the check when through his account yet and solve this mystery!!! I hope it was the bank's error and they credit me ALL this stuff!!!! The worst is that I didn't get a paycheck this pay period because of my leave - I get paid by the insurance company, not my company, and the paperwork of course hasn't been completed yet so blah blah blah... IT SUCKS!!!! The good thing is my hair looks great so at least I go back to work looking good. OH AND - this is nice... The scale at the doctor says I weigh 131, as opposed to the scale at the fitness center which says I am 135. I'll go with the one at the doctor's office simply because that's the scale I based my weight on the entire time. So according to that scale I weighed 150 at the end of my pregnancy, and now I weigh 131, so I've taken off 19lbs. I still have to go down a few sizes but I really don't think I will get back to a 4. My body is shaped different now, my hips are wider. I shouldn't worry about this so much but I do. I think it bothers me the most because I can't wear any of my old clothes and now I'm broke and have to start a new wardrobe from scratch!! So now I have one more thing totally off that subject- to b*Itch about. This chick emailed me telling me I should take pictures of Kyla off my website. She said there are crazy people out there and you never know, blah blah blah... So I told her that I don't really see what the big deal is and that I don't get what someone could possibly do with pictures of her that would harm her...well rather than answering my question, she was like "well I guess what people say about you is true and you don't care all that much which is strange for a mother..." or something bizarre like that... WHAT??? I'm sorry but a LOT of parents have their kids pictures on the internet and share them with friends, etc... I don't really understand what she thinks someone is going to do to my child with pictures of her??? Am I not getting something? Maybe voodoo on the pictures? Photoshop them? Please inform me if I'm wrong but I don't think sharing pictures of her is wrong!!! There is no personal information other than her first and middle name. It makes no sense. What could someone really do to her/us just because of pictures on the web? This person obviously feels the need to berate me about something. I think its insane! Anyway, that's all for now - its been a lonnnnnng day!! I'll be back Monday!!!! D


5/13/04... 5:27pm... Can't write much because I have to be at dinner in an hour and a half... but here's a link to a photo book of Kyla! They're not in any particular order, but there's like 72 pictures of her... My friend Jess put it together for me :) This stupid Mac doesn't let me make links or anything so you'll have to just copy that gibberish into your web browser. Let me know if you have any trouble with it! Enjoy!! http://www.ofoto.com/BrowsePhotos.jsp?showSlide=true&Uc=ysxvzn1.a7eh2w21&Uy=-mdhie4&Ux=0

5/12/04... 11:25pm.... OK first I have to apologize for the fact that this page is taking so long to load now. It's because it is so long and has a lot of pictures... I need to transfer the old entries to another page or two but I can't do it on the Mac, and I want to print it all out first to save in case I accidentally delete it. I should be backing this all up but I haven't lately. Anyway, I'm freaking myself out. I am reading about SIDS and vaccines and how there's this whole controversy about the vaccines babies get between 2 and 6 months being directly related to "SIDS".... parents whos children died within hours or days of getting vaccines, and being told by the medical community that there is no connection. It scares me. I mean I am doing everything I can to lower the risk... I am breastfeeding, she sleeps on her back, there are no toys or blankets in her crib, etc... She does sleep with me sometimes but there are no pillows or blankets near her, the mattress is firm, and I've also read that SIDS could be sleep apnea - when babies stop breathing in a deep sleep and their brains don't remember to start breathing again - and that sleeping with an adult helps regulate their breathing. I notice that when I put her down in her crib she snorts and seems to have trouble with breathing regularly, but with me she is quiet and calm. I think I am just overloading myself with information to the point where I feel like I need to watch her sleep and keep waking her up!! Anyway, I just need to chill out. My stepsister and her husband are coming by tomorrow to meet Kyla and go to lunch. They are in FL visiting other family in Lakeland, of course did the parks, and wanted to meet the baby... Then tomorrow night my friend is in town from NY and we are going to Burn's for dinner. I've never been there... but I think it is inappropriate to bring a baby even though they are insisting it is OK!! I don't know, I wouldn't want to be paying that kind ofmoney for a dinner and be annoyed by a crying baby. I love my child but she does cry and I don't want to bring her if its not cool. Anyway, I gotta eat - yes, this late and I am finally getting a meal - more later... D

5/12/04... 6:47pm... Wow, I only have a few more days to chill with my little Kyla all day!!! I am going to miss her so much. It will make me appreciate my time at home and my time with her even more though. I am looking forward to coming back to work and talking about all kinds of stuff! I am getting my hair done on Friday - and I am going to go back to my natural color - BROWN! I haven't had brown hair in like 5 years. I started getting highlights and more highlights and now my hair just looks like it is all blonde. It is SO HARD to keep up with it, especially now that I have a baby... so I'm going to go back to all brown and get a little bit of blonde in it. It will be a big change, but I am so sick of having icky roots most of the time... my hair looks good for a week after I get it redone and then its just roots!! I'm going to keep it pretty long, it is REALLY long and out of control now. I do understand why a lot of women cut all their hair off after they have a baby but NO WAY. I don't have much to write... today I just relaxed since the last few weeks I've had visitors and things to do... I made a whole photo album of Kyla with the pictures I took with my cell phone and I was all excited to post the link up here... but then I realized my phone number comes up when you look at the page with the pictures so I can't do it!!!! I know you're not psycho and you wouldn't call me.... but all I need right now is some hater to get my phone number and start calling me. PSYCHOS!!!!! I'm going to pump some milk now that the baby is asleep... FUN TIMES!!! D

5/10... 11:28pm... Just a quick update - my thank you cards are almost ALL done!!! I have about 5 more to write out and I ran out of cards!!! A few I just need addresses for, but I did 25 cards today. I will put them in the mail tomorrow. And of course I was LATE getting mothers day cards in the mail too... My family must be used to this from me... I GOT the cards a week ago but forgot stamps, and with a new baby I totally spaced getting them... then I realized I hadn't sent them out yet, like Saturday... so they'll get out tomorrow. The good thing is we got more pictures of the baby developed so everyone will get some new pictures of Kyla with their belated cards!! Well, I've come to the realization that the favorite part of my day is...... our little bedtime ritual! It's not really a ritual, but what we do before bed lately and I hope it stays this way and we need to add reading or soft music to it... I change Kyla, wash her face and hands, and feed her... then she starts to fall asleep... then I lay her on my chest (with a burp cloth across it) and burp her and rub her back until she falls asleep on me... She usually lays there awake for a little while with the most peaceful look on her face. I like to think she knows it is ME, her MOMMY holding her and cuddling with her... and then she falls asleep. I feel bad though, she has been spitting up a lot and it seems like she has a little trouble with her belly. I don't know if it is something I am eating that gets into her milk or if she is just a spitty baby. I have tried cutting out garlic... caffiene... chocolate... and she still spits up. So I read today that it could be the milk that I drink. I have a Carnation Instant Breakfast shake once a day for extra vitamins, so maybe the milk I put in that bothers her. I also wonder if the acid in OJ bothers her because I drink a lot of that too... So it's hard to figure out. She has been fussy the last few days and spitting up every time she eats. She doesn't have a fever and she does have her "happy" moments so I don't think she's sick at all... just spitting up more than I think she should be. Of course I just want her ot be the happy smiling cooing little girl all the time and I know that's just not the way it is... She is holding her head up so well now, bobs it around a little but it doesn't flop and even though I keep my hand there just in case, she holds it up pretty much by herself. Hmmmmm... I guess the only other thing I wanted to write about is the shopping spree I went on yesterday. OLD NAVY is my new favorite place to shop - and the good news is I bought things in a size 8 instead of the 10 I was wearing. One dress I got was a 10 but the skirts were 8s and the shorts I tried on but did not buy fit in an 8. The weird thing is I haven't lost any more weight... I also ordered a really nice diaper bag from Oldnavy.com... It's not frilly or frumpy, its very casual. It's pink - but also comes in khakhi - with rainbow straps... and it's only $24.50. I swear its a GREAT bag and its really inexpensive considering the Graco bag I had on my registry was $40 and most of the ones I've seen are up to $150... This one is PERFECT. Old Navy is just the best right now... then again maybe I am all about it because I am a mom now and have to buy less expensive things for myself. I think I like wearing casual clothes right now too since my body is not what it should be to wear sexy things from Express and Bebe.... Well, I am getting sleepy and I have a long day tomorrow. My friend who has been here chillin with me for a week is flying back to Boston so I have to be up to take her to the airport... she doesn't have to be there until 2pm... but getting up, getting baby ready, getting myself ready, etc. takes a while so I need to prepare... OH, and if you're expecting you need to come to the baby expo this weekend! It's on Saturday and it's sponsored by our sister station Mix 100.7... TK & I will be there with Kyla and we'll beb reading a story! I think I am going to read "Make Way For Ducklings" which is a very famous kid's story and it takes place in Boston!! Get more info on Mix 100.7's website... I don't even have the details yet but it'll be very cool. I gotta get to bed I am dozing off at the computer! I will try to get TK to post more pics soon.... I can't WAIT to get back into the office so I can post my own pictures!! Love, Dana

5/10... 11:48am.... Just wanted to do a quick update to tell you how my first Mother's Day was!!! Thank you for the emails wishing me a happy day.... I was surprised yesterday morning... TK had told me that I wasn't allowed to come downstairs until after 9:30... and that he had to get up before me. So I thought he was going to make me breakfast... even though he makes me breakfast a few days a week now anyway :) So when it got to be after 9am and he still wasn't out of bed I started to think he was just being lazy and maybe I wasn't getting my breakfast... then a little while later he went downstairs, went outside, came back up, and told me to get up NOW... Hurry, hurry, hurry!! So I picked up baby and came downstairs, wondering what he could have done since he didn't have time to make breakfast for me in the 2 minutes he was downstairs.... so then he made me put shoes on.... ???????? So I go outside onto the patio and there's an AWESOME breakfast and flowers and a Bond Jewelers bag sitting on the patio table!!!! He had Cafe Dufrain down the street make breakfast and deliver it to me for Mother's Day. Hash browns, fried eggs with runny yolks, scrambled eggs, toast, coffee, juice, bacon, etc. an ENTIRE breakfast!!! And he brought the baby swing outside so Kyla could sit with us too!! It ws so nice... and he gave me a mommy/baby necklace. It's got a silouhette of a mother and a child and it forms a heart, and it has 3 diamonds. Very sweet!!!! I was so happy. I think he did a great job. He took the entire day off yesterday (didn't go to Shephard's and did his other work ahead of time...) so that he could give me a nice mother's day. He was thinking of taking me away for the day as a family but since my friend is here visiting he watched Kyla so we could go shopping... It was nice to have a day to myself to shop and lay out in the sun. Then last night we all went to Dish in Ybor for dinner. It was a great first Mother's Day. I can't wait until Kyla is old enough and she wants to make breakfast for me herself.... :) Hope you had a great Mother's Day too!! ONE WEEK FROM TODAY I'll be back on the air!! I'm a little nervous but excited to get back... I have more things I'd like to write about today but I can't for a few reasons........... I have to get thank you cards finished today and start on the birth announcements... Soon I will be updating the journal regularly again too! Dana

5/7... 12:35pm... So here's the deal... We have someone - a good friend - to watch Kyla for us!! She's got some other obligations during the week so we have to find a back up for a few hours here and there but I feel much better that we have someone we love and trust to hang with her for now.... So I'm thinking daycare is inevitable eventually. I'm thinking as long as I do my research and investigate a place I'll be fine. I called a few places this morning and does $150 a week for daycare sound right??? I was thinking it would be more like $300!!! I always hear how expensive childcare is so that number just seemed low to me. So then I was thinking maybe we could really afford a nanny through an agency - but would I rather have Kyla in a day care with a lot of people to care for her, and a lot of eyes, or someone I don't know alone in my house with her all day... It's so hard. I knew this would be the hardest part. This is when I wish I lived at home around my friends and family who could help out with watching her - or at least recommend a good place... Here I feel I'm in the dark and lost. Luckily we have someone we know to do it for a while... Anyway, I'm going to lay in the sun with my friend. Kyla sits in her seat in the shade next to us. We were out for a while yesterday and she loved the outside. I just keep her in the shade and make sure she is cool enough - not sweating - and she's totally content in the fresh air! I can't wait to be able to take her in the pool... Any advice on this daycare/nanny issue would be great. The other thing I'm not sure of is how much I should be paying a friend to watch her... I am so clueless. I'm back to work next Monday and I feel good about leaving her with a friend... but soon we'll have to leave her with a stranger and it KILLS me!! Have a great day working while I'm lying by the pool and shopping!!! :) D


5/6... 11:01pm... or should I say one hour post-Friends era!! OK, so the final episode... hmmmmmmm... Ross & Rachel are together WHO KNEW? But my friend Stephanie and I made some startling observations about this show... their portrayal of the whole children aspect is so sad and lacking. I mean, EMMA - Ross & Rachel get back together and there's NO TALK of EMMA!! Hello, I guess maybe I think that two people getting back together would be even more wonderful BECAUSE of the child they created, but instead they just seemed to leave her at Rachel's mom's house without even mentioning her. I figured they would be like "I love you and Emma and we can be a family..." But no, no mention of the child whatsover. Then there's the Monica & Chandler with twins thing. That whole labor thing was just SO off... I mean I don't expect to hear cursing and wailing for hours on end on a TV show, but one grunt and here comes baby one... no nurses, no screaming from the baby, they're like just standing there like they're waiting for a bus!! Then the whole baby #2 thing - so lame. The idea was good, but they played it off so stupid. And then the big WTF moment - Monica & Chandler show up at home wearing the same clothes they were wearing at the hospital WITH THE HOURS OLD babies in their arms... It takes 72 hours before one can sign over a baby for adoption, and they're kept in the hospital for 48 hours. The only reason I know that 72 hour rule about adoption is because I watched that Barbara Walters thing the other night where this chick picked the new parents for her baby in an open adoption. That's a whole other journal entry I never got to write.... so basically I was kind of disappointed at the final Friends. I also wanted the whole cast to come out at the end and hug and bow and cry... they did that for a split second at the end of the special that was on from 8-9, but not nearly enough. I am sure there were a lot of tears and stuff and it would have been nice for them to let everyone see them crying and hugging!!! It was so funny though, Kyla was in her swing sleeping and right when Ross & Rachel kissed at the end she let out a little cry - and then just went back to sleep. She's actually still sleeping soundly. I so wish I could make paragraphs with this computer because I'm moving on to a whole different topic now................. Breastpumping!!! Seriously, I really reallly really want to feed her only breastmilk... I've been doing so much reading about formula vs. breastmilk - maybe I am freaking myself out but it just seems that formula fed babies have a much higher risk of serious illness, sids, all of these things... now feeding her formula just seems so unnatural to me. Plus I bet my milk tastes a lot better! So I've been pumping in between feeding her and she's taken 3 bottles so far... and I've been freezing milk - but WHAT A PROJECT IT IS!!! Instead of writing the date on the bottles and making a big mess, I'm just going to use little colored stickers for each day and make sure that the oldest milk gets used first. It's just a huge undertaking. And when I go back to work I'm going to have to find a private place to pump and then store the milk, and FIND THE TIME to do it... I am going to try really hard to manage this but its going to be rough. The other thing I am freaking out about is leaving her with a babysitter. I was reading today about shaken baby syndrome on the web... I always thought it was repeated hard shaking... but it can happen once and just be horrible. I get nervous when people bounce her on their laps and stuff and I ask them not to... I know to be bad it takes a lot more than that but any kind of shaking freaks me out. So I read this story of a mom who brought her son to a daycare, he was shaken really hard by a caretaker, and has brain damage, etc... and the parents were accused of abuse!!! It BLOWS MY MIND that anyone can harm a baby - and now that I have my own its so scary... Even people you think you can trust could hurt your child! I guess maybe I am reading too much and I watch too many of these things on TV but I would rather be aware and know what is out there than be naive. She is my little angel and I can't imagine what I would do if anything bad ever happened to her. I was also reading Parents Magazine at the gym - yes I picked up my first Parents Magazine LOL (don't worry I still read all the US and People and stuff!!!) and this whole article about how much becoming a mom changes you... It's so true. I have to lose 20 lbs (I'm down to 134!!) to be the size I used to be, but the more I think about it the less I care. I mean, I care - but when it comes down to it my weight and how I look is so much less important than it used to be. All the cattiness and chick competition is so beyond me now. Of course I still have it in me, but the thought of worrying about office gossip and stuff at this point... I have more important things to think about. It also had this article about things a mom should splurge on - and one of them was clothes!! It said something like "never underestimate the power of a great outfit" - SO TRUE. The one thing I haven't changed is my compulsion to buy clothes and have cute outfits. For such a long time when I was pregnant I wore crap to work because I didn't feel good, I didn't care what anyone thought, and nothing fit anyway... but now I just want to buy more cute outfits... now I just can't buy a lot of the things I used to want because I won't squeeze a not so fit body into things only small people should be wearing... Hmmmmmm what else is on my mind. I guess just making the transition back to work. I am excited to come back - I miss being on the air, I miss interacting with adults and callers and stuff... I miss the music and being a part of the radio station... but at the same time I will miss Kyla so much. I think most moms probably feel guilt when they go back to work, for a lot of reasons. First of all you feel like you are abandoning your baby - like I've spent just about every hour of her life so far with her, answering her every cry, changing most of her diapers, holding her, playing with her all day, feeding her, and all of a sudden I'm going to disappear on her for 8 hours a day. I am sure she will adjust and I think she's young enough to not realize I'm gone as long as someone is here to comfort her and provide for her, but I still feel bad. Then there's the fact that no matter who you leave her with, you worry. Of course if you have a close friend or family member its a lot easier, but just not being around her makes me nervous. I guess if I can learn how to take care of her, any decent human being can... Anyway, I should end this. My journal is getting so long. I want to turn it into a word document and read it over starting at the beginning and see what a nutcase I really am!! I wonder if I could somehow get it published. There are so many "what to expect" type books out there that tell you "you might feel this, this might happen" but no real PREGNANCY SUCKS books, and nothing that is personal. I know I have gotten a ton of emails from people who enjoyed reading for a number of reasons - they are/were pregnant at the same time as me, they had children already and it brought back memories, they're thinking of having children and have a better idea of what to expect, etc. so it could help a lot of other people too... I have a lot more to do before I go back to work. It seems like every time I start a little project - like finishing thank you cards, doing baby book, doing something in nursery, she cries or something comes up... I totally thought I'd be chillin' out all day with plenty of time to do other things and it is SO not true!! While my friend is here this week we're going to get some stuff done. Everyone says ACCEPT HELP and I have a hard time doing it but I'm just going to suck it up and accept it. I feel bad - my guest has been waiting on ME - she made dinner, she gets me a drink, etc. but that's what friends are for... Haha sucks that when she has kids I'll have my own and I won't be at her beck and call LOL. We were talking today about having more babies or her having a first and I was like "oh there is nothing like having a newborn for the first few days..." I mean she is not even 6 weeks and I already feel like she's growing up and I miss how little she was and that just been born look about her! The exciting thing is how smart she is and how strong she is getting. She holds her own head up pretty well... she totally reaches for things and holds things. GET THIS - yesterday we were at the grocery store and since there were two of us and we had a LOT of stuff to get, we brought the stroller into Publix... she was a little fussy so I gave her a bink... well I KNOW she spit it out, we watched her spit it out... we turned around to look at something and when we looked at her again the bink was back in her mouth I SWEAR. I think it fell onto her bib and she somehow lifted the bib (it was big and her hand was under it) and was able to get it back in her mouth but it was pretty crazy. She's been sleeping a lot today. We wanted to get some sun so we took her out by the pool, put her in the shade, and we sat in the sun while watching her. She slept the WHOLE time and I got a little bit of sun which I needed. We want to go shopping at some outlets... I don't feel like driving all the way to Orlando but there's much better stores up there than at Ellenton. I want to go to Gap Kids outlet though and they don't have that in Orlando. We'll figure it out. So my first Mother's Day is coming....... I am pretty excited. TK has something up his sleeve I think. He took the day off from Shephard's so that he could make the day special so we'll see what he does. He made me breakfast again this morning since he was up so early to go to the gym - YES, we're both getting back into shape!! I think he saw me going and was like hmmmmmm... she just popped out a kid and she's going, I have no excuse! I've never been commited to working out EVER but I really want to take this weight off for me, and I know if I just put it off I'll not only gain weight, but it'll be harder to take off the older I get. It's also time to ME... I can read a magazine or watch TV for an hour or so at the fitness center with no interupptions... OK... time for Leno with the Friends Cast... gotta go!! Hope you enjoyed this long entry - its about time!! Pictures coming soon we've been busy!! :) Dana


12:30 Tuesday 5/5.....


Happy Cinco De Mayo! Lots of new picutres coming very shortly! (yes, it's me... tk... hacking dana's page again!). Look for them soon!



5/4... 2pm... Wow this day is flying by.. time keeps going faster and faster! I will be back to work in less than 2 weeks. CRAZY!! Do you miss me??? I am going to miss her so much when I have to be away from her all day. It's a scary thing but I know I have to do it. I just don't want to miss all the "firsts". She held her rattle today and was really reaching for things... she grabbed onto the rattle and held it long enough for me to get the phone on my camera out and snap a few pictures!! I sent them to her daddy, he said he would post them here soon... Speaking of him - obviously the entry from yesterday with all the pictures was written by him lol... He is doing a good job with her though. It's cool to see the way she looks at him. I think she gets sick of my mug all day so he's interesting to her. Today she is wearing her I love Mommy shirt from www.lifesizekids.com... very bratty baby stuff!! It's expensive but she looks so cute its worth it for the month or so she'll fit into it! I am at 136lbs so I went UP!! I didn't get to go very much over the weekend though, but last night I did 45 minutes on the bike and will go again tonight. My friend Stephanie is coming to stay with me tomorrow for a week so I'm psyched about that... It will be nice to have company and help. She doesn't change diapers though... At this point changing the diap isn't that bad, its when they start eating solid foods... anyway enough about that!! So I was looking at People Magazine and Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are on the cover with their baby girl Sam... haha even though they are famous rich beautiful celebrities - MY CHILD IS WAAAAAYYYY CUTER!!!! Denise Richards is obviously so much hotter than I'll ever be but my baby is cuter and that's all that matters... I need a life. Well, hopefully TK will post the pictures soon. I read HIS entry (see below) yesterday and realized I don't write anything funny anymore... :( I'm sitting here with baby spit up all over myself, I guess that is funny. My email works again so feel free to write, half the time I write back with one hand while holding her if she is sleeping! Oh, and I've read a ton of stuff about co-sleeping and I want to post the links.. I'll get them up soon. Dana


5/3.... 5:10pm....


Baby is sleeping and I am just thinking about what a wonderful daddy she has. He's awesome to the baby. I know you've heard us bitch and fight with each other and you must sometimes think he's lost his mind, but like Chris Rock says, "at least our relationship ain't boring." I know he's really working hard now to balance time, to stick to a schedule and I know he'll make progress for me and his precious little angel that he loves very much!


I just really hope TK can keep Kyla off the pole and out of the clear heel shoes. GRRRRRR! I will be so mad if he gets her a pair! :)


Anyway, here's some more pictures of the beautiful child, co-produced by 2004's father of the year nominee TK!



Here, Kyla's sleeping. Isn't this cool? She spends close to 18 hours a day sleeping because my breast milk is loaded this sleeping solution which helps Kyla to grow. It also helps her spit up on her daddy right before he has to rush off to appearances on the weekends!






I pissed her off pretty bad up here. She didn't like the taste of my breast milk, so I tried to give her a diet Coke. No deal. Eventually she passed out after drinking several baby drinks from the Mom Breast Bar and Grill and I got this picture.




Isn't she perfect? Who'd have thunk something so perfect came from the seed of TK???!!! He really is on track to be the father of the year! He's so awesome with Kyla... you should see them when they're chillin' together. She loves him! :)


I'll be back to write more later..... gotta go watch the CBN network! I love that Pat Robertson! He's the best... and soooooo sexy!


-D :)








5/3.... 4:24pm... Kyla's sleeping, and I'm watching OPRAH - Brad Pitt's on. He's so "dashing" as Oprah just said... he's 40 and doesn't look a day over 22. How on earth does this 40 year old man have SUCH boyish looks? I swear he and Jennifer Anderson have the fountain of youth in their backyard or something... And he's so sweet and modest. Every time the women scream about his body he's like "oh stop... stop!" Sounds like he doesn't really want to start popping out babies yet though... She asked him and he said "we can't avoid that question can we... let's just say I am excited for what the future holds..." WHATEVER THAT MEANS!! So anyway, still no PC so I can't update that often and the font sucks, and I have to have TK get you pictures. Kyla is so amazing. She's getting huge... eating all the time lol.. she makes little happy noises and happy faces - but no real smile yet! Figures she is waking up! She's been sleeping for a while now and I ate some lunch, pumped some milk - oh yes! I got a breast pump. What a silly contraption. I was cracking up when I was doing it... TK gave her her first bottle last night but it wasn't nearly enough! She is a little eating machine :) We are getting her pictures taken tomorrow at our house which I am very excited about. She's so beautiful hehe... I keep forgetting all the things I want to write down in the journal!! I will think of something profound or funny I want to say and by the time I get to write, it has fallen out of my brain. My best friend and her mom were here for a few days... of course they adore the baby. It was nice to see them and go out to dinner last night. I missed the gym because I could either work out or go to dinner - TK was too busy to be home for long yesterday - so I chose dinner with friends who were leaving today. I'm going tonight and the rest of the week though... It's just hard with his schedule to make sure he's home to watch her so I can go. I am really hoping Kyla flashes that first smile before I go back to work - I need to be the first to see it!! Oh, she's awake and happy in her swing, I should change her and feed her... I feel like my journal entries suck lately but I think my mind is just so boggled with everything else!! It's like a race against her nap to write! I'm trying to get TK to put more pics up today! Oh, and my email is working again so when I get to check it I can write back!! Dana


4/29... 11:58pm... How funny this is the time of night I get to chill out for a little while? I went to the gym again - GO ME!! I am still just doing the bike for now. I want to get weight off before I start trying to tone things up... plus I'm going easy on myself at first. I'm 135 today - so I've lost 3lbs since I started!! It's SO funny but I have gotten a bunch of emails who say they've been motivated to go back to the gym or start working out because I am. What motivates me is trying to squeeze on old clothes and not being able to even pull them over my hips. It's almost as if they never could have possibly fit me - but they did AND THEY WILL AGAIN!! We had a really lazy day. I did nothing around the house but a load of laundry. We slept a lot, I'd wake up, feed her, she'd fall back to sleep, and that's all we did all day... oh yeah and I changed her diaper a few or ten times too... Well, daddy is falling asleep with her in his arms so I gotta get back to her. I get about an hour a day to myself and that's it. My best friend and her mom get here tomorrow (Friday) night and I CAN'T WAIT!! Oh, and I have to thank you for listening to my show (and reading the journal) - Ratings came out today and we are #1 - which means nice bonus for mommy and baby bratty shopping fund! Allright, I gotta go... :) Dana

4/29... 12:16am... I just got back from the gym and TK and baby are both sound asleep!! She's in her swing and he's on the couch. Other than his snoring, its nice to come home to some peace and quiet!! Workout update - I am 135lbs today!! I have to confess I did not go last night, which is why I FORCED myself to go tonight even though we had a busy day. I think it is great for me because it gives me an hour to read a magazine and feel good about doing something to get back into shape. I especially needed that after a very tough day at the mall... I am so limited in what I can wear because of my little poochie belly, bigger hips, and big boobs... I can't wear any tank tops or anything that requires a strapless bra because my boobs are just too big and I also have to worry about leakage so I have to wear pad things all the time!! I am a large in shirts and still a 10!! At least my weight has gone down 3lbs since I started on Saturday. I know weight fluctuates a pound or two anyway but the fact that its fluctuating DOWN every time I go - whether it is true weight loss or just the scale being off a bit or my stomach being full/empty - it makes me feel like its actually working and that makes me want to go even more! So as for the mall.... I have to admit, I breastfed at the mall!!! However, I went to the nice big ladies room and found a private corner on a couch. I HAD to feed her... I just timed things wrong and she was so angry at me I had to find a space to do it. I will not do it in the middle of the mall. Some people are cool with it, but to me it is a private thing. Anyway, if you're at International Mall and you need a place, there's a bathroom right near the elevators and there's a nice spot to feed... I am so excited to see my best friend and her mom!! They will be here Friday which is technically tomorrow now that its after midnight. I just finished up my dinner that I had to get TO GO at the mall when Ky was crying! She is sleeping so peacefully right now I hate waking her but its been almost 3 hours since I fed her and I have to make sure she's eating often enough. Every once in a while this really scary feeling comes over me... like I think about how much I love her and then I get this bad feeling that something will happen to her and she could be taken from me... and I try to pass it off as just something normal that parents feel sometimes but for a little while it freaks me out... I was reading People Magazine at the gym about some nonsense and all of a sudden I just started worrying about her!! I hope that is normal and doesn't mean I'm going to be some psycho parent. I will be back in a few weeks... the time has FLOWN BY!! I was at the radio station today for the first time in a month and it was so weird. My desk is exactly how I left it, everything is the same... but I feel like I forgot how to talk on the radio. It's something I have done consistently for so many years... without much of a break. Maybe I'd gone a week or two without talking on the air since I started.. but 6 weeks without doing a show?? Hopefully it'll all come back to me. I guess it's like going to visit a place you haven't been for a while... you know you know where to go but you feel like you're going to get completely lost. That's how I feel when I go home to Boston... like I know how to get everywhere but when I get in the car I go over in my head just in case. Anyway, I'm very tired - today was a long day for me and Kyla! Oh, I did end up finding a cute outfit at the mall but its not what I would have picked if I was 20lbs lighter! Wow I have used too many !!! in this email. Have a great day!! Dana

4/27... 7:31pm... I need another pair of boobs!!!!! This child needs to be goin' to overeaters anonymous!!! Is it normal for them to jus PIG OUT some days? I don't think they are fully refilling between feeding since she's eating like every 90 minutes... Anyway, I just got the chance to shower, take her for a walk to chill her out.. that lasted all of 10 minutes and she wanted to chow down again. She takes little rests and then wants to go at it again... At least I don't have anything else to do right now. She will only sleep in my arms or on the bed... not in the crib. I'll put her down in there and she's awake within 10 minutes. Some days are good, some days are a little rough... she is such a sweet baby - when she's getting everything she wants lol!! I guess I just worry when she screeches so often today.. but if feeding her takes care of it I guess that just means she's hungry!! She is totally fitting in to all the 0-3 months clothes now!! I notice how big she is getting when she fits in things I tried on her a few times and now they suddenly fit when before they were too huge... but when I hold her and look in the mirror she is still so teeny tiny... Here's something I found cool today... I was holding her in front of me and all of a sudden she just started STARING at me intently.... she's dome that here and there but something about this stare was more intense, like she followed my face with her eyes and just made faces at me (no smile yet though!) and made little noises... I wonder if that is her getting to know me and realize I am the one who takes care of her... and that I'm her mommy!!! My best friend and her mom are coming on Friday so I'm excited about that. Little one fussin' for food again - gotta go!! D


4/26... 5:05pm... Aw how cute! TK broke into my page earlier and wrote a little entry. Scroll down to read it. So I am now dealing with filing claim for short term disibility bc I am on leave, etc. and I can tell it's going to be a pain! It's like JUST GIVE ME MONEY!!! But instead its like oodles of phone calls and paperwork, etc. So I started working on more thank you cards today and then she woke up!! I got ONE more done. I have about 10 sitting here that need addresses... Anyway, what is up with Jen & Brad & Angelina!!!???? It's all over TV and the magazines... I so miss being on the air because this is a good scandal to talk about!! She wanted Friends to be DONE so she and Brad could have lots of nookie and she could get pregnant, and now he's apparently getting it on with Angelina!?!? Angelina was on some talk show the other night... maybe Carson Daly... and said she is NOT abstaining from the sizex anymore so MAYBE she is getting it on with BRAD!?!?! Hey, I am not one for cheating but if Brad Pitt came knocking on my door and wanted a piece of my post-prego womanhood I'd give it to him!!! I really wish I knew HTML code so I could at least make paragraphs out of each journal entry!! I am going from random thought to random thought and it drives me nuts when I read it!! Now on a serious note, what is up with people getting hit by cars around here? Maybe its because I am a new mom and have this precious child to worry about, but I seriously hope people slow down and start paying more attention while driving... I don't get how 4 people have been hit by cars in the last few weeks!!! Very scary. So I have to hit the gym again tonight... I'll do the bike. Everyone at the station wants to see the baby so I'm thinking maybe we'll make an appearance tomorrow! She has some baby acne though... its bugging me and it keeps getting worse - she's got zits!! I know it is normal and it will go away but she had such pretty skin and now she's got pimples :( Luckily you can't see it in the pictures!! Time to grab something to eat I am hungry! Enjoy the pics! I will try to get new ones up every day if TK will help me... D


Monday 4.26.2004.... 4:06pm // NOT dana! LOL!!!


Haaaay! Don' be scurred and confuuuuusssseee....


...it's TK again, breaking in to Dana's page! So... can I tell you that this morning, KYLA shot POO at me? YES! She did. No, she didn't miss. Right on my fat chest... on the bed... all over her changing pad... Daddy's little girl... already with good aim!


So, I have some new pics of the baby! I'm posting them here for d*ana or *dana or da*na (star moves to keep it interesting) LOL...


Makes me wonder... how will Kyla do her name? k*yla? ky*la? kyl*a???


Click on my page in a few minutes, and If you're a dad, I'll tell you where you have to get your baby clothes! I've been doing some spoiling lately...


Oh, yeah, the pics... here ya go!



I was missing Kyla today and d*ana sent me this picture. It's a weird feeling... one I've not ever felt before. The kind of feeling that feel fluttery and comes from inside. God. That sounded geeeeey....

Here's another pic...



This is actually taken on the side, but you know... it's a company photo editor... LOL. Notice the little butterfly behind her? Her mom loves that butterfly... Email d* and ask her about the "flutter flutter little butterfly" HA!



Binky. Passy. Sucker. Whatever. She's occupied and sleeping! Have this and problems go away! She's damn cute... admit it... you are gazing upon the wonder of this child!




OK, I am done hijacking now! Back to my show...


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4/25... 11:50pm... TK is getting tired so I have to keep this quick... Still 138lbs, I went to the gym and did 45 minutes/2.7 miles. I pushed myself to do 10 more minutes tonight. Tomorrow I will use the bike for 45 because I've been told you should vary workout, even with cardio. Right now I want to just work on shedding some pounds and I'll tone with weights and stuff later... I gotta start slow or I'll get sore and it'll be hard to handle baby - and I'll end up giving up on the gym. I think having TK around will motivate me to go, just because if I don't he'll give me crap. That's a good thing though, I need to be motivated! Anyway, we got Macaroni Grill for dinner and he went and ordered tiramisu which would be SO GOOD right now but it would defeat the purpose of me going to the gym! I gotta go, its my turn for baby duty - it's pretty much always my turn!! Oh, and I don't know whats up, but I am going to try to update this every day now.. I think some people have stopped checking it - I'm hardly getting ANY emails right now!!!! I can't write back because they messed up my email account because I am on leave, but I am reading them!! I don't know, maybe everyone forgot about me :( Have a great Monday, I'll be in bed watching Ellen and The Price is Right! Dana


4/25... 1:54pm... I think it's the 25th, Sunday... So I started going to the gym last night - kind of! I went to the fitness center here and stayed on the treadmill for 35 minutes. I weigh 138 lbs. rignt now! So that means when I had the baby and in the last few weeks I've only taken off about 12lbs... still got 23 to go to get down to what I was before she was born! I have to admit I mostly just walked fast, I tried running but it was hard and I didn't want to kill myself the first time. I have to build up to it, I haven't done ANY working out in a long time. So TK and I have a deal that every night when he gets home from work, he watches Kyla for an hour while I go to the gym! It is not easy for me to be dedicated to this but buying size 10 and not being able to wear most of the things I used to wear, going shopping and seeing clothes I can no longer look good in, etc. is motivation enough! Right now Kyla is in her swing sleeping... she loves it! We just got up a little while ago, stayed in bed for a lot of the day waking up only to feed her, to catch up on some sleep! Oh, we gave her her first real bath last night! She LIKED IT! Didn't cry until I started to drain the water and she got cold, then we wrapped her right up. I had TK help me the first time because I wasn't sure how to do everything... I put the tub in my bathtub but its hard to handle the baby and lean over. The tub I got is great though, it has a "newborn cradle" which is great to lay her on since she can't hold her head up yet. We took pictures of her! Those will be great to show the boys when she starts dating lol... I want to go out for a walk but it is so steamy out and I don't know how she will handle the heat. I can't give her water or anything to keep her cool... TK is taking 2 more rolls of film to be developed, I really want to get the pictures we have of her on the computer developed too though... who does a good job with that? I heard I can even get the pictures I took with my phone developed which would be cool. All of the pictures on my page were taken with phone! I think they came out better than the prints we have from the real camera! Anyway, I should get going but I wanted to update real quick. I'm going to track my workout progress here too - so as of last night I am 138lbs and did 35 minutes/2 miles on the treadmill. Not a bad start?! D




... it's TK! Here's the latest pic of BABY KYLA! She's soooo cute! Is your baby cuter than Kyla??? WHAT????!!! Gaze upon the wonder of this beautiful child!!!!


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4/23... 12:12pm... There she is!! That's Kyla this morning. She digs that duck. Right now she is sleeping on me while I sit here on the bed with the laptop... I took that picture with my phone, emailed it to TK and had him post it since I can't figure out how to do complicated things with this Mac. I am DYING to get my PC back online but we have to get a wireless card for it or have Verizon come in here and fix the jack so we can get the internet on the other side of the room. TK is so proud of her... we go out places and he is like "look at my child! Gaze upon the wonder that is my child..." It's kinda cute but gets annoyoing - he's so loud about it!! We're going to take a walk to the Forum this afternoon before the Lightening game. I need to get some exercize and get out of the house. I wanted to rest for a while today because we've had a pretty busy couple of days. This weekend I need to get a breast pump - how fun!! I need to make sure she is good with a bottlel and that I am good with pumping before I go back to work. Plus, it will be nice to get some real sleep and have daddy feed her in the middle of the night for a change. Gotta give him some credit though, he's been doing the late night or early morning changes so I don't have to actually get out of bed. Somehow poo got on the pillow case and my bra and her sleeve this morning though... For some reason baby poo is not as alarming as real people poo... Maybe because it is bright yellow. I don't know. Anyway, enough on poopie! Tonight I have to give her a real bath. I was nervous to do it and wanted to wait for her belly button to really heal before doing it... but now I have to. She's been getting sponge baths but its time for me to master the real bath! I am nervous but I think I'll have TK help me or have a friend come by. 4 hands are better than 2! I hope she likes the bath. I'll do it right after she's eaten so she'll be happy. She slept a LOT yesterday, must be growing! Well, I should get going. Hope you enjoy the picture! I want to post more but I can't do it myself and TK is really busy at work. I let him do his thing during the day so he can hurry and come home when he gets off the air. Plus, Kyla is bound to wake up soon hungry! I have to do a bunch more thank you cards. I am getting them out in sets of 10 or 15 right now... and it seems like the moment I send a batch out, we get more gifts!! OK she's making the little fussy I am about to wake up and want to eat noises.... Still can't write emails but I get them and read them!! Dana


4/22... 10:43pm... Sorry it has been a few days! My dad and my stepmom have been here so I've been spending time with them and resting with Kyla. OK I am such a dork but this makes me so proud... I got these little finger puppets free from the Gap when we spent way too much money there... so Ky is just chillin' in her little cradle awake and happy - of course I feel guilty about putting her down when she's awake but she does need to entertain herself a little bit... so anyway I took a duckie finger puppet and was playing with it in front of her face and she was looking at it... then I put her hand to it, and she grabbed it! Then she grabbed it with the other hand and pulled it close to her chest. Maybe these are just reflexes but it's still cool to see her hold on to something!! It's amazing how the tiniest little basic things are so great to a new mom... I know 3 weeks ago she would not have been able to grab the duckie and hold on to it, so its cool to me now. She's also making little noises other than cries, and when she is happy. Her eyes are open a lot. She is still very nocturnal though!! Maybe part of it is my fault... We go to bed so late anyway. She is hanging out in her cradle right now just kicking and making little sounds. I spend SO MUCH time with her that I should not feel bad about taking some mommy time to write in my journal and stuff but I do!! Anyway, I had a nice visit with my family. Of course they are so in love with their granddaughter!! All they wanted to do was hold her :) They watched her Tuesday night so TK and I could go out to dinner. I was a little scared leaving her... but at least the first time I left her with someone it was the people I trust most with her so it was a little easier. The only thing I really worried about is that I am not pumping milk yet so she could have gotten hungry... I try to feed her immediately before we go out somewhere and keep our "outings" to 2 hours or less so that she doesn't get hungry. OK now onto my weight issue. It's bothering me more and more each day... I think as I get closer to going back to work and being out again I really want to get back to my old size. I have this poochie belly and a much bigger butt. I know I need to give myself a break but I've never had to work at being small and now that I have to work at it I'm going to struggle... Plus, working out is just going to mean more time I'll spend away from my child once I go back to work. The time is flying by so quickly too... She's already more than 3 weeks old!! The time off has been so nice... I have to be honest - I haven't kept up with gossip or anything else at all. I watch a lot of TV but I have no idea what the latest is on Justin, Britney, Christina, J-Ho, etc... I just wanted to take this REAL break not only FOR the baby but a break for myself from work. And honestly, I really don't care about Justin's life - I just do it for entertainment while I'm working - so why would I follow it while I'm not working. It's all part of the job lol! As for pictures, we are taking so many, I just don't have my PC hooked up YET so I can't get them on the website!! I'm mostly taking real snapshots since digital pictures don't do me much good for a scrap book or photo album. We took a lot of pictures and some video with her grandparents too... So my dad doesn't know if he wants to be called "Pa" or "Grandpa"... I was like well you have to decide soon!! My stepmom will be Grandma.. she does not want to be called "Ma" to go with "Pa" if that's what he decides. My mom's parents were Grandma & Pa so it would be cool for my little girl to have a Grandma & Pa too. Whatever they want to be called :) TK bought her these unbelievably bratty clothes. I mean, they came wrapped in leopard print tissue paper!! I think I put the link in the entry from the other day. The stuff is SO CUTE but be warned it shrinks. That was fine with me since she doesn't fit into it quite yet anyway, but just wanted to let you know... I haven't been able to reply to emails lately because they messed up my email but I can receive them and I do read them so thank you! More soon...


4/19... 7:20pm... TIRING DAY! We went to a late breakfast down the street at Cafe Dufrain... then went to the mall. I had to get some more things to wear. I am NOT happy about being a 10 OR A 12!!! I don't know what to do to take the weight off... I can't really go to the gym right now bc I am breastfeeding, can't leave her for very long, and I don't have anyone to watch her during the day. I am going to start doing crunches every night starting TONIGHT. OH... she's crying! Just when I thought I had a free minute! D


4/19... 10:54am... HEY! Just waiting for my dad to holler to go to breakfast, it's getting late I am so hungry. I am up early now with Kyla so I'm STARVING... Here's the deal. I want to find a gym in the area and get a personal trainer, and have some listeners do a weight loss program with me! Very OPRAH... we can track our progress on my website and I could do commercials for the gym in exchange for services. Only problem is I am having a hard time convincing anyone that this is a good idea :( How fun would it be to have like 5 people come to the gym with me a few times a week, have a trainer, and then watch us work off pregnancy weight, or whatever weight, over 6-8 weeks? I think it is a good idea but whatever... either way I gotta hit the gym! I don't think it will be THAT hard to take it off, but I need something to motivate me. It sucks having NO clothes that fit right now!! I couldn't wear a bathing suit if my life depended on it... I know some chicks will let it all hang out but I can't do it. Anyway, help me if you can! More later... D


4/18/04... 1:42pm... Hey I hope this works I'm on TK's Mac and it won't let me update the way I usually do... It can take text but it won't make paragraphs and stuff!! I hate writing one big run on entry but that's all I can do for now! We're doing great, just don't have PC hooked up to internet yet. Things have been pretty hectic! My dad and stepmom are getting here tonight around 7:30 to meet their granddaughter!! It should be really fun. They are staying at the guest loft here at Post which is nice - they'll have a full apartment instead of just a hotel room - and of coure its free :) Kyla is great. She is getting SO big right before our eyes!! She's very alert, looking around... she loves the Pottery Barn Kids mobile. A lot of people told me those are a waste of money but it kept her occupied for a while today when we were cleaning. She would let out a little cry every time it stopped, so I'd wind it back up and she'd be all set! Right now she is finally sleeping. She doesn't sleep as much as she did at first. Now it is hard to get her to fall asleep sometimes... She is fitting into some of her 0-3months clothes. They are still a little big but at least she is not swimming in them. She eats like CRAZY sometimes I don't think I can keep up with her!! She has made a few little coo noises too!! She smiles here and there but like they say, at this point... "its just gas". I'm reading "what to expect the first year" which is helping me a lot! I need to put together the swing. We just haven't gotten to that yet but I think now she is big enough for it. Her belly button is healed up for the most part, I'm going to wait a few more days to give her a real bath in water and just keep up the sponge baths. Giving baby that first bath is always scary anyway, I will definitely make sure someone is here to help me the first time. The nursery is going to be SO CUTE once we get it finished. Hopefully my stepmom can help me hang some things in there this week. We have to hang the curtains too. I found some REALLY bratty baby clothes websites and TK bought her a bunch of things yesterday. He is so into spoiling this child!!!! Try these - www.lifesizekids.com or www.glamarama.com and look at the stuff... SO CUTE. Can't wait to watch the Sopranos tonight - I can't believe it's almost over. Someone major dies tonight so it should be interesting. I was thinking it might be Christopher but then they show him at the end of the promo so I don't know. I think Adrianna should tell him she's a rat, and then fake his death, and they should take off... Otherwise they're both going to end up dead. Anyway, enough about the fake mafia. Thanks for checking in on the journal! I am trying to update as often as possible. This computer is fickle about letting me update and the fonts and formatting don't work very well so I hope you can at least read this! I have tons of pictures but once again, can't upload them to the web from the Mac. TRUST ME, I am getting more annoyed than you are over this! TK needs to get on Verizon to fix our line! OK time for me to finish cleaning while baby is sleeping. Dana

4/15/04... 1pm... I AM SO ANNOYED. There is some key on this computer that I accidentally hit and it deletes things. I just wrote a whole entire entry only to have it deleted by accidentally hitting some key!! So anyway, we are going great. I made TK leave his laptop at home today so I could have some adult interaction, catch up on email, and write in the journal. I am a little worried about Kyla's belly button!! The cord stump fell off this weekend but its not healed at all. I guess a little blood is normal but its been oozing icky yellowy stuff for a few days now... it crusted over so I thought it was just healing but now today there is a little more ick and I am worried it could be infected. Is this normal or should I holler at the doctor. After our little trip to the Urgent Care Center over her perfectly normal healthy poo, I don't want to be a hypochondriac about the child but I am concerned. I am addicted to the Bachelor. It's good this time. The dude isn't really my type, I think he is kinda goofy looking actually, but I'm into the chicks and the whole Trish thing - EVEN THOUGH I THINK IT IS ALL CANNED!!! I mean seriously, I just think she is putting on a show for the other girls. I bet she probably DOES thing that way but she's saying all this stuff just to stir up trouble. My favorite girl is Suzi. She is SO cute I hope he ends up with her but he really hasn't taken much time to get to know her yet. Looking at all these hot girls makes me want to go run a marathon and get my body back!!! I have to wait until I heal more... I am still a little sore and I don't want to hurt myself. I am using my energy to take care of baby. And American Idol makes me nauceous. Quentin Tarantino was on it last night - he looks like Dave Matthews on crack. Something about his quirkiness annoys me. The performers pretty much blew again. Snappy John Stevens does the same little snappy fingers move every time and he's just horrendous. He's getting sympathy votes. I'd rather watch William Hung than this cat... and John Peter Lewis is the WORST. He is so trying to be Rob Thomas with that haircut and he is SO NOT EVEN CLOSE. He sucked last night singing whatever that song was and doing that arm rolling snappy thing at the end. God, how awful. What a cheeseball!! He's the best looking of the guys on the show which is why the little girls like him but all the guys are icky this time... he's just the lesser of all the evils. Anyway, that's enough trash talking! I need to catch up on the real dirt... Believe it or not I have not checked popdirt since I've been on leave... wow 2 weeks now. Time is so flying... I will be back to work in just over a month. Oh, today's TAX DAY. I'm in trouble... I can't find my W-2 so I have TK getting me an extension form. I am so bad. More later... or tomorrow... or the next day. Sorry I am not updating as frequently but baby comes first!! D PS - Sorry these entries are not spell checked or written in paragraphs... I can't figure out how to format things on this Mac. It's a shock that I can even update at all from this since its not a PC but at least I can write!! I am typing it nicely and in paragraphs, but when I actually apply it to the webpage it doesn't take any of my formatting. I also can't add pictures or anything. And I would go back and correct all my mistakes but I don't want to risk hitting the buttons that make it all delete... I don't know what it is!!

4/13/04 2:45am... Hey... sorry I have not updated for a few days! We moved the computer out of the nursery and into our room and the DSL line doesn't work in here.... so TK set up the wireless internet on another jack and I am using his Mac right now, but I don't have a wireless connection on my computer right now. Basically, I don't have access to the internet all day long - 3 days without it I am going insane!! Did you see the Nick & Jessica Variety hour? How horrendous was THAT???? Could she stick her boobs out ANY more than she did at the beginning of the show... It's totally all about Jessica's VARIETY of outfits and hairstyles... and then they just do REALLLY LAME STUFF. I could not even believe I was watching such idiocy. They are so NOT funny. The only thing I found MILDLY amusing was the Nick LaShave Razor and even that was a stretch. Jessica looks good... I GUESS she can sing sometimes... but other than that, she sucks in my book. That show was horrific. OH, and when she sang with Jewel??? She was all trying to be all artsy and into the song and she was flailing around like such an idiot... Jewel is cool when she does that, Jessica just looks stupid. Am I wrong? OK... and then earlier tonight... The Miss USA Pageant. I wasn't really even paying attention bc Kyla was awake and I was talking to her :) but I caught the last part of it where they ask each of the 5 finalists a question... Miss Oklahoma was really pretty - and REALLY DUMB. Did you hear what she said??? The question was, if you could meet and have dinner with anyone in the world tonight, who would it be and what would you ask that person? SHE SAID "JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!!!!!" She was like "I would totally want to meet Justin he is totally hot and I would ask him to show me dance moves... yeah, definitely Justin." THIS WAS THE MISS USA Pageant! They are supposed to be poised and demonstrate some sort of intelligence and she says JUSTIN??? God. How about the President? How about Osama Bin Laden and ask him what his problem is... or how about someone in our military? This girl really shocked me with that answer. It was funny! Allright, TK is bugging me to use his computer. I will be back online soon... Thanks for the emails and give me a break! I am getting NASTY ONES about not updating this journal and the dirt. HELLO... I have a 2 week old baby who I want to spend time with!! And my computer is out of order right now. The good news is the baby room is getting done. All of our furniture is here, I set up the crib and just need the crib skirt that TK's mom is making for us... and I have some things I need to hang up in the room, etc. but it's coming along well!! I am doing great. I am not as tired or as stressed as I thought I would be. I am still a little sore but other than that I feel fine. I am getting some sleep here and there when she sleeps, and other than that we are having a nice time getting to know each other. She opens her eyes more and definitely seems to know I am her mommy!! Breastfeeding is going better too.... It takes a little while to get used to it but now I have it down! Thanks for checking the journal. I am definteily not purposely blowing it off, just haven't had a computer for a few days! :) Dana


• 4/10/04 •

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1:44pm...

Wow I did not update at all yesterday! Mostly baby slept and I cleaned.

Our baby furniture came!! The Babies R Us manager delivered it HIMSELF. I have to say they made it all "good" with this really nice stuff we have... they gave us a huge discount on a nicer set than what we had originally wanted, didn't charge us any kind of delivery fee, and put it together for us. It was a horrible ordeal but in the end they worked it out so I can't complain anymore. Now TK and I need to get cracking on fixing up the room completely!

He is out buying baby's first Easter basket! I told him NOT to go crazy spending lots of money since she won't even know the difference... a cute little basket with some little things is fine but he tends to go overboard on the spoiling and I'd rather wait until she is older and at least knows she's being spoiled!! I thought about doing her picture with the Easter Bunny but I know she is too little to even be OUT in some people's opinions... The Easter Bunny's costume must be infested with germs from every snot nosed kid who's sat on his lap for the last few weeks... she could get sick and I don't want to risk that. I took her out without worrying too much, but I just think any kid could have chicken pox or a cold or anything and sneeze on that bunny costume and she could get it. Right now she has very weak little immune system and I don't want her getting sick. Granted I am breastfeeding so she gets a bit of a boost from my milk but I didn't want to chance it.

We went for a walk yesterday. It was hot out but I have to keep her sensitive skin covered and protected from the bright sun. She is too little for sunscreen. I am pasty white and need to get some color before I can wear shorts... but I'm not putting on a bathing suit anyway! My stomach is still going down and I am hoping more weight comes off soon. My body just looks different but I don't think I look all that bad for having just popped out a kid!

Anyway, she's sleeping right now so I am going to take a shower while I have the chance. I put her little pack and play right outside the bathroom door so I can hear her if she cries or anything.

I have pictures to post but the picture editing feature is not working when I try to post them! I am annoyed now!

:)

D



• 4/8/04 •

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OMG. I have a few pictures and it won't let me upload them!


Actually, we have a bunch of pictures on TK's Mac but somehow they got deleted out of the camera before I got my hands on it so now I have to wait for him to resend them to me. I just took a few of her sleeping. Now I have the digital camera all set up at home so I can post lots of pics from now on - if the freaking thing starts working!!

Last night was BRUTAL. I guess that's what I get for saying how much sleep I have been getting and what a good baby she is!! Basically she was up ALLL NIGHT. Would not sleep no matter what I did. Just wanted to eat and eat and eat. I am sore!!

Of course she fell asleep around 9:30am... right when I had to start getting ready for the doctor appointment!! She slept for a little bit while I got ready and put on my SIZE 10 CLOTHES! Actually I don't think I look that bad for having just given birth... its just a little scary to be 3 sizes bigger than I used to be (I say 3 sizes bigger bc I was a 3/4 so I jumped past a 5/6...7/8... and now I'm a 9/10...).

She loves her little car seat. She does not cry in it at all! It's great. So TK comes to pick us up to go to doc and our appt. was at 11. We did all the paperwork and then sat there until AFTER NOON!! Then they finally called us... we had to take her clothes off while they weighed her, etc. Then we went into the exam room and they made us wait AGAIN for the doctor. Our Dr. Rodriguez was very nice though. She answered all of my questions and told us Kyla is perfectly healthy!! She said I should feed her every 2 hours - 8 times a day - and then hopefully she will sleep more at night instaed of constantly wanting to eat all night. She also showed me that I wasn't cleaning the cord stump enough!! Well, at the hostpital the nurse just showed me to clean around it with a cotton ball so that's all I was doing... turns out you have to move the thing around and dig deep underneath it... it is so FREAKY LOOKING! I was afraid if I pulled on the cord it might open up her insides. I know I am stupid but how should I know?!?! So now I know how to clean it the right way. She said it should fall off soon anyway.

Then they had to give her the newborn test again... they have to prick her little heel to get blood drops... well little Kyla's foot wasn't bleeding enough so they had to prick her THREE TIMES. My poor little angel!!! It is not easy to sit there and watch while your baby screeches in pain. I know it is for her well-being but I felt so horrible when she screamed.

Now she has eaten and she's sleeping peacefully. I gotta get something to eat. I think we will take a walk today... at the same time I should get some sleep. I don't sleep at all at night but once I am showered and up I don't like to sleep all day, especailly when it is so nice outside!

Maybe we will walk over to the Forum where Daddy is today before the Lightening Game. Mommy needs to start exercizing!!

Oh, and I have to tell you about the theif that must live in my dryer. I had a ton of maternity underwear that I stll need to wear (can't wear thongs right now!!) and I can't find any of it anywhere. There's like a ton of panties that just disappeared. I have been searching everywhere.... THE PANTY BANDIT has struck!

That's all for now. I am sleepy.

:)

D



• 4/6/04 •

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5:24pm...



This is another picture from when we were still in the hospital...

More pictures coming soon I swear! TK brought the camera stuff home last night but forgot the software GRRRRR....

We had a lazy day. Baby is fussy... eating just enough to put her to sleep for a half hour and then waking up and wanting more. I try to wake her up and get her to eat more but she just falls back to sleep. It's not like I have anything else to do so I'm dealing with it today. She is so cute. I just love the little faces she makes, even when she cries!

Our nursery furniture is FINALLY being delivered tomorrow night! I don't think I ever told you how we resolved it... Basically we cancelled our order on the stuff we wanted. TK went in the night after she was born and talked to the manager. He gave us a DEAL on some really nice stuff that was a LOT more expensive... we got 4 pieces of Baby Italia Furniture instead of the 3 of the other set that wasn't in stock. We're not paying a dime to have it delivered... and the stuff we got was literally $200 more per piece than what we had ordered and we didn't pay any more for it than the original stuff we wanted costs. It sucks we had to go through hell, but they definitely did their best to make us happy in the end. Granted I think they did it to make us happy because they knew the bad publicity they were getting from my site and the fact that I made it no secret if you emailed me to ask what company it was... If I was just some person without the radio/website I can honestly say I doubt I would have gotten this far with them. You know what I mean...

I guess my advice to anyone buying baby furniture from anywhere is to check up on the items, etc. before you go ordering a piece here and a piece there. I wanted this room to be done before she arrived and now we have to work on it while she is here...

I am still a little bit sore and waiting for my stomach to keep deflating! I haven't been eating any junk. I honestly haven't had much of an appetite anyway and I get full quickly but I know I need to keep eating good stuff and drink plenty of fluid to breastfeed. I haven't started exercizing yet but I will soon. I was going to take her for a walk today but every time I was motivated to do so she'd want to eat!!

So I was watching TV earlier - what is up with Guadalupe Lopez winning $2.4 million from a slot machine?!?!?!!?!?!! Her daughter is only the richest bi*ch around... what the heck is up with that??? It made me so mad. It would be one thing if she won at some high stakes table, but she won on like a $3 slot machine!! Unreal.

Also gotta comment on American Idol last night. JUST HORRIFIC!! I was so excited because it was all Elton John songs and I LOVE him - yeah, all BUTCHERED ELTON SONGS!!! It was like BAD kareoke. Elton must have been ashamed!! And this John Stevens kid is just so obnoxious with his snappy fingers and trying to sing Crocodile Rock all off key. There is some serious lack of talent this round. I only watch it for lack of anything else. And John Peter Lewis Stewart Materson Louis Dreyfuss is DREADFUL!!!!!! I was getting that "embarassed for you" feeling in my stomach. He was SO off key.

And why does Randy have to say "yo yo yo" every time he talks to a contestent? I swear, Randy was like a plain jolly fat man in the first season - he wore like sweatshirts on the show... and now he's all pimp with those glasses and bling and the "yo yo yo dawg" stuff. What a poser!

What I can't watch lately - the news. All the horror going on in Iraq... those poor kids who got hit by cars... the guy who dropped a child on her head... it just sickens me. I guess maybe right now I just want to enjoy my baby and forget about all the bad things that go on in the world. I start to get scared! I make TK shut CNN off and watch reruns of Roseann in the middle of the night!! I'm trying NOT to get into my soap (All My Children) again because I know I'll get hooked and in a few weeks I won't be able to watch it anymore!

I'm getting some not very nice advice about baby sleeping in my bed. I guess I just need to let her cry. It p*sses me off that people who don't even have children are going to tell me what I should do... I know it is not recommended but I have heard that a lot of moms did it and their kids are just fine... some people purposely do it, and I've read that there is nothing wrong with it at all. I've also heard that EVERY possible sleeping position is a no-no. Am I supposed to hold the child and lay awake all night in order to get her to sleep? I've heard no sleeping on back bc she can choke if she throws up, no sleeping on tummy bc risk of SIDS, no sleeping on side for whatever reason. I lay her on her back, she rolls a little to her side. Doesn't completely roll over, but rolls to her side. I am hearing so much "don't do this, don't do that" I question every single move I make and it's really starting to aggravate me. My friend said it best today - she's your baby, you know what works for you, you love her more than anything in this world and you can do what you want... So that's that. I will probably just keep things like that off the journal from now on so I don't have to be criticized.

The new Bachelor is on tonight. I am a TV nut now bc all I do is breastfeed this child and lay with her and watch TV. When she is awake I totally talk to her and look at her and stuff... If I notice she is awake and content in her crib I talk to her. I think that is important. I don't want to leave her alone and awake. She sleeps so much that when she is awake I want to make sure she sees me and hears my voice! We are doing well - chilling out with a baby all day and watching TV or sleeping when she sleeps - Not a bad life!!

I need my hair done so bad. My roots are not good. I wonder if someone would come to my house to do it....

:)

D



• 4/6/04 •

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4:43pm...

Little baby Kyla is one week old today! Why do I feel like she "looks" older already? Maybe I am just overthinking this but it seems like she is focusing her eyes more on me & TK when she looks at us. She looks at me when she is nursing or when I just hold her up on my knees. So far she is a really good baby and sleeps most of the day, wakes only to be fed and then she's out like a light again!

I have to catch up on bills and stuff. That's one thing I can't let go and I realized I haven't paid them yet!! I gotta get on that!

It's so cool how many of you are writing to me... and I also think I might just post a seperate page with the gory details of my labor, etc. since SO MANY moms to be have asked me! I just don't know how much info I need to share... and I'm wondering, is there like a MOM CLUB with some secrets that we aren't supposed to tell other women who aren't moms yet? Because it seems like there are some things I didn't know and nobody ever talks about!! Is it like some secret society LOL!!

I feel bad I have not responded to very many emails lately. Most of the time I am holding her when I read them and can't type.

I wrote yesterday about the hiccups and am relieved to find out this is normal... some babies just get them a lot. I HATE getting the hiccups because they hurt!! But I guess they don't even really phase the baby.

TK is getting our first roll of baby pictures developed tonight. I have so many digital ones but I am really trying to take plenty of REAL pictures for baby book, etc. I am WAITING for him to bring the digital camera stuff home so I can post more pics. He is so busy lately and I have him doing so many errands after work I can't blame him for forgetting. He had the pleasure or buying me nursing bras last night!! Target $11.99 and they are great. Forget about paying like $30 for one at the maternity clothing stores... they get icky (I use the nursing pads but they still get dripped on!!) anyway.

She needs to be changed so bad right now but I hate waking her to change her diaper. Am I supposed to wake her up so she's not sitting in poo... or do you let the child sleep and change her when she wakes up on her own? I feel bad doing both!!

I can't complain about sleep right now at all. We slept from about 11-3am... TK came home at 1 from Splitsville and took pictures of us sleeping!! I went to use the digital camera this morning and realized he had taken some pics of me and baby sleeping. How sweet!! I need to get them up....... We were awake from 3 til about 4:30.. and then we slept until about 8am... Then we took a nap together today from noon until about 2:30... now she is fast asleep again. I guess I am lucky she is not just up crying and screaming all night long! I am figuring out how to manage the time and get sleep and feed her until she is full so she will sleep longer. I can pretty much tell when she is going to wake up. It's a cool feeling to just "know" what is going on with her. :)

Now I am going to go take a shower... 5pm, I think is a good time!

OH, someone emailed to ask if I was going to "go soft" now that I am a mommy. Uh, no!! I will be back May 17 my normal bitchy sarcastic self... Maybe a little softer when it comes to family and my little girl... but when it comes to celebrity dirt and other stuff like that, I'm the same! I just have a little clone of me to chill with now. :)

D



• 4/5/04 •

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10:53pm...

Real quick but I just had to share.

Went to the mall. I guess I'm not supposed to take the baby out for a month! Doctor didn't tell me that but I guess that's the rule. I didn't know! Now I feel like a bad mommy but hey, she had to shop!!

Anyway, got a few preemie size outfits at The Children's Place - cheap, 3 for $25.

Got some things for me at Express and Old Navy.

I used to be a size 4.

Now I am a size 10.

Depressing.

Peace.

:)

D



• 4/5/04 •

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2:57pm...

Well we had a long night. Daddy took care of baby from midnight til about 3 so mommy could get some sleep... then baby wanted to eat... and eat... and eat... all night long. She won't sleep in her cradle at night. During the day, she'll sleep anywhere, at night - she won't. Spare me the "you shouldn't do that" emails... she sleeps with me. I can get her to sleep, but the moment she is on her own in the cradle she screams. I pick her up, she's quiet. I try this three or four times and then I finally just clear the bed of extra pillows, move the covers away, lay on my side with her close to me and my arm around her so she can't roll over, and we sleep together. I KNOW a lot of people think this is dangerous bc we could roll onto her or pillows/blankets could fall on her... but I am being really careful. TK is far enough on the other side of the bed that he can't come near her, and I keep my leg up to keep him from moving and he knows she is there. I have talked to other moms who breastfed and I guess this is something some breastfed babies do. I will keep trying to get her to sleep in her cradle, but when its 5am and I've been up trying to get her to go to sleep for hours, eventually I just have to sleep. I wake up off and on anyway and have been sleeping so lightly that there's no way anything's going to happen.

Hiccups. She gets the hiccups a LOT. I feel like I am not burping her right or she's not eating the right way... but she seems to be. Am I doing something wrong?

Tonight we are going to the mall with Rachel! I need to get out of the house... and I need some new clothes for my post-prego body. I'm just goign to get some elastic waist capri pants and loose fitting stuff for now. I know I said I wasn't going to buy anything, but I have nothing that fits and it will be another month or two before I am down to old size. My stomach has flattened out a lot and I have a little weight to lose in my butt/thighs.. but I am pretty confident it will go away. Things are just really tight now, its not like I can't get them on. And I need bigger shirts to accomodate my larger breasts. They actually look like a fine set of implants right now!!! A lot of people are surprised at how small I am already considering I just gave birth 6 days ago.

I am also restricted from driving for 2 weeks so I have been stuck in the house. I am going to take her for a walk soon... I need to get out! I know I am supposed to relax and rest, etc. but I can't. I need to get out!!!!

I sent TK to get nursing bras for me. He's a good sport about stuff like that. In fact he will probably ask for assistance and make a joke out of the whole thing. :)

OK just wanted to update quick. I need to get some more pictures up! I keep asking him to bring home the stuff to hook the digital camera up but he forgets... we just have so much going on its hard.

I am pretty sure I will be back on the air May 17 - MARK YOUR CALENDAR!! :) I know Lisa is taking care of you with all the dirt and stuff. It is scary for me not being on the air every day, I hope I don't forget how to do it. Since I started being on the air when I was 21 I haven't gone more than maybe 2 weeks without being on the air since. Usually I was on at least once or twice a week when I was part time, and I've been on every day for almost 2 years now... 6 weeks off - I hope I don't get rusty!!

You can start counting the days cuz I know you miss me sooooo much. And don't worry I will not become the Kathie Lee all about my kids chick on the air. Now that she is here I'll share stuff here and there but I'm still all about the gossip! I actually wish I had time to keep up my gossip page but I just don't.

Kyla is such a good little baby. I can already see changes in her. She's growing up so fast LOL... a week ago at this time I was still at work and pretty much starting my labor!! She's so awesome, I gotta go change her and get her ready for our walk!

I haven't written back to many emails lately but I AM reading them every day. I can hold her and read them but can't type with her in one arm. I appreciate that you are still checking my page and haven't forgotten about me!!

:)

D

Dana





• 4/4/04 •

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2:54pm...

Clocks ahead day! The time change messed with me since I was up through it... We are doing great! I am feeling much better... I got a lot - well, a lot for a new mom - of sleep last night. I am finally figuring out how to feed her and fill her up, and time it out so she goes to sleep and I can sleep... and last night she slept for a good 3 hours TWICE. She's been sleeping off and on all morning.

The coolest thing was last night... don't even know what time it was, middle of the night... I woke up and checked on her thinking she was asleep. I look in her little cradle and she is wide awake. Just looking around. I've been keeping the hall light on so it comes into the room and I don't wake up to complete darkness and have to turn on the light to see her... so anyway she was just looking around the room, not really focusing on much. She was staring at the crib bumper! Not interesting to but to her little eyes it must be cool. I was just amazed that she was entertaining herself quietly while I slept. I just told her she was amazing, stared at her for a little while, and then figured she's content, and went back to sleep.

She is definitely a happy baby. She just woke up as I went to start typing but now she's in her pack & play doing the same thing! Just checking things out, rolling around a little - yes, she rolls onto her side. Doesn't roll over, but gets comfy on her side. This has me a little concerned since I know they should sleep on their backs - what should I do?

Oh, the other thing... pictures. The pictures they took of her at the hospital were NOT GOOD. I'm just bringing this up now because I realize she is five days old and we need to get this done... The nursery photographer came in to do those just been born portraits. I was waiting for the lactation consultant to come in so I was not feeding a starving baby yet... she was crying, screaming, etc... I asked the photographer to come back in an hour and she wouldn't. She insisted on taking the photo then. Kyla was crying! Who wants that? The proofs she ended up giving me were OK but she just had these angry looks on her face and I was not happy with them. They did not do my little girl justice at all!!! So I have the proofs and can order them if I want... but I'd really like to find a photographer to take her pictures soon. I want to do some nice black & whites of her with us, her alone, etc...

I am so annoyed that none of her clothes fit right. She is so little, they are all too big. 0-3 months size is for up to 11lbs... well what about my little less than 7lb kid? I know she will grow out of things fast, but I don't like keeping her in such loose clothing! I have a few "Up to 7lbs" but they STILL seem to big!! The one thing that fits her is the preemie outfit I got that is for "up to 5lbs" - they definitely run big! She just gets all bunched up in them. I try to roll the sleeves and stuff but still, they are just huge on her little body!


OK now she's crying and its the feed me mouth movement cry. Breastfeeding is a whole other thing I won't get into on this page... It's not easy at first but I am getting it down. There are some funny things that happen but I am not sure how detailed I should get with this!


More later. I am going to take some pictures with my camera phone in a little while and post them soon!

:)

D



• 4/3/04 •

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

10:22pm...

Well, we had an adventurous day! My friend Loni came over and we took Kyla for her first walk around the 'hood. I got tired pretty quickly but it was nice to get outside and show her off to a few people. Figuring out how to set up the travel system was a challenge but we got it down! I hate that the sun was in her eyes so we had to cover her with the little shade for most of the walk and couldn't look at her!

Something pretty wacky happened today... well, not wacky, but it proves I'm a little nuts. I am wondering if I am a freak or if every new mom worries like crazy over every little different noise gurgle, etc. Yesterday she spit up for the first time! So that freaked me out even though - it's normal. Then she seemed to have really icky runny diapers... and she let out "toby size" farts and it scared me!! So I called the doc and they said sounds like she might have dia.. yeah u know... so that freaked me out... she had 2 more ick poo and so I called again and the woman I spoke to told me it could be dia... and she could get dehydrated. We got into ick detail about the consistency, color, etc. of the poo and this woman told me I should definitely have her checked out. So of course Sat afternoon, no doctors open.. go to ER. GOD! We went, but it was chaos there and you know how ER's are. I mean, the woman taking people's info when they walked in was more interested in the fact that TK had his 93.3 jacket on and finding out if we know MJ than she was with taking patients! The guy behind us had cut his hand and this woman was asking TK about our jobs. I was SO annoyed. We ended up leaving there and we went to the Pediactric After Hours Care Center on Kennedy. THESE PEOPLE ROCK!!

If you have a child and are ever in need of urgent care... not emergency but something that shouldn't wait 'til the next day or Monday... they can take you as long as you have insurance. The people there are really nice and the doctor was great! Now, we found out that her poo is normal for breastfed babies. I am a LITTLE annoyed at the woman I spoke with who was on call bc she told me something COMPLETELY different as to what this poo should look like... It was fine. The doc who checked her out said she is fabulous and told us to keep feeding her whenever she wants and we're doing great.

So... TK will make fun of me for this and tell you what a hypochondriac I am. Yes, I am... I admit it. I worry about everything. I guess I wish I had read somewhere or someone had told me that baby poo is SO weird. I just didn't know. Now I have the peace of mind that she is great... and we also figured out how to hook the carseat up in his car. (We used the hospital one for the ride home.... no comment on that car seat)

Did you ever freak out and think your kid was sick or something was wrong? I mean these little babies have so many faces, bodily functions, noises, etc. and how should I know what is normal and what is not? She is quiet and sleeping right now and I keep looking at her to make sure she is ok.

So I started to tell you my whole labor story...

Basically by the time we got to the hospital I was 5cm. I had done half the work at home! The doctor told me I would probably have the baby around 7 or 8am... but that they were getting me the epidural and it would relieve the pain. All I wanted was that needle!! They brought me to the delivery room and I'm in AGONY. I was trying so hard not to whine and scream but I just let it out. They told me to breathe, etc. and that freaking out would only make it last longer. HOW WRONG THEY WERE! It was probably around 12:30 when suddenly I was like "I HAVE TO PUSH!!!!" They checked me and bam, 10cm baby is READY.

At that point I knew - NO DRUGS.

Too late, once you are that far into it you can't get the drugs. So I was like OH NO! But I figured might as well just get her out as soon as possible...

I have to say that TK did a great job. He gave me ice chips and watched the whole thing and encouraged me, etc. The only thing that would get my mind of my pain for a minute was asking is the baby ok is she almost here?! Then I would ask HOW MANY MORE TIMES DO I HAVE TO PUSH... and they said the harder I push the less times... so I just pushed as hard as I could... once she was finally out it was just amazing - beyond what words can describe. Immediately the pain goes away and all I wanted to do was hold her. They do all the tests and clean her off on a table so I can see them across the room. TK ran over to watch and cut the cord. I wish I was holding a camera bc moments after she was born she was holding his finger. I know it is "natural" reflex but just to see that so soon after she was born was incredible.

I started asking "is she ok, is she healthy... Is Kyla a good name for her?" Meanwhile they had to stitch me up and do all this stuff to me and at that point I didn't care.

They handed her to me and honestly those first moments are almost a blur. It's so surreal and overwhelming to look at your baby for the first time. I guess what went through my mind is that I can't believe we made her, she is mine, that's the little person who has been in there... and she is so tiny and precious... Just pure happiness and awe.

So people ask how bad does it hurt... and some people, especailly soon-to-be first time moms want to know all the gory details. You can email me and I'll try to get back to you. There were some things that went on that I had NO IDEA about even after childbirth classes. I don't want to post them here, it's kind of gross stuff that doesn't really belong here, but I wish I had known some of it!

She is sleeping so peacefully right now. We are getting used to each other and I am learning what she wants when she cries. It is hunger or wanting to be held. Nothing else. Those are the only two things she cries for. She is a good baby... no colic (yet), she sleeps a lot, and we are working on the breastfeeding thing. I'm getting much better at it! I never got the whole "La Leche" thing but NOW I KNOW WHY BREASTFEEDING MOTHERS NEED A SUPPORT GROUP!!

TK went to the mall today and got baby her first Tiffany's thing! A silver spoon. He is determined to spoil her!! It is so cute to see him with her. He's had to work a lot lately, as usual, and its hard because I wish he was here. I get upset about it because I feel like he is missing out on her a little. He comes right home as soon as he can - and usually has to stop and pick things up for me - and wants her in his arms right away.

His parents are coming tomorrow to help us out. It will be nice to have them here and to have some help. We still have a lot of things to do and I already think I am doing a lot more than I should. When we were at the clinic tonight this other woman there was like "you gave birth 5 days ago and you are even out of bed?!" I get out of bed, shower, try to look nice, went for a walk, etc. I can't just stay in bed!

My stomach has gone down a lot. I am NOT flat bellied at all anymore, but my stomach has gotten smaller since I had her. I have heard it takes some time for it to shrink and then hopefully I will just have to lose 10lbs or so. It is scary, and annoying to try to find things to fit, but I have to remember that I just had her and there is time to get back into shape. I guess it is hard to deal with sometimes because I have always been small and never had a problem wearing certain things or worrying about my weight.

Anyway, I will try to update when I can. Might be every day, every few days, etc. As she and I learn each other's patterns and stuff I can better figure out my time. Thanks again for all the emails. I do read them all... I just don't have the time to write back so instead I write here.

Gotta go make something quick to eat and get in bed to watch TV!!

Thanks for continuing to read this even though I am not on the air! It is so cool to be on leave and still know people want to hear me and read about baby Kyla. My dirt will be back up soon too, its just been hectic as I am sure you can imagine!!

Goodnight!

:)

D



• 4/2/04 •

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

6:50pm...

Here's the angry picture! This is the face that KILLS me. When she is crying and makes this face I feel she must hate me for the horrible thing I am doing to her... changing her, or putting her down for a minute, or making her wait til we get comfortable for food...




I thank everyone for the kind emails!! It is so amazing how many people are so excited for us and our little princess!!

So as for why I didn't get drugs. This was not a choice... I was open to the idea of NOT having them but if you've ever been through it you can't blame anyone for BEGGING for them when it all hits!

I wasn't completely packed... and as you know from my post at 9:13pm that night I wasn't even sure if it was real labor. I guess I was unsure of myself and didn't want to be one of the people who rushes to the hospital only to be sent home... I also know it was early and first babies are late - so how could it be... And I also think I was in denial that the time had actually come. Not denial in a bad way, but I've waited for this for so long I can't believe its finally here... Well, shortly after I posted that I started to have a lot more pain. TK got home around 9:45 and I told him he could NOT go to his gig and that I was pretty sure this was it... He had to get someone to cover, take care of making the proper phone calls as far as making sure everything for my being out the next day, and starting leave, was in place... and I hadn't finished packing. WHAT A MISTAKE! I was rushing around trying to get things together while having really evil back pain. I started crying and freaking a little... I did manage to take a hot shower which helped a little.

By the time we got to the car at 11 I was just in pain and angry. The contractions are more like CONVULSIONS in your back and abdomen... Then of course we get to the hospital and have to walk FROM THE MAIN ENTRANCE ABOUT 50 MILES TO THE 4th FLOOR MATERNITY WARD!! I had no idea it was so far.

Baby crying more later... sorry thats how it'll be for a while!

:)

D



• 4/1/04 We're Home! •

6:08pm...

I'm going to make this pretty quick bc she will probably wake up soon...

It is so cool to look at those 4D ultrasound pictures and not wonder anymore... she's here and she's gorgeous and NOT just because she is mine!!

I know everyone wants to see more pics and I have a TON. I took them with my camera phone constantly and tried to send to TK but for some reason our Clear Channel Email won't let us receive them so I am doing them now...

I have so much to write about but I will give you some pics first, then when he is home later I can have some me time and share the whole thing.

Oh, and in case you haven't heard - I DID IT WITH NO FREAKIN' DRUGS!! Not by choice. I was that girl screaming in labor. :)

I just read all of the emails... thank you so much. I had almost 200 of them so I can't promise I will write back to everyone but it's so awesome to know so many people are happy for us and were excited to know she was born!

Anyway, enough about me... here are the pics! They were all taken with my camera phone. At 3am we realized it was the best way to get the pictures out fast... I can email them from my phone. The cool thing about my phone camera is it displays the date/time when the picture was taken. Of course we took some real pictures too right when I first held her, but I have to get those developed... and I have the digital camera full of them too but TK has to take it to work to upload them or bring me the software & docking station for the camera so I can do it at home!! I also took video of her here and there yesterday and today!


Kyla Marilyn
3/30/04
1:23am
6lbs 9oz 18in




This is us like 15 minutes ago,
she fell asleep, I snapped a picture and sat down at the computer...





Daddy & Kyla at 4:35am... She is 3 hours 12 minues old!




Mommy & Kyla 4:48am... look at her holding my finger!




Kyla in the outfit daddy picked for her!



I am sorry but my kid is cute and it's not just because she is my kid.
She should be modeling this for baby gap!




All swaddled up. When they sleep they are SO STILL it is scary...
I will poke at her a little to make sure she moves. It's freaky!




My pretty eyes... still can't tell but I think they're blue!



My eyes and my binky!!!

What do you call it?
Probably whatever your mom called it.. It's a binky.
I hate the word pacifier... calling it a "passy" is weird, and TK called it a "sucker".
Binky. It's a binky, thanks!


OK baby needs my attention and I have some calls to return.

I have so much to write and get off my chest! The whole time I was in the hospital I'm like gotta put this down, gotta put this down... If you have children you know the range of emotions is unreal!

More later, thanks for checking out my journal - and for listening to my show!

Lisa will take good care of you with all the dirt while I am out, and I'll check in with TK so you know how we're doing. He is so proud... and so cute with her. He's getting me all the "OMG WE NEED THIS STUFF" right now and then we can finally spend some time together with our little baby. This has been a hectic week... with me now out, he's gotta be at work... and he had to resolve the furniture situation Tues & last night. Yes, our baby was born and instead of coming to the hospital after work to be with us, he was stuck dealing with furniture. We got it worked out and in the end they compensated us for all the trouble, more on that too!!!

:)

Dana



• 3/29/04 • 10 days •

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

9:13pm...

OK I started watching Fear Factor and ever since I put it on a little after 8, I've been having more intense contractions and lower back pain. It's getting pretty crazy. I am starting to wonder if this is really it... and I am just in denial... or if it is just some contractions and cramps and back pain and its false labor.

TK had to go to a dinner and he wants to know if I want a steak - I was like NO YOU FOOL COME HOME IN CASE I AM REALLY IN LABOR!!!

I want to take a shower and make sure my bag is packed but I feel kinda frozen right now. I am really mad that he is not here right at this very moment but he had to go to this thing. I don't think either one of us really thought it would set in right now.

For all I know this could be "false" labor and I'll be on the air tomorrow laughing at myself for writing this and freaking out... but the pain is getting more intense and I can't see how it will just subside and go away. I think the doula who taught our baby class said something about how sometimes you take a little while to realize "ok this is it, I can't control this and it is actually happening"... so maybe that is me right now.

Anyway, I'll keep you posted. Don't go freaking out yet - I am not in excrutiating pain and I can still speak. I am going to call the doctor when he comes home and find out what they think. They did not check to see if I am dilated at all (sorry, I have been trying to keep such words out of here, but it's mostly women who read this anyway!) so I have no idea. No water breakage... I think since it hasn't broken TK thinks its nothing but he fails to remember that half the time the doctor has to break it!

Please let this be real!! If she is born tomorrow then she would share a birthday with her Uncle Ryan!! He turns 21 tomorrow!!

D



• 3/29/04 • 10 days •

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

5:38pm... Still pregnant.


Do you think I am getting closer? Contractions alllll day and allll day yesterday. I want to clean up this house SO BAD but it hurts to do much. Maybe I SHOULD be moving around and that will help to speed this along.


So how long do you experience these "early labor" symptoms... upset stomach (that is my nice way of putting something else), more intense contractions that are NOT regular or really close together, cramps, lower back pain, etc... I have not had any water breaking or plug coming out but from what I have heard a lot of people don't experience those things.


I am doing laundry right now. I am going to pack my bag tonight. I am washing my favorite jammies. I painted my nails so they will look nice when I have her. I have this little patch of dry skin next to my lip which is driving me nuts. It's not a cold sore or anything, just dry skin and I don't get where it came from. I never have these issues!!


This has to be the most nerveracking part of the whole deal. You KNOW it is coming soon but whether its a matter of hours or days you don't know. What are the chances this stage could last a week or two? Hopefully NONE. I just had another contraction that made my back hurt... And I can feel her moving when they happen sometimes - is this normal?


What I should be doing is posting the ANSWERS I get to this so that the other moms-to-be who read this can know!


I guess after I have her I will be able to answer all the questions.


WOW - I can't even believe how many emails I have received asking about this baby place!!! We've all had bad experiences with good companies before... You go to a restaurant something is not right, etc. but this has been a NIGHTMARE and it just blows my mind. It's one thing to have a little problem, people make mistakes, and usually a company will care and remedy it immediately. Just like everyone else I have had issues with plenty of stores, restaurants, etc. but never to the point where you really just want to slam them and make them suffer. Usually it's one human error or accident and a manager will deal with it. I am actually the type of person who WON'T try to get my meal for free if it isn't made right or cold, etc. What makes me SO MAD is the fact that this is a major issue that has gone around in circles and it prevented me from having a room ready for my first born little baby when she arrives. At this point, I have a meeting with the manager of the store on Wednesday afternoon... I have to leave work early to get there before he is done for the day - nice huh, I have to take time off from work to deal with this - and who knows, by Wednesday I could have my baby. Then I'll have to deal with this as a new mom... I mean I have a piece (and a half) of their furniture that I probably am NOT going to keep IN MY HOUSE!!! Wonder how long it will be before they tell me I can't return it. I really think right now I need to go and get my money back while I still can. This is out of control... They have over $800 of our money and we have a cracked changing table and half a crib to show for it. So insane. At least I know I have prevented a number of people from going through this hassle.


So this brings me to my next question - do you know anyone who sells baby furniture that would like to work with us? I would be SO THANKFUL... Obviously we pay for it - and if you can help me out with this I will give the company every bit of praise I possibly can. I have expressed my BAD experience with this place to a ton of people who have asked.. and if some baby furniture place can get me something I like for a reasonable price and in a timely manner and SAVE ME FROM THIS MISERY AND HELL - I would be so happy to spread the word.


Here is part of an email I just got after telling a mom-to-be where I am having all of this trouble...


Are you serious? I was gonna buy my furniture from them!!! I am so glad you told me.

Another person SAVED from my misery!


I am so craving all kinds of foods right now but the moment I eat I feel sick again. I want my baby to be born now!!!!! I always thought I would be so scared at this time, dreading the onset of the pain, but now I can't wait for it!! I want it to happen. I want to scream in agony and moan and whine and then have the little baby come out crying... then I can hold her and take pictures and look in her eyes and touch her little hands and feed her from my breast...


LOL that breast comment was supposed to be funny.


:)


D



3/29/04 • 10 days •

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2:22pm... Still pregnant. AND IRATE!

So I tried calling the "guest relations" number for this horrific baby place I have been dealing with... just to talk to someone, make them aware of my situation, and find out what they can do to help me, and voice my complaints.

Of course the woman does not speak English very well so it is difficult for me to communicate with her. Be offended of upset with that if you want, it makes life a lot more difficult when there is a language barrier and I am already angry.

So she starts asking for ALL of my info... name, address, phone, birthdate, I'm like what do you need this for? So then she wants to know what STORE NUMBER I have been dealing with. I said well, Tampa, FL... and she says she needs the STORE NUMBER. Let me ask you this - do you have ANY IDEA what store number a particular location is??? NO. If I go to McDonalds on Gandy... it's the McDonalds on Gandy, its not McDonalds nunber 54032. SO this just made me even more furious.

I just got an email from a girl who was like... "Dana, I really wish you had taken my advice... when I first heard you were pregnant I emailed you and warned you about this company and I tried to save you the trouble!" So now I feel like an idiot... I either missed her email or just read it and forgot about it by the time I was ready to do my baby stuff. Hopefully people will listen to me and not go there. I've probably told about 30 people so far. I think that is a good number of people. Nobody at their corporate office or anything seems to care about whether or not I am happy or a repeat customer... so why should I feel bad about spreading the word?

The sad thing is they have nice stuff and good prices... it just sucks they are so incompetent when it comes to furniture that this has to happen to people. I mean, its one of the greatest events of life and I am SO upset that I don't have a room ready to bring her home to. And it is their fault. I spent my money there and counted on this company to deliver for me... and they completely screwed me. It sucks. :(

Anyway, enough ranting. I need to come up with some other things to write about since I'm sure this venting gets annoying to the reader.

:)

D



• 3/29/04 • 10 days •

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

12:18pm...

Still pregnant. I am dying for this whole process to speed up a little. I still feel sick, I have lower back pain, I am having really tight contractions... but they are not agonizing... they happen like 3 in a row, and then nothing for a while... and then again... So what is THIS? Is that regular? No. Is it "braxton-hicks"? Not really... They intensify when I walk around or stand up, which is a sign of "real" contractions... So now I am confused and just waiting for something to start happening!!! Everything I read and have heard tells me that this little stage can last a few hours or a few days... nothing says weeks. And I don't think I'll feel this way for a few days and then it will just go away with no baby. Oh, cramps off and on too. And when I stand up and walk around it feels like there's a weight down there. Now I am just waiting for more!!!!

So I am at work. I didn't want to come in but it'll pass the time.

Even more people boycotting the baby store!!

UGh, I am going to be sick.

:)

D



• 3/28/04 • 11 days •

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

8:54pm...

Just a quick update before The Sopranos! Not much is new. More emails pouring in asking what baby place screwed me so I'm happy to let people know... So far I'd say I've stopped about 15 people from going there for baby furniture.

Still have tummy issues, all that other stuff I mentioned earlier!! How long does this little phase last before the baby actually comes!?!?! I feel like maybe I should be "nesting" right now since the house is a little messy, but I honestly just don't feel up to it. When I walk around I get crampy and it hurts. I am kinda waddling and walking slow now and having more contractions. I don't think I am in actual labor because they are not regular.... maybe soon? Or could this completely icky time last for weeks??? I mean I have 11 days 'til my due date and since it is my first baby, a lot of people say I will be late... but I don't think this crampy, upset stomach, etc. part is just going to get better and then come back.

I am going to put some laundry in... I have to wash the outfits TK bought for her and get my favorite jammies ready to go in case she comes tonight or in the next few days. This complete anticipation is driving me nuts! I am just uncomfortable enough to not be able to do much, but not in enough pain to mean anything!!!

BRING ON THE AGONY!!

Time for the Sopranos!

:)

D



• 3/28/04 • 11 days •

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1:08pm...

Oh, I am getting much enjoyment out of this!! Like I said, I can't slam this p.o.s. baby & furniture company on the website or on the air... but I can tell you who they are if you email me!! And that's just what I'm doing.

So far today 3 people have emailed me to find out where I'm having trouble... and those 3 people will NOT be going to this place for their baby things!!!

This makes me happy! Hopefully someone at this place will find out and be upset and give me stuff to shut me up!!!!

Otherwise, the jihad is on!

In other news... I got an email from someone with the 7 symptoms you experience shortly before labor... I have 5 out of 7 of them... and the one about the plug, not everyone loses that anyway! So I really have 5 out of 6...

And I am feeling more intense pressure in my pelvis when I get up and walk its like there's a weight down there!! This can only be good! For the first time ever I am happy about having constant upset stomach, back pain, cramps and pelvic pressure :)

AND - I am on the air today and working so, yeah, just call me SUPERWOMAN!

Sorry to the guys who read this and didn't want to know :)

D




• 3/28/04 • 11 days •

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3am...

Ugh, I can't sleep and I feel so sick!!

TK came home from the club and told me he was talking to some people who have kids tonight... and they've ALL HAD PROBLEMS with furniture from this place!!! Wow. If you know where I am talking about, don't buy furniture there. If I was the only person having a problem I'd think it was just a one time issue... but every time we tell people about it we find more and more people had the same trouble. I WISH someone had warned me!!

I am so hungry right now but everything I eat makes me feel sick and have heartburn so I'm just going to try to sleep and eat when I get up. I don't know what is going on!!

That's all... I'm just kind of up wandering the house since I can't lay in bed and toss and turn anymore.

:(

D



• 3/27/04 • 12 days •

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

10:10pm... still pregnant!

I'm wondering if maybe this is a sign the baby is coming... I've had a completely icky gross horrible upset stomach ALL DAY. I'll leave it at that. I heard that this is common right before going into labor. I would be happy.

We went to the baby store. We found some other things we like... but of course they are more money. I'm going to see if maybe they can give us some kind of discount on something else. I really see why the items we wanted are so popular - they are the best things for the price in the store. Still, it would suck to end up buying something for MORE money after all the hassle I have gone through. If they won't work with me on price, I'll take the cash refund and bring my money elsewhere. The screwed up thing is that they have the set we want ON THE FLOOR with NO indication whatsoever that it is not available!!! It made me SO MAD to see the items we want sitting right there, know we can't get them and have gone through this, and the store just keeps them there for other expectant parents to look at, register for, and then get screwed... It's like they know how many people want it, they know people will pay for it, and then they know they can probably stlil get money out of them for it whether they wait forever to get the pieces, or take a store credit and buy something else. And based on what is in the store, it's either cheaper and not nearly as nice - or just as nice, nicer and WAY MORE MONEY!!!!!! At this point, they're scamming people. They KNOW how popular these items are and that they're going to "sell"... they know they can't get them to people... but they also know they can hose people into probably spending more money on a similar set that is just more expensive. It makes me SO MAD.

So, I ended up actually spending some money there anyway... they do have the best prices on Carter's stuff. This two-pack of gowns I found for $22 at Burdines, $20 at JC Penney (or maybe it was Sears) and they were $14.99 at this place... and their Carter's sleep & plays are 2 for $16 and everywhere else they are $10-12 each. I got a few things. We actually got 2 of something off our registry so I exchanged one of them for the clothes.

Then TK WANTED to go to Baby Gap so we went to the mall. He was so funny trying to pick out things that match for her!!! I just let him do his thing and he did a good job... so he says she will come home in the outfit he picked. He paid full price for all the stuff... I won't pay full price for anything in that store. It'll probably be marked down before this child is born! Actually one of the outfits was one that I saw online and REALLY wanted so I was happy he picked it out. I think since I have done the majority of the shopping for her and am TRYING to watch what I spend, and he hasn't spent much at all on her clothing, he splurged... no, actually, I think I JUSTIFY ALL THE SHOPPING INSANITY by saying "well it was on sale"... anyway, it makes me happy that he was so excited to buy little things for her. He picked out a onesie, little pants, a hat, and a blanket that all match! Plus this little kimono thing that is SO adorable... And then we got the free finger puppets... :)

Just because I am bored and a big dork, here are the things he got for her. There's also little giraffe pants but they don't have them online.




Aren't they cute???? I know everyone loves to look at baby stuff so I don't feel so lame posting them...

Anyway, I had a little bit of an issue with the mall. ALL the awesome spring clothes are out at Express, Abercrombie, etc. and I just get depressed. I know soon I'll be able to wear them again... but will I be able to wear ALL the stuff I used to wear? I just have this fear of not being able to dress like I used to and it makes me upset. I have been told I look good for being 9 months pregnant, I am all belly, etc. but it still worries me. I've never had a weight issue before but I don't want to start now.

OK I am going to go to bed. My tummy is making horrible sounds... Baby needs to get out of there!!

:)

D





• 3/27/04 • 12 days •

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2:20pm...

I should be outside laying by the pool or something but I just got up. I had a little crying fit when TK got home from the club last night. I am just so MAD about this furniture crap I have to deal with, plus I can't sleep because I have heartburn and I am uncomfortable, and he was snoring when he came to bed which made it worse. I just FLIPPED out about him snoring and then I was screaming about the furniture and how no matter what I do I can't get things ready for the baby, etc. He just told me to stop being "hormonal" which made me even more mad. Needless to say, not fun. Finally I went to sleep around 6am.

Now I just feel like crap. He just got home from work and wants us to go to the store and pick out something else, maybe special order something which they said we can do, etc.... but I really just don't even have the patience to deal with this place anymore. I want them to give me my money back and KISS MY A$$!! The problem is I looked elsewhere - a lot of other places actually - for stuff and it's either CRAP or WAY out of my price range! I went to USA Baby and their stuff is gorgeous, but TWICE as much as what we had picked out. We had everything worked out as far as what we could afford for new stuff for our house and this stuff worked PERFECTLY... now I need to hold on to my loot bc when I am on leave I don't get my full pay AT ALL and I need to make sure I can still pay my bills while he handles the new baby expenses and saves for nanny... So while normally I'd just go spend more money on something nicer, the whole 6-8 weeks with basically 1/2 my pay is getting to me. Would have been fine, but now it's a big mess!!! I could go find some cheaper furniture but its not as nice looking and I won't be happy.

We were joking about how fun it would be to take this company's logo and photoshop it. I would LOVE to do it. Like I said, that would get some attention and maybe someone would give a crap about all this stuff I've had to deal with. It takes a lot to pi$$ people off to this point... and its funny bc after I posted last night I got another 2 emails from people who knew exactly where I was talking about and said "yup, happened to me too!"

And the stuff is made in Taiwan... so we're just watching CNN and there's all this political unrest over there... maybe that'll be the next excuse I get from this freakin' place!!

Anyway, I am going to go lay down and sulk more.

:)

D



• 3/26/04 • 13 days •

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

8:59pm...

Scroll down to read the 8:10pm update first. You'll need it to understand this one.

I just spoke with the manager at the store. Just as I was calling to yell at them, he was calling me. GOOD MOVE.

Basically what I've been told is that all the items in this set are on backorder, so there are no cribs in stock... which means they have to special order the headboard to replace the broken one they were going to give me. This could take... well... DON'T KNOW.

The manager I spoke to was also shocked to hear I had a date range for the armoire... He was like "who gave you those dates, I don't even have those dates!" So that made me feel REALLY confident.

Now, I will give this guy credit for the fact that I think this situation is out of his hands... I think it goes far beyond the people in the stores, or even a district level. However, SOMEONE is at fault here and SOMEONE needs to start doing something about this situation. This guy told me he has 15 irate customers right now who are ALL waiting for the same stuff.

I bet if I went on the air and BLASTED this company by name someone "high up" would be on my a$$ ready to sue me for slander in a heartbeat... I KNOW this would happen. Nobody high up wants to pay attention to the little pee on customers until the company gets publicly slammed, and THEN they'll be listening... and fighting ME with a lawsuit. Guaranteed if I went on the air Monday and mentioned this place by name I'd be hauled into my boss's office and reamed out because we got a cease & desist and threatened with a slander lawsuit because I badmouthed the company. The bigwigs with the lawyers would pay attention when I told half of Tampa Bay not to go to their stores or their furniture department... but the fact that I'm angry now as an average customer doesn't mean sh*t to the guy collecting all the loot!! My job's not worth it, but this is just how it goes. I don't want to use my position for personal gain or to get anything for free... but it would be nice to be able to warn everyone else not to go to their furniture department because I've had a horrible experience with them and obviously other people have too.

Anyway, I have to stop eating these mini-eggs.

Hmmmmm... there is a phone number on the paperwork that came with the changing table. Their address is in Taipei, Taiwan... and there's an 800 number for customer service. I wonder if these people could help me. HA I DOUBT IT.

So basically I hold nothing personal against anyone at this company who have tried to be helpful. It's obviously just a situation where "I don't know" seems to be what the corporate level people decided was cool for the managers to tell their customers. SOMEONE at this company has to know what is going on. There's someone somewhere who knows what's up and they just don't give a crap. The money for these things is STILL rolling in so who cares, right?

I guess this is one of those situations where I used my baby journal to ramble and VENT and be really angry. TK knows I am upset, he feels bad. He never lets things get to him that much but he knows I am disappointed. We are trying so hard to get everything ready for our baby and I hate the fact that this stuff is going on. I never knew purchasing furniture could be this much of a nightmare!!!!

Tomorrow I am going into the store to sit with the manager and go through their special orders catalog and find out if there's another set I can get in white, in full, within 2 weeks. He said he will give us full refund in cash, pay for the stuff we have at our house to be picked up and returned, etc. At this point it seems the store managers are bending over backwards to make this all right so I didn't yell at the guy. Instead I took the nice approach to it and tried to appreciate that it's not his fault... and hopefully if I do find something else I like I'll get a little discount for my trouble and have the other stuff taken care of. Right now all I can really ask for is for them to correct their mistakes and give me some kind of compensation for all this hassle. I finally decided to just go with their products and wait for the armoire... but now we're talking waiting for a headboard for our crib too, on top of the armoire, which I'm not even sure is going to come... it seems like they're giving people dates/times to shut them up but who knows at this point if they're even solid or can be trusted. If I could go in there tomorrow, pick out a new white nursery set, and get 10% off, I'd be happy and leave with a smile. I doubt I'll get the 10% off but maybe they'll toss in a free box of diapers. I think when you p*ss a customer off and you still end up making money off of them you gotta give a little something... Like when I go to a restaurant, if something isn't right I don't usually insist on them taking it off the bill - I just want a free dessert or something. :)

Allrighty then, enough. Sorry for the rant but like I said sometimes I just use this to express my anger. I guess I am used to being let down and somehow I knew getting this furniture tonight was too good to be true. Maybe Kyla will cheer me up by BEING BORN tonight or something!!

:)

Me


8:10pm.

So do you remember what I was talking about earlier that I could not wait to do this weekend? SET UP MY NURSERY MINUS THE ARMOIRE!!

Well guess what? Thanks to the wonderful competent people at this fine baby store where I purchased my furniture (minus the armoire that should go with the set) I now have to set up my baby nursery MINUS THE ARMOIRE AND ALSO MINUS THE CRIB!!!! This crib was purchased MONTHS ago and it gets here and IT IS CRACKED!!! The headboard, CRACKED. HOW THE HELL do you crack a headboard???

Our driver was very careful with the other piece he moved in here and there is no possible way this guy - Willie - is the one who damaged this. No possible way. Whoever is taking care of things at this baby store is obviously insane! Do we not check things before we bring them to our customers???

So now, once again, I am angry. Now this guy has to come back to our house next week with this other piece. I obviously feel I should pay him in full for this next delivery since he is an independent person and does NOT work for the baby store... but why should I have to pay another full delivery fee because THIS STORE screwed up? I HIGHLY doubt they're going to eat the $70 cost. It would have been $90 for him to come with both pieces and help assemble them... One trip, 2 pieces... now he's got to make another whole trip which would normally be $70 for him for one piece... Why should he not get the full fee as an independent person because this place is so bad??? And then... when our armoire comes, I have to pay AGAIN!! I have no problem paying the delivery person what he charges each time, what I DO have a problem with is having to pay him multiple times because the other place messed up. THis guy is doing his job perfectly and I don't think he should be ripped off... I am the customer waiting patiently for my THOUSAND DOLLARS WORTH of furniture, so why should I pay even more... meanwhile multi-million dollar baby store hoses all of us!!

So yeah, I'm mad again. If anyone from Rooms to Go is reading this - please, the expectant parents of the world beg of you - BRING BACK YOUR NURSERY FURNITURE!!! How this one baby place can do things SO WRONG and the other place we have worked with for furniture can be so RIGHT is beyond me.

God I am just so upset. I wanted the crib set up so I could put the mattress pad on the mattress... put the sheet on the mattress.. put the little bumper around it and hang the quilt... and put the diaper stacker on it... Maybe I am being bratty but how many times do I have to be let down over this stuff???

I WISH to God I could get away with slamming this company by name. Seriously, I tell everyone personally how much they SUCK anyway but if I do it in the baby journal or on the air I could get sued. Why I should be sued for warning people about the BS I have dealt with is beyond me... But I guess that's how it goes.

I do have to say there are some people who work for this company who have been nothing but helpful and great to me, these issues are just in a different department and handled by different people who just don't get how to do their jobs. Don't buy furniture from this place. Just don't. Get your other crap there, but no furniture!!!

Well since I won't be doing much to the nursery tonight, I guess I will just pig out on Cadbury Mini Eggs and drink castor oil and lift furniture and eat buffalo wings - maybe a combination of all the "make the baby come" remedies will work!!

NOTE TO MY BABY: WE WANT TO MEET YOU PLEASE COME OUT SOON!!

:)

D



• 3/26/04 • 13 days •

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12:22pm...

Well I am curious to actually know how many people read this every day! I checked our web hits and this journal gets up to 1,000 hits A DAY!!! My guess is maybe 100-150 people who read it have actually ever bothered to respond or email me. Very strange... I just had no idea that many people were reading!

I have actually gotten a few emails lately from people who say "I check your journal every day but I know you are busy and haven't ever written..." Please, if you ever feel compelled to write, do so. I don't think people who email me are stalkers, and I usually write back... I can't say ALWAYS because once in a while I overlook an email or get distracted, but for the most part I do respond.

I keep this journal because it helps me get my feelings out, share my dumb life with people, and ask for advice from other moms who have been through this whole pregnancy thing. It totally helps me to know I am not some freak or experiencing something odd...

OK - so this is something that kind of freaks me out... and I just highly doubt anyone would do this... but I have been warned. I asked if I should post up here right before I go to the hospital that "baby's coming... we're going to the hospital - check back for details and listen to find out when she's born..." but I got a few emails from people warning me not to do this. Some people think listeners will show up at the hospital and try to see me, bring flowers, etc. I don't really think anyone would disrespect my privacy or show up as if I am some famous person - seriously!!!! Do you think anyone would do this? Would you? I know it feels like I know a lot of people through my journal and emails, etc. and I do consider people friends, but I just doubt anyone would step over that boundary! Anyway, it just struck me as odd that anyone would think people I don't "know" would show up at the hospital!! I will make sure TGH does not give out my info, etc. but how weird...

Anyway, I decided today that we need to buy a house. This real estate agent sent us a bunch of listings of homes for sale... they are in Brandon area, all really nice, 4br, 2 or 3 bathrooms, ALL WITH POOLS - some with SPAS, etc. that we can afford. LESS than what we pay in rent!! I was shocked. I guess I always think "yeah right I can't afford a house" but we totally could do it. I think I am used to prices up north... these homes would go for over half a mil up north but here we could own one. Its exciting. Do we really need another big change in our lives right now? Probably not... but the sooner I stop throwing my money away and start investing in something the better. Plus, having our own pool, our own yard that Lexi can play in, our own garage instead of parking 2 blocks away, etc. would be nice... We'll see what happens. It's a whole other big step but I guess now I realize how silly we are paying rent when we could be investing in a nice home. :)

Our baby furniture is coming tonight!!! We are so excited. Now watch me go into labor before the nursery gets done! At this point, I'd like it to happen Monday. The nursery will be done (MINUS THE ARMOIRE THAT IS COMING END OF APRIL OR SO..... gotta keep mentioning that for the Babies R Us folks who know I am on top of this and ANXIOUSLY AWAITING ITS ARRIVAL)... uh, as I was saying... the nursery will be just about done.

This woman emailed me a few weeks ago. She makes letters for baby rooms... Like you know how at Pottery Barn or other places they sell those big huge letters to hang in the room... and they go for like $10-15 a letter... she makes them for a lot less, and you can pick your font and size, style, ribbons, etc. She is sending me some for KYLA. As soon as I get them I will post a picture and her info... Of course before I give it out I want to make sure they are fabulous and then hopefully help her out. She is a stay at home mom and makes them for a little extra cash so it would be cool if some people went to her to get their nursery letters. I know a lot of moms or expectant moms read this so if they are as nice as I think they will be, I'll give you her info!

Back to my show... gossip and whatnot. The dirt section of my page has been updated. I know some people aren't all that into the baby thing and were getting mad that I didn't have the dirt anymore so I stopped slacking. It's there!

:)

D



• 3/26/04 • 13 days •

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1:10am...

I am still pregnant. I am wide awake too!

I just did thank you cards for the last 3 hours. It seems like I should have them mostly done, but it is a long process... why??? I did them last night AND tonight and have only done 20. I have about 35 more to go... and I have a feeling that after the baby comes we will get more gifts. That is not to say I do not want gifts - just that I want to make sure I get these cards done and it's not fun.

I obviously hand write them... and my handwriting is so messy it is embarassing, especially sitting on the bed in an akward position with a tired hand. Then I will start writing something and be like "this is so lame" and tear it up. Either that or I mess up the address and have to do it over. I wrote some really lame stuff in them, but whatever. It's not that I don't mean things, its just akward writing some of the stuff!! Now my question is... there are some people I work with who gave us gifts - do I track down their home addresses and send the card, or just give them out at work. I totally think it is better to send cards to a person's house - it is more personal - but some people said "just give them out at work". I am going to try to get addresses if I can. I just think that is better.

Baby is moving around a lot tonight :) It is so hard to believe I will see her soon. I did have a dream last night that she was born and she was cute and healthy :)

I half packed my bag tonight. I didn't put any clothes in it but I did pack all my other things like shampoo, conditioner, lotion, toothbrush, etc. Someone told me I should bring a few nightgowns because they only let you wear nightgowns... so if I bring pj pants they'll make me wear a hospital gown the whole time. Whatever!! I will wear what I want to wear. Obviously while I am giving birth I'll wear a hospital gown, but after that I'll wear what I think is comfortable!!

So who came to visit you while you were still in the hospital. Our parents are far away... but I'm wondering if other people come to the hospital too. I know I visited a co-worker/friend after she had her baby a few years ago. I just don't know what to expect as far as hospital visitors. I'm cool with whatever, just curious.

Allright I gotta make myself go to sleep. I ran out of Mylanta and had to buy the Cherry kind and I am afraid to try it. I finally got used to the regular ish and they were out of it so I got cherry extra strength. I'm sure its going to be gross but nothing can be worse than the heartburn itself. I just take the Mylanta before I go to sleep instead of having it wake me up every night.

STILL PREGNANT!!

:)

D



• 3/25/04 • 14 days •

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8:21pm...

So, I am wondering if before I go to the hospital I should update quick to let you know... or if I should just take off and make you wonder if I am suddenly not on the air or don't show up for work. Which would you prefer???

My goofy friend was like, dude you need to just take a picture of the water puddle and post it on the journal. GROSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can I just tell you I have the new Usher song "Burn" in my head??? I love it... I just can't get over the whole thing he did to Chili. I guess it's just the ultimate worst thing you can do - cheating is bad enough, but he did it with a groupie AND got her pregnant. And the thing that is most annoying is that the song is so great... and it's like a "sorry this hurts me too but you know it's gotta end" yet really he was just being a manwhore behind her back. It's just in my head constantly!! Don't go firing off hate mails about whether or not I relate to this song in any way - I really don't. I just like the way it sounds and the whole story behind it gets to me. I guess Usher is one of those people you thought was a decent dude regardless of fame, and he and Chili seemed like one of those couples that was beyond all the BS, and then you find out ew no!

Oh well, enough about that. This weekend we are FINALLY decorating the nursery!!! The baby furniture (minus the armoire GRRRRRRRRRRR) will be here tomorrow night. The armoire is supposed to be here the end of April/beginning of May. We'll SEE if that happens. In the meantime all her little things will hang in my closet. :)

I am hungry but I know if I eat it will only mean one thing - HEARTBURN. It sucks so bad. I can't even imagine how people live with acid-reflux and stuff. I am so hoping this goes away after pregnancy. I have never had heartburn before going through this and it sucks. I love eating.

Oh, an update on the peeing neighbors... someone talked to the woman above us and she assured me that there was no urination going on off that balcony. She said they did have people over late at night and they were outside, smoking and "possibly" throwing cigarettes off the porch, etc... but that nobody would have peed. Sure. They are "nice people"... Basically I don't think anything should be falling on my porch from anyone's balcony. I don't go throwing my trash in anyone else's yard!! Stuff like that just makes me mad. Apparently people here heard me talking about it on the air and I don't think they like it. I really love living here - I pay through the nose so obviously I like it - but when things like that happen it's annoying that you do pay so much only to realize I might as well live in section 8 the way people disrespect their neighbors and the property! For the most part it's cool living here... and the girls at the office always offer to help me lug the packages we receive home... I guess they are talking about having reserved spaces for people who have townhouses/condos. That aspect does suck. There are about 10 handicap spaces in front of our door - and maybe 3 are ever used. Then there's some other spaces close on the street but they are usually full... and then there's the garage we are supposed to use but it is a pain in the a$$ and not even connected to our building. I usually park in the visitor spaces of my OLD building which is like 2 blocks away... That SUCKS being pregnant!! So it annoys me when I finally make it to my door, out of breath and ready to drop, and there's 5 empty spaces in front of my house I can't use because I am not handicapped. So I guess TK talked to them and said for the amount we pay for this townhouse (one of the few on the property) we should have reserved parking. In the old complex across the street they do. There's even garages on the townhouses!! We just want a space on the street.

Anyway, enough about that garbage I just rambled.

How can I get this baby out??? No, I won't be drinking castor oil :)

D



• 3/25/04 • 14 days •

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2:54pm...

Almost the end of my show!

Can I just say JOHNNY CARINO'S RULES!!! TK and the guys went there for lunch today and brought me some pasta, bread, and tiramisu. SO YUM. If you haven't tried this place yet you HAVE to go. Awesome Italian food. And they have Italian sodas which I LOVE!! It's on Dale Mabry right by 275... tell them I sent you - not that you'll get hooked up but maybe I will if they know you tried it because of me :)

So everyone is emailing me with ways to try to get this baby to come out! Many of you have suggested sex! LOL - are you trying to get TK some a$$???? I won't even get into that issue. Some pregnant couples are into it, some are not......

Um, how about walking... yeah. Tried that. Walked around the mall for hours. And the only thing that broke was my freaking back.. and my feet for a while!!!

Now I've heard some of these drink this herbal thing or try eating this - no. I've heard these things don't work or some herbal things are not good, or can make labor come on very quickly and can be dangerous.

Then there's another trick I've heard which involves stimulating 2 things I can not say. If I say the exact thing I am talking about I could probably get in trouble for being explicit... so I've heard this possibly works, but am I REALLY going to go sit on my bed and play with myself!?!?!?!?!?!!! No.

I guess I will just have to wait.

And wait...

and keep waiting...

:)

D





• 3/25/04 • 14 days •

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11:50am..

Oh my tummy hurts today!!! I do not want to be working. I want to be home chillin' out with my little child. I want to take her for walks with the dog... and then go to the mall and shop!! Soon... soon...

I had a dream last night that I had her!! It was a smooth process... a lot smoother than it will actually be I am sure. Then I was dreaming that she was sleeping on top of me and I woke up and realized I was going to be late for work... and I got up and was holding her and couldn't find her diapers, or anyone to help... and it was just getting later and later and I couldn't get anything done, I was just holding her... and didn't make it to work!!! The crazy thing is that soon this WILL be my life!

I feel a lot more "pressure" today and had a hard time getting comfortable last night because my back was hurting. Please tell me this is a sign!!!!!

That's all for now. I am trying to find fun things to talk about on the radio today but I'm just drawing a blank. Maybe we will talk about Christina and Britney AGAIN!!! Does this get boring to you???

:)

D



• 3/25/04 • 14 days •

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1:09am

Wow... 2 weeks from my due date!!! How incredible.

Let me tell you what SUCKS - writing thank you cards!! Now, if you are one of the many fabulous people who gave me/us a gift for our child, do not think I don't appreciate it... its just an overwhelming task right now. I only did about 10 in an HOUR and a half. Between screwing up what I am writing and tearing the card up, searching for addresses, etc... not to mention the fact that I am incredibly uncomfortable no matter how I try to sit... And I just don't know what to write!! Then I think of something funny I could write but then it's like... are thank you cards not the place for humor? I have no concept of this. I also have to write to some people who are TK's friends who I don't know very well... and of course writing these cards is the WOMAN's job. I mean, it's his baby too, why do I have to do all the work??? I will be MAKING HIM get the stamps, but other than that, I have to rack my brain to write out these cards!

I know everyone hates writing thank you notes so I don't feel bad about it. We love getting gifts, hate writing the cards. I know my friend HATED doing her wedding thank yous but its just something you have to do. And I have 3 friends who are about to have their first babies and I'm sure they will hate every minute of writing cards. Who invented etiquette anyway??

Onto something else... I am having lots of braxton-hicks contractions tonight - another reason why doing the cards wasn't very fun or productive. Baby is moving a lot tonight too! She is coming soon and excited I guess.

In a way I feel good tonight since I came home from the mall and took a nice long shower... then put on my new Victoria's secret pj pants and a nice white tee shirt and my new Vicky's slippers... I guess maybe I needed a little pick me up!! Is it me, or do we always feel better wearing new clothes??

OK I gotta get to bed before TK hogs it all and I can't move him off my side! He got a new Blackberry Pager and has been playing with it... just what we need, another distracting toy!! He says I should get one. NO WAY. I have a cell phone which I never answer, email which I don't write back to half the time, and IM which I have a lot of people blocked from. I need my privacy & space... not another way for people to annoy me and ask me for ish!! We just have way too many ways to communicate these days. Either that or I am just not popular enough... well, I get calls and email... I just don't answer them. OK I guess that makes me anti-social?

Have a good night!

:)

D



• 3/24/04 • 15 days •

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8pm...

Well I went to the mall and walked around for about 3 hours. Let's see if the walking to speed this up works. Of course my feet are ready to fall of... but I'm waiting for something else to BREAK!

I can not WAIT to not be pregnant anymore. I have avoided the mall a lot while I've been pregnant because I WAS a clothing FREAK and can't wear anything anymore!!! I did buy myself a new pair of PJ pants at Victoria's Secret and a pair of capri stretchy sporty pink towel material (yes, that's how I describe them) at Express... they will fit below my tummy and I'll be able to wear them after I have the baby. One of these places needs to make maternity stuff. Gap & Old Navy is OK but its so not me. It's frumpy. I was looking at all the clothes in Express and remembering how I used to get some cute new outfit every time I had a club gig or was going out and I got kind of upset. I just want my body back. I know I won't be as small as I was right away - or maybe not ever - but at least I'll be able to wear normal cute clothes again!!! I was also a little ticked that the girl in Express wasn't very nice to me. I tried on a tee-shirt and she looked at me like I was insane so I go "yeah, I'm pregnant but it's a large and I am sick of frumpy maternity clothes..." she could have at least smiled but she just nodded at me. Maybe she's mad bc she was ugly and pregnant as I am I'm still cute. I don't know. I just hate the looks I get from younger girls sometimes... I'll go back in there 2 months from now and show her who's hot!! :)

I bought some things at Baby Gap for Kyla. They were all on sale though... GOOD sale... like onesies marked down to $4.99 which is REALLY cheap for Baby Gap. Plus I realized something... once she is born she's going to be sharing the clothing shopping budget with Mommy so she's getting spoiled now while I can't buy for my own bratty self!!

I went to the doctor (again) today. It is such a waste of time at this point. They don't "check" to see anything unless you are having a lot of contractions... I am having some braxton-hicks but nothing major so the don't even bother. Baby's heartbeat is good. I gained a few pounds... actually up to 151... which leads me to believe that last time I went their scale was just off. I was 147... then 152... then 147... now 151. How crazy. But hey, who needs accuracy at a medical office right? My Beta Strep test was negative so no extra IV when I go into labor. I hate needles so that makes me happy. I STILL have low iron which I do not get. Aren't prenatal vitamins supposed to have more than enough? It's even LOWER now so I picked up some more iron supplements. I guess you get low iron during pregnancy because you have so much more blood in your system.

I am so happy it is spring. I just feel happier. I hate winter... I hate FL winter, I can't imagine ever going back up north where it is still freezing.

Time to take Lexi out and then keep working on Thank You cards. I have started them. I just have to finish them all so everyone gets them at the same time!

:)

D



• 3/24/04 • 15 days •

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4:01am..

Yes, you read correctly, it's FOUR IN THE MORNING!! I can't sleep. Maybe its the nap I took 12 hours ago... or the TK snoring... or the fact that I can't stop getting up to pee.. I finally just gave in and got out of bed for a little while. And this little baby that was still all day is now moving all over the place!! I can't get comfortable. I wake up and I WISH I still had my own bed to spread out in. He is being very considerate of my space needs... but there's still not enough room!!

He wakes up every time I get up and asks if I am ok :) And how cute is this... At one point during this sleepless night of mine, he was talking in his sleep and just goes "Wow... look at that beautiful baby." It is so comforting and cool to know that he's dreaming about our child coming into the world. I think as it gets closer the fatherly thing is FINALLY kicking in. Today he called to get the baby furniture delivered and usually he lays that stuff on me. He knows I am just tired and focused on pushing the child out... and I have been stressed about this stuff so instead of fighting over it he just does it. Hooray!

I am tempted to go get something to eat. It will only cause more heartburn but I didn't have much for dinner because I didn't feel good and now I am hungry. I think what upset me earlier was the Sonic I had for breakfast. Probably not a good idea. I want some toast. I think some of feeling sick might be nerves about all of this too... I tend to get sick when I am really nervous about things!

Allright I will try to go back to bed now. He is calling me "where did you go!!"

:)

D



• 3/23/04 • 16 days •

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Just when you thought it couldn't get worse than Clay Aiken.... Meet John Stevens!! I'll admit, this is the first time I've watched the new season. I just don't pay attention. He's a cute little dude but what a goober! I wasn't impressed with much.

I got out of work early today! I actually was home by 4:30 which NEVER happens. I felt like I was being so lazy because I came home and laid down, but I'm 9 months pregnant - there's nothing wrong with it! I fell asleep for a while and then I woke up with a horrible stomach ache. It sucked. I felt so gross for a while... now I feel a little better.

Lexi is being really bratty and I just don't have the patience for her right now so I came upstairs and TK is playing with her.

I don't have much to say other than I am anxious about the baby and really blah feeling. What happens right before you have the baby??? I am going crazy.

:)

D



• 3/23/04 • 16 days •

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Today is just one of those days I don't feel like doing anything. I don't feel like talking on the radio. I am just bored. I feel like I have nothing else to say today. I am just lazy.

I am also starting to freak out. The baby has not moved today. I usually feel her a lot... and today, nothing. I think I felt a little jolt a little while ago. So I don't want to be a freak and panic and go running to the doctor... but if something is wrong... I am going to lay down when I get off the air and see what happens. Sometimes she is just still during the day and then when I lay down she is all crazy. I have also read that in the last few days the baby slows down a lot so maybe this could be a sign. It's so nerveracking.

I am stopping myself from babygap.com again today. I can not buy anything else for this child right now. I have plenty. I think I am shopping to satisfy my need for baby. Does that make sense?????? Since I can't hold her and dress her in the things I have and play with her, I want to buy things. It's really not right :)

I don't have much else going on today. I just want to take a nap!

:)

D




• 3/22/04 • 17 days •

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11:03pm and by the way, I'm still pregnant.

So if you guessed I was going to have the baby today, chances are you don't win the $1000.. you don't get squat. :)

So I went to Target after work. Picked up some REALLY cute things. I got a pack of sleep & plays that I really loved and found the brand... they don't make any other girly ones, but they do make some bibs and onesies with the same prints or things that coordinate so I picked up some of those.

I found a brand I TOTALLY LOVE... Tykes by Carters. They have the cutest stuff - I wanted to buy one of everything!! I got a few little gowns, a sleep & play, some onesies, and some socks. The socks are SO TINY. It's insane how small they are! I wanted to get some really tiny clothes because I get annoyed looking at babies with clothes falling off of them. I resisted the temptation to buy things from babygap today but I think I might be going there soon...

I started to get really freaked out a little while ago bc the doctor told me to lay down for half an hour every night after I eat and count how often the baby moves... well she must have been taking a nap because she didn't move while I was laying there. So then of course once you are paying attention to movement and you don't feel it, you panic. But then she started moving again so I am chill. It just gets a little nerveracking!

I bought some boob things :) I got a call today from this guy who told me his brother's wife just had a baby last week... and Sunday morning the dude was out buying nipple cream and breast pads!! So I thought hmmmmm... I don't have that stuff yet, and I do not want to leave it up to TK to have to buy that stuff. He would screw it up and bring home KY and maxi-pads, and why put him through the humiliation. It would be funny, but I'd rather just get that stuff on my own.

So can I just tell you how funny girls are. There's a certain situation that I can't really get into... but its classic girls being completely immature and catty... and I've been an "outsider" for a while and guys give me crap for not being more "social" and for not being a "girly girl"... well amongst this little group there is MASSIVE HATRED going on... Like people who were all gossipy and BFF are now hating each other and stabbing each other in the back- and all I say to the guys is - DO YOU SEE WHY I NEVER WANTED TO BE ALL BFF WITH ANY OF THEM?? I am pretty good at reading people and you know how you can just tell when girls are completely two-faced and befriend you for what you can do for them... not because they care about you... Yeah. Those are the types I'm talking about. I am so happy I never got close to any of them. I have some great friends I've made here and of course my best friends from home who I love, and being a "loner" or not a girly girl, or not part of the clique, is fine by me! Anyway, I'm sure you know what type of chicks I am talking about. It's funny when the ish hits the fan and you can step back and laugh!

So I have a little dilemma... I know 3 people who are having babies (all boys) over the summer... I am anxious to get them gifts, and of course I want to buy them little outfits... but I know how much I wanted to get things off my registry to, so what should I do? Check registries or buy clothes. Because I know everyone gets TONS of clothes and the registry stuff, while some of it is real boring, it's all necessary. Then I think well I will do both, but I don't think it's necessary to go nuts even though it is easy to do so. One of my friends did not do a registry because she lives far away from family and friends and for some reason she doesn't want to do it... I told her she should and just let everyone know, but she thinks it looks greedy. I was like, no... take it from me... people want to help and buy you stuff. It's just how it is. When someone you know has a baby, you get a gift - and when you have a baby, you just accept the fact that people are going to help out an give you stuff. There is no possible way TK & I would have been able to get all of this stuff for our child. That's why you do a registry... so people can help you! And then when others have children you do your part and give them gifts. It's a great thing.

Anyway, I want to have this baby. I am so ready. I keep waiting for the water to break. Every time I get up and walk around I think "ok break!" Every time I have a braxton-hicks I'm like HURT, last a long time, become regular and closer together... :)

Allright, people IMing me like crazy, I gotta chat for a bit and then climb into bed and write thank you cards... I have to have a sense of humor about them so they're going to be cheesy. Maybe I am just not a polite person and that's why I hate doing them, but I think I hate doing them because you have to say dumb stuff that you wouldn't normally say...

OK baby is kicking around like CRAZY now!! This makes me happy. She is like LET ME OUT!!

:)

D





• 3/22/04 • 17 days •

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11:52am & yes, still pregnant.

Here's something I found that I keep forgetting to post!

It's a "name perception" poll. Basically I am hoping this will stop some people from naming their child something horrific!! It tells you what people think a person is like, physically and otherwise, based on his/her name. Pretty interesting!

The link is set to bring you to the Kyla page... but then you just type in another name, then take the poll, then see the results. What people think of your name when they hear it! If you try names like Bertha, you'll see why this works... :)

CLICK HERE for the Baby Name Perception poll!



• 3/22/04 • 17 days •

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10:52am & still pregnant...

I am anxious. The thought of going through 17 (or 18, 19, 20, etc.) more days of this bugs me. I am tired of working. Every time someone asks me to do something I want to be like SURE, and then go into labor so I can say NOPE SORRY NOT DOING IT. I am just tired!!

I'm also really annoyed with some people around here who don't do their jobs properly and it ends up taking up MY time but whatever. Why should anyone besides me be held responsible for doing their work properly?

So, I feel pretty crappy today. I got up early and dressed nice, did my hair & makeup, etc. but I feel blah anyway!

That's all I got for now. Did I mention I'm tired?

D



• 3/22/04 • 17 days •

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1:31am...

Yes I am still pregnant.

That's what everyone asks me now when they IM me or call me... "Still pregnant?" Yes... and it seems like FOREVER!! It is so weird... I have been pregnant since July, found out in August. We spend almost a YEAR of life pregnant. This child better love me :)

So last night I thought I might be going into labor!!! I started getting really crampy and had a few tight long braxton hicks... I was sitting up in bed almost freaking out. I didn't tell TK I just told him my tummy hurt... but for a good 15 mintues I was thinking "is this it?" It passed though, I eventually fell asleep and today - still pregnant!

Not much else to write. I laid out for a little while today, took a nice long nap this afternoon, and then had to do a bunch of work.

You're stuck with me ALLLLLLLLLL day long, I'll be on for Fink at 10.

Still have not packed my bag for the hospital. I'm now convinced she's going to come late, after the due date. I should just add about 10 days to the countdown!

:)

D



• 3/21/04 • 18 days •

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12:36am...

I just put together the Graco Travelite Crib! This is what we are going to use as a bassinet. I could not see spending the money on a cradle we'll only use for a short time. Many people told me "don't bother..." So instead we got this travel crib/bassinet. It is a bassinet for babies up to 15lbs. but it folds up REALLY nicely to travel with. MUCH smaller than a pack & play. You can take the top piece out when the baby gets bigger (up to 30lbs) and still use it as a travel crib. This is perfect... I will probably set up the pack & play downstairs and use the travel crib upstairs. I don't know why I felt compelled to put it together but I did. Didn't take that long at all! The directions kind of suck though, it's easy to figure out but not much description.

Now I'm running a bath. Kinda late for a bath, I know, but I need it. I've been trying to match SOCKS for a while too. I am trying SO HARD to get our house as organized as possible. My head is so much clearer when I can relax in a neat, clean house...

I was talking to a friend earlier who was telling me "oh you are so nesting..." and I was like, honestly... TK & I have both done "EXTREME NESTING". We basically set up an entire house over the last month! Between dining room, bedroom, baby's room, getting decorations for the whole house, cleaning, going through our old clothes and giving them away, etc. we just kind of went from being two single people with bachelor/bachelorette apartments, mostly old furniture, etc. to having a full-blown NICE place. I look at the bank balance and I'm like "crap!" but at the same time we needed to get things ready for our baby... :)

Anyway, I find I write more and more about just dumb stuff. I don't have much else on my mind these days. I think here and there the whole thought of being a mom is SCARING me. I woke up crying last night just worried that I don't know what to do. I am sure I will be fine, this is normal as everyone has told me!

I do miss going out on weekends and having a life. TK still gets to do that stuff... go out... have a few drinks... socialize... but I guess lately he just has every person at the club with children come up and offer advice or talk to him about babies.

I've been having braxton-hicks contractions sporadically... I had like THREE when I was by the pool earlier and got a little nervous but they stopped. I just had another one but nothing too long, painful, or "regular". HOPEFULLY SOON!


Bath is ready!

:)

D



• 3/20/04 • 19 days •

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10:06pm...

So I got some emails - you want belly pics? To tell you the truth, its not much bigger than in the ones from the baby showers. I'll maybe get some more up on Monday.

I have a problem. FRUIT FLIES! I am so annoyed. They were in some fresh flowers I had on the table... and TK had a lemon in his coke, left the lemon in the sink, and EW!!!!!!!!! I got rid of the flowers and the lemon but of course they're still flyin' around. I am such a neat freak lately with the kitchen and making sure food is not left around... But these little freaking things DRIVE ME INSANE!!

Tonight I am going to KEEP CLEANING... and then take a bath, do my nails, and pack my things for the hospital. There are a few things I need to grab from work on Monday... TK has some REAL cameras (not digital) in his office that we need to bring, and I have to get the little docking station and software CD for my digital camera and bring it home. I need to make sure it is charged when I go to the hospital and that it's all set up for me to upload pictures when I come home. I know everyone will want to see pictures of my little darling ASAP!

I have so many things to do... I also need to clean my car. I want a new car since I just have a 2 door but right now that's just not going to happen. First of all I have some parking ticketys, etc. to pay off before I could think of registering a new car... and I have a lease that isn't up 'til November. I do need to at least clean the entire thing and get all the junk out so it is neat for baby. I do NOT like the idea of a 2 door car - the convenience AND safety factors drive me nuts... but I have to give myself a break and not freak about it. For the first few weeks we won't be going very far anyway. We are trying to get a deal on a lease through the radio station but we're not having much luck! :(

I know some people have asked me to post the u/s pictures from yesterday but I can't even make out what part of her they are of! At this point she is so big you don't really see ALL of her... I've been lucky that all of the u/s pictures I've had so far have been so great, but these ones are not cool. I don't even know what I'm looking at! Enjoy the 4-D ones for a few more days/weeks until I have the first out-o-da-womb photos!

Now I have to talk about something that is not easy for me... I received an email today from a young woman in New Port Ritchey. She is 20 and a single mom... and her son has just been diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder called Hurler's Syndrome. The best hope for him to have a happy life is a bone marrow transplant... I can't imagine what she must be going through, and I told her I would post the link to the organization that is helping her through this. It breaks my heart when people come to me and ask for help and I think - well what CAN I do? I know a lot of people read this journal and have been so great to me... so the best I can do is post the link here where it will reach a lot of people and the rest is up to you. I gave her some suggestions of some people to contact who can offer her some support... Here is the link www.cota.org and her son's name is Caleb... You can also click here to go directly to Caleb's page.


D



• 3/20/04 • 19 days •

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Wow only 19 days until my due date... I am getting so close!!

So I have to make an apology... to all my neighbors at Post who were at the pool today! First of all, I am not a sight to be seen by a pool these days. I am so pasty white though and I won't go to a tanning bed, especially while pregnant, so I had to lay out. I wore shorts and a teeshirt but still I look pretty gross.

I brought Lexi with me and tied her to a chair in the shade while I sat in the sun. I felt kinda bad about bringing her (ESPECIALLY SINCE SHE POOPED!!) but then I saw another person bring her little dog in and chill out so then I was like, screw it... I am not the only one. Of course I picked up the doodie right away and I don't even think anyone noticed.

The thing I need to b*tch about is the fact that when they built these pools they forgot to keep in mind the sun shines late around here... They built pools in the middle of the buildings, which is great because a lot of people have patios overlooking the pool... but once it gets to be 4:30, 5:00 the buildings block the sun! So there is still plenty of good tanning time... but it's all shade by the pools. I tried THREE of them to see if I could get some more sun and they're all shaded now.

I feel much better now that I got outside for some fresh air! I am so embarassed to go outside lately and I am so tired I don't make myself get off my butt to do much. So happy I got out! I would have stayed even without the sun but Lexi was getting bored after and hour and a half so she started barking and then people got annoyed. She was thirsty and I gave her the rest of the water from my cup... so people probably think I was SHARING the cup with the dog which is ICK, but I wasn't. She didn't drink out of it until after I was done!

I talked to my dad this morning, he and his wife are coming to visit soon too!! They'll be here in less than a month. I will definitely have the baby by then. :)

I'm going to take a shower and clean up more. There is still so much to do in my house!

D



• 3/19/04 • 20 days •

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8:22pm...

I AM SO MAD AT LEXI!!

You will not BELIEVE what she did. And I guess I have to take some of the blame for not completely watching her... SHE RUINED MY RUG!! It was not that expensive, $80 at Target, but STILL... I was cleaning the kitchen and I could hear her growling in the livingroom and I thought she was playing with one of her many toys... didn't think anything of it, gave her some treats, then put her in her cage before I came upstairs to fix up the new bedroom. I go downstairs a few minutes ago to get a drink and I notice the rug torn up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She pulled the weaving out. I am so upset. I don't know how I didn't hear her or see her doing it but it is under the coffee table. This dog has toys ALL OVER the house, plus various other pieces of junk like soda bottle caps, old shoes, etc. to play with and she has to TEAR UP MY NEW RUG?? I feel bad because TK went out and got it right before the baby shower because I really wanted it and now she ruined it!! As if I need any more stress. Not that this is the end of the world but I was finally happy with the downstairs of my house and now we have to replace the rug or just have it sit there shredded. GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

I am bleaching some white sheets. TK bought these 1000tc sheets a while ago and spilled wine on them. He is insisting that bleaching them again will get the rest of the wine out. I will not sleep on stained sheets no matter how bleached and clean they are... Nor will I buy any more white ones. We eat in our room... we should not but we do, and I'm not going to buy more white sheets only to have them ruined anyway. I like dark neutral colored sheets. You spill on them and it doesn't show. Plus with a baby...

I am determined to get the entire upstairs of our house clean before he comes home from Stormans. That gives me a good 5 or 6 hours. I am wide awake and I don't have to work tomorrow!!! We actually don't have any plans for the weekend other than the things I have to do at work on Sunday... Hooray! It is nice not to have anything planned for a change.

In other fun news... I think the neighbors upstairs who had a little peefest on our front stoop were spoken to buy the building manager or something... because now there is a fabulous USED RUBBER in THE FLOWER BED in front of our apartment... right below where I'm pretty certain their bedroom is. Who throws condoms OUT THE WINDOW? Sick. I KNEW I'd heard them having the nookie up there. It was either a washing machine or people doing it and now I know what it was!

That's all for now :)

I am getting my PANERA SOUP! He's picking it up for me. Anyone work for Panera and want to get us some free stuff? I love PANERA!

D



• 3/19/04 • 20 days •

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4:39pm

Thank you for all of your advice and emails about my little weight issue and the u/s today!!

The little baby is fine... guess how much they think she weighs - 7lbs, 2oz. right now! They measured her head, belly, etc. and then they estimate. She's PERFECTLY AVERAGE weight! What a relief to me. I knew she would be fine but still...

The thing that drove me nuts is the u/s technician was SO QUIET. Usually they are like "there's her little blah... she looks good... there is the perfect heartbeat..." and this chick didn't say a THING. At the end she was like, there's her face you can see her little nose and lip moving... so that was nice. Then I said "well is everything ok" and she said "they'll go over it with you, when is your next appointment?" So obviously that SCARED ME!! They have me walk my file back across the hall to the doctor's office and I was freaked out. This woman could have given me a little reassurance!

So I went back into the office practically in tears and asked if the doctor could look at it now and they were really cool. She was like "oh yeah the baby is fine... she weighs about 7lbs, 2oz. and she's ready!" Then she said that sometimes babies don't gain enough weight at the end and a sign of it is if the fundus doesn't grow or the mother loses weight... most of the time it is fine, but just in case they wanted to make sure. So now I know she'll be about 7lbs or so. Not too big, not too small!

I did get a few pictures but you can't tell what they are of at all!! At this stage she is so big that you can't see a whole child in there, just scrunched up body parts that look like blobs. I did see her face and her profile a little but the picture of that did not come out at all. She is LOW and headfirst which is comforting as well.

Our new bedroom set is here! It's so nice. I love it! Now he wants me to go get a whole new bedding set but I said NO. He acts as if we no longer have sheets in our house! Um, the ones that fit the old queen beds will fit the new one... I know it would be nice to have all new bedding but I'm too tired to shop right now and I don't want to spend any more money! I guess I am lucky I have one of the few men who ENJOYS shopping and spending like crazy so he can't gripe at me about it, but he's WORSE than me! He will deposit a check for me and be like "wow you have x dollars you should buy us this..." NO!! That money will pay for my bills when I am on leave, pay rent, etc. Craziness.

I look at this mess up here and all I want to do is clean it but I am so tired. I think not sleeping last night killed me! I should try to nap and do it later while he is at Stormans.

I also need to pack my bag tonight! The midwife I see told me to do it so I guess that means I should. I bought a little travel kit with deodrant, shampoo/conditioner, toothbrush/toothpaste, etc. the other night so I won't have to pack all of my big things. I know I will probably only be there for a night, but you never know what could happen and the number one piece of advice I have been given is to be ready for anything... expect the unexpected. I would rather have too many comforts of home than not enough if my hospital stay is longer than normal.

As for the armoire situation. Well, the girl who emailed me it turns out was trying to be helpful and looked at something wrong in the computer. I am not upset though, she was totally trying to help me!! I did end up speaking with a manager who told me the next shipment should be arriving between 4/27 & 5/5 and that I should be able to get one of these pieces. I am going to take her word for it and get the other two items we have purchased. I can't deal with looking around, getting refunds, etc. any more. If they don't end up getting us this piece there will be hell to pay. I don't understand why nobody up until now was able to give me a date, but now that I have one, I will move forward. If they screw me on this... well, you know what happens when I get angry. :)

I am going to go make something to eat. I am having a massive craving for my daily Panera soup that I am not going to get since I am at home now and Alecia doesn't make housecalls.... :)

Baby is FINE!!

:)

D



• 3/19/04 • 20 days •

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8:33am...

No late night updates last night. Here's the deal. After work Alecia and I went shopping for some baby funiture. Not much luck...

I'd go on and on about it but here's what just happened! There's a girl who works at the store in Brandon and she reads my baby journal, etc. and she just emailed me to tell me that she knows they just got a bunch of armoires in their warehouse but they are GOING FAST. I have to call right when they open to order one! I am so excited. I SO HOPE I get one. Now, my name IS on a list to be called but given the fact that I don't feel they are very organized, I'm going to be calling right at 9:30 when they open to say GIVE IT TO ME!! My nightmare with this might be over...

Now onto other nightmares. I wasn't freaked out or worrying about the baby even after yesterday's events at the doctor and the fact that I have to go have an u/s today to make sure she is big enough.... But last night I had these HORRIBLE nightmares!!! I even had a nightmare that someone close to me (I won't say who since this person would NEVER say something like this!) was whispering in my ear that the baby would not live... I was at some strange party or something with family and friends and people I haven't seen in YEARS all around me... and then the baby started trying to get out. It was like she was pushing and fighting inside my belly and I could see her hands and feet kicking out... I could like pinch her hands and they were SO TINY and I just lost it... Then went to the hospital and my entire family was there and there were like 20 other women in the waiting room and it was MASSIVE CHAOS. They wouldn't look at me. They just made me sit down. And I was freaking out. So, that was nightmare number one. It was one of those that you wake up and its dark and you don't get over it until morning. Then I just had all these other little nightmares about her being super tiny and skinny and not-human looking at all... It was so scary.

Now I feel better. I know she's fine. She is moving and she's definitely big. I will understand if she is a little underweight for this stage, but I don't think it will be anything like what I dreamed about.

So here's the next thing that sucks!! I probably should have planned something better... We got rid of our old bedroom furniture yesterday - including mattress & box springs - because our new stuff is coming this morning. That means we had to sleep on the couch or the floor. I tried to sleep on the couch and so did he... Then I got up at like 2am and he was sleeping on the floor in the daddy den so I went in there... Then at 4:30 we woke up and he goes "lets go make a little makeshift bed in our room" so he put the eggcrate pad on the floor, then a down comforter on top, lots of pillows, etc. and it was MUCH better. Still, would have been nice to have a real bed since I did not feel good at ALL last night!

I wanted to come home and fold her clothes that I washed the other night but I felt SO sick. I thought I was going to pass out. I don't know what it was, probably just exhaustion. I have still been working long days and all of a sudden it will just hit me and I want to fall onto a bed and pass out.

Anyway, I gotta get in the shower. My ultrasound is this afternoon...

:)

D



• 3/18/04 • 21 days •

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11:49am.


I am freakin' out a little. Went to the doctor and first of all... they "messed up" my Strep B culture so they had to redo it. That's always pleasant.


I LOST 5 lbs. LOST. I was 152 last time, now back down to 147!! That and the fact that the "fundal height" has been the same for 2 weeks, has the doctor a little concerned!!! If you don't know what fundal height is... (or length)... they measure from the top of the uterus to the bottom (pubic bone). That usually gives them a good idea of how the baby is growing once you start to show. Up until now it has been perfect. Her heartbeat is fine and this child has been moving plenty.... I honestly don't think there can possibly be anything wrong but I have to have an ultrasound tomorrow. They WANTED me to do it today at 1:30 but I couldn't just not do my show on such short notice.


I am not going to let myself worry. My theory is that since the baby seems to have "dropped" obviously my belly won't be as big. And the weight thing... well when I found out I had gained 35lbs with up to a month left... I was like OH NO. I cut some late night pigout sessions from my "diet". I still eat plenty. I also have had a lot of heartburn so when that kicks in I just kind of stop eating. I don't have like 3 helpings of dinner anymore... maybe 1 and a half... but I snack a lot. I eat little peanut butter crackers, a bowl of soup, etc. during the day. Plus, their scale COULD be off a little... and they don't make me take any clothes off so I could have had a pocket full of change last time...

Has anyone else ever had this happen? I am seriously not even going to freak over it because I can feel her moving and I'm not having any abnormal issues. She looked so perfect and plump in the 4D and that was months ago so I can't see how she would not be healthy! I am a little nervous but I don't think I have anything to worry about.

Thanks for all the emails and info on the baby supplies!! (See post below) I am excited because it sounds like I still need to pick some things up for her!! More gowns and more sleep & plays!! FUN. I can't wait.

My question is WHERE can I get some cute sleep & plays??? I looked at some places and they don't seem to have any cute ones in tiny baby sizes. Like I got TONS of really cute onesies in the 3/5 packs but they don't have any of the sleep & plays with cutesy things on them. I got one pack of REALLY great sleep & plays but I have to remember who gave them to me. Isn't that horrible? I just got so many things at once. It's like overwhelming. Anyway, if you konw where to get cute ones in the packs let me know!

More later!

D



• 3/18/04 • 21 days •

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1:47am.

I could not be more awake now.

I am washing the very first load of Kyla clothes in Dreft! They are so little!!

Here's the deal. While going through everything I did an inventory of what I have and I am a little concerned... or actually excited... that I might need to do a little more shopping.

I have 13 burp cloths... I think that's enough to start with. They are being washed.

I have PLENTY of receiving blankets and other blankets... but there is one more I MUST HAVE from babygap. Here it is...



(I think the baby journal needs some more visuals, don't you?!?)

I just love it. I have a bunch of cute receiving blankets... and 2 other REALLY great blankets that will be her favorites - the PBK butterfly one from my best friend Kristen and the pink Pooh one from Chubb Rock & Rachel... Of course we have the PBK quilt too... and this is the one that I want to buy for her. It is $34.50 and I am waiting patiently for it to go on sale (checking gap.com daily!)

Gowns. Here's a question... what is the point of these? I guess it's to make diaper changing easier, but how long will she wear these for and how many should I have? I have 2. They are being washed right now :)

Sleep & Plays. Footed long sleeve outfits... This is FL so I was thinking, what do I need these for? But, our house is air conditioned obviously... and I only have like 5 of these in teeny size. Should I get some more? In the summertime, how much wear will she actually get out of them?

Onesies. Well, I have a TON of 3-6, 6-9 month clothes. TONS. But I only have about 8 "up to 12lbs" ones. I guess I should wait and see how big she is and then purchase more if I need to.

Snap front tees. I don't know why but I love these... even just the plain white ones. It is like a teeny tiny little person I just came into the world don't put anything over my head little shirt. The questions I have - Baby Gap sells a lot of snap front things but ONLY for preemies - why is this? I also didn't see any colored ones or cutesy ones... just plain white. I picked up a 5-pack... And the other thing is - do they just wear these shirts with a diaper? Or are there little pants that go with them and I'm just missing something? I am so baby-fashion dumb!

Caps. Little baby hats. Not like sunhats, but the ones that fit to their heads. I know when babies are first born they need a hat... but how long do they wear hats for... I have a bunch of little sunhats for her when she gets a little bigger since I will need to keep the sun out of her eyes and off her little head... but what about the other little baby caps? I have a couple of them. They are so adorable, but will she really wear them?

I am really thinking hard about what should be the first piece of clothing she wears. I know this is so petty and ridiculous... but I was looking at this website the other day with all newborn babies and some of the things the parents put these kids in was OUT OF CONTROL BAD. I think I mentioned it in a previous entry. I want to make sure she looks great in her first pictures!! I know we'll take a TON right when I first get to hold her. I need to get a little hat and little outfit and little socks. I will probably bring a few things with me to the hospital in case she is really tiny or a porker!

Speaking of which... I have had some people ask me if I know about how much she will weigh... is there any way I can tell? Can the doctor give me an estimate somehow? I find it odd that some people have said "I thought my baby would be 9lbs..." I didn't know they could tell you! I want to know!

I have a doc appt. in the morning... actually in about 6 hours... So I guess I should ask!

... This is getting ridiculous. I seriously hope I am not boring anyone. I guess I am thinking all of this over in my head and over-analyzing like crazy because I am so excited. Sorry this is so boring!! I just took an inventory of baby things and realized I might be going through 2 or 3 outfits a day if she is messy little baby and I don't want to be doing THAT much laundry!

I was also just going through all of these new little things and remembering how fun it used to be to go on a shopping spree FOR ME and buy new things FOR ME. I was also looking at some of the "archived" pictures of me and realize I just don't look like I used to anymore! Obviously I've grown a belly... and I don't go out anymore so I don't bother fixing my hair/makeup every day... I just looked at the pre-prego me and thought wow I have just AGED and gone downhill. A girl in my baby class emailed me last week and mentioned something about the "great picture" on the website, meaning the one on my main page. I don't even look like that anymore! I think once I have the baby and my friends are here to visit we'll go on a shopping spree for ME and I'll get some MILF clothes. Maybe that will make me feel better. I just hope I get my body back and my energy to "primp" back. Pregnancy is not easy... you stop feeling like a "girl" and start feeling like a "WOMAN" While it is a wonderful thing to bring a child into the world, it also makes you feel like you've lost your youth. That is a scary thought to me! So if you've had a baby and felt this way, do you change after the baby is born and get back to being your normal self. Obviously you have all the responsibility of motherhood but my hope is that I'll be ME again and not this childbearing machine!!

Oh, here's something funny that happened tonight. If you read the next post from a few hours ago, I was pretty p*ssed and upset. What I didn't mention is that in the middle of crying and being really angry I just started laughing at him when we were "fighting". I guess that is a good thing. I am upset because I want things done, but while standing there being SO angry and crying and asking for him to "lift a f%%%%%%ing finger" I just started laughing. I don't know if it was the smirk on his face or the fact that I just know yelling is getting me nowhere... and that we are arguing over dumb crap. Yes, I want stuff done and I don't think he does enough to help me... but the fact that for the first time I busted out laughing at myself I guess means maybe I am realizing that sometimes I shouldn't be such a b*tch. Now maybe if HE could have some realizations that he shouldn't be such a lazy cacahead sometimes... Instead he'll just use the "you even admit you go off..." thing on me every time I ask for something and admitting my wrong will backfire on me. Oh well, at least I have the ball$ to admit I am wrong once in a while.....

Anyway, I do have something that IS interesting to share with you but the link is saved on my computer at the office. Remind me to get the link to the "Name Perception" website I found... It's very interesting and might help some people from naming their kids HORRID things!!

Here are some other cute things I have purchased for her... or want for her. It's just so cute I have to share. Like I said, the baby journal needs more visuals. It is fun to ooooh and aaaaah over this stuff!! Plus I am killing time so I don't fall asleep before the washer is done - I HATE when I fall asleep and leave the wet clothes overnight - especially not the first load of baby clothes. They're all light colors but I would DIE if anything ran!



I want to get this. Only thing is... when do they start wearing dresses?



I bought this one already. She won't wear it for a while but I love it!



And I got the little purple hat to go with it!


Allright I am done. I am going to finish picking up my room and then it'll be time to put little Kyla clothes in the DRYER! Why is this so thrilling to me??

:)

D





• 3/18/04 • 21 days •

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12:31am.

Well if you haven't been here for a day or two you've got a lot of reading to do! I have been updating a lot as I go through this furniture saga and of course now that I'm completely ready to kill someone over that issue...

I came to the realization tonight that I am going to be a domestic slave for the rest of my life. Unless I somehow become wealthy enough to hire someone to take care of my house... I will be cleaning up after a child and a man, in addition to working full time and doing all the other motherly things, forever. I work just as many hours as he does. I do. I went to work before he did this morning, put in a full day, then went to look for baby furniture, then went grocery shopping... we got home at the same time.

I carried most of the groceries inside, he got home in time to carry a few bags... I then cleaned the leftovers from the party last weekend out of the fridge (finally), put the groceries away, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, played with the dog and kept her occupied... While he laid on the couch.

Then I came upstairs to start unloading my armoire (old icky damaged thing) which is getting taken away tomorrow. He came upstairs to go to bed. I asked if he would please take the stuff out of his dresser and make a path through his DISASTER of a room for the people to get through and the responses was "don't start bitching at me, I am sleepy." WHATEVER. Like I'm not tired? I'm only carrying around a child and 35 more lbs. than I'm used to!!!!!!!! And he had already rested for 2 hours after work - I HAD NOT.

It also annoys me that we had ONE roll of tp left on this floor - it was in MY bathroom... I go to pee the other night and no tp. It was in HIS bathroom. I took it back. Three or four times now I've gone to go and the tp is in HIS bathroom. WE HAVE SOME IN THE DOWNSTAIRS BATHROOM!!!

I bought some tonight at the grocery store and since I carried up the laundry detergent and some other things I said "yo when you come up grab the toilet paper!" He came up empty handed... and was probably plotting to make his way over to my bathroom to STEAL MY ROLL again.

This is just going to be the aggravation I live with forever. ARE ALL MEN LIKE THIS? Seriously. And I just got upset and was like can you PLEASE just do one simple thing... And of course that means I am "bitching".

The other thing that makes me mad is there is this annoying report we have to do for work... It is my responsibility but he is in charge of it while I am on leave. We agreed we would work on it together. I did a whole lot of it... and he's on my back to finish it the last few nights. While he does nothing. I have done more work on it each night, AND cleaned the house, tried to take care of baby things, and other stuff we have to get done... and he does nothing. Doesn't work on the report, doesn't do anything to help me. So I am supposed to do everything with no help?

It makes me so mad. I know I am not the only woman to do this but what is the problem? Why are men not held accountable for doing some of the household work. I had to SCREAM to get him to take the trash out - the bags were so heavy because of all the food I had to throw away. I mean heavy lifting is for a MAN anyway.

I just hate realizing that a year ago I was pretty happy, took care of myself, worked, parited, did my own thing.... and now while I am so excited about being a mom I realize that with that comes putting up with an inconsiderate man and basically giving up my life for BOTH. I don't mind giving things up, but what bothers me is the fact that I'm expected to do everything while the men sit on their a$$es and do nothing... they still get to be guys and have fun.

I guess what I think I will do is cancel the stuff with Salvation Army tomorrow. He pointed out that he paid for the new furniture, so I guess he can worry about getting rid of the old and accepting the delivery of the new. I'll have to disconnect the cable from his room and the "daddy den" since I pay for the cable though. It's funny when someone you are supposed to "share" things with brings up "I paid for it". Then don't eat an ounce of food in this house either because I have purchased all of it. And don't bother turning the lights on because I pay the electric bill. Laundry to wash - sorry, washer & dryer are also mine. I bought them at Sears, I have the receipt. :) I also will not do another thing about the baby furniture. Stop cleaning up the house. I'll just come home from work and lay in bed and not do another thing. I will take care of the dog since she is a little puppy and should not be neglected just because he's lazy... but other than that I'll do just as little and see what happens, and play the selfish "I paid for it" game too!

Yes, I am still mad.

Peace!





• 3/17/04 • 22 days •

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11:36pm

Well I went to a place that sells baby furniture tonight.. :( Nothing I like in white. They had stuff I like, but it is not white. I want white.

I went grocery shopping and realized I forgot a few major things I needed to get. Stamps (always get them at grocery store it is SO MUCH EASIER than making a special trip to post office), milk, and plastic bags. I need stamps to mail thank you cards that have been sitting here! I need milk for cereal, chocolate milk, and my shakes... and plastic bags - I don't know I just know I am always looking for one and we never have any!!

I went down the baby aisle and was like... wow I can't believe next time I come grocery shopping I will probably be RAIDING this aisle... Very strange.

As the time gets closer I think I have been stressing and focusing so much on things like furniture and getting all the material things we need because I'm just so nervous about all of this! Not just the whole process of labor and not knowing what to expect... but of being a mom and just being clueless. I mean I know it "comes naturally" but I just have this fear that it won't. I feel like I will get her home and be like um, where should I put her, what do I do, etc. Is there like this overwhelming nervousness when you first bring your baby home and you just have no clue? The first time you change a diaper is it like OMG I am going to hurt your little legs... or is your bum clean enough... how much diaper rash cream do I put on... stuff like that. And taking care of the cord FREAKS me out. And cutting little baby fingernails will scare me. I don't know... and I know how TK is and he will probably stand over my shoulder and tell me I'm doing it wrong! LOL!

Allright I can't worry about that. I am going to wash a load of baby things in Dreft. I was talking to a friend today about how I am afraid to do that stuff too soon and she said "IT IS NOT TOO SOON... do it now or you will kick yourself later!" It's true. If I don't have the baby for another month, what's the harm in having things clean?

I also need to get my things ready to be taken away tomorrow! The Salvation Army is coming to pick them up.

More later.

D



• 3/17/04 • 22 days •

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7:40pm...

I guess I feel compelled to give constant updates on this situation because it has me so frustrated. Why can I NEVER just get WHAT I WANT?!?!?!

Anyway, talked to TK's mom a little while ago and she tried to help us find the armoire we want by calling stores all over PA & NJ and was told the same thing... Not available! She is so sweet. I don't even know what to do. We TOTALLY LOVE the crib we picked out and I want it. I think maybe we will get that crib and then find 2 other pieces to go with it. I think that's probably what I will do. It just sucks to have to go through this hassle.

My friend Chrystie who lives in Hawaii emailed me pictures of her baby's nursery. She is due June 1. She's having a little boy... Sebastian... they will call him Baz... and she already made his whole nursery!! It is SO cute. And she is so crafty she painted the room herself, made her own letters for it, and made the crib bumper to look like the super-expensive one she wanted from a store. I wish I had the time to do those things... but then again, even if I had the time, I don't have the "knack" for it and I'd end up screwing it up anyway. So seeing her baby nursery all ready 3 months early and mine not being CLOSE to being ready with days/weeks to go made me sad.

TK's mom made a good point and I know this is true... she'll be fine with love & nourishment and those things... she won't care about this furniture... but it's just one of those things. You get your heart set on something and then it gets all messed up.

I guess I need to relax. I'm going to go look around for some other baby furniture and I'll probably end up buying some baby things just to cheer myself up.

Tomorrow I have my next doctor appointment... at 37 weeks... do they do one of "those" exams yet? I think they do! It sounds gross to be excited about this bc NOBODY likes "those" exams but this time it's fine with me because it means baby coming soon!!

The Salvation Army is coming to pick up all of our old furniture SOMETIME tomorrow. Not sure when. Luckily our friend Rachel is going to hang at our house if we can't be there when they come. It is so hard trying to get all these personal things done during the day. I don't know what we would do without friends to help us!!

Tomorrow night my friends Erin & Nancy (they're sisters) are coming over for dinner! I haven't made many REAL friends here (and by real I mean people I can honestly trust and be myself with) but the few I have are so great. I met Erin like the first weekend I was here and she has been so great to me. We don't hang out as often as I would like but even though we haven't known each other that long (well...wait, it's been almost two years!) its like she has been my friend forever. She enjoys Disney World just as much as I do which is AWESOME. :)

Anyway, I'm off to do some shopping. I could have been out of here a LONG time ago but I was catching up with friends on IM. It's funny how I haven't talked to this one friend in SO LONG but we are both pregnant and now talk a lot on IM.

OK now I am going. Check out the pictures of Lexi that I posted today!!

:)

D



• 3/17/04 • 22 days •

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OH MY GOD!!! Now the changing table is IN. We just got the call. So now what do I do? Wait forever for the remaining piece that I REALLY want?

He is now saying we should wait and get the things we have paid for, etc. but I want ALL OF IT NOW! Or I at least want a date of when I can expect the other piece.

I am seriously BOILING over this. I am having a baby in a matter of days or weeks and I should NOT be dealing with this crap.

I'm going to call this baby place right now and get some more information. I've SO HAD IT!

Me



• 3/17/04 • 22 days •

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12:12pm...

GOOD NEWS!!! I talked to the baby store manager and apparently I'VE BEEN HEARD!! They are going to give me a FULL refund for the items we no longer want since we can't have the full set. That's all I wanted. Now I am at least content I can get my money back and spend it elsewhere...

Other than this furniture experience I have been very happy with this place and their staff, etc. I got everything I wanted off my registry there with no problems. Everything else I wanted was in stock.. and the last time I went there to pick up a few things they acutally GAVE ME a whole coupon book when they saw I had some things in my shopping cart that were in the book. I guess maybe the furniture departments need some work and hopefully this experience will help them learn how to handle things better in that area. I am not going to stop shopping there... In fact I have to go get all the breast feeding supplies and some other little things this weekend. Since they are giving all of my money back I am happy. As a customer, I just want to know if I can't get exactly what I want from a company they will refund my money and that's all you can ask for. So I'm cool with them. Disappointed that I can't have the furniture I want, but I'm not going to hold a grudge!

Here's where I'm going to try for furniture... Juvenile Junction in St. Pete. I received an email from someone telling me she got all of her baby things there and they're great! Also going to try Burlington Coat Factory and USA Baby. I have some shopping to do huh!!

I know there are a LOT of expecting mommies who read this so I will let you know how things go with the other places and where I get my stuff.

So my friend Jess was looking at some baby message boards this morning and she found this really scary topic on one of them... women discussing the floppy piece of skin that looks like a fanny pack that won't go away after having a baby!!! WHAT IS THIS!?!?!? How will I get rid of it? Does everyone get it? Even if you are small? This did not make me very happy!

Baby Kyla is moving a lot today. I think she is excited about her new furniture!

:)

D



• 3/17/04 • 22 days •

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11:14am...

OK I have some really funny American Idol stuff to talk about when I get on the air. After I mentioned the whole scandal in the house thing yesterday, one of my listeners watched the show and made her own theory of who was doing who. It's great... I will share it with you at like 12:40...

So a bunch of people emailed me to suggest I try Rooms To Go Kids since I love them so much... They don't have nursery furniture anymore. I called. The guy said they just didn't sell a lot of cribs and stuff so they stopped carrying the stuff. They rule, I wish they had that stuff!!

I heard good things about Baby Depot at Burlington Coat Factory so I'm going there after work... Then I'm going to try USA Baby which is wayyyyy up Dale Mabry for me but they have some nice things on their website.... Then I have to get with the other baby place and work on getting a full refund. I would totally buy something else there if they had something comprable in style/price to what I wanted but they don't.

I hope you placed your guess for the baby drop! A lot of people are telling me their guesses and it's so weird... a lot of people are guessing a day in March that is my little brother AND my cousin's birthday! So we could have THREE people in the family with the same birthday if these people are right! My brother will be 21 in a few weeks... God I am old.

Anyway, that's all for now I am going to go get some breakfast.

Should I go to Green Iguana today for the St. Patty's Day party with TK... Mmmmm probably not. I could wear a big giant green trash bag...

:)

D



• 3/17/04 • 22 days •

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9:13am...

Well I had NIGHTMARES last night about this furniture thing. Can I sue for emotional distress? Maybe I am just a perfectionist and want everything to go my way all the time and be so perfect, but I'm still upset. It just adds stress to what should be a wonderful time. All I wanted to do this week/next week is set up a nursery and now.... I have to go out every night and find new furniture and get all upset and fight with a company to get my money back.

I actually received some emails from some employees who work for said company - they read my journal and have helped me at their store - and I feel bad being upset. Obvoiusly it's not everyone who works there. They have been very helpful and at this point it is a matter of typical shady business practices... The people above them just don't want to lose my money... but I will NOT spend money on something I don't want, and I will not spend money on 2 pieces of a set, one which won't be here "for a few weeks" - whatever that means - and another which is just out of stock indefinitely. I will not risk having a mismatched bedroom set that I pay a LOT of money for. I will not risk never getting the third piece of a SET. All I want is a full refund in my pocket so I can purchase furniture in another store and get something I LIKE and will have a FULL SET of in a TIMELY manner. That's all. It's not about hating on a company or being a b*tch... It's about spending MY money on what I want. If you don't have what I want anymore, let me spend my money on something else. That's all. Not too hard to grasp...

In other furniture news... ROOMS TO GO RULES!!! TK went in and ordered our furniture on Saturday and it will be here Friday morning. The whole set! Hooray! Some people get it, some do not!

I gotta get ready for work... TK is snoring SO LOUD right now I need to wake him up!

:)

D





• 3/16/04 • 23 days •

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11:13pm...

OH we are both pretty mad. I went to THAT BABY PLACE tonight to try to find something else I like instead of the stuff that is just "out of stock indefinitely" and the only thing I actually liked was something WAY more expensive... and I didn't even like it AS MUCH as I liked the stuff we wanted. The rest is just not my style. I don't want anything other than white. I was trying to do the whole PBK look but get the furniture for less... PBK cribs are like $700, the one we wanted was $400 but very similar in style... BIG DIFFERENCE.

So, has anyone been to USA Baby? I found some nice things on their website and I am wondering what their prices are like. We were going to spend about $1500 on 3 pieces of furniture which was reasonable to me. Actually, a little less than that... more like $1300...

I am going to DEMAND a full refund from the other place if they can't give me a date for when the other items will be delivered. I am NOT waiting until my child is 6 months old to set up a nursery. These people have demonstrated some SERIOUS incompetence by allowing people to put these items on a registry, order them or order pieces to the set, etc. KNOWING full well the supply/demand issue. Take my money... then make me WAIT FOREVER to get stuff.. and then tell me I can't get the other pieces that match? Yeah, like I would buy one blue shoe only to find out the other blue shoe won't be in for 6 months... or it might not ever come in at all. This would be as if I told you you won Britney Spears front row tickets and you just had to come pick them up... and when you got here the door was locked. Seriously, you'd be like WTF?!?!?!?!?!!?

I will say that most of the people there have shown concern for my issues and have apologized for the fact that the pieces our out of stock and now difficult to get... hey, it happens. But what I don't like or agree with is being told "we care... but you can only get a full refund if you take a store credit and still spend your money in our store." Why should I spend my money in your store if YOU DON'T HAVE WHAT I WANT!?

It's funny... I have given this place a TON of good publicity and have 3 friends who registered there and actually registered for some of the nice things I wanted because they liked them... I have no problem recommending a good business to friends or talking about them on the air or in my baby journal and giving them some publicity... but the good goes with the bad and if I have a bad experience I should also be free to express my frustration.

Anyway, now we don't know WHAT to do.

Nothing else is up. I should be cleaning or something but I am too mad.

I am having some icky pains in my belly. All normal, just stretchy things and her moving around and kickin' at me!

If you have any suggestions of where to get nice furniture for our baby, PLEASE let me know. This other place has p*ssed me off now...

:)

D



• 3/16/04 • 23 days •

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3:02pm...

I am amazed at the "deep" questions I've been asked by a few people over the last few days... Things like "wow how does it feel to know you will be bringing another living, breathing, feeling, human being into this world..." and "what is it like to have another precious life growing inside of you..." It's so odd I haven't had anyone ask me such things throughout my entire pregnancy and now that I'm about to give birth people are saying such things... Obviously it is an amazing feeling that you can't really describe. Only people who have experienced it can understand...

So the Dana Baby Drop contest is now online!!! Sign up and enter to win the $1000. I do all the work, you get the payoff!! The link is on the main 933flz.com page and on my main page.

I am a little upset with a certain restaurant where TK & the guys went for lunch. They have this pasta dish that I like but they always undercook the pasta. I like my penne soft.. and then like barely cook it! I am not down with the al dente!! It's a good thing I was not dining there with them because I would have sent it back and requested my pasta be nice and soft. I shouldn't even have to bite it!

I gotta go to that baby store tonight and pick out some new stuff. I have so much to do!! I just called Salvation Army and they are picking up our old furniture on Thursday. Wow, very weird to be getting rid of my bed I have had since COLLEGE... I paid $200 for BOTH mattress & box spring so I think I've gotten my money's worth over the last SEVEN years. God, I am old. Then on Friday we get our new stuff from Rooms To Go!! Uh oh, that means Thursday night... what will we sleep on??? Didn't think of that. Crap!!

Have a nice afternoon and go take your guess now... I have a feeling she will come early so get it in soon. Not that I can predict anything, but it's just how I am feeling. Or maybe wishful thinking. I keep saying that. Peace!

D



• 3/16/04 • 23 days •

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OK... I am hearing a rumor that NICK CARTER, PARIS HILTON, AND NICOLE RITCHIE were all in Tampa this weekend... and went to see a MOVIE AT CHANNELSIDE!!!

A listener emailed me to tell me she saw them. Now, I am always skeptical of things like this but I totally trust her! So, I'm wondering, do you know anything about them being around? Any sightings? Very strange!

So last night was our last childbirth class!! I can't believe I have now officially gone to baby classes... now the next step is for the kid to come. I did learn some things and even though people say it's a waste of time... and a lot of the stuff you can read in books... I would definitely suggest that first time parents go to a class. NOTHING can really completely prepare you for giving birth, but it helps to know what options you have. I also think it is good to just hang out with other pregnant couples and it also helps to see that a lot of men are clueless... not just your own!

So the ailment of the day... shortness of breath. It's weird. I start to feel like I can't catch my breath... and then I start breathing as if I am in labor but I'm really not!! This is odd. I also feel a little icky today and can feel baby's head weighing down when I stand up. I guess she's just settling more and more into "position". It won't be long now!!

I really have to get crackin' on Thank You cards. I started some last night but I have SO MANY to do. I shouldn't complain but nobody likes doing this. And you have to write such cheezy things in them!! What do I wrote to Finky who gave us the diaper genie... "we will think of you every time we change her poopie diaper" LOL! Or should I take the "thank you so much for the diaper genie which will keep her room smelling fresh and clean and poopiesmell free..." Actually this could be fun! My friends have a sense of humor so I can write silly things.

Anyway, that's all I have for now. I found out all the things I need to do as far as getting paid while I am on leave, benefits, etc. and I have to make a bunch of calls. Like I said yesterday, I HATE making calls!!

:)

D



• 3/15/04 • 24 days •

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OK I AM SO MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANT MY BABY FURNITURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think that is the first time I have ever used a large font on this baby journal so YOU KNOW I AM NOT HAPPY. I am so furious. We picked out nice white furniture for the nursery. A white crib that converts to a toddler bed, then to a full size bed... a changing table "combo unit" which can be used as a regular dresser once the baby does not need changing part of it, and an armoire "chifferobe"... We put them on our registry with the idea that it might take a week or two for them to be delivered after purchace, but pretty confident they would be in stock and available when we or someone else wanted to buy them!

So TK's parents bought the crib a while ago. We decided to leave that at the store and were told that would be fine... until we bought the other two items and then we could have them all delivered at the same time. So then Saturday TK buys the "combo unit" and is told there is one left and we should schedule delivery with their delivery contractor on Monday. He was told the armoire was not in stock and that it could be a while before they came in. I got my name on the list to be called when that item becomes available... thinking maybe a month. I was NOT happy about having to wait another month or so for this piece since I want the nursery all set up when she comes home, but whatever. I was willing to deal with that.

So I call today to confirm that our 2 pieces are there and wanted to make sure I had all the information I would need when calling the delivery company. I went through HELL on the phone with these two bafoons who could not spell my name right to save their lives... I must have spelled it 15 times and they were STILL looking it up wrong!!! Then... the guy was like "hold on"... I heard him put the phone down and start telling the other guy "I am getting p*ssed off"... yes, while I could hear him he's telling his co-worker I am p*ssing him off. After I had been on the phone with them for 20 mintues trying to find out where my crib is, where my changing table is, what is going on, what they have record of, etc. THEY are p*ssed off??? So I just took the guys names and called the other store.

So long story short... The crib is in stock at the store on Hillsborough Avenue where TK's parents bought it. The changing table is NOT in stock but should be arriving in about 2 weeks... HOWEVER, the manager told me that he is SURPRISED they took the order for that item since it has been unavailable for the last month... and the armoire... well, who knows when that piece will be in. Now, I guess these are new items that just came out when we did our registry and they are EXTREMELY popular so they just couldn't keep up with the demand. My problems is that we were not told of this and that TK was told the item was in, etc. and now it is not and we just can't get a date for when they will be available. I understand the store is having difficulty with these items and with the manufacturer, but why do I have to deal with the grief???

So now I want to get a refund for the 2 items we have paid for and pick something else... and TK is not happy. He says he likes the stuff we picked and we shouldn't have to get something else... and he is also insisting that they are going to take like 20% for cancelled order which the manager assured me they would not charge us given the circumstances. The manager told me we could go in and pick out something else that is in stock and get a full store credit for the crib & changing table. I really like the ones we picked out, but I am sure we can find something else. They do have a TON of nice baby furniture.

The bottom line is I want my baby to come home to a fabulous nursery. No, she wouldn't know the difference if we put her in a little cradle in an empty room... but I WANT IT TO BE PERFECT. What mommy doesn't want her little baby girl to come home to a perfect nursery??? She probably won't even remember what it looks like... do any of us know what our nursery looked like? I have no idea what my room looked like when my parents brought me home from the hospital. I know I had a yellow changing table and yellow crib with a bunny on it, and a raggedy ann & andy lamp that I LOVED... but I don't know much more than that. Anyway, it will be fun for ME to look at and to show to my friends/family and to know I put together something really cool for her. How great will it be to sit in a cute little pink gingham and butterfly room with all her little things all organized and all the little stuffed animals she has so far all put nicely on shelves, etc. I work hard for my loot and I want to spend it on this nursery for my child and now I am getting the shaft on this furniture we are dropping a ton of cash on!! I guess it will not matter to her but it will matter to ME!! Who doesn't look at baby nursery and think "how cute I want that for my baby when I have one..." NOW I HAVE THE CHANCE AND ITS GOING TO GET SCREWED UP!!! This is so bratty of me but whatever. Anyone would be disappointed.

I am sure many of you know where we are registred but I did not mention the name of the place here. I do not want to slam anyone... yet :) We'll see how this goes. I am not happy that the people were rude to me at first... but both managers I spoke with were very helpful and are going to do their best to remedy the situation. I don't think it would be right for me to judge the company or the store based on what a few employees said/did. The managers are there to keep things in line and they were very apologetic. As long as I can voice my complaint and be taken seriously and get things taken care of at the next level, I'm not going to hold it against anyone. If the managers will help me out I'll be happy. I can't really slam the entire corporation because of a few baffoons answering the phone. Most of the people there have been very helpful at both stores I have dealt with so we'll see how this pans out...

I also called to complain about the peeing neighbor only to be told "well those two people that live there don't seem like the types..." Seriously. She was like "are you sure..." YES! I am sure. TK saw the man peeing through their balcony!! It is almost like a fire escape type porch so there are holes on it... and he peed right through it onto our top step! Then we sat on our patio and watched the cigarette butts flying down... and then they dropped like a lighter and some napkins or something. The stairs to our apt and the shrubs/sidewalk in front of our house have become the trash can/toilet for the "good people" above us. Whatever, I am sure when these people went to get the apartment they weren't wearing their party animal clothes and a sign that said "I pee off balconies"... plus, it might not be them but the people they have over who are disrespectful. I told the woman at my complex that I don't think it was necessarily the person who lives there but their guests. Plus, there is a lot of noise up there every weekend and I let it go... but the littering and the peeing is out of line and I don't care who is doing it, it's coming from that apartment and whoever lives there is responsible. I guess we've all had that friend who is a total a-hole and you can't control him or be judged for his actions... but this has been going on a lot lately and it annoys me. The peeing was the final straw!

Oh, I updated the dirt on my main page!! Finally...

And the Dana Baby Drop contest that was supposed to start today?!?! Um, don't ask me... You know I update my website every day... whoever was supposed to do it around here didn't get to it so we'll maybe start tomorrow. Wouldn't that suck if the baby came before it got posted??? We're cutting it close....

Baby class tonight - our last one!! I can't believe we have been going to this class for 5 weeks now. Time is flying!

:)

Dana



• 3/15/04 • 24 days •

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Two words for the day... well, actually one hyphenated word...

BRAXTON-HICKS! I am having lots of these contractions. If you've ever had a baby you know exactly what I'm talking about. They are happening a few times an hour. Is this a sign that I could have her in the next few days???? Please share. Nothing has broken or fallen out yet... LOL... but they are getting pretty crazy. I also have tummy ache and I guess that can be a sign that baby is coming soon.... HOORAY!!! If you've never had a baby well, now you know what Braxton-Hicks are. I did not know this term until I started reading pregnancy books. Braxton-Hicks contractions (named after some doctors) are "practice" contractions. They are like little exercizes your uterus does to prepare your body/baby for labor. They don't hurt... but now for me they are getting a little uncomfortable just because you can't bend and move when they happen. My whole prego belly hardens... Anyway, there's your OB/GYN lesson for the day! And if you've never had a baby you'll be more educated than I was about this stuff when it happens...

So I found out who will be filling in for me when I am on leave! Lisa Paige! She was here before me so it will be a fun, familiar voice! TK is telling me they are going to take my webpage down and put hers up while she is here.... but I think he is just trying to upset me. Lisa actually has a really cool webpage so hopefully they'll put BOTH up on this site! I told TK there will be a jihad if they took my baby journal away. What's the point of the baby journal if I never get to write about the actual BABY when she arrives!! I think it is good for me to still have a way to be in touch with my listeners/friends when I am out for 6 weeks!! Anyway, we'll worry about that if it happens. I don't think they'll take my page down!

So the Dana Baby Drop starts today. I am waiting for the web guy to put the stuff up on the site and then I'll give the details on the air. I thought you had to guess the EXACT date/time or win nothing... but it's actually whoever comes closest without going past the date. I will let you know when it goes up officially!!! Make sure all your friends & co-workers and family members enter... It will take about 3 minutes to enter and you could win $1000!!

I have a lot of phone calls to make today. Don't you hate that when you have to call all these people... I have to call the baby place about getting our things delievered, my insurance company to let them know I'll be having a baby soon, I have to find a pediatrician, etc. Just lots of calls to make. I hate making calls, becuase 9 times out of 10 they will have to call you back and they always call while I am busy!!!!

Oh, and I have to tell you about that bia at Shephard's yesterday!!! GRRRRRRRRRRR then you tell me if I had a right to yell at her. :)

Anyway, I better get on those calls. :)

D





• 3/15/04 • 24 days •

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1:04am...

So I was all upset that we got home late and missed the Sopranos at 9. Turns out it was on again at midnight on one of the other HBO channels so we made chips and cheese and put Lexi in her cage so we could watch it in peace. We both fell asleep 15 minutes into the show! Was it a boring episode or just a really tiring day...

I ended up going to Shephards. I decided at the last minute... screw the fact that I would be the only pregnant chick on the beach during spring break party... I went and it was fun! I didn't do much besides sit there on top of the tiki bar and drink virgin daiquiries... I almost got into a fight with some drunk wench but I'll tell you more about that on the air. I know as part of my job I should be nice to everyone but this chick really p*ssed me off!!!

Speaking of p*ss... I'm calling my apt complex about the p*ssing bandit who peed on my porch the other night. It obviously wasn't the dude who LIVES above us but do these apartments not have indoor plumbing?? Normally I would not be a b*tch about noise and I've let the all night parties they throw go because... well... until recently I was doing the same thing, but peeing on my porch??? GROSS.

I had other things I wanted to write about tonight but I am so tired. Sleepy time.

:)

D



• 3/14/04 • 25 days •

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Hi!

It is 4:10am... WHY AM I UP??? Well I was fast asleep for a while and then there was suddenly all this noise in the apartment above us. Like ridiculous noise... ok fine, have a party whatever... Then TK comes home and he's like come down here and see this... The people upstairs were throwing things off their balcony, it lands on our porch... and some guy PEED OFF THE BALCONY and onto my steps!!!!

So I'm just like OK I will tell the management of the complex on Monday... he wants to "get 'em" and hit golf balls at their windows. LOL! Hello... our windows are right below theirs... I told him to get in the house. He won't do it, but he's pretty angry. I'm like just leaev it alone I will take care of it. They don't put up with crap around here. If they don't shut up soon up there I will just call the cops. Normally I wouldn't care but tossing cigarette butts, cups, and peeing over the balcony on my porch will make me mad. This place is really expensive to live in and if you can't respect it then get out!!!

Anyway, talked to my dad for a while tonight which was cool. He was actually reading the TK baby journal when I called him LOL! He worries about us because he knows we fight sometimes but things are a lot better now. I think moving in together was quite an adjustment to make and we are both going through a lot with the baby coming...

My tummy hurts. I am going to go back to sleep and try to get some rest!

:)

D



• 3/13/04 • 26 days •

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4:49pm.. Lexi is free running about the house downstairs so I can't write much... I don't want to put her back in her cage becaues she will have to be there tonight while I am out at dinner and then working on the upstairs and doing a report for work...

Anyway, I am SO MAD right now. Well, there's very good news and very bad news. The good news is we are getting a brand new bedroom set and mattress/box spring!!! TK is doing 6 extra hours of gigs this week so we figured why not splurge on mommy & daddy!?!? It is especially cool for me since I am hoping this new bedroom furniture will feel like "ours" instead of me moving into his room and sleeping in "his" bed. I am going to get the beddign for it but he is insisting on 1000TC sheets. I'm sorry but that is insane. He said he can feel the difference. Whatever. I'll put a pea under the matress and see if he can feel that!

The other good news is we have ordered the baby changing table and the crib (which his parents bought for us) and they will be delivered soon!! The bad news... the armoire we want for baby (which matches the crib & changing table/dresser) IS NO LONGER IN STOCK!!! It has not been discontinued but these people have no idea when it will be coming in!! I want my baby to come home to a perfect nursery! Plus, its $65 delivery charge so I wanted to get all the pieces at once and pay that fee once... now I'll have to pay it twice since this other item won't be in for a while. WHAT THE HECK?????? I am so upset. I just wanted it all done and now I have to wait. I want to get this nursery set up and now I'll have to wait for this one piece, find a place for it, probably have to move things around, etc. GRRRRRRRR!!

That brings me to my next dilemma... we have all of TK's bedroom furniture and some of my things to get rid of before Friday when the new bedroom comes!! I have an armoire of my own that is kinda beat up and I don't need it anymore. I also have a futon frame which has been my bed frame for a while, full size mattress/box spring... and he has a nightstand, dresser, headboard, and queen mattress/box spring... I heard we can call Salvation Army and they will come pick it all up and move it out. That sounds perfect to me!

I am going out to dinner tonight with Rachel so that should be fun. Macaroni Grill. I have decided that instead of sitting at home ALL weekend EVERY night I need to get out to do things, have a girl dinner, etc. while I still can!

OK Lexi is barking and she isn't wearing her diaper so I gotta go chill with her!

:)

D



• 3/13/04 • 26 days •

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11:35am... I SHOULD be home doing laundry or watching Saturday morning cartoons but I'm at work. And I just screwed up because someone switched some setting on the control board and didn't put it back to the way it SHOULD be and my stuff didn't go on the air so I sounded like an IDIOT!! I guess I am supposed to check when I come on the air and make sure everything is set right... but whenever I change something from its normal setting I SWITCH IT BACK out of courtesy to my co-workers... but some people just go flipping switches to do random things and then don't put them back. Anyway, it's fine now. I just get upset when I screw up and I feel like it's not my fault.

So TK went out to get the baby furniture. We would do it together but I have to work this morning, he has an appearance this afternoon, Amp tonight, and then tomorrow he is at Shephard's alllll day... still debating whether or not I should go. When I get out of here I am going to go lay in the sun. I don't even have maternity shorts but I guess I can lay out in a pair of big shorts and a tank top. I wll NOT be wearing a prego bathing suit. My butt is not in shape like it used to be... (remember the a$$ challenge on my page a while ago!!) and well, to be blunt, it's not easy to shave lol. I can't see beyond my belly!! I'll find some cute little skirt, tank top, & hat to wear if I decide to go to Shephards tomorrow. It will be fun. It's not like people will point and laugh at the prego lady! Most people try to make me feel good and say how fabulous I look at 9 months pregnant. I know they are just blowin' smoke up my butt but its cool.

We have almost everything we need for little baby!! I am so excited. My room is just filled with baby things. We haven't opened the big items - pack & play, swing, etc. yet because I know having them sitting there empty waiting for her little bum to sit in them will drive me even more crazy!!!! We have just about all the nursery things from Pottery Barn Kids so I am psyched about that too. I was worried we might not get all of it but we have so many great friends/family we are all set!! I was so overwhelmed at first by all the things we need for baby but everyone told me not to worry because we would get gifts from people and now I realize... and can tell other people -don't worry! Whoever came up with the idea to do registries and have everyone else get you things for your baby is genius. I am now reminded of a Sex & the City episode where Carrie was all upset because she had purchased TONS of baby shower & bridal shower gifts for people over the years and she never got anything because she didn't get married or have a baby... Funny. I am excited because I know 3 people who are having little boys over the summer and I can't WAIT to buy some little boy things since I am girl girl girl... When you first get pregnant and don't know the sex you look at boy and girl things and once you know what you're having, you just focus on that stuff. And it's cool because Kyla will have 3 little boyfriends. A boy magnet just like her mommy YEAH RIGHT!

OK so are you ready to try to win MONEY at my expense? Yes, after I go through hours and hours of pain and labor - you could win FAT CASH. How is this fair? I push and push and push in agony for hours on end... and then you win money. That's nice! I can't tell you the amount yet but it's a good chunk of change and will be worth taking a guess. The D*ana Baby Drop (co-sponsered by Toby Knapp) starts Monday. You'll be able to guess the date/time I have the baby!!! If you're exactly right, you get the loot. I would suggest having all of your friends & co-workers enter this contest. I am pretty sure we are making you guess exactly, no "closest" wins... All for the exact date/time... nothing if you are off by even a second! Now, you know only 5% of babies come on the actual due date - which is April 8 - so my hint would be to avoid that day. Then again, you never know. My little child will be perfect so she could come on the exact scheduled date. Then there's the fact that "most" first time babies come late... however I have a gut feeling she will be early. I was a first baby and I was early. My friend Meghan just had a little girl in Sept, her first baby, and she was 2 weeks early... And most of you who have emailed me have said your first babies were a little early. Please do not base your guess on my little countdown clock because we all know it's an estimation!!!! Oh, and my friend Loni is predicting the baby will come on a Tuesday. She is not Miss Cleo... she knew it would be a girl and she's having the same premonitions about it being on a Tuesday... Uh, ok. She had a 1/2 chance that it would be a girl... a 1/7 chance it'll be on a Tuesday. Who knows?!?! Obvoiusly the only one who knows when this baby will come is Mother Nature so have fun guessing!! I guess maybe this means I shouldn't give detailed updates on my doctor's appointments anymore. Like if they say I am dilated at all... I should just keep that info to myself so as not to give any hints that it might be sooner rather than later. I'm sure there's a list of rules... and we'll have some deadline for guesses so if I'm suddenly not on the air one day you can't just go put a guess that I'll have the baby that day... :)

I really hope someone who is faithful to the baby journal wins the jackpot so make sure you enter!! It'll be up Monday, probably on the main page.

God I have to go use the ladies room AGAIN!!!!

:)

Dana






• 3/12/04 • 27 days •

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1:53pm.....

OK not to be considered indecent, but I have some questions about BOOBS!!

Lol... I am assuming mostly women read this thing. If your man reads it as faithfully as you do... um, well, I'd be a little scared...

Anyway, what do I need for breastfeeding? I did not register for supplies because I really don't think my friends & co-workers & family need to be giving me things for my boobs. It just struck me as odd so I figured I would get those things on my own. What do I need and what are the best brands? I know NOTHING about this so please help.

I did register for a boppy pillow from pottery barn. Those can be used to prop baby up while feeding and for them to chill out in. But I need to know what else... pads, creams, bras, balms, pumps, etc. What do I need??

I figure since I've gotten so much good advice as far as what to bring to the hospital, what I need for her, etc. I could ask about this too. How great to have a mass of people to ask for advice!!

:)

Dana



• 3/12/04 • 27 days •

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OMG I am about to become the victim of my very own wardrobe malfunction!!! I am wearing the WORST maternity pants ever. I bought them online a while ago but haven't been able to wear them because they have the big belly panel and I've just recently become that big... So anyway, I put them on for the first time this morning and they looked OK. Not the cutest pants ever, but nothing maternity is all that super-fantastic. They were fine... just plain khakis. I figured I would wear something other than sweatpants to work for a change!

Well it backfired in a number of ways. First of all, the moment I sit down in my car I realize there is no STRETCH to these pants at all. They are WAY TOO TIGHT around the butt/hips/legs when I sit down. I am not used to this happeneing to me at all since I used to be pretty small... Now I am not saying I am fat... but the fact that these pants are SO TIGHT around me today is REALLY upsetting. It's uncomfortable and scary. I feel like the seam is going to rip!!! WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!

The other thing that sucks is that the leg is too tapered. I like wide leg pants that cover my shoes... These are just horrendously cut. They are so ugly. I thought they were "OK" but they are not. They look gross. I am embarassed. I wish one of my favorite stores would start making maternity clothes because this crap is horrible. I'm going back to sweatpants tomorrow!!

So... guess what Lexi is wearing????? TK brought home something for her to wear last night... I was cracking up. She will wear these for a while. You can guess what it is later for prizes. I wish I had my camera because I would have taken pictures. It's funny.

I just want the weekend to be here! We are supposed to go get baby furniture this weekend but since we are both working it might not happen. He has to go to Shephards all day Sunday. I am thinking about going... but I won't fit in! It would be nice to hang out and relax at the beach but I will feel so gross with all the hot girls in bikinis and I'll be wearing a moomoo. Plus, I can't drink... and I don't want cigarette smoke in my face. I'll think about it - if the weather's hot I might go. Why hide inside just because I am 9 months pregnant!?!?!

OK so I am starting to get a little weirded out... I THINK I am experiencing these braxton-hicks contraction deals... but I'm not sure. Like I am thinking mayby my belly starts to feel really tight because the baby is so big in there and she moves into a position and its her back and butt I feel... but maybe not. I don't know what these things feel like so how should I know? It's been happening a lot today!! And I also know she dropped and her head is chillin on top of my bladder bc I have to pee every freaking 15 minutes today. It especially sucks since I HATE THESE PANTS and not only do I not want to walk down the hall and be seen in them, but I can't even stand looking at myself in the bathroom mirrors. I guess if these litlte contractions become painful that's when I should panic. It's probably all in my mind.

Have a great day I'll write more later and pray that my wardrobe does not malfunction!

:)

D



• 3/11/04 • 28 days •

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9:04pm... I actually laid in bed and watched an entire TV show tonight. I never do that anymore! I always just sit at the computer or lay in my bed in the dark or am still at work. I got out of work pretty early today and came home to pick up packages... More presents!! It's so exciting. Alecia came over to help me move some things out of my room... boxes and this big ugly shelf I wanted to get rid of. Actually, I shouldn't even say she "helped" - she did it FOR me. Obviously I would usually do things like that on my own but it's become very difficult for me to lift things and bend over a lot. She's awesome... just offered to come over and help!! She also ended up giving Lexi a bath because she is really good with dogs and knows how to keep them calm in the tub. When TK & I try to bathe her it is torture. She squirms and barks and just hates it... but Alecia made bathtime fun!!

I guess it is just kind of a weird thing for me to be receiving gifts, help, advice, etc. from so many people. It is a cool feeling and I appreciate all of it. I don't know how we would ever be getting ready for baby without so many great friends and family members who support us and have helped us collect everything we need!! And I also want to say that the people who read my baby journal and respond and offer advice have just made this so much easier on me. When I announced my pregnancy it was very scary... I mean not being married, having the child with someone I work with, etc. - we opened ourselves up to a LOT of criticism but for the most part people have been great to us! I've had a few random haters but mostly everyone is cool and supportive... and the advice on all of my physical ailments is priceless. I feel like getting advice from listeners through email is more valuable than going to the doctor and having them say "yes, uh huh, that's normal" and shooing me out the door!

I am going to do a load of laundry and wash a few little outfits and pack them in a bag. TK's mom advised me to pack a little bag now so as not to have to rush to the hospital without my own things. Plus, if I leave it up to TK my little child will be wearing a YANKEES outfit home and that is NOT happening. I guess I could turn the thing inside out.... :) Maybe I am putting it off because I feel like if I am ready she'll never come. I always wait until the last minute to do everything! When I go on trips, I pack IN THE MORNING right before I leave....

I gotta go make something for dinner. I am trying to think of something mild that won't give me heartburn but no matter what I eat, it burns like CRAZY. Mylanta works a LITTLE but... The weird thing is I ate last night around 10.. and woke up THIS MORNING with heartburn!! How bizarre.

Baby is moving like crazy now... she is just trying to get comfortable - that makes two of us!

Some people have emailed me lately about the dirt not being updated - yes I am a slacker!! Basically I just type in this baby journal and that's all I've done on the site lately. I apologize. I really should be more focused on Britney & Justin... Seriously though, I think I am just SICK OF TALKING about the same celebrities day in and day out... :)

Ooooh TK is home with presents he bought for the Lexi! He went to Petco. We spoil this little dog so much wait until we have a baby!!

D



• 3/11/04 • 28 days •

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So the doctor appointment this morning wasn't bad. It was long though! I was late, of course... They did the Type B Strep test... I guess 1/3 women have it when they are pregnant. No idea what it is, not a big deal, etc. but they just have to check. I won't get into the details of HOW they check for it. I will get my results soon and if I have it it's not a big deal. It's not an STD or anything....

Then I ended up going on the fetal monitor for a while. I said something about how the baby doesn't seem to move AS MUCH as she used to... and they were like OOOOOH we'll put you on the monitor. She DOES move... just not as much as she did like a month ago. I have read that's because she has less room, but just to be sure they hooked me up. They put these two belts around your belly and make you lay there... It was not very comfortable. The good news - everything is fine. When it detects movement, they also look for an increase in heartrate which is exactly what happened. Of course I was laying there watching the heartbeats go up and down getting worried that she has some heart irregularity... only to find out its EXACTLY what should happen! Yeah my little baby passed the test!!

They were supposed to draw blood to check my iron levels and I guess the law is they have to offer you some other blood tests at the end of pregnancy but I don't need them. Basically for like Hep & HIV and stuff. They test every pregnant woman for them at the beginning of pregnancy and I am not at risk so it's cool. I passed on them... save the insurance company some money LOL... But they didn't end up taking my blood - I think they forgot! And I walked out and didn't think of it until I got to my car so I called and they said they can just do it next time.

And.... the baby "dropped"! I told her I have had little sharp pains really "low" and she said the baby has fallen into position and there is a lot of pressure there. She felt the head... this is a relief because the baby won't move now. She will be headfirst, not breech, so that's another good thing!

My blood pressure is perfect... and I have no swelling and no stretch marks! And my heartburn is horrible but that's normal so I'll just have to deal with it. :)

Not much else is up. We have been getting gifts like CRAZY. At work, delivered to the house, etc. Just about everything is off the registry! We have to buy the other 2 pieces of furniture but we have some gift cards that will help out with that. It is amazing how people just LIKE to give to babies! At first I felt weird about doing a registry and accepting gifts from so many people but that's how it is. You get married, or have a baby, and people want to shower you with presents! What goes around comes around... I've given my share of wedding/baby presents and NOW IT'S MY TURN :)

Paris Hilton is getting her own radio show. This makes me want to quit. I worked REALLY hard to get my show!!!! I had to practice being on the radio... sit in a program director's office and CRY because I had so many things to work on... I've moved around, made really CRAPPY money, busted my butt... and this little hooker says "I want to be on the radio" and SHE GETS HER OWN SHOW!!!

This is just an outrage.

Dana





• 3/10/04 • 29 days •

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11:33pm... I am very tired. Not much to write! I was not happy with Lexi this evening. I came home, took her out, then she peed on the floor! She played nice for a while, but then right when Newlyweds came on she was driving me insane. Wouldn't stop jumping on me. I got mad.


Wow, I am so tired I can't even type.


Goodnight!


:)


D



• 3/10/04 • 29 days •

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OK so I have to go to the doctor tomorrow and they are taking my blood and giving me some strep test. I guess there is a strain of strep that like 1 in 3 women carry but it doesn't affect us... but it could make baby sick... So I have to have that test and blood drawn. Why do they need my blood? I HATE IT. I HATE getting blood taken. I've had to do it 3 times since I've been pregnant. ICK! I guess I need to suck it up since I'm sure labor or getting the epidural is a lot more intense than a little needle prick but I hate it!!! I also have yet to get the pee in a cup thing down. You'd think after doing it once a month, every two weeks, etc. for the last 8 months I would get it but I still can never do it right. Maybe too much information but whatever.

I swear I am not getting emails. I get like 3 a day and I used to get like 50 a day. So annoying. I love email!!

I am so excited - my best friend and her mom are coming to visit April 30... it will be perfect weather to just sit by the pool and chill with the little baby, etc. I can't wait. And by that time I'll be able to sip a margarita!! Obviously limited drinking becasue I'll be breast feeding but one drink is OK. I didn't have a thing to drink my whole pregnancy so believe me, when its OK to have one here and there, I will be! I'm sure after about 3 sips I will start to feel it...

Anyway, I don't have much to say today. I just want to have this baby!!!!!

:)


D





• 3/9/04 • 30 days •

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10:57pm... MMmmmmmmm... love a few swigs of creamy Mylanta right before bed! I've been waking up with heartburn in the middle of the night lately so I'm thinking maybe some of that before I lay down will help. It gets BAD.

Went to dinner with my friend Loni... she hadn't seen the belly for a few months so she was pretty shocked. Of course she thinks it is cute and refers to it as "her" since the baby is in there... So cute. We went to a new place... the food was great. Our waiter was a little weird. Ever have one of those people who just seems nervous... Like he came over to the table after he had given us our bread & salad & apps, while holding another table's dirty dishes, and told us to "try some gourmet pepper located next to the extra virgin olive oil right there on the table"... It was just weird. And the pepper was from the grocery store! He was just weird. He kind of hovered by our table the whole time which was nerveracking.

Anyway, I came home and played with Lex for a little while until she started trying to bite me!! TK says she just smells food on my hands but it was getting a little scary. She has never done that before!!

Oh wow I am having these weird pains in my tummy! Braxton hicks! Braxton hicks! I don't know what it is but I'm going to lay down.

:)

D



• 3/9/04 • 30 days •

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Ok now I feel really bad! I wrote this big rant about someone giving me crap about doing a countdown to baby, etc. and I guess I took this person's statements the wrong way. She emailed me and apologized for the tone of her email and said her point was that I need to relax because everything will be OK. So... I won't take the post down because I don't want to delete things... but it was a misunderstanding and I apologize for going off! I guess that proves that ignoring all rude emails is what I should continue to do... I get some funny ones. It's like why bother? I haven't gotten any for a while anyway. I thought that one was rude but it wasn't even supposed to be rude so it's been a while... Maybe people finally lightened up!

I feel bad... TK is like falling asleep in the studio. He had a gig last night and couldn't sleep and I WAS ASLEEP - for once! - and he had to be here early... I would really like to have him move some stuff around or go pick up some baby furniture after work, but he is so dragging I am just going to leave him alone. It can wait until tomorrow. We had a really busy weekend so I am going to just be quiet about it.

I am having some friends over for dinner next week! I can't wait to entertain in my new diningroom... of course I said COME FOR DINNER... but lets get take out because I can't cook LOL. So I think we'll get some Maggiano's family style (if we all eat the same thing it will feel more like a home cooked meal!) and have a little dinner party. They couldn't make it to my baby shower which is cool because this way we can have our own little powwow and catch up. It's always hard to really catch up with friends when you have a bunch of other people at your house so I am happy they'll be coming over just to chill out for a while and we can talk over dinner. That was a long runon sentence but whatever!

God I have such bad heartburn this afternoon. It's funny when you are pregnant and you don't care about being polite and not burping in front of people. I mean I don't walk around just belching but in front of some people here I don't care anymore. I think I freak Chubb Rock out... he thinks girls don't burp, etc. and so I do it just to get to him! Guys are funny. They are so crass and will bust a$$ but if a chick does it its so bad. Oh, that brings me to something I don't think I have brought up yet.... TK raising a daughter. He is so crude he will just be like "I farted!" Of course I laugh, a lot of guys do it... your man probably does and you probably laugh. He does it on the air so its not like I am revealing anything new about him... But he needs to understand that he can't be like that in front of a little girl! All I need is my cute little girl all dressed up looking all sweet and cute at the grocery store or in the mall being like "MOMMY I FARTED!!!" all proud of herself. God! How humiliating... Between that and the Yankees bs I don't even know...

I am going out to dinner with my friend Loni tonight. I have not seen her in FOREVER. She works at a restaurant and I swear she works more than I do! We used to be up each other's butts all the time but since I am working more and she has a crazy job, we hardly ever talk to each other anymore, or we make plans and one of us has to break them. As of this moment we are going out later. I haven't even given her CHRISTMAS presents yet!

I gotta go home and take care of our little Lexi too. We have decided to keep her cage in the open part of the house. She still pees in her cage sometimes and it reeks... I think that is why our downstairs bathroom was so smelly... we clean it but just the enclosed area made it extra icky. I cleaned it so well and scrubbed every inch of it, now we can finally use it, and I don't want it to be messy again. I also have a new rule... no cloth toys in the cage. If she pees the toys get all pee on them and I have to wash them in the washing machine. I am SLOWLY learning how to control her little messes. I know it is gross but if you have a little dog you know - they can't control their bladders!! Now that she is trained enough to be loose in the house while we are home, I need to get her to stay off my couches. She sheds little white hairs and they get all over my red couch. It drives me nuts. I have to take one of those sticky roller things to the couch every night... and then FEBREEEEEEZE it!

OK that's enough rambling. I am totally talking about NOTHING!! Who cares about my dog's peeing habits?????

Hmmmmmm... where to go to eat....

:)

D





• 3/9/04 • 30 days •

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WOW! A month. Crazy! Could be sooner...

What is up with this William Hung kid? I just find him to be so annoying. What if my child grows up to make this kind of spectacle of herself??? And what's up with him getting a record deal? I don't see the logic. He's funny to LOOK at. The fact that he is a cartoon character is what people dig about him... take away the visual and it just sounds like some moron singing annoying Ricky Martin songs!! Like seriously who would pop that William Hung CD in the car stereo and blast it while driving down I-4 with the top down? I can hear it blasting all over Clearwater Beach this summer... NOT!! It's stupid.

So my friends in Boston just had their 2nd little girl on March 3. I saw pictures of her today and she is just unbelievably adorable. Like most babies have this sourpuss look on their faces when they are born but she is gorgeous!! So I ended up looking at all the other baby pictures on the online nursery and I was shocked at some of the pictures. Some of these babies come out looking so bizarre... It is almost scray! And of course there's the horrendous names. One little girl - PARIS. YES, someone named their little baby girl PARIS! Do we not pay attention??? Imagine if I were to name my baby Paris right now??? And Henriette? Please. I guess it must be a family name or something but it is not nice to give a little girl that name. And then I saw a little boy - YES A BOY - named Solomon... and they put him in a baby blue outfit... with a HUGE PINK ELEPHANT on it. Who dresses a baby boy in a PINK ELEPHANT?

So it got me thinking... what should I have her wear for her first pictures??? I want her to have a little hat on because little baby hats are sooooo cute. I have a few I got as gifts. It is so hard to decide what outfit I want her to wear first. I have so many adorable outfits I just don't know!

Allright I am eating my soup now.

:)

D



• 3/8/04 • 31 days •

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OK I think I counted wrong or something because if my due date is April 8 and today is March 8, and there are 31 days in March, shouldn't that mean I have 31 days left? I had counted down to 32... Anyway, obviously she won't come on that day but it's fun to have a countdown anyway!!

I got a rather rude letter from someoen giving me a hard time about keeping a countdown - whatever! Who doesn't start counting the days when you are this excited and this tired of being pregnant?

I also want to share this thought with the people who don't like some of the things that I write... I write this journal for me. To express my feelings about becoming a mom, being pregnant, other stresses and joys in my life... I happen to do it "publicly" on this page because I found that people enjoyed reading it. If you don't enjoy it then you don't have to read it, but please don't criticize my thoughts and feelings right now. I ask for opinions when I want them, but telling me how I should think or feel, or what I should or should not be doing in this journal, is none of anyone's business. I keep this because it is theraputic for me, not to entertain anyone else. If you read it and like it and take something from it, cool. If you read it and are disgusted, annoyed, think I ramble too much, think I worry too much, think I am overreacting, etc. then just don't read it! I actually think one of the reasons I haven't gone completely insane or had total anxiety attacks through all of this is because I keep this journal and am able to express how I feel and get feedback from other people who have been through things before or who just get it and respond kindly. If you don't happen to like how I am feeling or what I say, then you're not really invited to read this so keep your comments to yourself. I just don't appreciate being told that I worry too much. What person doesn't worry about the fact that he/she is about to become a mom or a dad??? It has to be the scariest thing in the world to think another human being's life is completely in your hands for the next several years! That is a little overwhelming... and then there's the fact that it is a unique little person, half me and half him, and that 9 months ago there was just me and him and now there is a little person who is a combination of the two of us... It is really just surreal. If you can't appreciate that and don't like my comments on it, sorry you are shallow and peace out! Thanks!! :)

That being said, I was in a bad mood tonight. I got out of work rather early and came home and just had time to chill out, take Lexi for a walk, have a snack, etc. before going to our childbirth class. I think I got annoyed because my life is so go go go that when I had time from 4:30-6 to actually relax after work, I thought WOW I NEVER DO THIS... Class was ok. We watched a lot of videos. At the end of 2 and a half hours I get so antsy and restless I can't sit still. I seriously almost flew out of my chair when we could get up! Then I just wanted to come home.

I did learn something very interesting in class tonight though which made me start to rethink my "drug me up!" attitude about giving birth. We watched this short video on babies who are born medicated and those who are not, and how they latch on to the mother's breast. A baby who was born naturally with no medication for the mother, and who is put right on the mother's belly after birth without being taken away, will usually crawl to the mother's breast instinctively and latch on and start sucking within an hour or so... Babies who are born after mom has been medicated, and are taken away for a while, etc. are less likely to find the breast or even crawl around to find it. It was pretty amazing to watch. I had no idea that babies could just lay on mommy's belly right after being born and FIND THEIR WAY to her breast! How amazing... Hopefully I have a mature, sane, audience of readers to this journal who will not laugh at this subject matter and who won't report me for "indecency" because I talk about breasts. Just had to put that in there since we know how insane people are about it these days!!

So now I guess I am open to the idea of NOT using pain medication. I'm not going to go with the attitude like NOPE NOT DOING IT... but I will deal with as much as I can before saying GIVE IT TO ME. I will probably end up getting the epidural since I have NO tolerance for pain, but I'll walk in with an open mind...

I literally have to crawl over baby things to get to my computer desk right now! I am going to go through everything I've received over the last few days.

Can I ask what is proper etiquette as far as how long you have to send thank you cards in the mail? I now have SO MANY to do it is almost overwhelming! I am keeping a good list but between family, friends, baby showers, co-workers, listeners, etc. sending gifts, dropping off gifts, giving gifts... I am going to be sending thank you cards until she is 10!!

That's all I got for now. More later... or tomorrow...

:)

D



• 3/8/04 • 32 days •

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YES! Another day down.... Only about a month left. God it seems like I have been pregnant forever.

Did you see the pictures of me feeding him baby food??? You have to check them out. It was so funny. I enjoyed every minute of it. He was humiliated and blushing and it isn't often TK gets embarassed. Our bosses and co-workers and friends were all having a good laugh at his expense.

I have some more pictures to get up... and I still have to put up the ones from Thursday but I have to resize them grrrrr...

We watched the Sopranos last night! It's baaaaack... I missed it so much. I have no attention span for TV anymore. I just never watch anything... but last night I was so into it. It is so weird we used to watch the Sopranos together every Sunday and it's been OVER A YEAR since the last season ended!

Now the next thing I have to do is sort through all the baby stuff that has piled up in my room, and then get ready to make the nursery. We have to pick up the crib and other furniture this week, etc. Now I am afraid that since the baby showers are done, we have everything we need, she'll be like "OK I'm coming now!!"

WAIT! It's Monday. That means I am another week... 36 weeks!!! I count on Mondays because I was losing track of if it was Wednesday or Thursday or whatever day I ACTUALLY should be counting from so now I just count on Mondays. It's not an exact science anyway. Monday seems like the most logical day... so every Monday I just tack on another week. I've heard that 37 weeks is considered full term... some people have said 38... and even a few people told me 36 is full term. I have my next doctors appointment on Thursday. Last time they told me they would be taking blood and start checking some other things at my next appt. so it looks like I might have to get naked and stuff... LOL! Then I go to doc once a week until she gets here!

I think TK is getting freaked out. I am too. Not in a bad way though. It is the excitement combined with fear... Knowing our lives will NEVER be the same, we can't do all the crazy ish we used to do, and we will be fully responsible for another person and our lives are no longer just our own! I think it comes naturally to the mother long before it does the father, but the guy catches up... somewhat. He has opened up about that stuff lately here and there which is good. I never wanted to dig and push for him to talk to me about it... but obviusly if it's scary for me it must be for him too! I think men might be even more scared because they don't have the "motherly" instinct and it isn't their body that the baby lives in... They know it is there but the reality doesn't set in until they actually see the child. In some ways I feel that way too. You know it is happening, I feel her inside me, we have seen the pictures, but until she is actually in our arms... it almost seems surreal. Like, I can't believe I am actually going to be someone's mother! And of course there is the concern that she is healthy, and then the "what do we do now" feeling we will have when we bring her home. TK's mom told me she and her husband just looked at each other before they took Toby out of the car and into the house for the first time and were like "what do we do now?" I can totally imagine that feeling. We're just going to be like... "uh, hi little baby..." I am sure we will question ourselves and be on the phone with his mom or my stepmom or other moms we know and just be like HELP US... what should we do? Is this normal? How do we do this? We are both very independent people and like to figure things out on our own but I'm sure we'll have to ask a lot of questions...

I think one of the hardest things will be finding a balance between baby, work, and being ourselves. Obviously I haven't been able to have a drink since I have been pregnant but yesterday hanging out at the house all I wanted was a beer!! Then I start thinking... well am I a bad mom if when I have a newborn I have a beer once in a while? What is the balance... And am I bad if I go out once in a while... and is it bad that I will come back to work and leave her with a nanny? I am sure TK could support us but I don't WANT to give up my career. I have worked so hard to get here... I think I can do both just fine. It will be an adjustment at first and I am sure a lot of working moms feel some guilt when they go back to work... but my baby will know the difference between me and her babysitter. My mom did daycare in our house so that she COULD be home with us, and we treated the kids she watched like they were our own family... but they also ran to their mommies and daddies at the end of the day. Some people have given me a little bit of crap about coming back to work and it kind of makes me upset. I am still my own person!! I still need to do things that are fulfilling for ME. Men can be workers and dads and just one of the guys... why can't I be a worker, a mom, and just one of the girls too... It's so weird how some people still think once you become a mother that becomes the only role you play... mother, or wife & mother. I am everything I used to be and MORE now. Anyway, people who say that crap can kiss my butt :) I think it is good for moms to work. Especially having a daughter, I want her to know that she can do anything she wants to do... that she will eventually be a mom someday but that she will work hard, help contribute financially to a family, etc. I also believe both of us working will enable us to give her a lot more. Obviously love is the most important thing and money does not matter... but I always wanted to go to Disney World when I was a kid and we never got to go... I hope we will be able to take her on trips, she can fly on a plane from a young age and not fear it like I did... she will be able to take dance lessons or play softball or do whatever she wants to do. All of those things cost money and I want to make sure she can do anything she wants to do. My dad was able to help me buy my first car, and actually every other car I have ever bought... and I want us to be able to do that for her. It is amazing how much I have realized how expensive children are, and also how much you just stop thinking of yourself and spend your money on your baby. I don't shop for me anymore, I shop for her...

Anyway, I should get to work. I feel like I haven't been as good on the air lately because I am so focused on baby. Plus I feel like I talk abut the same ish day in and day out... I used to only be on the radio every weekend so being on the air every single day for the last year and a half its like "can I shut up for a little while?" I will miss work and I'm sure when funny things happen to me, or the next big gossip scandal breaks, I will be like "TK CAN I BE ON WITH YOU TODAY AND TALK ABOUT THIS???" Of course I'll update my website all the time so you can always get it here!

Thanks for reading my rants today... This was a long one!

D







• 3/7/04 • 33 days •

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It's only 11:33pm so I can't take a day off the countdown yet!!

I can't write much now because I am soooo tired.

Just wanted to let you know to check back later on... The baby shower was GREAT!!! We had a lot of fun and there are some great pictures coming... I fed TK baby food!!! It was such a riot. Everyone was hysterical, except him...

Alecia & Rachel did an AWESOME job helping and decorating and planning... the house looked great!!!

I am going to bed now. I'm on for Finky at 10am so you are stuck with me alllllll day long!

:)

D



• 3/7/04 • 33 days •

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Well it is almost 5am... What am I doing up??? DON'T ASK ME! I was sleeping for a while and then just woke up with very bad heartburn. I feel like an old lady with all my aches and pains and bodily complications! Soon... soon... it will all be over and I'll just be dead tired.

What a busy day... worked until about 4 in the afternoon... I had a number of things to do so I wouldn't have to go in on Sunday or early Monday. Again, I do more at the station besides my 3 hour show!

Then I went to Target and just spent way more money than I should have... I got a whole new set of things for our downstairs bathroom. Lexi has pretty much trashed that room and I wanted all new stuff for it since it's the only bathroom downstairs and our guests will be using it. I scrubbed everything TWICE but it still doesn't feel clean to me! My friend Charlie who is visiting came over for a while today too and helped us. He is such a great friend... on his "vacation" to FL he ends up hanging pictures with TK and helping us clean our place! TK had to go get some things and go to Amp, so my friend and I went to the baby store. He wanted to get us something off the registry that we really needed that had not yet been purchased. It felt kind of weird walking into the store, getting a copy of my own registry, and then picking things up for myself... Then I picked out the wrapping paper I liked! It's cool though... he is one of those close friends who you can do things like that and I know he wanted to help us out and get something we really need so we just joked about it.

Oh, I could have killed both of them though... they went to the Yankees game while I was shopping... and they came home wearing YANKEES JERSEYS!!! I was like GET OUT OF MY HOUSE IN THOSE! And they knew I was not going to be happy... Right when they walked in the door they were like "come heeeeerrrreee!!!" I walk downstairs and the two of them, decked out in navy blue NY shirts, are totally staring at me with these sh*t eating grins. I was like WHATEVER!! But I can't be that mad, they bought me a really cool Sox jersey!! The baseball war will be on in this house! Little Kyla already has a Red Sox outfit she'll be wearing! I am sure she'll grow into it by the end of the season... Daddy thinks she will have a Yankees one too but that will happen over mommy's dead body. He is not even a true Yankees fan anyway, he just likes them because I hate them and because they win. NOT THIS YEAR!

So our house is almost all ready! The downstairs anyway... we moved a TON of stuff upstairs and now its even more of a mess than it was. Nobody will be seeing this part of the house though! The travel system and baby papasan and bathtub are sitting on the floor next to me. I have to make room in my closet for them... We just have SO MUCH stuff now!! I am no longer worried about not having everything we need. The one challenge we have yet to get to is actually doing the nursery. That will come though. We were talking earlier and we know it is really time to get ish done so I'm happy he is motivated and wants everything to be ready and we're going to get it done. Now I am fearing she WILL come early and it'll be that much harder to finish. I really want to have a room all ready for her when she gets home, but I guess she'll be sleeping in our room for a while anyway so we have time. As long as I have a box of diapers, a washcloth to give her a sponge bath, stuff to clean her little belly button, and lots of love... she will be fine :) I've finally realized that I don't have to have every single last thing right now... some things - like toys, a high chair, etc. - we won't need for a while anyway.

OK so I am completely rambling... But all of this is so constantly on my mind! I got some hate mail the other day - first piece in a long time since I really started ignoring them instead of reacting - from this woman named Theresa who told me to stop talking about my baby because "we've all been pregnant and nobody cares..." and then she went on to say that it's all my show is based on... Uh, anyway. I was like whatever lady, as if when you had your first baby it wasn't all you could think about!?!?!?!?!?! I actually think I have kept it off the air and mostly in this baby journal that people CHOOSE to read... As the time comes closer though, we are both so focused on baby that we do talk about it more. I think most people enjoy it and can either relate to it or are interested because they haven't gone through it. And I have continued to share PLENTY OF DIRT and trash PLENTY OF CELEBRITIES throughout my pregnancy... I haven't made it a priority on my page lately but when I have time I am usually doing this baby journal... I promise soon I will be updating the dirt again. When I am on leave I'll have to keep you coming to my page so I'll be updating it all the time! It should be interesting to see if my webhits drop a lot when I am not on the air! :)

God it is so late, the alarm is going off! Or should I say so early in the morning! Poor TK fell asleep on the livingroom couch (not even the comfy one in the daddy den) and I can't wake him up to come to bed! We had such a busy day today... plus he got a little sunburn at the game. When he came home from Amp he was telling me how scared he is to be a dad and to not be the same person anymore, etc. Every once in a while he just bursts with emotion and I don't really say much, I just listen. Of course I am scared too, in fact I am surprised I have not had a freak out nervous breakdown yet! He dozed off mid-sentence though and I just came upstairs and started writing. Friends who he sees out at the club every weekend who he used to be partying with all night and getting drunk with are being really supportive now and understanding of the changes he has made... he doesn't drink anymore, doesn't go to after parties, etc. and instead of giving him crap about it everyone is really cool. I think guys just crap on other dudes sometimes about stupid ish like that but now they're being cool.

I should try to get some sleep since I have a ton of errands to do in the morning. I feel like this isn't really a baby shower... but a party I am throwing!! It wasn't supposed to be this way but since we are having so many people over I had to step up and get things done and make sure everything goes well. TK is taking care of the food tomorrow and the girls who are throwing the shower are coming over to help me finish cleaning and decorate, etc. It wouldn't have been so much work had our house been clean and put together in the first place. It was more like a HURRY UP PEOPLE ARE COMING OVER AND THE PLACE IS IN SHAMBLES kind of deal. Actually, one of the reasons I said we could do it at our place is because I NEEDED a reason to get it done. After the long days we work, the busy weekends we work, etc. it is so easy to just plop down on the couch in a half finished room than it is to say OK lets hang curtains even though we both worked 12 hours today... I honestly don't mind doing all the work anyway. The stuff I had to do was more about getting my house ready for company than planning the party.

Random thought... for some reason this whole ordeal reminds me of the big benders I threw in Boston.. I threw a few MASSIVE parties at my apartment before I moved here... For my best friend's 25th birthday I threw her a surprise party... I rounded up people from high school, college, her work friends, etc. and when she showed up at my house to "go to dinner" with a few people... I MADE her and my other 2 friends come in... I had about 60 people in the livingroom with the door shut... and I was like, hey just go hang in the livingroom I'm almost ready... so she walks in to the livingroom and SURPRISE!! All these people were there. It was so cool... it was like "this is your life" since SO MANY people came. God, it is so weird that was just over two years ago, we all got so wasted and partied ALL NIGHT... and now I am going to be a mom and she's coming to visit to help me take care of the baby and go baby shopping... I am getting old. :)

Allright now I really need to get to bed. I was hoping I would fall fast alseep after such a long, tiring day but nooooooo... Hopefully this deeelicious Mylanta has kicked in!

:)

D



• 3/6/04 • 34 days •

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How about 0 days and I have the baby???? I don't feel good at all. I went to dinner last night with my friend and I ate this AWESOME pasta/chicken dish but the heartburn was ridiculous. You know those commercials with the TACKS on the plate... yeah, that's what it felt like I ate. So I drank a bunch of Mylanta but it didn't help that much. I was so sick it SUCKED!!!!

Now I am at work on the air, I have tons of stupid stuff to do when I get done with my shift, and then I have to go to Target to get things to make sure our house is ready for baby shower... My friend is in town and we are supposed to go to the baseball game today but I had to say no... I think he and TK are going to go which is fine with me. I will shop and clean while they go to a game... I hate saying no to people, but I have to get this stuff done. I don't feel well as it is, I HAVE to clean my house, so I can just blow off the game. Figures I have felt better the last few weeks and now that this is my busy weekend that is supposed to be FUN for me and I feel like crawling back into bed and whining all day!

My diningroom/livingroom is just all baby stuff. I have to put everything away. I just like to look at the little baby outfits and stuff!!

Oh, last night Lexi was running around the house while I was going through all the baby things... and she found this little bunny toy that is for baby... and she jumped up onto the middle of the coffee table and snatched it and ran away!!! I chased her around and she would NOT let go of the bunny toy!! I was trying to keep everything out of her reach but she was so into this toy. I finally got it away from her and I'll have to wash it before I give it to baby... Now I feel bad because I don't like the idea of saying no to Lex and not letting her have things... SHE IS SPOILED, but obviously she is not going to understand the difference between her toys and baby toys. I got this cute little ducky toy that vibrates and I was playing with it and Lex was MESMERIZED by it. I had it out of her reach but she couldn't stop looking at it. The moment I put it down she went for it but I saved it. I'll have to pick up some MORE new toys for her when I go to Target so when she goes after baby things I can give her a doggie toy. Lexi doesn't need Fisher Price things to destroy :)

LEXI HAS TONS OF HER OWN TOYS. She has TONS. They are all over my house. She has a big huge "dollie" that is almost as big as her but it has like all these little arms and legs and she won't let us touch it... but she gets bored with it quick. She only wants to play with it if we pick it up. Then she gets it, runs with it for a minute, and puts it down and moves on to something else. She also kept picking up the little peanuts from the boxes... there were a few under the dining room table and I had to snatch them out of her mouth. I am sure they are harmless but I was afraid she would try to eat them or choke on them! She has like 10 little tennis balls (they are smaller than normal for her little mouth), and a little squeaky alligator I bought her... and just a ton of other things. She gets bored with them just like a little kid does! She wanted a piece of the bath toys too... I was trying to give her attention while doing stuff but she is just so needy!!

So this brings me to my next freak-out concern. I know Lexi is a loving little dog and would never hurt anyone intentionally... but will she be jealous of the baby? Someone emailed me and advised that we take her around the nursery, let her smell the baby seat, carriage, toys, everything so that she knows... And it is weird but it seems like she senses there is a baby in my belly... I don't know much about dogs to begin with - learned a lot since getting Lexi - but do you think she will be OK with the baby? Obviously I won't leave them unattended together!! But I am a little concerned about this. It will be great once Kyla is older and can play with Lexi - I never had a pet when I was little and we always wanted them. I think I feared dogs and cats because I didn't have any... I am sure they will be great when she is older, but while she is a baby... Already Lexi didn't like the idea of having toys taken away from her... I almost wanted to let her keep the bunny but it was a gift for the baby not the dog! I am sure she'll take over some of the baby toys anyway... and knowing how babies are, Kyla will probably go for the dog toys when she is old enough to crawl around. OK enough rambling, any advice?

I just ate a PBJ sandwich and now the heartburn is back!!?!?!!! How does PBJ give heartburn??? Sucks to be me, again today!

I'm going to put the baby shower pictures up right now...

Thank you again to everyone who came - we had such a good time! And Thank you to Whiskey Joe's in Tampa for having us!!

:)

Dana



• 3/5/04 • 35 days •

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Well I don't know where to start! What a great night...


Haha... this pretty much sums it up. I must be covering my mouth over something he just said... while he looks at me knowing he said something crass. And he's holding diapers!!!
I just thought this picture was funny.


Thank you to everyone who came to the baby shower!! I know I said I would come home and post the pictures but it is 1:30am and I am TIRED... I went through the ones I have on disk and a lot of them are blurry!! I think we need to invest in a new digital camera for the station... my digital took great pictures, I just have to hook the camera up. And please, if you took any, send them to me!

Anyway, when I got home I looked at the gifts again and oooohed over them... It's amazing how generous and just plain cool people have been to us thoughout all of this. I am pretty overwhelmed... so thank you.

We went to dinner at Roy's after and hung out with Stan the Man & Tommy Nappi for a while. We were there so late the valet came in and handed us our keys at our table and left our cars right out front! I was so tired...

Then we came home and not only did I look at the presents from my shower...

TK OPENED THE PACKAGES HE WOULD NOT LET ME OPEN EARLIER TODAY!!!!

You may have heard him on the air saying how I was not allowed to ruin the surprise at the baby shower and could not open the packages until Sunday. He even went so far as to call the leasing office and make the girls there swear they would not turn the packages over to me!! They tried to lie but I told the girl I knew he called them and to hand them over!!! I brought them all home - all 7 of them - and put them on the dining room table and did not even PEEK at one of them...

I come upstairs to chill out and he's like "mommy come here guess what we got!!" and he had opened them ALL. Now, we know a few of them are from a friend who is coming to the baby shower Sunday and asked us not to open them so we did not see what the gifts are... but we looked at the other ones!! HE OPENED THESE PACKAGES NOT ME! Not that I mind at all because of course I wanted them, but he put up this massive fit about ME opening them... BRATTY!!

So he's got his baby journal going on and actually gives me some credit for some things which is rather nice. :) You should read it, it's pretty funny.

I have so much more to write but I just had him bring me the disks with the pictures so I'm going to do that and I'll write more about the shower, etc. tomorrow.

Dana



• 3/4/04 • 36 days •

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Did I happen to mention what a nightmare hanging curtains is??? Especially when we didn't have a tape measure... We stole a drill from the radio station but we didn't have any way to measure so we kind of just said... hmmm that looks even. Not the way to do it! Then we finally got the curtains hung and I didn't even like the way they look... I have a "vision" in my head of what I think the room will end up looking like and it just wasn't it. I definitely have to iron them, but they're velvet... I guess ironing the back of them will work? I need to pick up a valence too, but do I need another rod to hang it on? Trying to be domestic... TRYING!

How exciting is THIS - we have FIVE packages waiting for us!! FIVE! 3 are from Pottery Barn Kids... but there are only 3 things that are off the registry that I have not received yet... all purchased by different people (from what I know) so I don't see how they could all be here at the same time. We'll see! They are addressed to TK which is weird because MY NAME is on the registry... And then there's one addressed to him and we don't know where it's from, and another for me but we don't know where it's from. I feel like a greedy brat but who doesn't get excited about presents!!!!

Things are all set for the baby shower tonight I am SO excited. I am getting out of here at 4 SHARP so I can go pick up my packages, then go home andn relax and shower, etc. and be there early to help set up. Kim, our promo asst., made the cutest nametags for everyone! Some people didn't give me their guest's names so we had to do some blank ones, but they're so adorable. We have 2 games ready to go. I am a little nervous because I DO get shy around people I don't know sometimes so if I seem a little quiet at points I'm NOT STUCK UP LOL! Make sure you bring your cameras... oh that reminds me I have to charge mine!!! OK I plugged it in. I have been carrying around my digital camera for weeks now but it's DEAD...

Here's something I want to know... I don't have everyone's address and I want to be able to send thank you cards and birth announcements to the people who come tonight - and to the people who come to my personal shower this weekend... What about asking people to sign a guestbook and put their address? Is that appropriate? I WISH I had done it at my baby shower at home because there are a few people who have moved and I don't have their current addresses!

I am so upset I went to get a milk so I could make a nutrition shake (a Carnation one, not one of those foofoo things) and the machine that sells milk here is stuck. Grrrrr... TK will bring me one.

Allright gotta get back to work...

D



• 3/4/04 • 36 days •

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We're getting closer... This morning I woke up in a VERY bad mood. I slept OK but for some reason I just woke up ANGRY! I am tired of being prego lady and I just want my baby!!!!!

Tonight will be a good time... of course I have some last minute things I need to do before the baby shower, and of course right after it I have to go to a dinner! Things can never just work out perfectly. And I am getting frustrated with TK because I expected him to come to the baby shower right after work and now he's like "I'll stop by for a little while" as if this isn't for his child too!??!? He DOES have to meet this person for dinner but why can't we just say we had a prior engagement for the radio station until 9 and we'll meet you right after? It just drives me insane how things that are important to ME always come second to some business associate. I'm not trying to say our work is not important, but we DID have plans to do this! Someone even had the nerve to try to schedule him for a live broadcast from 2-6 ON SUNDAY THE DAY OF OUR BABY SHOWER AT OUR HOUSE and I had to take care of that issue. I'm sorry but we planned BOTH of these events way before anything else came up and I'm not one to drop one thing for another unless it's an emergency. Poor planning on someone else's part doesn't mean I'm changing my plans! I know the baby shower tonight was short notice, but we had the date in our minds for a while... I just had to wait until it was definite to tell everyone. OH I am not happy about this!!

I have received a lot of emails regarding charities for the baby shower tonight... I did choose one. I also received a few emails from people who were asking if the donations could go to a friend of theirs who was expecting and struggling... I had to turn these people down because I have already chosen a charity, but I did direct them to the places I had received information about so hopefully they can go there and get some assistance. It is so hard when you want to help other people and realize there are way more people out there who need help than I can ever do anything for... I do know that a lot of people plan on bringing things tonight so that makes me feel good!

I should get in the shower and get ready for work.

More later...

D



• 3/3/04 • 37 days •

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OOOOH!! TK made a baby journal. LOL! It doesn't say much. And of course he's already started using it to push my buttons. Typical. He tries to act all tough but he calls me "mommy" and never calls me Dana anymore - EVER. You should read it. Give his sucky website some hits. He would say to me "well it's radio not a website..." :)

Anyway, just thought I would let you know that the TK baby journal is up...

D



• 3/3/04 • 37 days •

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I am so excited for the baby shower tomorrow night!! I just realized how quickly it suddenly got here... If you've been to any FLZ events lately - the Kimberly Locke show or the Sex & The City party... you've already seen the outfit I am going to wear! I have ONE dressy outfit to wear - black pants and a pink shirt - and I'm not afraid to rewear it. I used to NEVER wear the same outfit twice but now I don't care. I am saving my splurge on clothes money until I get back to my original size. I am not allowing myself to purchase one new piece of cloting for myself until I am under 120lbs. Only about 30 to go... Maybe 10-15 will come off right when I have baby!

I am excited to meet people who have emailed me. I feel like I know a bunch of people but have never met them so it will be cool to put a face with the email address... That's the weird thing though is that I know people not even by NAME but by their EMAIL!! We're making up nametags but you might have to be like "I'm Jessica... or JCUTIE22@aol.com"!! I am kinda sad that a few people won't be able to make it because of the short notice on the date or because other things came up. If you want to come but didn't get to me in time before, let me know because we have food, etc. for 50 people and I'd love to meet you!!

Plans are going well for the other baby shower this weekend. I am excited my friend Charlie is coming to visit from NYC. He's known me since my first EVER radio job in Portland, ME... I think he is just coming to see me FAT... and escape the cold in NYC. I have to go to the IADT fashion show on Friday night so he's going to come with. It should be fun though, I've heard this fashion show is amazing and is very much like one of the shows you would see on the Style network or in NYC. It will just depress me to see all the beautiful models and be the prego girl :(

We got our dining room delievered today!!! I totally love it. TK actually got up and handled the delivery people while I got ready for work. I told him to make sure they set everything up and roll out the rug for us, set the table up, etc. and he got them to do it all. Rooms To Go RULES!! Our house is turning into a RTG showroom and it looks great! Now I just have to go out and get some things to hang on the walls and some nice table decorations. I need to know where to go to get BIG pieces of artwork that aren't too expensive. I have a really nice painting that I LOVE in the livingroom but other than that we just have like big movie posters and stuff... they were cool for our other places but I want something more adult and homey. No roosters and apples and ish like that... maybe something abstract. I am bad with picking artwork! I think once our house is done this weekend I will take some pictures so you can tell me what you think of my decorating job and offer some advice.

Working all day today on the air is killing me. I feel like I am sick of talking about the same stuff over and over and over every day. Plus, my body just hurts all over and sitting in this chair for 5 hours is NOT comfortable. I am only comfy laying down on my side at this point. Sitting scrunches everything and I can't cross my legs so I feel icky and MANLY!! I really need to find something to discuss and entertain you with but there's just not much going on right now that I find interesting.

I am hoping TK goes to Panera for me to get my chicken soup. I have tried the soup from some other places lately and it's just not that good. I need a good recipe for chicken noodle soup. It is my latest daily craving. Of course I pick the veggies out but whatever...

Thank you again for all the emails and advice. I think something is up with my email today because I have only received like 4 of them and some things I get every day didn't come through. Maybe its the fact that I have 1200 emails in my Inbox!!! Need to clean it out.

Oh, I know I took baby game suggestions before, but I need more help! What's a game we could play with a large group? I have one for the baby shower tomorrow night but I need one or two more that can be played easily with a lot of people. HELP ME!!

:)

Dana





• 3/3/04 • 37 days •

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12:06pm... I always wait until after midnight to post now so I can take a day off the countdown!


All I can say is GET OUT OF MY BELLY!! :)


Seriously this is getting out of hand. I can't wear ANYTHING. My maternity shirts are all too small. They don't come down low enough to cover the elastic waist of the few pairs of pants I can still get over my belly. Please tell me this indicates I am close to the end...


I have been feeling a little sad and guilty lately that I am more concerned about having the baby to relieve my discomfort than I am because of her!! I feel horrible about it but I have read this is normal so I'm not afraid to write about it. Hey, she's probably in there all squished thinking "lady push me out already!!"


Tonight I was really mad at work. I got stuck doing a lot of things I just did not want to do... and then I had people bugging me about random crap that I just didn't want to deal with. I am at a point right now where I HAVE TO say NO to certain things people ask of me... I just don't have time to do everything that has been demanded of me lately... and if I DO have extra time these days I need to be getting ready for our baby. We have the downstairs part of our house almost completely ready. I wanted it all set up, organized, clean, and "homey" before the baby gets here and that is finally taken care of...


The next step is moving all of the things out of my room and making the nursery. We were supposed to pick up the crib tonight but we both had way too much work to do and didn't have time to get it done. We left the office just before 10pm to come home. Two people we work with have the day off tomorrow so that just means more work for us. I should not complain because I know people have picked up my slack or filled in for me... but right now I just feel like this baby is most important to me, getting ready for her is most important, and I'm being forced to do MORE work than usual instead of cutting back as I prepare to be a mommy!! I also have a friend coming to town on Friday. He's coming for the baby shower but figured he would escape the cold of NYC and come here for the weekend... so we made dinner plans for Friday night and poof! This afternoon I find out I have to do an appearance. I don't mind doing it, its just the short notice that messes with my plans. Then TK & I were asked to do something together - work-related - on Saturday. Neither one of us have to work but Saturday was our day to buy the other 2 pieces of baby furniture, move things around, get ready for our guests that are coming Sunday, etc. God forbid we use our day off together to do personal things!! I just can't stand it when people get pushy with me and force me to feel like the jerk for saying NO. When I first declined the offer I said "my baby shower is Sunday..." to which I was told "I know, I said SATURDAY..." Hello, we are having a BABY in a month, we work all week and just about every weekend, so sorry if I don't want to do short notice extra unpaid work for you on our day off!! Normally I would have taken advantage of what was being offerred but I just can't do it right now. I have put baby things, errands, etc. on the back burner and put them off saying "we have time, I can do this work, I can work this day, I can do it..." and now it's all catching up.


OK enough about that.


I am feeling really crampy in my back and lower belly. The baby is still moving around a lot so I know she is ok. Is that normal? And what the hell do contractions feel like anyway because I think I've had some of those "braxton-hicks" deals lately but I'm not too sure. I am seriously afraid I won't even know I am in labor, and suddenly there will be a baby head popping out. Sorry for the visual :)


I can't tell you how much I appreciate all the advice. I have a list of things I need to bring to the hospital with me now!! Some of them I NEVER would have thought of but they make sense. Now the thing is... packing the bag. I am afraid to pack it because I know if I do, I will jinx myself by being prepared and the baby will come late and I will live with this for another 6 weeks!! I'm thinking what I will do is have the list ready and the items handy... but wait to pack the bag. That way I am ready but it's not sitting by the door taunting me :)


I guess maybe I can use a cell in the hospital. Nobody told me I couldn't, I just know that when I walk into the hospital for our classes there's huge signs everywhere that say no cell phones so I just assumed...


OK, you are stuck with me for 5 hours today. Fink's birthday was last night and he wanted to get drunk up so he took the day off... We'd be out partying too if we could be!!


Gotta get to bed.



• 3/2/04 • 38 days •

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OH! I am not happy.

I found out that someone basically FORWARDED the evite to our baby shower to some people who this person felt should be invited. I was telling TK how inappropriate I think that was... Not that I was purposely excluding anyone, but I just didn't think of inviting the entire city of Tampa and already felt our invite list was a bit much for a baby shower... So anyway, this person just informed some other people about OUR baby shower. And this person is not even coming!!

So then TK was like well whatever don't worry about it, who knows if they will come... plus don't you think it is a little inappropriate that we are throwing this baby shower for ourselves at our house.

Now here's the thing. Friends at the radio station are actually "throwing" it. We decided to use our house since we have a nice big place and it would be easiest. We live in a pretty central, easy to find place, and we have PLENTY of room for a party. It was easier and made more sense to have it at our house rather than do it in someone's small apartment or pay to rent a hall. I also think that it's easier on both of us since we won't have to load a car up with gifts and bring them home, etc.

We handled the invite list since I think EVERY mom handles the guest list! How would work friends know who outside of work to invite if I didn't give my input? We felt we should invite a lot of people since we have a lot of friends at work and wanted to include everyone. If people don't feel close enough to us or don't want to come, they just don't come. At least the invitation was extended. We made it co-ed because TK has friends too and a lot of the guys here wanted to be a part of it. The list got a little long... but so what!?! Big deal if we want to celebrate our baby with a lot of people!!!!

TK is paying to have it catered because I don't expect anyone to pay for food for 50 people and pay for decorations, etc. Throwing a big party is expensive and he wanted to help with that. I don't think it means we are having the party for ourselves in some malicious way.

So now I am bs that I feel like it looks like we threw ourselves a party for our baby. Not really. I wasn't even planning on having one since I don't have many close friends here and I had one with my family. Girls from work came to me and said they WANTED to do it and they were going to do it however we thought appropriate.

So let me ask your opinion? I mean, I think I have been more hands on with this than some people would be, but since we do have a large number of people coming... and people who WANT to come who are asking for details, what is wrong with me giving the information?

So annoying. Nothing I ever do is right?!?!!!!



• 3/2/04 • 38 days •

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12:19pm...

So I just have to say thank you to the people who have emailed me lately to tell me not to worry about the labor thing... that it comes naturally... that while it is painful you can't "screw it up" and for the reassurance. I'm amazed at how many people just reach out and want to make me feel better. :)

I had another restless night! I TRIED to sleep but just couldn't. I feel like my body is just so full and heavy and nothing is comfortable. I woke up at 4am and went to TK and was like "I need more pillows wake up I need more pillows" and started freaking out. He was not waking up so I just ripped pillows out from under his head!! I finally got to sleep for a little while... woke up and realized I drooled ALL OVER the place last night. I don't know why that happens sometimes. It's pretty gross but whatever. Time to wash the pillowcases!!

Well everyone is convinced I am "nesting" but I think I am just cleaning because we are having people over this weekend and I want our house to look great. It's not like HE would do it if I didn't. Maybe it's a little bit of both... I feel like I'm ready to have her, but she hasn't "dropped" yet that I can tell... and she still moves a lot and I thought babies slowed down right before they are born because they get so cramped. Sometimes I can feel her legs or her arms or feet or some smaller body part moving around. I can actually put my hand on it and she flinches!

Oh, last night in our class, the instructor told me that from what she's heard, the baby looks a LOT like the 4D ultrasound, so we have a pretty good idea of what she will really look like. It seems like maybe the picture is distorted in some way or that it won't actually look like her, but I think it will! We'll see. Once she is born we'll put the pictures next to each other. :)

I am trying to figure out how I am going to get pictures posted as soon as she is born! I don't want you to have to wait to see her until I come home from the hospital :) We'll figure something out... I also realized I won't be allowed to have my cell phone in the hospital with me since you can't use them in a hospital... Will I have a phone in my room??? This little stuff freaks me out too...

Oh, here's a good question. What should I bring to the hospital with me? I feel I should pack a bag soon just in case. I guess I will have time to round things up while I am in labor but I want to be ready in case I need to go in a hurry. What should I put the baby in as her first outfit??? Oh, and I know I need to wash all of her clothes first but what kind of detergent should I use or is regular Tide ok? I have all these questions...

Today is going to be a crazy busy day. We are supposed to go put our bedroom set on layaway and pick up the crib tonight but I doubt we'll get both done. Tuesdays are always a busy day around the office too!

OK enough for now... more later :)

D



• 3/2/04 • 38 days •

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I KNEW doing a countdown would make the time fly!! We are already at 38 days 'til baby should be here. I am thinking she might come even sooner!!

I suck at Dig Dug. I have always sucked at this game!! TK bought some video games the other night... the old Atari ones that you can play on the XBox. I played Pac Man, Pole Position, and Dig Dug for a while tonight... Then I realized it was hopeless for me to get anywhere near a high score and I quit. Those games are fun but they get boring real quick when you have to keep doing the same levels over and over and over again...

Baby class was funny tonight. There's another guy in the class who likes to antagonize TK so between the two of them we have some good laughs. Of course TK will be the one who has the last word and will say the most inappropriate thing for shock value and I can tell the doula who teaches the class gets a little annoyed. We are there for over 2 hours though so you need something to keep it funny!! I learned about rice socks tonight. I have heard her say "rice socks" a bunch of times when talking about relaxation and massage, etc. but I thought I was just misunderstanding... But nope, a rice sock! You take a long tube sock and fill it with 2 and a half pounds of long grain rice... not minute rice!! You can freeze it or heat it. I guess when it is heated it works great on your back or neck or anywhere you have pain. You put it in the microwave!! I am dying to try this. She even said she has made decorative ones as gifts!! Silly. I will have to see if it works!!

We also watched another video of a birth. I am scared. Watching these woman in agony and the ordeal they go through is mind-blowing at this point. Then I start thinking of women I know who have children and I'm like "there's no way this chick who is SO totally together went through this kind of agony and writhed around on a bed and grunted and moaned..." but they all did!! It's just a weird thing to me and while I know it is "beautiful" I am scared. I have a very low tolerance for pain, anxiety, the unknown, hospitals, patience, etc. I will probably FLIP out. I guess I just can't imagine a baby popping out of me. That sounds gross but its true. It seems impossible.

I am really excited about the baby shower on Thursday. I sent the evite today to everyone who had emailed me and wanted to come... and I ended up putting the WRONG date on it at first. I am just so stupid. I am hoping everyone got the second evite with the RIGHT date on it. It's March 4, this Thursday. I was so mad when I realized I screwed it up. I'm not too bright... :)

My friends/co-workers baby shower is on Sunday at our house. It's coming along nicely. TK didn't hang the new curtains yet but I'll have him on it... The livingroom and daddy den have stayed neat and clean and clutter-free for 2 days now. That is impressive for us!!

I am about to kill Dark House Networks. They shut one of our cable boxes off. I got a letter in the mail saying to pay by 3/3/04 or it would be shut off... well I mailed the last bill on Thursday so it should be there tomorrow, which is only the 2nd, so why the *$&% are they shutting it off?? But the cable downstairs works! I can't stand them!!

Oh, here's the problem I was referring to on the main page... Maternity clothes don't even fit anymore!!! Most of the shirts I have are too small now. I think they shrank and I also think my belly just sticks out so much they don't fit right anymore!! Not fun. I am sick of looking like a big slob but why bother buying another thing when I will only wear it for a few more weeks. I just don't want to spend the money on that.

I guess that is all for now. I am getting really sleepy. I hope I do not have restless problems like I did last night!

:)

D



• 3/1/04 • 39 days •

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Busy morning - that's why I haven't updated. I didn't sleep last night. Not surprising!

I am wearing my pajamas to work... Something got screwed up this morning and I didn't even have time to take a shower!!!! I had to rush in to work only to find out it wasn't even MY FAULT!!! Isn't that the way it always is...

Then we had a staff meeting and had pizza.

There are all these really cool plasma TVs in the studio now! I wonder if they would miss one...... :)

I don't have much to say other than I feel like crap as usual and just want this day to be over.

A lot of people have been emailing me telling me they think I will have the baby soon... in a week or two. This has me a little freaked out but I'm sure I'll be fine. I don't think she's ready yet... At least our house is getting fixed up! Furniture coming on Wednesday instead of Thursday and that makes me happy!

Sorry for the borning entry today, I'm kinda just blah........

:)

D



• 2/29/04 • 40 days •

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Well I haven't left the house yet today and it's 8pm... but I got a lot done. I cleaned all the floors, mopped, etc. and hung some more things on the wall. TK picked up another rug for the living room so now that room looks great! We have to get a drill from work to hang the curtains tomorrow... And then furniture Thursday and we'll be all set!

I am exhausted. I didn't sleep that much at all last night. I wasn't really restless or anything, just didn't fall asleep. We were up until about 6am just talking.

I actually have to go to work in a few... I have a commercial I have to do and I am on the air in LA at 7pm their time, 10pm our time. I should get it done earlier in the day but I always wait until the last minute....

Not much else going on. Baby kicking and squirming. Gonna lay down for about a half hour and then get my butt to work.

:)

D



• 2/28/04 • 41 days •

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8pm... Well, very good day!!

I slept well last night. Got up around 11 and had peanut butter & jelly & chocolate milk!! Fell asleep on the couch watching JFK. For some reason I get sucked into that movie! It is odd to think that by the time all that stuff is no longer classified we'll probably all be dead or close to it. Hopefully future generations will still care to know what really happened and at least some of the mystery will be solved. When I was in high school I had a history teacher - Mr. K - who was totally into it. I remember always touching on the whole scandal here and there in school but never understood just how messed up this whole thing was. Definitely the biggest scandal/cover up in the history of our country. Very scary. I've read books on it and stuff... it's like no matter how much you read about it - or no matter how many times I see the movie - I still wonder just WHO ON EARTH did it??? Anyway, enough about that. I just get sucked in....

Woke up at 3 and TK picked me up to go SHOPPING!!!! We went to Rooms To Go and got a dining room set!! It's really nice, and it was on sale!! I'm really excited. It's being delivered on Thursday... just in time for baby shower! We also got a rug I've wanted for a while - it was on sale for $99! So that will be delivered Thursday too... very exciting. We also found this REALLY nice bedroom set we want but it's $1400 and I really didn't want to drop that much loot, especially since we still need a lot of bably things. We're probably going to put it on layaway and pay it off soon... We really need a bedroom set. I don't even have nice bedroom furniture at all and his stuff is old and crappy, broken, etc. Our main goal was to get the dining room set and that's what we did.

Then we went to Panera for dinner... soup and sandwiches - yum! While we were there we stopped by Mattress Firm since we want a king size bed... And this morning we were watching the infomercial for the Temperpedic mattress and he was all freaking out about it. We were trying to talk about what we needed to get done today and he just kept telling me to shut up so he could hear about the Temperpedic... LOL! So when we pulled into the Panera lot next to Mattress Firm I was like "OMG THEY HAVE THE TEMPERPEDIC!!" Of course we went in and chilled out on it for a while. Turns out the manager there listens to us on the radio... It's always cool when that happens! Then we stopped at Pier One and looked at rugs (we need one more and a runner) but we didn't buy anything...

He had to go to work and it was getting late so he dropped me off at Target by the radio station and went to do his work... I had a NICE TIME at Target... Then something strange happened. It was actually one of the stranger things that has ever happened to me...

I was finished picking out a ton of stuff, waiting for TK to come get me, and I wanted to kill time in the candle aisle. If I kept walking around the store I would have ended up buying a LOT more... So I'm looking at these blue candle sets and this old man came up to me and told me that the blue ones don't burn very well. I thanked him. He had a cane, long white hair and some whiskers... he was wearing a green and magenta striped shirt that was too big... brown pants and brown "old man" shoes... He was picking up each candle and smelling it... Then he came back over to me and asked if I was having a boy or a girl... I told him a girl. Then he said well good luck with that. I thanked him.

A few minutes later he approached me again and asked me if he could look at my palm. I made a fist and he told me I would have 3 children. The struck me as odd because I am one of three and always just thought ok 3 kids is how many you should have... Anyway, then he told me I should not be so scared, that it is a blessing. He looked at me and told me he could tell I am very scared of having a baby. I mean, maybe you can look at any pregnant woman and we're all probably scared, but he said... "No, you have fear. About life and this baby. And it's your first, right?" Funny he knew that. And then he put his finger on my forehead and told me to close my eyes. At this point I was a little freaked out but we're in the middle of a busy store, he couldn't harm me. He asked me what color dot I saw. I made it up and said blue... I hadn't actually seen a dot. And then he said... "You need to calm him down." That's where it go weird... like how does this old man know what's up with my life??? He told me to close my eyes again and picture his face (TK's) in a pink cloud... and when I get mad at him, remain calm and picture that pink cloud with his face in the middle of it and I will find peace. Very strange.... He walked away and I felt kinda freaked out but good at the same time. Then he CAME BACK again and put his finger on the top of my head and asked me to feel the bright light of Christ through my body, around my baby, and to my toes... and then he told me to in my head say the Lord's Prayer... I did it. I figured why not? Then he said to remember Psalm 23... I looked at him, confused - I don't have the bible memorized... And he said "The Lord is my Shephard..." and then I remembered. I know that one. It's on the back of this little prayer card we had made for my mom's funeral. So that kind of hit me. Yes, it's a popular bible verse but still, odd. Then he finally walked away and told me to have a nice life and to enjoy the blessing of my child.

So, does anyone have any idea... He kept mentioning something about how he learned some of this stuff in Tibet. I don't know, I am not a very religious person at all, and I certainly don't understand palm reading, and lifelines, and spiritual stuff. Is any of this for real? Like the pink cloud thing? The blue dot? It freaked me out at first and then I realized I should not be afraid of it. For some reason this wise old man wanted to send some kind of message to me about my fear of becoming a mom. Maybe I shouldn't read into it - maybe he's just plain senile... but it was freaky and cool at the same time.

So anyway.....

As for my shopping!!! Target is the best. I could buy everything in there. I ended up getting a runner for the hall.... They also have a full size rug to match, but I wanted to see what the runner looks like in our house and how it blends with our other furniture before I buy the big one...

I got a nice lamp for the "Daddy Den", a black wood curtain rod and olive velvet curtains for the "Daddy Den", and a nice dark wicker basket for TK to put his video game systems in under the entertainment center. I HATE VIDEO GAME CONTROL CORDS all over the room... and I don't like those cheap looking plastic storage bins he wanted to me to get either. Baskets are SO MUCH nicer. This room is going to look GREAT when we have people over!! I also got some hand towels for the downstairs bathroom and a nice candle set for the bathroom. I am excited our house is FINALLY coming together! I figured I would take it room by room... and since the daddy den already has carpet, has nice black leather furniture, and has things on the wall, I would just put the finishing touches on it and get that room all set. It's called the "Daddy Den" because it makes TK feel special, like he has his on room, and it's his furniture and his platinum records that are hanging there... but it's really just the room we chill out in and watch TV in. It's also the only room besides the baby room that needs curtains. We have double doors to the porches from the living room and our bedroom, so they don't need any window stuff. Now the challenge will be hanging the curtain rod!! I really think the room is going to look great. I will be so proud of it... It's always fun to decorate... I have had apartments before but this place feels like my first "house" and it's nice to be getting new furniture and things we will keep for a long time.

First thing's first though. I gotta fix the vacuum cleaner!! Not a fun task, but what's the point of setting up a nice new room if the floor has crumbs and crap all over it? :)

Anyway, now that I've detailed my silly day... Time to get crackin' on setting it all up!!

So weird that a year ago at this time the last thing on my mind on a Saturday night was setting up a house.... I was like LET'S DRINK!!! I stlil like to have fun and I'm sure once the baby is a little older I will still go out from time to time... but for now I am happy being Sally Homemaker.

:)

D





• 2/28/04 • 41 days •

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Well, its only 12:38am but it's another day down!

I went to Kelly & Clay. Good show. I don't quite understand the Clayniacs... I mean, he has a GREAT voice... and he's very sweet... but do you find him sexually attractive? Like all these people who adore him... I mean, I don't see how Clay can make any woman horny!! I think women like him in a "what a cute little man" kind of way, not as a SEX SYMBOL!! And I have to say that he looked like Peter Pan wearing a dark green shirt on stage!!! He does have an amazing singing voice and his show was really good. We missed the beginning of Kelly's performance but I have to say Clay was definitely better.

Then we went for the meet & greet. GET THIS. We had 2 sets of winners to go backstage and ONE GIRL DIDN'T EVEN SHOW UP!!! She won great seats and backstage passes and she didn't even show up. I was like WHAT???? I HATE when stuff like that happens. I wanted to go pull someone out of the crowd to come with us but there were already a lot of other people from other places getting backstage. It was an hour and a half before we even got to meet them... and then they did autographs quick and then came around and did pictures. The people who took our pictures were having trouble with the cameras and Clay ended up helping everyone work the cameras! He was very sweet... but he's SO SKINNY. And Kelly was wearing this really silly outfit. She had on a light blue tee-shirt like from American Eagle or something... and then this puffy white lacy skirt and white sneakers. It was really weird. And Clay was wearing windpants and a tee-shirt and sweatshirt. He has VERY BIG FEET.........................

I have the weekend off for the most part. We have so much to get done. I really hope he gets on the freaking ball this weekend. I am STARTING TO GET really mad. I have just been keeping my cool and hoping that he'll just magically realize that we are having a baby in a month and things need to get done... I am starting to lose hope that that will happen and I'm gonna have to be a "b*tch" and start nagging. Of course, you can ask in the nicest possible way and if the man doesn't want to do it, it's either b*tching or nagging. I think I should just become asexual.

That's all for now, time to go to bed.

D



• 2/27/04 • 42 days •

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Oh, what a night. I had HORRIBLE nightmares. I am afraid to even share what they were about because it was just so terrible. I guess it is probably normal... But I had 2 nightmares, one early in the night and one right before I woke up, that my baby did not make it. They were graphic and scary and I had nobody to help me... I was losing baby and I knew it and nobody at the hospital, none of my friends, nobody would listen to me or help me... I will spare the gross details but I woke up very upset and disturbed. Did you have nightmares like this???

So I had to tell TK this morning that I am "starting to get angry" that our house is NOT ready for baby shower next weekend or for baby at all... We have a lot to do. Today I am going to compile a list of all the stuff that has to be done around the house before we can have people over... and then what needs to be done for the baby. We still don't have a LOT of things we need and I am tempted to go out and buy them but I want to wait until after baby shower to see if we get any of them. I know there are a few things that are off the registry - just don't know who bought them yet :)

I'm still very sore. I woke up this morning and besides the emotional trauma from the nightmares, I felt like I couldn't move. My muscles in my back and legs are all tense... The massager thing I bought definitely makes me feel better WHILE I AM SITTING ON IT but there's no permanant relief. My doctor gave me some exercizes I should do and I did them last night but I'm not sure it helped... maybe doing it every night will eventually help. I guess I need to stretch the muscles in my back more.

Someone emailed me saying that she predicts I will have the baby in the next 2 weeks because of all the back pain and stuff... wonder if that'll happen!! I will be 35 weeks on Monday so 2 weeks would be perfect. She'd be a little early but not considered pre-term. Works for me! As long as she is healthy and strong!!

Tonight I'm going to the Kelly & Clay show but I'm hoping I can SIT during it. Standing for a whole concert will make me nuts. Then after the show I'm meeting the people who won passes from us and taking them to meet Kelly & Clay.

We still have ONE PAIR of front row seats and ONE PAIR of backstage passes to give away... TK will have them this afternoon so that's how to get them... don't beg me!!

I think I'll go lay down for a little while before my show in half an hour...

D



• 2/26/04 • 43 days •

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What a miserable day. Not that anything went all that badly... I just don't feel well at all. I just got home. I didn't get to go to the thing at the baby store tonight because it's almost 7pm now and there's no way I would have made it on time... and been able to sit through something. My back hurts and I am just tired and uncomfortable. I didn't want to have to sit there for 2 hours and then drive home... but I am mad I had to miss it because it probably would have been very informative. I just can't push myself right now... I'm pushing myself just to put in full days of work. If you've never been pregnant you probably think I am just being lazy and complainging... but if you have been pregnant, you know how I feel. I HATE that I am so achy and tired and uncomfortable. Once I am in a seated position I do not want to get up. Everyone and everything seems to annoy me. I wanted to snap at a few people today who were just getting on my nerves but I bit my tongue. I know I'm just ultra moody.

I should go take Lexi out but running up and down the street with her is just not what I'm up for. I think TK is coming home soon so he can take her out. I feel bad but I just need to lay down.

More later.

D



• 2/26/04 • 43 days •

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Grrrrr... It sucks to be me! I tried to stop complaining for a few days but this sucks and it's my journal so tough.

I didn't sleep very well last night at all. I kept waking up with these weird pains and when I tried to walk to the bathroom I couldn't even stand up my back was hurting so bad. It is hard to get out of bed too. Just aches and pains all over...

I went to the doctor this morning to find out "it's normal" - of course - nothing they can do... and I have gained 7 lbs. since my last visit 2 weeks ago. Part of me thinks this is not accurate. I mean, I could see a few... but 7??? I am up to 147 and I started at 117. They say 25-30 is normal. Well, I'm going to go above normal and this isn't cool. I guess it could be a sign of preeclempsia, whatever that is. My blood pressure is perfect though, so that's promising. I don't know how I gained 7lbs... I am hoping it is all belly and all for baby! I worry that she's not big enough because big as my belly is, I don't see how she can be big enough to be born normal weight. She is moving and kicking like crazy though, so I know she is healthy.

I got to work a little early today after my doctor appointment and did some work then took an hour nap on the couch. Finky had to come in and wake me up! I was seriously drooling on the couch in the office which means I was in a pretty deep sleep! Why can I sleep peacefully on the skanky office couch but in my nice bed I can't??

Tonight I have that seminar at the baby store. I would LOVE to get out of work right at 3 and go home for a nap before it. I am just really wiped out today!

Anyway, I have Kelly & Clay 2nd row tickets to give away and I'm not sure how to give them away....

Have a nice day!

D





• 2/25/04 • 44 days •

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8:04pm... Just got home from the mall. I went to pick up this massager at Brookstone. It's like a big mat that you put on a chair - at home, at the office, even in the car - and it massages you. OMG - It might need batteries. I gotta go check that and have TK pick them up on the way home if it doesn't come with them. It would SUCK if I opened it all up, was so ready to relax, and no batteries...

Nope, all good. It's got a power adapter.

I also stopped to get food at Maggiano's... and I'm sitting at the curbside carryout spot waiting for my food... and I realize all the people going into the restaurant are all dressed up. And it hit me... WE SPEND WAY TOO MUCH MONEY ON TAKE OUT!! I mean, once a week would be one thing. But we get food from nice restaurants 3 or 4 times a week. Cheesecake Factory last night, Maggiano's tonight... It's kinda ridiculous. I need to put a stop to it. We have a perfectly nice kitchen to cook in. We should be making dinner just about every night. It's healthier too!! I will need to learn how to cook nice meals, homeade sauces and gravy, veggies, etc. so our baby can eat right. She will NOT live on fast food like a lot of kids do.

Of course I got depressed in the mall walking by bebe and Express and every other store knowing "can't wear that, can't wear that either" then I look in the maternity store and all the crap is just that - crap. It's ugly. It's homely. It's not anything I would normally wear. Even Old Navy & Gap Maternity and the other places are not my style. Bebe or Express or American Eagle need to come out with maternity clothes. I think they would do REALLY well. How many young, hip, women do you know who are pregnant or have had babies??? TONS!! It's bad enough to feel gross because you are gaining weight, add to that the fact that you can't even wear cool clothes - it sucks. I've found a FEW cute things but nothing like what I NORMALLY wear. Put it this way - I would NEVER buy any of the maternity clothes I have in "regular" sizes. No way.

I am getting excited for my baby showers! Yes... 2 more. The one we're having at our house is going to be really fun. We just have to get the house ready for all these people. I had to spell it out for TK last night - dude, our boss, all of our co-workers, etc. will be HERE in our HOUSE and we need to make it look nice. I think that will make him jump on the ball!! A friend of mine is actually flying in from NY to come!! He's been a great friend for a long time - and of course he wants to see me pregnant!!

As for my shower with you guys... We're getting there. I have a date/place, just waiting for 100% confirmation which I should have tomorrow. So if you're on my guest list, you'll be getting the info soon!! I'm really excited to meet you. It's so weird talking to people that you don't "know" but you feel like you know just through email. It's really cool to me that so many people who listen to my show are actually interested in meeting me and hanging out for a baby shower. It should be really fun. We have games planned and some cool prizes... and of course everyone gets FLZ stuff :)

Not much else is up. I feel like this week/weekend is turning out to be another busy one... Tomorrow I think I mentioned I have doctor at 8:30 and then a full day of work and then at 7 is the seminar at the baby store... Friday I'm going to see Kelly & Clay with my intern Ashley... we're going to meet them after!! I had no idea I would be able to but I guess they're doing a meet & greet after the show. Please don't beg me for passes though, I can't take anyone else backstage with me!! If we have any more passes we'll give them away on the air. PLEASE don't ask me... I will say no. I have no choice.

So now for the daily complaint. Today my bra was KILLING me. Did this happen to you? I bought bigger sizes since I have an extra layer of fat around me and of course the boobs grew a little... but now that size doesn't seem big enough. It dug into my ribs all day to the point where I unhooked it!! Now I have these red marks at the top of my huge belly where it dug into me all day. NOT FUN. That in addition to the back pain. And I have a blister on my foot from the new sandals I wore. If only I had a personal masseuse. I know I spelled that wrong but whatever!

So I just got an email from someone who told me that putting little mittens on baby's hands is bad because it will give her psychological problems??? That's what her doctor told her. It's not like I'm going to mask my 5 year old... We'll see. I will obviously try to keep her little nails as trimmed as possible but if scratching herself becomes a problem we'll do something more about it. I'm not going to put mittens on her all day every day.

OK that's all for now. TK is almost home and I need to put my jammies on so we can set up my massager and eat dinner!

Have a nice night. I probably won't update again 'til tomorrow since I'll be relaxing on my massage mat ALLLLL NIGHT!

D





• 2/25/04 • 44 days •

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12:15pm. Can I just say I am so sick of everyone LOOKING AT MY BELLY every time I walk down the hall??? It's like they look me in the eye, say HI, and then look down at the belly!! I would rather have them checking out my boobs or something... or maybe they are... but it's just so obvious! Anyway.

Well I have a busy day tomorrow!! I have a doctor's appointment at 8:30 (and lots of questions) and then tomorrow night I am going to the breast feeding/parenting seminar at the baby store. They are FREE!! Of course I'm probably going to do some shopping while I am there...

Last night I slept well again. I woke up once or twice but was able to go right back to sleep. I am so happy I haven't been up ALL night lately. I have been feeling weird crampy things in my belly but that's normal and I guess it's just the baby growing and stretching me even more. I don't have ANY stretch marks though!! I examine my belly carefully, in the light, every day and NOTHING. I am so lucky for that. At 34 weeks I think I would have them by now, right? And swelling... not swelling - would that be happening already?

Thank you to the peeps who emailed me with the things I absolutely need!! The great thing is that all the lists were pretty much the same. The baby store gave a great list but I know I won't need all of those things right away. I have tons of onesies but I haven't even thought about little mittens for her hands so she does not scratch her face, etc. And a wipe warmer so its not cold on her little bum!! I will DEFINITLY be doing some shopping tomorrow night!

So what do you think about this new Mel Gibson movie? I'm scared of it. I don't really know what to think... Obviously it's a controversial thing. TK and I were watching a whole documentary on it last night. It's just weird to me. And it's a little scary that 2 people got struck by lightening while filming it. That's freaky! I told him I am afraid to watch it!

Not much else is going on. I am a house.

:)

D



• 2/24/04 • 45 days •

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10:18pm... We're just chillin' watching TV. I came upstairs for a minute and thought I would write since he started watching some BS I don't want to watch :)

This chair is becoming NOT comfortable so this will be quick. I'm wondering what I really need to have before the baby gets here. I am starting to worry that she could come early and I won't have the bare necessities!! And I highly doubt TK will be able to get the right stuff... so, bare minimum, what do you need in the first few days when the baby comes home? I have my little checklist from when we did the registry, but they tell you 100 things you "need" so you'll buy the crap from them... Any advice would be fantastic!

The lightening was pretty nuts for a little while!! For some reason I actually liked the rain today. I think it reminds me that the spring/summer is coming soon and even though it is ridiculously hot here, I like it. I lived in pure cold for so many years, I just love that it is so nice here so many months out of the year. The dead heat in the middle of the summer isn't always pleasant but I would rather steamy hot 105 degree days here than the -20 degree days in Boston!!

Anyway, that's all I have. I am running out of things to write about I think. I have been having some other thoughts lately but not anything I want to share in the baby journal. I can't really complain about my sore back, feeling fat, being restless anymore...

:)

D



• 2/24/04 • 45 days •

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2:18pm. I AM FURIOUS. OK, TK went out of his way to go to a certain place to get me chicken soup. He came BACK from lunch with the guys and then went out in the POURING RAIN to get my soup. I was excited. All I wanted was this soup. And of course he gets a gold star for going to get it for me.

However, this soup, which I USUALLY LOVE, was made out of p*ss and dark meat today!!! It's freaking terrible. I even had him get me two bowls because last time I just wanted more soup... And now I have two bowls that just plain suck. I won't mention the name of the place but I'm really unhappy. Who makes chicken noodle soup with dark meat? I don't know if it's the dark meat that is making it taste funky, or if someone didn't put enough boullion in it, or what. But it's just not good. It's got like a sour taste to it... and the few bites I took are giving me MAD heartburn!!

Hopefully Aleica will call and I can ask her to get me some from the other place I like. It was SO good yesterday.

I called and complained. They are sending me a free gift cert! I didn't complain to get free stuff, I just figured I would let them know to taste test the soup so nobody else ends up disappointed like I was.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! At least he got me lots of oyster crackers so I had SOMETHING to eat.

D



• 2/24/04 • 45 days •

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12:09pm... I want SOUP! I don't know why I have this addiction to chicken soup right now but that's ALL I want. I want TWO bowls because 1 just isn't enough. Maybe that's because I pick half the stuff out of it... AND OH NO. I don't think I am going to get my soup. There are lots of places that have soup - why can't he go to a place that HAS SOUP TODAY!?!?!?! He's like how about chicken fingers. NO. I am trying NOT to eat that crap I WANT SOUP!!!! OK shut up stop whining.

Well I actually wrote out some thank you cards last night! So if you're one of the people who was at my baby shower... they're in the mail. Well, half of them are... depends on whether or not I had your address in my book. :)

I actually got some sleep last night!! I woke up a few times a little freaked out and uncomfortable but I just tried to get comfy again and sleep. Then TK came in and woke me up by BITING MY TOE. He's weird. I was like AAAAAAAHHH I got good sleep and you had to wake me up like THAT??? So annoying.

So I'm wondering how the heck I should give away these Kelly & Clay tickets today. Hmmmmm....







• 2/24/04 • 45 days •

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Haha I waited until after midnight so I could put that I'm another day closer to having my little baby!! It's 12:04am...

I am just chillin' out after a looooooong day. Of course I told you I woke up ON MY FLOOR so that was a fabulous start to the day... Just had a lot of work to do... rushed home to take care of Lexi... went to childbirth class for 2 and a half hours... went to dinner with TK and a friend of his - who is also named Toby! - and then came home to take Lexi out... I played with her for a little while. She likes to jump on my couch and I can't stand it!! I just don't want the doggie hair all over it. I was trying to do my bills and she just kept jumping on me! She is so loving and sweet but sometimes she drives me crazy. I love the personality and love from dogs... but I like cats because they are so low maintenence and chill.

Anyway, I really wish we had someone taking pictures of us in our class. It is so funny. I just can't keep a straight face when they start playing the "relaxation" music with the birds chirping and tell us to breath... tonight we got on the mats and had to massage each other. I started cracking up. I don't know, it is just funny to me.

Right now, my back is KILLING. I want to write more but I just need to lay down. The discomfort is getting worse!!

I am going to try to lay down and then do some thank you cards. I HAVE to get them done.

More later (if I am an insomniac) or tomorrow....

D



• 2/23/04 • 46 days •

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OK Alecia just found this. My baby will be Aries. Scary. This is what we have to look forward to!! Very nice thing to read today...

The Aries Baby
March 21 - April 19
Planet - Mars
Element - Fire

The Rambo of the play group has arrived! With an Aries baby around, you can expect lots of action and activity in your midst. Don't expect this tot to sit still with a rattle -- it just won't happen. The Aries baby is one who makes a lot of noise and will definitely be heard. There's really no choice! As a Fire sign, the little Ram will be dynamic and always up to something. Will this be a tough baby to deal with? More than likely. To that end, parents would be wise to show this child how to work with other babies early on. Things such as sharing won't come naturally, they must be learned. Even where siblings are concerned, the Aries child won't be a walk in the park. What the Aries baby may want most of all, however, is attention, so parents be well advised. In a play setting, the Aries tot will easily get the attention of others on their own. This baby will also start many things early, the better to get to the finish line, so to speak, in a hurry. To sum up, the Arian baby can be quite independent but enjoys interacting with others. This baby is a fairly physical child and craves constant stimulation. They will be ready from day one!


SUPER!! The RAMBO???? I hope that means she'll be tough, not a big brute girl. I worry about all these things...

I'll just try to see the positive in all of that. She won't be selfish and bratty... She'll be a leader and outgoing right? Haha... I guess it is good she will be outgoing... TK says she is "fire sign like daddy!" He is Sagitarius, I am Virgo. Total opposites. No wonder we fight about cleaning the house!! I read this whole thing about signs that work well and signs that don't and we definitely are not a match LOL. Go figure.

So Alecia is going to get me some chicken noodle soup. That's the new thing I am loving... but I have to take out the veggies. It's weird. If you haven't seen the pictures of me doing this, scroll down for the link. It's pretty insane.

I want to buy more things for my child. I am so tempted. I have to hold on to my cash right now though!!! I just want to spend spend spend. I have been finding all these great things online and I even click to buy them and then stop myself before entering credit card number. It's bad!

Have a nice afternoon.

D




• 2/23/04 • 46 days •

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Yes this countdown thing is definitely making the time fly... :)

So I woke up this morning (on the floor - more on that in a few) and something had happened. I am not sure if I should tell you what it is because it is one of those "TMI" too much information things but it's kinda funny to me. If you can figure out what it is you can email me and I'll let you know... It was a little freaky. TK is having a good laugh about it today. Typical guy.

So I feel gross today, as usual. I feel really huge. My back hurts... oh yeah, sleeping on the floor. Well basically I couldn't sleep in his bed, tried my bed and couldn't sleep. My back was hurting all over (I think from sitting in an uncomfortable chair for 2 hours while watching Sex & The City) and so I laid on the floor for a few to stretch out. It felt better. Then I ended up just dragging my comforter onto the floor and somehow fell asleep there. TK walked in my room this morning thinking I had fallen out of bed! It was pretty funny. I have no idea how I slept that way. Oh, I also had a very bizarre dream but it was kinda gross so I won't even share.

We have our 2nd childbirth class tonight. I thought I would look forward to this but I'd rather go right home and relax. They do the breathing part at the end of class which I don't like at all. After sitting there for 2 hours all I want to do is get out of my seat and leave... and they try to make me relax. I am fidgety at this point.

Anyway, I gotta get back to work. Have a great day!

D



• 2/22/04 • 47 days •

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I say Happy Endings of course because of the Sex & The City Series Finale!!! Wow - it was great. I haven't watched it much this season because of work and other things but what a great ending. It was so fairy tale. If only life were that way!!! Charlotte got her baby... Miranda, Steve & Brady are a family... Samantha found true love (and he's freaking HOT)... and Carrie got her Mr. Big!! The only thing that made me mad is that his name is John. They reveal Big's real name - and it's John. I guess I'm not surprised but I'd rather just keep calling him Big. We gave away some really cool Sex & The City stuff. I went on to the hbo website and they have TONS of cool stuff so go shopping!!! I will totally miss the show. I'm actually kinda happy I did not see the whole season because now there are some episodes out there I can watch for the first time... Next... The Sopranos comes back March 7. That's going to be good.

We had fun at the party at Green Iguana Rocky Point. A lot of people came out for it and it was a good time. Plus, I had a nice juicy STEAK for dinner!

I didn't do much this weekend... just cleaned which was good. TK and I hung stuff in the "daddy den" earlier today and he finished up while I was out.

Oh, his car got broken into last night. NOT GOOD. Luckily they didn't get anything all that valuable but he's still upset and I don't blame him. It was parked in the garage where we live... where we think we are safe, especially since we pay so freaking much to live here, but I guess not. They got mostly CDs which he didn't want anyway... as if we can't replace CD's... I doubt he paid for a single one of them... and most of the cases were probably empty anyway since he has all his CDs that he likes in a carry case and not in their jewel cases. They did take his sub but it's no good without the amp... and they took his XM radio - he'll have that deactived and it'll be useless... and they stole a cell phone from the glove box - the old one that he dropped in the water and is completely dead and useless. Amateur theives - all they really did was clean his car out since he wanted to trash most of the CD cases anyway!! The thing that upsets us is that there's no security in the parking garage where we have to leave our cars. It's a little frustrating. And it makes me even more mad that there's CONSTANT police patrols in the complex to ticket you the moment you leave your car in an illegal spot... but where are these idiots when things are getting stolen??? Probably writing tickets. They should stop worrying about the parking situation which hurts nobody and start concerning themselves with protecting the residents from theft, etc.

I'm sure you'll hear all about it on the air today after 3!

I am pretty tired and have to clean up the kitchen. I realized my butt has DEFINITELY gotten bigger. :( This concerns me. I have this pair of shorts that are kinda loose and I haven't worn them in forever but it's hot in here tonight so I threw them on thinking they would fit fine and just sit below my belly, but they are a little snug on my butt and they USED TO fall down. NOT MAKING ME HAPPY. I shouldn't complain though, I've gained 25lbs and Kate Hudson... gained... 75 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sure she'll be back in shape very quickly but that's a LOT, especially since she was so thin before. Wow.

OK my back is hurting.

:)

D



• 2/21/04 • 48 days •

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It's 11:35pm and I am tempted to say that I think this whole "nesting" thing is happening. I feel like a little bird saying the word nesting. It makes me picture myself picking up twigs and putting them around the house!!!

Anyway, I took a very long, hot bubble bath for OVER AN HOUR and then felt great!! I've been walking around the house in a sports bra and pj pants cleaning. I cleaned the laundry room... yes, the laundry room where we CLEAN our clothes is a disaster! And I cleaned my bathroom... and then moved on to the disaster that was TK's bathroom. I was hoping he would do it since he bought cleaning supplies and a cool new toilet bowl cleaning brush the other day but...... I guess there are just some things a man will never do :)

The only thing that sucks is that it is difficult to keep bending over to pick things up, or to kneel down to clean the tub, etc. And lifting clothes from washer to dryer is very tiring. It's amazing the things that wear me out now!!

So I am working on finding a charity for baby things. I have had a few suggestions so now I need to figure out which one I should go with. One foster mom emailed me and suggested contacting Child & Family Services in Tampa to see if they are accepting donations for newborn babies that go right to foster care. She told me that when she receives infants right from the hospital they arrive with a box of diapers and the clothes on their backs and that is it. I think it would be great to provide these babies and their foster parents - who are just the most amazing people - with some additional clothing and supplies.

I also received an email from a girl who suggested donating to The Pregnancy Center of Pinellas County. They are always accepting donations of baby supplies. The only issue I have with that organization - and it is NOT a personal one - is the fact that it is a faith-based organization which encourages women not to have an abortion and to consider the other options. Personally, I think this is a wonderful alternative to Planned Parenthood and has probably saved a lot of women from making a choice they might not have wanted to make but felt they had to... but I am leery of suggesting that other people donate to this kind of charity if they do not believe in it or have a problem with the pro-life beliefs of the organization. Maybe I am overthinking it... but I think so much emphasis is put on being PC that I feel I should keep my personal beliefs out of it and donate to a non-faith based charity. Hopefully that makes sense and my comments won't offend anyone. Sometimes I feel I can't speak my mind without some ignorant person taking my words out of context and accusing me of bs.

Well you can tell it's Gasparilla Knight Parade tonight because there are drunks all screaming and yelling all outside my window. Harbour Island is the pre-during-after-party place around here!! It's hard because a year ago I'd be in the middle of it... and now it's the farthest thing from my mind and I almost find these people stupid and annoying. I think that is one of the difficult things in my relationship right now. We were BOTH little party animals and now I am just completely in mommy-ville and he's still floating out there somewhere in between. I have tried to be patient but some things lately - that you may or may not have read about - have really upset me. Now I've asked for a little more support as I go through this and I think I got my point across. :)

I have looked at babygap.com about 10 times today so tempted to buy something. I need to stop myself. I also found some other really cute clothes online. I am so anxious about having this baby!!! I was sitting here asking her if she likes the stuff... she was kicking anyway so I pretended she was responding to my questions. I am SUCH a dork.

Back to laundry and cleaning. Does this mean she's going to pop out soon????

Thanks for reading as always. I've been posting a lot lately because the chair at my computer is more comfortable than anything else in the house. I'm not kidding!!

Dana





• 2/21/04 • 48 days •

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Hooray! A day off the countdown calendar... and the best is that I don't think I'm going to make it to 0!!

OK, explain this one to me. I fell asleep around midnight last night, woke up at 2:30 and went to hang out with TK - he was watching Oceans 11. He has to "unwind" after club gigs so he stays up REALLY late... Anyway, I watched that for a little while and then felt compelled to take all the baby clothes I've had sent to me lately and organize them. I put them on hangers or folded them nicely and put them in my armoir (no baby furniture yet)! Then I picked up all the towels in my room and started cleaning the bathroom!! I then realized I am insane and went to bed around 5am. Now I'm at work - it's 10am - and I am so tired.

Here's the other thing I've been thinking about. Very random but we started talking about it at 5am when he came up to bed and I went to lay with him... We were talking about how I want more books for the baby so we can read her bedtime stories... and I said but NOT the scary ones... there were some stories that still freak me out.

Hansel & Gretel. Yeah, an old lady in a gingerbread house in the middle of the woods tries to toss you in an oven and then you throw her in and run???

Little Red Riding Hood. Grandma turns into a wolf and wants to eat you. Really makes you want to go over the river and through the woods.

The Old Woman In The Shoe (and this is Mother Goose!). Old lady has so many kids running around they are all piled in one room and starving. LOVELY!

Wee Willy Winky. Runnin thru the town in his nightshirt. Flasher... or CHILD MOLESTER??

The Velveteen Rabbit. Little boy gets sick and they take away all his germy toys and burn them. Then they come to life. No thank you.

All of these freak me out. I still think about how I would picture my grandmother as a wolf and how horrible that image is!! And we had woods behind my house growing up and I wondered if there was an oven waiting for me. SCARY. I will stick to Disney and Doctor Seuss...

That's all for now. :)

D



• 2/20/04 • 49 days •

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Oooh, that last post was a little harsh I guess. Sorry... I'm thinking about taking it down but I won't. People get upset when they miss something so I will leave it up there. If it offends you, you probably missed my point. If you feel the need to yell at me about it or contact my boss because you are offended, be my guest. I didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings - I was just expressing mine. This is my journal and I'll write what I want. And if you don't like it, just plain don't read it. Nobody forced you to come to this page and nobody's forcing you to read this. You can seriously kiss my a$$ if you have anything negative to say about my journal. If nobody read it I wouldn't bother doing it every day... or, maybe I would, because it helps me and I am all that matters, RIGHT??? Hehe.


It's 10:43pm and you'll be happy to know I am not going to post anything depressing right now...


I'm a little upset with myself though. All I wanted to do tonight was make myself a nice chicken/pasta dish. Sounds simple enough right? No. TK picked up the chicken on the way home from work (had to put that in there since I go off about the bad - he does good things too) and I just whipped up some spices to add to it. A little of this, little of that... When HE does it like that it comes out AWESOME no matter what. I try, and ICK!!! It's way too salty. I think I put too much garlic salt in. I am eating it, but I had to add some parm cheese and lots of pasta to get rid of some of the salt taste. There's some sitting downstairs and I have a feeling he'll go for it when he comes home... HAHA he'll be like baby what the HELL did you make??? I hate that he is a much better cook than I am... The only thing he can't make is rice. He screws up rice SO BAD.


Oh, and get this. It was gross. I boiled water for the pasta and it took FOREVER for some reason, the chicken was done before the water boiled... and then I put the linguine in only to find these little teeny bugs in it!!!!! I have found them in pasta once before in my old apartment. They are little tiny icky brown bugs that must get into the boxes of pasta and like the starch or something. SO NASTY!!! Needless to say I dumped that whole thing out and started a fresh pot boiling, and then used spaghetti from a plastic bag instead of a box. Any idea what these little bugs are? I've never seen them before I moved here and now twice they've invaded my pasta. They just kinda hide out and then float to the top... SO NASTY. I wouldn't normally speak of bugs in my food, but I know I keep a pretty neat house and I'm sure if they're in my pasta they've been in someone else's. ICK!


So my plan for the evening is to clean my room. It's not happening so far. I am chatting with my friend Sandy and looking at babygap.com AGAIN and telling myself DO NOT BUY DO NOT BUY. I am getting so anxious to meet this baby it is unreal. I think I will count the days 'til my due date and start each entry with it... Countdowns sometimes make things go by faster!


49 Days!!! Wait, let me count again... Yes. 49. That is 7 weeks but considering I've heard the first baby comes early... I really think she is ready to come out. I don't know, I just have this feeling... :)


OH, TK went to Pottery Barn Kids after work today and bought the softest cutest teddy bear... "Baby's 1st Bear" it says on the foot. It is so soft and cute. What man goes to Pottery Barn Kids on his own time because he feels like it??? It was so cute when he came home to show me. I want to sleep with this bear but knowing me I will drool on it or something and ruin it for baby. :)


Wow are there like 2 smiles in this post? I better quit while I'm ahead.


D



• 2/20/04 •

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ALLRIGHT. I'm going to go off here. This has nothing to do with my baby or anything... other than my job and how annoying it can be.

Please do not take offense to this... I just have to put it out there so people know what I deal with sometimes and so that people understand why I can't just hand out backstage passes to every show that comes through town to every person who thinks they "deserve" them.

I am really perplexed as to why some people seem to think I have a direct connection to celebrities. The radio station gets a small number of tickets/passes, etc. to events and we use them to give away on the air. I get more sob story emails and begging emails and "I'm the biggest fan ever here's why" emails than I can count EVERY time someone comes to town.

The latest - Kelly & Clay. As if I know them... I do not know either of these people. I have never met either one of them, nor do they know me, nor will they give a crap who I am when they meet me. To them, I am just "an annoying radio person" who they have to be nice to so we'll play their songs. That's it. Did you see Newlyweds the other night - Jessica Simpson going off about how much she hates dealing with radio people!! Celebrities do not like us!!

I get really frustrated when people email me pleading for backstage passes. I don't have any. I might have them to give away on the air, but personally, I don't have any to just give to anyone who asks or "needs" them. The rules are I give them away on the air fairly and that's the end of it.

I get especially frustrated with the people who try to make me feel bad so I will give them the passes or front row tickets. I have gotten emails from every person with every single bad streak of luck, illness, difficult financial situation, etc. story and I really hate the fact that people want to guilt me into giving them things that I don't have and then make me feel like I caused their problems or like I am making their lives more difficult because I don't have anything. It's like - if I say no, I seem like a heartless wench who doesn't care about their difficulty in life.

The truth is, I do care, I do have compassion, but I don't have the backstage passes. This may seem like a really heartless horrible thing to say, but that's not the point. I feel uncomfortable and just awful when I hear these stories and KNOW I can't make this person's "wish" come true. I try to respond to all of thees emails and explain my situation and why I can't help. MOST of the time people appreciate the response and I express my sympathy, but I've been called a "heartless b*tch" by one mother lately and I really don't understand why. I tried to explain the way things work at the radio station but I guess it's my responsibility to give things I don't have. It's frustrating to feel bad for people and have them think I have some power to provide things I just don't have... and then to be called heartless over it.

Then there's the "Dana I love your show, I listen all the time, you are my favorite..." trying to butter me up. When I say no to these people I have been accused of NOT CARING ABOUT MY FANS and stuff like that. Give me a break. I try to respond to everyone who emails me and am nice to people who call me. I also will let people know to listen and have even let people know when to expect to hear if we're going to have tickets. A lot of DJs wouldn't even bother to respond to their "fans". And honestly, even using the word "fan" seems a little odd to me since who am I to even have fans?

Now, I know I get to meet celebrities and talk to them and go to concerts and those are perks of my job... and I honestly wish I could give everyone the chance to meet their favorite star. I really do. I love when I can take my friends to meet people they really like. I took my friend Loni to meet her FAVORITE - Jewel - last year and it is a good feeling. Honestly, I am not a huge Jewel fan at all, but when I had the chance I brought my friend to make her happy... and I took my friend Erin to meet Jessica Simpson because she LOVES her. These people never even asked to go, I just brought them because I knew they would enjoy it. But the bottom line is, these opportunities are few and far between, and when it comes to giving away passes and tickets, I HAVE to do it fair and square on the air IF we have anything to give away.

PLEASE do not beg and plead with me for anything... I just don't have it. If we have it to give away on the air - that's how we do it. I am not a heartless person, but I HAVE to be fair and I am sick of having to respond to these emails and feel like I am being mean or leaving people out because I just don't have the stuff.

Anyway, that's my rant. Please don't take offense. I WISH I had an abundance of tickets and backstage passes to every show so I could hook everyone up no matter what the reason, but I don't. The only thing I can tell you is that every time we have things to give away, we do it on the air so that every person who listens has a fair chance. I am not trying to be mean, I'm just saying that it's kinda rude to try to make ME feel bad for not having things.

OH HOORAY MY iPod Mini is here!!!!!!! It is pink and little. We are going to call it mommiPod :)

D




• 2/20/04 •

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We just took some new belly pictures! Someone had the nerve to say to me - "thanks for the scary pics, that's birth control for me." I should have fired back with something equally as insulting but I just said "actually I've been told I am carrying this pretty well..." The comment SHOCKED ME!!! I guess she didn't mean anything by it, and she has no children so who is she to talk, but still it was RUDE!!


I am not really that upset about it, I just think it was pretty foot-in-mouth. I don't mean to sound conceited, but honestly I haven't blown up or anything and while I am worried about taking off all the weight and never having my pre-baby body, I'm not all that concerned. I know some people have written to me thinking I am really hurt and offended, I'm not. It's not a huge deal.

You can link to the new belly pics by clicking here!


I got the soup I wanted so that made me happy! Alecia found some at Boston Market. But I have a very strange way of eating soup... You'll laugh. Or maybe not. But we cracked up. I eat the broth, chicken & noodles. My boss called me an "alien" because of this.


CLICK HERE to see me being a freak eating soup!


:)


D



• 2/20/04 •

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11:30am... Well, I still feel like crap, but did you expect THAT to change? At least I had a nice breakfast and got to work on time today!!

I ended up taking a lonnnnnnnnnnnng hot bath after I wrote last night. I went to go to bed, and then I couldn't fall asleep so I was just going to soak my feet. I put them in the hot water and then realized how good it would feel on my whole body so I stripped and hopped in!! I must have been in there for an hour... but the hot water pretty much numbed my legs and feet and shriveled them up so I could relax. Don't worry though, the hot water doesn't even touch the belly... it just sticks out above the water!!! And for anyone who is going to warn me about taking baths, the doctor said it is fine. The only time you CAN'T take a bath is after the water breaks... and even then it is sometimes OK if you ask the doc.

Jeez, there isn't much to talk about on the radio today. I am getting bored with hearing myself talk!!!! I did see something on the news last night with that William Hung dude. Can I ask, without being considered mean or rude, is he retarded or just strange? I am not asking to be mean.. I guess before I make fun of him I want to be sure he is not really mentally challenged. I know that sounds really rude but it was just on my mind. I actually HATE when people use the word "retarded" to describe things. I catch myself doing it once in a while and then realize how heartless it is.

Baby is pretty chill today. She's moving but not as much as the last few days. It starts to make me a little nervous but as long as she is moving she's good. I am actually pretty proud of myself for not being one of those freaks who calls the doctor every fifteen minutes. I have done a lot of reading so I know that sometimes she will be very active and sometimes she will just chill out in there...

I am wondering if it is true that she feels what I feel. Someone emailed me and was all telling me I need to cheer up because if I am sad, baby is sad. I find that hard to believe. I don't think my emotions are attached to hers. I don't even think babies are really capable of actual emotional feelings at this point. I know they bond with the mommy and daddy and quickly feel love... but do they even comprehend the range of emotions that I feel? God I sure hope not!! I just picture that she is ignorant with bliss in there and smiles and stuff. I can't wait until the first time she smiles at me. I know I will cry. Did you cry when you first held your baby? Did the daddy? I KNOW I'll be crying. I wonder if he will. You know the moment I get home from the hospital and she takes her first little nap I'll be writing and posting pictures so you can see her!

So the baby shower... GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! That's all I have to say about that. List is almost full, now I just have to get the details!!

The baby shower we're having at our house... Should be really fun. The girls who are throwing it sent out an evite the other day and I guess not many people have responded on the evite page but a lot say they are coming. I am excited!! We just have to fix up our house.

That's the next stress. This weekend we planned (again) to dedicate to fixing the nursery and cleaning and getting the crib, etc. Well, now we both have things that came at us last minute and it looks like our time to do this will be limited. It is so frustrating. And I feel like I need him to help me lift things and move stuff around so I can't even just do it by myself. Plus, it's something the Mommy & Daddy are supposed to do together. I just wish I had a normal freakin' life!!! :(

Allright I gotta go be on the air. I guess I can't complain about my "not normal" life because all I have to do is shoot the ish about dumb crap all day... but sometimes the negatives of this kind of work really interfere with what I need and want.

More later..........

D




• 2/19/04 •

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11:15pm. I'm really trying NOT to be so miserable but this just sucks so bad. TK brought home some new DVDs so we could relax and watch a movie... and I can't lay still on the couch. I just can't. It is not comfortable. I suggested watching the movie in bed but the TV in the bedroom is too old and does not have the right hook up for DVD player. So now I had to get up after an hour of trying to get comfortable. I even tried laying on the floor. My legs are just all weird feeling and restless. For some strange reason I can sit at my computer and type and I feel ok, but when I lay down to watch a movie I can't do it. It's very bizarre and very annoying.

I was thinking about taking a bath but that will suck since the moment I get out I'll feel like crap all over again. I bought a nice bath pillow the other day and I have yet to use it.

So I figured I would look for some maternity clothes online... here's what makes me really mad. Now that I am super gigantic I need the large panel front... and they don't make ANYTHING good with that big panel!!! AND... this REALLY annoys me, all the pants on the models are shown with them wearing HEELS. Like AS IF I am going to wear heels right now - are you kidding me? I can barely walk in a pair of sneakers let alone heels. I guess some women are just more dainty and together and poised than I am. I walk around like a scrub all the time and I really don't care.

Sad to say Lexi pooped in her cage today but it is not her fault. Neither one of us took her out this morning because we both woke up late. She can only hold it for so long! I cleaned it all up and we played for a while. She is just so cute. Even though I was EXHAUSTED when I got home and did not feel like cleaning up after her and running around, I found the energy to do it and it made me happy. She is just so happy all the time and she loves us no matter what. It's nice.

Other than that not much else going on. I made Boboli pizza for dinner and made myself eat it. Now I could go for some ice cream but maybe I shouldn't... Nah, I should. I feel crappy, I might as well take comfort in something.

Thanks for all of your responses about due dates - the good news is the majority of people said their babies came befoer the due date!!! That would make me happy. If I had her last week of March, first week of April I would be SO HAPPY. That would mean only another 5 or 6 weeks of feeling like this... and even better - I get to meet her!!!!

Sometimes it feels like I am waiting for a package to come in the mail... like she's not here yet... But really she's just hiding inside my belly and she is with me all the time. I just can't put her in baby gap clothes yet. YES... Baby Gap has all their new spring stuff out. I have to stop myself. I realized I have MORE than enough little outfits for her. I really do. I must have literally 50 onesies. I really need clothes for when she is a little older and baby care products, diapers, wipes, stuff like that. All I want to do is buy onesies from Baby Gap and I have to stop myself!!

OK time to get the ice cream and attempt to sit on the couch again. Imagine not being able to sit on your own couch and relax. I used to LOVE the couch and now... HATE IT. Oh, and since I can't sit still... I get up and try to do things, like clean my room, or clean up the kitchen, or do some laundry - and I get winded really quickly and don't want to do that either. I'm just a waste!

:)

Dana



• 2/19/04 •

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1:29pm... Oh I feel like crap today. I know it says "click here" for a happy entry... but this is not it. I put that up last night! I did not sleep that much at all. I woke up at around 2am and didn't go back to sleep until after 7am. I overslept and was late for some other things I had to do this morning. Now I am sitting here in pain. My back and my tummy hurt. It's hard to sit up. I am really out of it. I feel kinda shaky too, don't know what that is from.

I don't have much else to say other than this SUCKS!!!! I just want to meet my little baby. Sometimes I forget what I am going through all of this for and I have to remind myself that this part of it will be over soon.

I have very low tolerance for pain anyway, so this is killing me.

D



• 2/18/04 •

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11:46pm. I have way too much free time to be updating this often. Honestly though, I have a very comfy computer chair and it is better than laying on the couch and being restless or laying in bed unable to fall asleep. We were watching a movie downstairs but the couch is not at all comfortable for me right now and I had to finish doing the baby shower guest list so I came up to my room.

So guess what! He came home with a present for me. A silver necklace with a heart charm and diamonds. It is very pretty. And he gave ma a card asking for forgiveness and to start over... and he wrote his own note to me on the inside about how I teach him new truths about life and love every day. It was very sweet. The card is really pretty too... prettier than the one I tore up on Valentine's Day LOL.

I guess it is all a part of growing together. I think most men need to be prodded along the way and no matter how old they are or where they are in their lives, when it comes to settling down NO man is ever ready when we are! I love him and I know he loves me and we really do have a great life together. A nice house, cool jobs that we love, a cute little puppy we play with every night, and most importantly a child on the way who we created together. I don't know if I have mentioned this in my posts or if I had just said it to people in emails, but 6 days a week we are great. He has done a lot for me over the last few months. We've had our fights here and there - and this one was MASSIVE and rightfully so - but I do feel that save for his one night a week when he has to be a boy, he's been pretty good to me.

I wake up in the middle of the night having leg cramps at 4am and he wakes right up and stretches my leg to get rid of it... and he brings me food all the time... and he rubs my back and my belly... Little things.

Of course, there's a small part of me that feels like throwing stuff back in his face and not accepting it... but that is just the real hurt stubborn side of me coming through and that is one of MY faults that I need to work on. People hurt each other in relationships all the time and my problem is that instead of letting things be give and take, and forgiving mistakes, I just dwell on them long after I should stop being mad. I do it with EVERY situation, not just with relationships. I have screwed up pretty bad in my past and been forgiven by people - not just guys but friends/family... So I am accepting his apology now that he's made a lot of effort and said things - because one of the things that bothers me is he never SAYS anything meaningful to me - and I will see what happens from here. I will give him the benefit of the doubt that he realizes what is going on and will take me into consideration from now on.

OK, enough rambling. Time for bed, I HOPE I can sleep!!

D



• 2/18/04 •

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9:08pm. Ok maybe HAPPY is an exaggeration! No, I am cool. It's funny... I got a few emails from people suggesting I not share SO much and I thought about it and then... I got emails from people saying I should not listen to them and keep everything up if I want - and even asking for copies of what was taken down LOL! Once it's gone it's gone.

Well, there's a few reasons. First of all, I realized my family reads this journal on occasion. The last thing I want is for my dad or anyone in my family to worry about me and what is going on here. I am OK. Times are tough sometimes but I am OK.

Another reason is because I think it makes it seem as if he doesn't care about me and I don't want to put this idea out there that we have some really horrid relationship and that he doesn't care about me and we hate each other or that the child will suffer. Things are not perfect, not even close, but we're working through the problems. I do not need any criticism from outside people who only read the bad and think we're some sort of complete dysfunction. He screwed up really bad and I got really mad and said a lot of things out of anger. Yes, he made me furious and I am not going to say I was too hard on him, but at the same time I think everyone has been this angry over one thing or another and I just happened to spew my anger to EVERYONE!!

I also took it down because I think there is a limit to what I should be saying about him given our work situation. I don't think our boss reads this, but if he does he'd probably be a little upset for a number of reasons. Would you want your boss knowing all your personal crap like this? No. So I took it down.

Don't worry though, I am not going to competely censor everything I write by any means. It just got really heated and I think sometimes I need to stop spewing!!

Today was a good day for the most part. He brought me my Cinnabon which made me happy... then he ate half and ate the extra frosting right out of the plastic container. How sweet. It's cool though, I don't need to be eating an ENTIRE Cinnnabon!

Other good things... I actually got out of work at 5:30 and got home while it was still light out!! That hasn't happened for a while. I went over to the leasing office to get my package from Old Navy and I had received another package!! Getting mail is SO FUN and we get a lot of it lately... My dad sent us the gifts I got for my baby shower at home so now it's like getting presents all over again even though I have already seen them. TK hasn't seen them yet so we're going to look at them when he gets home. You'd think a grown man wouldn't give a rat's a$$ about baby clothes but he is sweet about it. I told him I like to hold them up and picture how cute she will look in them.

I took Lexi for a walk. She is funny with other dogs. I always think they are being mean to each other but it is just their little way of saying what up and checking each other out... She seems to be afraid of some big dogs and goes right after other ones. She is so little and I am always afraid they are going to beat her up but she holds her own!! I have bad doggie etiquette though... People always say how cute she is and is it lame to be like "oh yes you have a beautiful dog as well..." I just don't know what to say. Then tonight this one dude was walking his dog while talking on the cell phone and his dog was huge and he wasn't even paying attention to the fact that he was bullying Lexi!! I wanted to be mean but I wasn't, I just said HHHHEEEERRRRE!! so she would come to me. She's all trained, remember!!?? She has not pooped in her cage at all lately!! I am so excited about this. Now we come home, take her out, she poos and pees, and then we can hang out with her in the house. It is so much nicer to actually enjoy her. She keeps me running around though, and I get tired. She does need to be watched like a little kid because she'll jump on the couch or get at something. She constantly wants to play and I wish she could just sit and chill out while we watch TV but she jumps from me, to him, to the floor, to the chair, to him, to me, etc. and just wants attention. I played with her for an hour today and I was totally out of breath!!

TK on his way home with groceries. I gave him a list and I hope he wrote it down or we'll have a whole lotta crap we don't need. I will say he does things like grocery shop that a lot of men would NEVER do. OH I SPOKE TOO SOON. He just called and he forgot the list. GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!! I was not mean. I just said well forget it just get what you need and come home so we can play Monopoly and you can kick my a$$ again. As long as he brings the hot fudge I don't care. I haven't had a sundae in so long and I deserve one after the week I had.

So I guess I have to get started on thank you cards now that I have all the shower gifts here. I am just lazy and I hate coming up with things to say in thank you cards!!! "Thank you for the marvelous thermomoter, we will think of you every time we stick it up her bu..." that is so wrong but you know what I mean!!! And I did not get a rectal thermometer anyway. I know they say that's the best way to do it but it seems very cruel and intrusive to me. I also have very bad handwriting and I hate scribbling out cards and I always screw up my writing and have to scribble things out or start over. At least when I type I can use the BACKSPACE and fix my errors. Can you tell I am trying to justify my laziness right now!?! What is the time limit on thank yous for baby shower gifts anyway? It has been 3 weeks.

Oh, I was supposed to make this a happy post but I have to complain about this! I finally felt good enough and motivated enough to do laundry and clean my room. Well, I have now discovered that picking laundry up off the floor is not as easy as it used to be. Actually, picking up has always been tough for me - :) - but now it sucks a lot more. I can't bend over easily with this massive belly and so I have to squat down and clean things up. I basically crawled around the floor to pick up everything. Then I kicked the basket to the laundry room and struggled to lift it up onto the dryer so I wouldn't have to keep bending over to load the washer. AT LEAST IT IS GETTING DONE.

Baby is moving so much now but the movements are definitely different. She is so big, I can feel her butt and back when she twists and turns. The doc said she is head down now and she'll probably stay that way from now on, so what I am feeling in the middle/upper belly is her back and butt and legs kicking. It seriously feels like there's a big softball in there changing position. I say softball because the parts that actually move are about that big... I worry that she does not have enough room but I guess she does!

So I have an OUTTIE. I mean, it is not totally an outtie but today TK lifted up my shirt to say what up to the belly and it was sticking out! I don't think my belly can possibly get any bigger but it IS!!! It is becoming more and more difficult to sit up and down, get out of bed, walk, bend over, etc. And my maternity clothes are even getting snug. The shirts don't seem long enough and the pants seem tight. It's not that fun. I don't want to spend any more money on maternity clothes though so I am going to stick it out and wear the few things that have big belly space until she is born.

That's all for now I think. Baby shower - I still have some room since I planned on a lot of people bringing guests and some are not. If you'd like to come I would love to meet you so email me!

OH, I want to do a little poll let me see if I can set it up. I know the responses will have no bearing on what actually happens to me, but I want to know when your baby was born in relation to your due date... FIRST BABY. All doctors/books say they are late. Everyone I talk to has had their firsts early, at like 37-39 weeks. Obviously I do not want her to be too early preemie, but if she wants to come at 37/38 weeks I'd love it!

Forget it, I can't get the poll to work. Just email me if you feel like responding to my question!

:)

Dana





• 2/18/04 •

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Allright some people have told me they don't want to hear about this stuff with him anymore so I'm taking it all down. Thanks for letting me know!


D



• 2/18/04 •

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1pm... I just read my friend Jessica's online journal and I started to cry! She had to put her dog to sleep yesterday. I know what it is like to lose a pet and I feel so bad... her dog Patches had a stroke yesterday and they had to put him to sleep. Luckily her mom had gone home for something in the middle of the day so he did not suffer all afternoon. I hate hearing about people losing pets. I cried for a month after my kitty got run over by a car... and now we have our little Lexi and I would be devastated if anything happened to her. :(


So I needed a good laugh... after reading that and everything else that I have been dealing with. I was looking at the internet history on the computer in the studio and found the idolpunked site. Basically if you listen to MJ you know the story. They totally scammed American Idol and Kristen & LaMosa got on the show and it aired. It was a big deal. AI got upset and made them take it off the site... so they made a HILARIOUS parody of it. Fester plays Paula... MJ as Simon, and Dana our engineer is Randy. It's a RIOT. Then AI made MJ take the PARODY down too!! So someone started their own website that has nothing to do with our company... If you need a good laugh today, go to www.idolpunked.com and click on "the performance" and watch the video. It's so funny. I laughed and it hurt.


OK I don't know why but I am having this BIZARRE taste for Cinnobons lately!!! TK just called from the mall to see what I wanted for lunch and I made him name the places... and then I was like NO... CINNABON!!!


Oh, Willa Ford is in FHM magazine and she looks great! I know she has a lot of fans and friends here - you should check it out. Stupid ugly skank-ho Paris Hilton is on the cover and Willa TOTALLY should have been on it. And on the inside, Paris is voted #1 of the 50 MOST ELIGIBLE WOMEN... WHAT??????????? She is hideous and stupid. She says "When I have a little girl I will dress her just like me..." GROSS. I'll go off on Paris today just because I can and I am bitchy so might as well direct my frustrations at her.

So I am starting to get concerned about child care. We want a nanny. I have a few people who are interested but I'm not sure how long they will be able to do it for and I'm not sure how serious they are about being with my little child 10 hours a day... And how much do I pay a nanny?

Mmmmmmm this Cinnabon is so freaking good. I am going to explode. At least it is something I actually feel like eating.

I am so fat now that even some of my maternity clothes are not fitting. That's why there's no more belly pictures. I am embarassed to be this large. It's another thing that has me depressed. It sucks that men do NOT look at me anymore. :(

D








• 2/18/04 •

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D



• 2/17/04 •

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Hi! Well, after another exhausting day of being angry... LOL - I know, you'd think it would be harder to stay angry but honestly, at this point, it is hard for me to be non-angry for very long. We did talk at length after work. I won't get into details but at least I got some answers and there was little yelling. We went to dinner at Carrabbas and talked about our baby. It's kind of obvious that he really has no clue just how much work this is going to be, but he'll soon realize. Whether or not he's going to be here to help remains to be seen. I think he considers being a good father just like chillin' with the kid and reading her books and stuff.. I don't think he realizes that it will also involve just being here for me in the early stages of her life and helping me with the day to day care. He thinks they pop out walking and talking and saying "daddddyyy!!" and stuff. So naive. I can't wait until the first time I go out and leave her with him for a few hours and he freaks out. I know it will happen. I will be like - wait a minute, you think this is easy - you figure it out, I had to.

So, I had a little mix up with my package from Old Navy and I got a little upset. As if I needed some bs like this to make me even more frustrated. I totally overreacted to this one but hey, sometimes you have to take stuff out on strangers! So I have ordered a lot of stuff from oldnavy.com lately... and I have an account with the website so they remember my info. I changed the address before I sent my last order, but it turns out I only change the BILLING address, not the shipping. So needless to say, my package was sent to my old address. I called my apt complex to find out if the package was sitting in the office and that way I could just come pick it up. Nope, it wasn't there. So I call FedEX and it turns out they delivered it to my old apartment and just LEFT IT AT THE DOOR. This made me really mad. I was mad because I had NO IDEA FedEX just left things without a signature!!! I was especially mad because the few other times I have ordered things I have ASKED to release a signature and they have not let me so I end up having to go to the leasing office to pick it up if I am not home when they try to deliver it. Now when I WISH they needed a signature they suddenly don't. Bizarrre.

So I asked the girl at the leasing office if she could help me contact the person who lives in my old apartment. We live in the same complex, just a different apartment, so they obviously know who lives in my old place. The girl basically just told me NO, that she could not contact a resident over this. I was SO MAD. She said it isn't her fault if another resident is being dishonest!!! I NEVER accused anyone of taking my package. I figured the FedEx people just left it there, the person in my old apartment probably got it the other day, put it in his house, and thought hmmm.. wonder if I should open this, send it back, throw it away, whatever. So I ended up talking to a manager at the complex and she called the guy who lives in my old place. He was very nice about it and happy to bring the package over to her so I can pick it up tomorrow. What a nice guy... she told him he probably wouldn't want what's in it anyway - little baby clothes. So it all worked out but I hate that I had to take attitude. Why is it that asking people for favors is just so horrible sometimes?

I am sleepy. I will probably lay down and be unable to sleep but my eyes are really sagging. Thank you again for all of the emails. I have been too tired to write back, but I promise I will. Also, the baby shower list is not quite full yet and I haven't written back to some of you either. Sorry, I have just been really tired - if you've been keeping up with the journal you know why!

D



• 2/17/04 •

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I just found out I will have an easy afternoon of work so that makes me happy. I am going to do something good for myself tonight :)

D



• 2/17/04 •

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:)



• 2/17/04 •

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Well childbirth classes... hmmm... interesting. I guess maybe I know a little bit about why people say they are a waste of time now. Not completely, but somewhat. I definitely think it is important to go, but most of what was said tonight I already knew. If you read about pregnancy, labor, birth, etc. watch a few movies on it, you pretty much learn what they are going to teach. Then there's the breathing techniques which we just started to touch on. I was restless by the end of a 2 and a half hour class, and that's when we started doing the relaxation. It was not easy for me to relax at that point because I was so tired of sitting I felt I needed to stand up and move around.

I think the most valuable part of the class will be talking about the experience of pregnancy with other moms & dads to be and having TK sit there and be forced to listen to all of it. Not that I think he is not interested, but I think he doesn't really understand what I am going through, what I will go through during labor, and how he is supposed to act. I think being around other men in the class who are interested and trying to learn what their role should be and how they can help will help him. He said after watching one video of a woman in labor "wow I had no idea that is what you will go through." Slowly I think he'll realize, at least as much as any other man can realize.

As for Valentine's Day. It's a bad situation. I am very angry. It was 3 days ago, but I am still mad and will be mad for a while.


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:)

D



• 2/16/04 •

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Back from the fair... what a long day! But it was fun. I just chilled out and played games with listeners and talked to people. Gotta walk Lexi and get to my "waste of time" childbirth class!! You'd think since someone is in the doghouse already about screwing up Valentine's Day he might be a little kinder about this one. I guess I'll stick it out for a while. Do you think I am irrational for being upset or he is being a jackass about all of this?


D





• 2/16/04 •

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Just a quick update... I am actually running a little late. I'm live from the Florida State Fair today so I gotta get there. Then I have to stay 'til 5 for an appearance... Then I go to TGH for Birthing classes!! Our first night... should be fun?!?!

Wanna know how my Valentine's Day Was??? Email toby@933flz.com.. I'll let him tell you all about it since I don't have time this morning.

I'll update tonight. Thanks for the emails about the baby shower, the list is about half full right now. If you write today, give me until tomorrow to get back to you since I won't be in the office.

Have a great day!

Dana





• Valentine's Day 2004 •

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Happy Heart Day!

Well, it's actually almost over... It's 11:21pm. I wish I was out on the town or spending a quiet evening with my Valentine but you know our lives are not like that. Despite how incredibly busy we are, it was a nice day... but we still have not exchanged gifts! They are sitting in the hallway next to each other. We could have rushed to open them earlier but I didn't want to do that.

Last night I was at work until VERY late... after midnight. Remember how I told you I screwed some things up this week? Well, I had to stay late and make sure I did everything right. Maybe I needed a kick in the a$$! I came home and played with Lexi, chatted with my friend Loni for a while - which was nice since she is such a great friend and we don't get to talk as often anymore - and then went to sleep. TK came home from Storman's and I was fast asleep... I woke up at 4am and realized he hadn't come to see me when he came home so I went to his room and wished him a Happy Valentine's Day AT 4AM. I tried to cuddle but it just didn't happen. I need so much space to stretch to be comfortable!

He came to my room around 7am and we were wishing each other Happy Valentine's Day over and over again. Just being silly. I think he knows he screwed up last year and really wants to make it right. Sometimes it is hard to believe someone who really did hurt me has changed his ways... but I would say he's been really consistent. I don't think someone who didn't mean it would be making such an effort. There's a lot of things I DON'T share (believe it or not) so trust me when I say he deserves a lot of credit... even though I don't tell him that :)

Anyway, I had to go to an appearance at Sam's Club in BROOKSVILLE which is over an hour away from 11-1 and he was on the air until 2. When I got back from Brooksville I went straight to the mall to get his gifts. I knew what I wanted to get him, and was happy with my decision... and one of the things I couldn't find, and the other is out of stock for 4-6 weeks! I ended up getting him a gift card so he can get his main gift when it comes in... and then some daddy books (but not the ones I wanted which were nice hardcovers)... Then I thought, hmmm... daddy books and a gift card - well, that's not really much and I don't want the daddy things to be his only present. Valentine's Day is for US, not just baby, so I picked up a little Victoria's Secret SEXY FOR MEN gift set. It actually smells really good. I always get the smallest possible bottles of new colognes though, becaues it sucks to spend $100 on this massive thing if they don't like it. This had a 1oz. bottle of cologne, a little thing of body wash, and some other thing - don't remember what it was. I ended up not getting him a card. By the time I walked the mall 3 times I had too many things to carry and couldn't possibly make it to the Hallmark Store. I get tired really easily and carrying the bags was not fun. I miss the days of strolling the mall allll day!!

So I didn't feel bad about the card thing because he usually doesn't give me cards. When I get things from Tiffany's he will put "I love you" or something on the little gift tag, but never a real card. In fact, the only card I have ever gotten from him is the one he gave me a few weeks ago when I came home from Boston and he said he misses me. So now I feel bad because.. he was late getting home from his shopping today because he was searching for a good card for me!!! Just when I was thinking... hey he never gets me cards so no big deal.. he got me one of those big ones that probably has some nice message in it. Haven't read it yet.

So, I got home from doing my stuff around 4:30 and ended up falling asleep when I should have been getting ready for dinner and Kimberly Locke show! He was supposed to be home by 5 so we could go meet some friends in Ybor for dinner. Luckily he called me around 5:30 to tell me he was running late adn I got up and got ready. We were supposed to meet at 5:30 but got there closer to 6:30. Oh well, anyone who has made plans with us knows we are ALWAYS late. The funny thing is, it's usually him that is running so late, not me! We had a nice dinner at Dish with Nick and his date. They stopped making my favorite sauce though. The last two times I have been there they did not have it. :(

Then we went across the street to Twilite for the Kimberly Locke show!! She was SO down to earth and sweet. Usually I feel nervous talking to people who are famous, but she was really great. She actually did 8 out of the 10 songs that will be on her CD which comes out in May. She has only done 3 songs for every radio station she's done shows with, so this was a real treat for us!! She has NEVER performed all of these songs before!!! Anyone who was there got to see it first. I was REALLY impressed. It's going to be a great CD. She also talked a LOT on stage. She told stories about her life, American Idol, men, her family, etc. and then went into songs. It was like storytellers. You can tell she is just so excited to be doing this, and so appreciative of her fans. She took some time after the show to do pictures and autographs. It was really fun.

By the time the show was over we were in a rush! TK had to bring me home and then go back to Ybor for Amphitheater. I really wish we had a normal life sometimes with weekends to do family things. It will be especially sucky when we have a baby. I know going out is part of the job and of course it's not even like real work... but it does get old. Imagine if you had to go to the same bar or same club every single Friday or Saturday night for months and months, and even years, on end. Same people, same everything. It is really hard to take time off from doing these gigs too... first of all we get paid really well to do them, and its also hard to find someone to fill in. The clubs depend on whichever DJ they hired to be there and we depend on the money we make. Anyway, that's life.

So, based on all the stuff we had to do today, we decided to wait to do our gifts. Neither one of us had time earlier in the week to hit the mall.. I had 2 things come up I didn't plan on doing so they killed my shopping plans 2 nights in a row. And he knew what he wanted to get me, it's just not available yet. The only time we could have done it is right before meeting people for dinner tonight but they were already waiting for us. We'll either do it tonight when he gets home from the club if I am still awake, or tomorrow afternoon when I am done my oodles of work...

Yes. Another busy day tomorrow. I am on the air from 10-2.. then I have to tape my show I do for a station in LA. Then I have to finish some things I did not get done this week. Then I have to do my shows for my other two stations for Monday... because Monday I have to get up early and go to the Fair. I am doing my show live from there from 12-3... then I am staying at the fair until 5pm to do an appearance with Febreeze. THEN, I have to rush back to Tampa because our first childbirth class is Monday night at 6:30!!! Talk about hectic!!

Other stuff going on... the baby shower! I am putting together the guest list now so if you are interested in coming, check the baby shower page for the update.

And my other baby shower with friends/co-workers is coming up soon too. We decided to go all out and make it a big co-ed party. We really didn't know what to do. I know TK wants to be a part of it because he is so excited about the baby too, and he has a lot of friends who want to support him... so we just went with co-ed and invite a lot of people to share it with us. I also think it will be a good time for everyone at the station to hang out and have some fun together. It has been a while since we've had a big party!! Granted this won't be like the unmentionable after parties that have gone on... but it should be a really good time. OH, we are not throwing it ourselves... It is actually a little weird to be making the guest list and helping, but I wanted to make sure everyone was included. Alecia & Rachel are working on it and I'm pretty psyched. They are keeping a lot of stuff secret from me but I'm sure it's going to be really fun. I am hoping nobody gives them the idea that I should be dressed up in a diaper... someone told me about that the other day and I was like NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Anyway, it's getting late and I should try to get some sleep. I slept a lot last night which is shocking. I woke up drooling (haha) which is always a sign that I was in a deep sleep. Little baby is very active right now and wriggling around. Hopefully once I lay down she will chill out!

Hope you had a great Valentine's Day!! And if you are single and it sucked... Been there. Hopefully you did something with the girls or did something nice for yourself today! I always bought myself something for Valentine's Day when I didn't have anyone... because you know how much I LOVE MYSELF anyway... :)

Dana



• Friday the 13th 2004 •

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I TOLD YOU this day would not go well. I KNEW it!!!! I woke up knowing it was Friday the 13th and of course a few things went better than usual for me this morning... I slept, I didn't have to come to work until later, TK brought me flowers... But sure enough the moment I got to work it all went to hell.

Someone stole my headphones out of my office. The morning show has the key to the music office and they go in there and take stuff. I should not say anything bad about them, but half the time I come in and have no chair, or my headphones are gone, or there's food left all over the place. It sucks how some people can just bust in and make a mess and not have to clean up or return things. I know it is chaotic in here in the morning but it messes me up when my headphones disappear!

Anyway, that made me late for being on the air at my other station. I had to start my show with no headphones. Then TK let me borrow his so I was ok.

Then my sister called to tell me some really bad family news. I will leave it at that until I find out more. I probably won't share much about it out of respect for my family. I know everyone reads this and some things are best left private.

Friday the 13th is not going well for anyone! My friend Jessica woke up this morning and her hubby elbowed her in the nose while trying to reach for the alarm clock. Hours later she is still in pain!!!

Hopefully Valentine's Day tomorrow will be fabulous for everyone. I have a busy day. And I know my present won't be here for a few weeks. I know what it is. TK is not good at secrets. Maybe he is better off waiting until the very last minute to buy gifts so he won't blab what it is. I'm excited though. And he says he has more presents anyway... I am happy he is really trying to "make up" for last year's fiasco. :)

I think I know what I am going to get him now. I don't even think he reads this baby journal but I will keep it to myself just in case.

OK now I am spilling my lunch all over myself. And I am having a hard time even speaking on the air today. It usually comes so basic and easy to me and today I'm just all over the place! Thanks for listening anyway :)

D



• 2/13/04 •

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WOW. I'm pleasantly surprised. TK just came home from work for a few minutes and brought me a dozen roses!!! He says "Happy Valentine's Day Weekend!" LOL - how cute. But I said... You're supposed to have them sent to me AT WORK so everyone sees I got roses!! :) I put them in water, now I gotta get to work!


• 2/13/04 •

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OMG do you realize... It's Friday the 13th. This is especially strange to me because I actually SLEPT last night AND I got up to get ready for work and realized I don't have to be in until 11 (usually 10) because one of the other stations I work for does not need me today. Yes, I am on the air in some other cities :) Now I am sitting here in my towel thinking... do I get ready for work anyway and go in early, or make myself a nice breakfast and chill out...

I suck though. I am really not happy with myself right now... One of my other responsibilities at the radio station is to help Stan the Man in the music office and learn how to do that job. It's something I have always wanted to do... He is on vacation this week so I am supposed to be doing the job but for some reason I've managed to screw a bunch of things up... mostly just tired mistakes. So now I feel completely incompetent. The next step for me career-wise would be to hold this position but how am I ever going to do that if I can't do the crap right for a week!??! It isn't rocket science, just paying attention to details. I've had extra things going on this week and lack of sleep does not make focusing on things any easier... but I used to be really good at everything I did and lately I just blow. Enough pity party, I just feel crappy about it and I hate screwing things up, especially when it is something this important. I am going to be gettting the program I need to do my work on my computer at home soon, so that should really help. It'll be easier to be able to do this stuff when I am home and can focus completely on it without the other distractions at the office. I have a hard time focusing on one task at hand when I have 5 other things to get done after it... Did you have a hard time doing your usual work when you were this pregnant?

I think that's all for now! Thank you for your emails, they really help.

D



• 2/12/04 •

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Wow it is 12:44am and I am not asleep. Can you believe it? At what point does the pregnant body just CRASH and sleep regardless of all the ailments? I'm waiting for that day.

We went to Maggiano's for dinner tonight with some "business associates"... Record people come to town and take us out so we can talk about playing their songs. Mostly we just shoot the ish about whatever. It's pretty fun... but tonight I missed being my young, non-pregnant, fun self. It was me, TK, Stan the man, 2 record dudes, and a record girl. I had a lemonade, TK had iced tea... and the other people had shots and drinks... and I'm pretty sure after dinner they went to the hotel bar to hang out. It just kind of sucks that I can't have fun like I used to anymore... and I feel bad that TK has to give it up too. A year and a half ago we would still be out partying, come home and do whatever scandalous things we used to do, and wake up the next day and go to work... Things have changed so much.

I am obviously happy about becoming a mom and obviously our baby is the most important thing in the world to me, but nights like tonight are hard. I almost feel like I don't fit in anymore. By the middle of dinner I felt so stuffed and bloated and tired I didn't say much.

I have a lot to do tomorrow and this weekend. I should try to get a little bit of sleep. I am so tired right now but I know the moment I try to lay down and get comfortable I will be miserable. I think I should start a daily countdown to my due date. Granted it will probably come and go before I have her but maybe that will make the time go by faster?

I'm excited about Valentine's Day this weekend and the Kimberly Locke show. TK & I will be hosting it on Saturday night. If you haven't seen me pregnant yet... you're in for it. I'm big! :)

Goodnight.

D



• 2/12/04 •

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OK. I'm now at 140lbs. Don't hate on me for being a little concerned about this. I was told at the beginning I should gain about 20lbs... now I have gained 25 and I still have a good 5-8 weeks left. The baby still needs to gain 3 or 4lbs... So that means I'll be leaning towards 30-35. I don't even eat that much right now!! Everyone says how well I carry this pregnancy and that I don't look like I weigh 140lbs but I am afraid that most of it won't go away when the baby comes out. I have always been small and never had to diet or anything - and I am not trying to be bitchy or rude about this so don't take it the wrong way - I'm just venting how I feel. No matter what you start out at, the weight gain sucks. When I moved to our new place in Dec. I actually put ALL of my pre-prego clothes in the closet, hung a few maternity things on the OTHER side of the closet, and put all my maternity clothes in my dresser. I can't even look at the piles of cute things I have because I fear I won't be able to wear them again. When I go to the mall, I go to baby stores and Bath & Body Works and stuff... but I haven't walked into Victoria's Secret, Express, Bebe, Abercrombie, etc. in like 5 months. It depresses me. I will admit. I am completely lazy, and if getting back into shape will require exercize or dieting, it won't happen. My goal is to be wearing a two-piece at Shephard's this summer looking like I never had a child. We'll see how that goes...

So the doctor also told me there's really not much I can do right now to help myself. Someone emailed me the other day saying it might not be OK to take baths... She said it is OK to take baths until the water breaks, at which point my a$$ will be heading to the hospital anyway! And I also mentioned the other day I took Pepto for heartburn, and it helped... My bad, not supposed to take that. When she said try Mylanta or one of those... she really meant just Mylanta. Pepto has aspirin in it so not good. I only took it once but of course I freaked when she said no don't take that... Of course it is OK I took it once. Now I know... TK picked up Mylanta for me the other day but I am scared of it. It is white and creamy, what does it taste like? I should take it but I hate liquid medicine like that.

I heard the baby's heartbeat again today. It's steady and fast and perfect! She is apparently chillin' out in there upside down which is good. I mean, I am at 32 weeks so she could always move around, but at least my fears of her being breech or sideways are eased a little... she knows where she needs to be to get the F out of there LOL. So what I feel moving around is probably her tush and legs and arms. She moves a lot now and her movements are very intense. Sometimes it feels like she is just like tickling me on the inside with her little hands and feet... and then sometimes its like she's rolling around. I'll see a bump go from one side of my belly to another... or feel a bump in my side. It is so hard to believe there is a person in there - still!! I've seen the pictures and look at her little face all the time but it's bizarre that she is in there. Uh oh I almost just started to cry.

So last night TK and I were going to put together the stroller but change of plans! I had to come in to work to do some things and we were invited to go to Nick's for a little cookout to talk about some things we'll be doing on the station soon. It was fun... but I got tired real quick and wanted to come home. I used to be able to stay up all night... now I get tired. Of course when I got home and COULD go to bed I could not sleep. I soaked my feet in hot water because it soothes them while they are actually in the water... but the second I get out of the tub they are all tingly and freaky feeling again. They are not swolen though! The doc checked my ankles today and said that are not swolen. And then of course I am told there's nothing that can be done. THANKS!!

So I bought a bath pillow at the mall last night. I am going to start taking a bath like every night. It relaxes me. I need to start reading a book or something that does not involve baby... I think I am having trouble sleeping not only because of physical discomfort but I also go over and over things in my head... I have been reading the What To Expect book before bed. Instead of putting me at ease, or to sleep, or relaxing me at the end of the day, the stuff I am reading now freaks me out. Now I'm at the last part about right after giving birth and coming home. The pain. The problems you have... things I did not even realize you have to deal with in the days and weeks after giving birth. I was telling one of my friends about it this morning and she got all freaked out! It's weird... I know plenty of people who have had babies but nobody ever talks about what it REALLY does to your body. It all heals, but for those days/weeks it SUCKS. I've had this idea that once the child is out I'll feel great. LOL YEAH RIGHT! You can have bloodsoht eyes and BRUISES on your face from all the pressure of pushing... Going to the bathroom can be painful and difficult for days... of course you're still carrying some extra weight... that's just the tip of the iceburg. All this and you've got a little one to learn how to take care of. Plus breast feeding... I'm scared!

Allright another stress!!! The d*ana baby shower is stressing me out now too. I can't get into it. Just a frustration, we'll leave it at that.

TK & I are being wined and dined by a record label tonight... they take us wherever we want to go for dinner... Hmmmm.... Am I feeling Shula's? Maggiano's? Any suggestions of a REALLY nice place that we would never treat ourselves to? LOL!

More later. Sorry this is posted so late in the day... I've been writing it off and on all day and just realized I never posted it!

D






• 2/11/04 •

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4:49pm... I still did not get any sleep but it was nice to lay around. I tried to sleep. Now I have to get up, shower, and get to work. I do other things besides my show. I think I just needed time to rest and collect my insanity.


For some reason it smells like cinnamon in my house. I have nothing cinnamon so I don't know where it's coming from... but before I go into work in a little while I am going to International to get a BIG FAT CINNABON. So fattenning but they are so good. Not a mini-bon. A FULL SIZED one. Maybe I'll get two. I thought cravings happened the beginning of pregnancy but I am having some now and I will give into them ALL I WANT!


Thanks for the emails today, and TK said some people were asking about me. Nice that you care LOL!


He was nice today and understands I don't feel good and went on the air an hour early for me. Tonight we will put together the stroller and hopefully I will get some sleep. I am also going to buy a bath pillow at the mall. I like taking baths but leaning against the back of the tub is not comfy enough!


I think I will just start spoiling myself every day and maybe that will help me feel better.


:)


D



• 2/11/04 •

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UPDATE at 11:45am... I am not in today. If you read earlier or read on... you'll know why. I am completely and totally exhausted. I have to come in later to do some things. My legs are all tingly. I got up to take a shower to come to work and I was just so tired I couldn't do it. I guess my body is saying NO today. It sucks. I used to really enjoy my job and now sometimes I feel like all the other stuff going on - the physical strain of being pregnant, and the stress of preparing to have a child - is getting to me. Now, when I should be at work, is when my body is crashing and wants to sleep......... Going for a nap - why is it that during night hours I toss and turn and walk around the house aimlessly... and when I should be at work my body says PEACE OUT!

Here's the rest of the entry from early this morning - when I was an insomniac!

Well needless to say I was not happy yesterday. I'm still not happy about things, but I went off a little in the journal yesterday. It's funny how people start emailing me telling me I should leave him, etc. It was a fight. Yeah I am mad, but guys are just stupid in general. Maybe I should censor myself more when it comes to being really furious so that people don't think he doesn't care about the child. Some people were like "sounds like he doesn't want your or this baby.." That's a little harsh. I think he just doesn't get certain things. I said some crap in the journal yesterday out of anger... I won't take it down, but think about the random stuff you probably say when you are mad - most of it you don't really mean. Thanks.

Now, for why I feel crappy TODAY. I did not sleep AT ALL. Not a bit. I am starting to swell. I had to take my rings off my hands and they feel kind of weird. Last night I was trying to sleep, tossing and turning for HOURS... and then just as I was about to doze off around 4am... I got this massive leg cramp and started screaming. I was half asleep/half awake and didn't even realize what was going on... TK came in to my room and thought I was in labor or something! I kicked the wall a few times just trying to shake my leg out. It was pretty embarassing. I was just crying and screaming and he was trying to help but I almost kicked him. It sucked.

Then I tried to go to sleep again and could not. At 6am I got up to walk around because my legs hurt and everything was bothering me. I had a bowl of cereal which was a mistake because then when I laid down again I had heartburn.

So now I don't want to go to work because I haven't slept, I feel like I am going to throw up, my hands and feet feel all tingly, and I look like I got run over by a truck.

The good news - we got some packages this morning! The baby stroller is here... and my stepsisters sent us the bath tub and some little pink towels!!! I also found out that someone - not sure who - bought the baby swing off the registry recently. I love checking it out and knowing we got something else but we don't know who bought it for us!

Time to get cracking on thank you cards...

Have a nice day. Sorry my journal bums you out but that's life.

D



• 2/10/04 •

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Ohhhhh... typical. So I go on the air and share with you the ignorance that is someone thinking that since he doesn't have a club gig on the due date - April 8, a Thursday - that there's nothing to worry about... So now I am a "bia bia" with an "attitude" because this upsets me. I find it hard to believe that someone who prides himself on being such an intelligent individual is just so ignorant when it comes to the obvious. Who doesn't know that babies do not come out on any schedule?


I guess I am wrong for expecting that he be available while he is out in a club having fun. Doesn't suck enough that I can't go out anymore and have had to give up a lot of things in my life... now I am actually thinking of having this child on his night out??? God forbid that happen! How dare me or this child think of interrupting his night in Ybor with his friends!!


The other thing that I didn't even mention earlier because it is just so insane and embarassing to me... We're in the baby store last night to add a cradle to the registry and check on some things... and he starts saying LOUDLY... "what if our baby is a lesbian?" Seriously. Am I wrong for being upset by this? Not only does it bother me that he even thinks that way about our child, but he SAYS IT OUT LOUD IN PUBLIC!!! People in the store must be like... what kind of clown is this and what kind of idiot is that chick with him???


I guess he thinks its all fun and games, but I don't appreciate it. He'll go off today about how this is just me being "pregnant and bitchy". Whatever. At least I have an excuse for my attitude!!


Maybe he'll go buy some other chick a Valentine's Day present behind my back again this year. That would be the icing on my cake - and not surprising! I tried to have a discussion about this in private but of course he doesn't want to discuss it. God also forbid I try to have an adult conversation about something that bothers me with this person.


Would you be happy if you had to deal with this kind of insensitive nonsense on top of being pregnant and concerned about bring a baby into the world? I'm sure all the little girls who think he's the cool DJ guy will call and tell him he's right and that I am just a "bia bia" but I don't expect him to air any phone calls of people who actually agree with me. He's incapable of being wrong.


:)



• 2/10/04 •

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OMG... Last night was horrible. I could not fall asleep so around midnight I turned the light back on and started reading my "What To Expect" book.. Well, I finally got to the part on labor and delivery and started panicking. I started to feel all tense, my chest got tight, I couldn't breathe... and even now writing about it the next day I am getting all AAAAHHHHHHH!!! I can't even explain how scared I am of this. Not to mention - still uncomfortable and heartburn, etc. seems to be getting worse - another reason why I could not sleep...

I am having really bad anxiety over all of this. I don't feel like we are at all prepared. We went to Babies R Us last night to add something to the registry and to make sure the furniture we picked out was what went on the registry. Thought there was a mix up but all is OK. Being in the store freaked me out too. I am so excited but at the same time, picturing myself handling and caring for a newborn baby... and thinking about the actual process of giving birth... driving me insane. Everyone says "it's not as bad as you think it will be... don't work yourself up... it'll be ok..." Yeah, sure. I am petrified and I am not afraid to admit it.

I'm also waiting to find out what is going on with baby showers! We're having one for all of you to come to since I want to meet you... but I don't have final word on when it will be. Sometime in the next 2-3 weeks so keep your calendar open because I don't want anyone to miss it!! We've had a lot of things going on lately so I understand. As for the "private" TK & Dana friends/co-workers baby shower, I don't know. We still have to figure out a guest list and how we are going to do it. I am not planning it for myself obviously, but I guess I have the final say in who we invite. I just have no clue. We've gone over and over it... do we keep it small, just girls... or do we invite the entire staff since we are both friends with different people, and our guy friends want to be a part of it all too... It's bugging me. I never knew this stuff was so complicated!!

I also have to talk to my doctor about working out a "birth" plan. Does everyone have one of these? Oh... and I am worried I will go into labor when TK is at a club. It is just the way things are... I just have a feeling it will happen on a Fri or Sat night. If he's all the way at Stormans how on earth am I going to get to the hospital... and what if he doesn't hear his phone in the loud club???? These things have me freaked out too. I need to come up with a back up plan and make sure someone will be available if he is not around.

OK I am about to make myself throw up from all this anxiety.

The good news - I heard Justin & Cameron broke up. :)

D




• 2/9/04 •

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More... 6:31pm...

So get this. Tonight, TK and I will actually be done with work by 7:30!!! That is so rare for us. We're going to go on a DATE. Can you believe it? I think we're going to Chili's since I want a STEAK and we have gift certs that we got for Christmas.

I just wrote an entire journal entry about something and then felt compelled to delete it. Sorry.

D



• 2/9/04 •

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12:17pm. HI! Happy Monday... Old Navy.com is having a huge sale. I can't stop myself from buying baby things!!! Cutest little onesies are 3 for $10... And they have maternity shorts on sale. I'm thinking I should buy a few... but I am so pasty white, and I can't go tanning with baby... so I probably won't even want to wear shorts anyway!! And shaving is not easy. I can barely lean over to tie shoes or put socks on... let alone leaning over and moving up and down while in the slippery shower!

I am finding it more and more difficult to get out of chairs, etc. I feel like such a blob!!

I am so annoyed. All I wanted to do last night was vacuum. Our house has ick all over the rugs, we have not vacuumed since we moved in. I go to the grocery store last night and get everything under the sun, EXCEPT VACUUM BAGS!!! I always forget that stuff.

Oh, here's something cool. Next Monday we start our childbirth classes!!! This is making me pretty freaked out because I know soon my little baby will be here! I am getting more and more scared of the whole labor deal. I mean, I can't even imagine the pain. Especially since I have never really felt REAL pain. I have really bad cramps sometimes... and I broke my finger when I was like 10... but other than that, I haven't ever had REAL AGONIZING PAIN.

The other thing that annoys me is how a lot of people make it seem like getting the epidural or pain relief is wimpy. PLEASE. Would you get your wisdom teeth pulled without being numbed???? I guess for some women it is a test of womanhood and some huge accomplishment to endure all the pain and push the kid out. I am already scared enough of the whole process and afraid I won't be able to get this child out... I'm taking the pain relief!!!!

Going to these classes should be fun. I am a little scared TK is going to be obnoxious as he usually is... but it should be fun for us. I have to bring 2 pillows LOL. Hopefully the sensitivity of the other fathers in the group will rub off on him. I think he has the intention of making fun of me or trying to make me laugh through the whole thing when I will really want to be comforted. This should be interesting...

I took a loooooooooooong bubble bath last night and it was very relaxing. I think I will start doing that every night. After I took the bath I felt so much better and had the energy to clean up my entire room, bathroom, put a bunch of things away, and do laundry.

Not much else to write about. Again, having email problems so if you have emailed and I have not written back... I'm getting a ton bounced back to me. I'm thinking about using one of my AOL accounts for a little whlie until they fix this problem. It's really annoying.

D



• 2/9/04 •

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Well technically it is still 2/8 for another 15 minutes.


Gasparilla was fun yesterday. We had a great spot on Bayshore where we set up a broadcast tent and we were on a little stage so I had a GREAT view of the parade. It got a little chilly out... and a little rough getting beads!! I couldn't catch any. I ended up with a ton because the other people hanging out with me were giving them to me left and right. I didn't end up seeing a single breast. That is a GOOD thing. Lots of drunks in the streets though. It's weird to be so sober and realize just how dumb I probably have acted before while drunk! Now that I'm a mommy - no more of that!!


Last night I didn't do much. I was pretty tired. I chatted online for a little while and watched TV. I am such a boring person these days but I don't have much energy.


Today I slept until about 4!! Then TK came home and we slept some more. We were watching some stupid movie and the guy was eating a grilled cheese so I ended up going to Publix to pick up bread, butter, and cheese to make dinner. It was good. Then we sat down to watch the Grammys.


I just cleaned up my room - FINALLY!!! And got 3 loads of laundry done. It's amazing how these small tasks are so impossible now.


I took some PEPTO for the first time ever. Just the color of it is so gross to me but I've had such bad heartburn/indigestion, whatever that I broked down and took some. It is gross. Nastiest stuff I have ever had to swallow!! (Don't make sick joke). It seemed to work a little better than tums though.


I think my tummy grew today. It is becoming more difficult to get up out of bed or off the couch, and bending over to pick things up is stressful. How will I live like this for 2 more months???


Actually, I'm at 32 weeks now!!!! So it could be as little as 6 weeks... but usually first babies are late. In a way I hope it is later rather than sooner since we still are not ready!


No swelling, no stretch marks, just uncomfortable and still having trouble sleeping.


There was something else I wanted to say but I forgot!!


More later, I want to go to bed. All this cleaning and moving around tonight wiped me out!


D



• 2/6/04 •

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I NEED DEPENDS.


Seriously. This is out of control weird and gross. I sneeze, I pee. Even if I don't have to go. Little baby is just stomping on my bladdar and when I laugh hard or sneeze, I pee. Really gross, I know. But this journal is about SHARING so I'll share whatever I feel the need to share. It's not like I am walking around with pee down my leg or anything... but a little OOPS is enough to be completely humiliating. If you've been pregnant you know what I am talking about... and if you've never been pregnant or are in the early stages... GET DEPENDS!


Haha.. this aim bot that messes with people is such a riot. Someone got me with it last night. I SWEAR it was TK but he denies it. I'm over being mad... so I moved on to getting my friends. The key is to type in the first message and really drive the person nuts. They will think it is coming from someone they know. Then the computer takes over for 10 minutes. When its done it emails you the conversation. I got a bunch of people today. My friend made me swear on my baby's life that it wasn't me... so I had to admit it.


Not much else is up. Just going to Panera with Alecia for some dinner.


Some serious ish is about to go down. I'm excited. That's all I can say.


D



• 2/6/04 •

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Wow... what a sad day for us in this area. The story about Carlie must hit home for any of you who are parents... and I think about how I will soon have a precious child. Very sad. My thoughts go out to her family and friends.

It is days like these - when we have really horrible news all around us - that I wonder - what should I do? We are not a news station. We play fun music and have fun on the radio... Is it my job to open up my show to people who want to talk about this? Or is it my job to let my day go on as normal and try to entertain regardless of what is going on in the world around us? Management decides the angle/direction, if any, we take on the air with things. Unless I hear otherwise from my bosses, I do my job as usual. Just like you do.

I've gotten a few phone calls today from people basically accusing me of being insensitive. Sorry folks, I am doing my job. To assume that just because I am on the air joking around - which IS MY JOB - I don't care about this or am not affected by it is completely wrong. I do care. It tears my heart out that this little girl was taken so quicky and that she suffered and her family suffers, the community suffers.

Anyway, people who read my journal or know me personally know that I am a caring person and that I don't just lack concern or compassion.

It brings at least some sense of peace that this case was pretty much solved quickly, this man is no longer a threat to our children, and Carlie's parents have closure - even though it is the worst possible thing that could have happened.

And you know what else... instead of harassing me about being a horrible person for not mentioning this on the air, why don't people call the lawmakers in this state and find out why on earth this guy was even free on the streets? It seems to me like the court here spends so much time prosecuting people like me with speeding tickets, or like minor traffic infractions, putting good citizens through hell and fines over minor crap... while the real criminals, sex offenders, people who are a REAL threat to society, walk around free. It's ridiculous to me. This man has been arrested for serious drug charges, assualt, etc. 13 times!!! At what point do we just say allright dude, you can't be trusted to be free in society... life in jail. Instead we WAIT for a major tragedy like this and THEN he gets in serious trouble. It makes me sick!

Click here to read the story about Carlie on CNN.com. Her family and friends share some memories of her.


Hug your children today.

Dana



• 2/5/04 •

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I really need to chill on this journal thing. Are you bored yet?


So this afternoon I left work early (well, at 3 when I got off the air) to come home and get some packages that were waiting for us at the leasing office.. when packages arrive and we are not home they hold them at the office. They are only open until 6 and I NEVER make it there on time so I just left early today. Anyway, the baby papasan my friend Christine sent was there! I carried that one home. I am tempted to open it... but should I?


And the stroller/car seat also came. Of cousre I can't carry that one. TK & I will have to go grab it Saturday before Gasparilla.


Since I was home, I took Lexi out. She went potty outside!!! HOORAY!!!


Then I made something to eat because I was so hungry. I HAD to get back to work to do one little project and work ahead for the weekend... And somehow I wake up and its after 7pm!! I laid down "just for a minute" and fell asleep for hours! So now I realized I can do my little project at home and TK is bringing me the paperwork I need when he gets out of work. I like the idea of working from the comfort of my own home where food is just downstairs and the bathroom is right next to me and I can wear whatever I want. :)


I can't believe Gasparilla is here again! I have to admit last year was really crazy. I ended up going home crying but I'll just leave it at that. Things were a lot different then... I am trying to be excited about it this year but when my only memory of this event is the crap I had to deal with that day, it's not easy. Maybe I am too sensitive or dwell too much on the past, but a combination of things last year made for a crappy day that should have been really fun for me. I mean, the day started with the space shuttle disaster so that right there put a real damper on the day. I remember feeling bad that we were all going to drink and party all day... There was a LOT of other drama that went on too. Thankfully the people who caused that are no longer part of my life!


This year I won't be on the FLZ float in the parade. In a way, I think I would have had a really good time throwing beads without the other stuff going on... but at the same time I think it's best I stay off a float and in a safe spot. I'll be broadcasting live from the parade route somewhere on Bayshore from 2-5... with my VERY OWN PORTA-POTTY and food!! Sounds like the perfect set up for the prego lady. It's actually great the people organizing the event took my "condition" into consideration and planned for me to be comfortable and still have a good time. The only thing I am worried about - I should be wearing FLZ shirt but my little baby tees don't fet this prego belly. And I am NOT about the Madonna show off the bare bump look! I'll have to wear one of TKs and just have it be too big.


The whole boob flashing thing.... Well I guess my motherly instincts are kicking in. Last year I thought it was a riot to see all the boobs all over... Keep in mind I grew up in Boston where we don't show our breasts - and I've never been to Mardi Gras or anything like it so the whole free flopping boobage was new to me :) Now I am like... hmmmm... what smut in the streets. I think it's because I'll have a little girl soon and I don't want her to be one of the boob flashers!!! That's something I have a LONG time to worry about but still I know it will be hard to raise a girl in this society to respect her body. Especially since her daddy says she'll work at Hooters. His brother who has a little girl actually told him that once he holds that child he'll never joke about such a thing ever again. I think he just says it to get me upset anyway... :)


Well, I seem to write more and more nonsense every day. I should do the laundry I never did last night and take Lexi out and give her some eats.


If this journal is getting boring or anything let me know and I will cut back on writing every useless thing about my life in it!


D








• 2/5/04 •

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Hey! What do you think of the new look of the baby journal? I wanted to put some pretty little graphics up. I am NOT artisitic (I think I mentioned that the other day - but I wanted to give it a little bit of a cute look. I took 3 of my favoirte baby pictures and made them all the same size. They all look the same but if you look at her little hands she actually moved...

Last night after I wrote my rant we had a nice night. We played with Lexi and made some food. He ate icky hot dogs. The smell of hot dogs makes me sick... I had to leave the room for a few minutes and make him eat them FAST. This isn't a pregnancy thing - hot dogs are gross to me. We give Lexi hot dog pieces when we train her but when they are cold they don't smell. He of course cooked them with cheeze and lots of ketsup and it was just gross to me. I have food issues.

I talked to a friend of mine online who is having some issues... Can't get into what they are or who is involved but I am pretty upset about how she is being treated. Do I step in and get involved since I probably can do something about it... or just listen and try to be a friend? It's always hard to stand by while someone you care about is being hurt... but sometimes butting in just makes it worse for that person. I'll figure it out.

While I was talking to her TK was in the other room cracking up at Southpark BEGGING me to come watch it with him. I try very hard not to be one of those chicks who ditches her friends for the man so I told him I was talking to a friend who needed me and he was cool with it. By the time I went to bed he was sound asleep...

So I woke him up! We were up for a while talking about our baby - I swear she is going to be a little mini-me and he thinks she will be daddy's girl. We're both going to spoil her. :)

She moves so incredibly much now. And it's like BIG movements... I can feel her head in my ribs and some other body parts by my hips!

My belly button is almost an outtie! He gets a kick out of lifting my shirt to look at it. It annoys me... but then I found out some guys are completely weirded out by the pregnant belly and I guess I should be happy he is interested and even attracted to it!

I talked to a friend last night who is 23 weeks and is having a little boy... her husband is AFRAID of her belly and won't touch it to feel the baby. He is excited about having a child but is freaked out by it being inside her. I guess the whole thought of a human being inside another person's belly is weird.

Hmmm... Plans for the baby shower are being worked out. I have to talk to some people about it this afternoon and see what's up so I can get the info out ASAP and set up a guest list. Check the baby shower page for more!

Lexi - we took new pictures of her last night and they're up. You can get to them from the main page. A lot of people have asked me how she did in doggy boot camp and it's all there! She's such a doll!!

Gotta run for now.

OH! If you've tried to send email in the last 2 days and haven't gotten a response or it's been bounced back to you - our email is all freaked out. I have been getting things sporadically... and lots of things are getting sent back to me. Very annoying.

Dana






• 2/4/04 •

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More anger!

I'm having some real issues figuring out why I owe so many places money. Let's take CABLE... I swear they want me to live in a DARK HOUSE. I paid about $100 when the guy came here to install cable when we moved in. He came on Dec. 24. You prepay for a month... so that should have been good through Jan. 24. I cancelled my cable in my old house, AFTER sending them a check for the entire month of December. I owed like $56 or something when I cancelled it but I had ALREADY sent the check for a full month so if anything, they owe ME money. Then I get a bill the other day for like $180!! FOR WHAT? Then I get another bill the next day for $0. Why did they send me a bill for ZERO DOLLARS. So I just mail the check for $180 thinking it can't hurt to overpay. Now I get a DISCONNECTION NOTICE???? Are you kidding me? I have to call them and sort this crap out tomorrow. And I really don't feel like paying these idiots a dime seeing as half the time the info screen doesn't work, the ON DEMAND channels don't work, etc. We also had them install cable in THREE rooms and they are charging us extra for each but one of them stopped working and nobody's called me back to tell me when they are going to come fix it. So I am paying for cable in a room and I don't even have it!!!

Next up. Car issues. My headlight is out and has been for a while. TK went to an auto parts store a while ago to get one for me and of course they don't sell the one I need. So in order to get this fixed, I have to go to the Acura dealership to have them fix it. When are they open? Not on weekends! Not when it's convenient for me, you know, the customer who pays over $300 a month to drive one of their cars... they fix crap from like 10-5 each day - just when I have to be at work! Gotta take some time off or bump my schedule around to get a freakin' headlight fixed!!!

Then there's a whole other issue. Of course it is somewhat my fault... but the way they make you work this problem out is completely assinine. I swear they live to make your life miserable. I need to get my car registered in FL. I should have done it a long time ago but of course getting a car registered is another thing you have to take time out of your work day to do.

God forbid they open on weekends when people could conveniently go. So I never did it... Just opted to let my MA registration run out. Well, now it has.

So I go to get the car registered and find out I have some unpaid PARKING TICKETS from MASS from YEARS AGO. All the time I lived there they never bugged me for the money. Now I am on the other end of the country and they want their loot! Can't register my car here until I pay them.

OK, here's a credit card, let me pay. NOPE!

The state of FL can talk to the state of MA computer and say DON'T GIVE HER SH** UNTIL SHE PAYS US... but can they take my money and get the problem solved? NO.

So I call MA... how do I pay these tickets?

Well, you owe to 3 cities. Contact EACH CITY and find out what you owe them and then send to them... WHAT???????

So I have to go search for the parking clerk in these cities... OK found 'em... wait for the disgruntled old lady at each office to call me back - oh, and they b*tch about the fact that it is LONG DISTANCE CALL!!!!!!!!!! So I'm like... Here's a credit card number how much do I owe? NOPE!!! You can't pay by phone. You can pay EVERY SINGLE THING POSSIBLE by phone these days, EXCEPT parking tickets!!!

Send it to PO Box blah... OK who do I make the check out to... Nope, you need a MONEY ORDER.

OK, so I send money order and then you clear my name and will notify me - can you call me? No.

It takes 2-3 WEEKS from the time they receive my money order via SNAIL MAIL to process.. and then I have to WAIT FOR THEM TO SEND ME A LETTER OF WHATEVER that I then turn in to the FL registry office and THEN I can get my car registered.

HOLY CRAP! Now, you would think that since the state trooper can scan my license and find out every place I have ever lived, every thing I have ever done, etc. that they could equip the state with a credit card machine or a way to take care of this without going through 100 steps. Meanwhile, if I get caught driving with expired registration I am screwed!

THANKS!!!

On top of that, I was extra mad at the way this while drivng/ticketing crap works tonight. I leave work to go to the bank and as I was slowing down to pull into the bank - WITH MY BLINKER ON - some a-hole who just wanted to speed by and not slow down for me pulled over into the left lane and then TRIED TO RUN ME OFF THE FREAKIN ROAD!!!! Now, I have more speeding tickets for going 75 in a 65 than I can count... yet this jacka$$ is DELIBERATELY trying to cause an accident while I am driving PERFECTLY LEGALLY. Where are the freaking cops when this is going on?

I almost got smashed into like 3 times tonight. Some guy blatently ran a red light... I went to go when my light turned green and here he comes FLYING through the intersection. Where are the cops? Probably waiting to bust some poor chick like me going 10 miles over the speed limit on an empty highway.

OH, and I almost forgot about this one. I'm waiting to use the ATM and the dude in front of me is so obviously INTOXICATED!!!!!! He was all slurring about having an "audience" while trying to take money out... all redfaced... and then he stumbles TO HIS CAR... and left such a horrid smell of alcohol. Seriously, this guy won't get caught doing anything... but I drive home in fear of being pulled over for my burned out headlight!!!

Life sucks.

Have a nice night. I'll probably find something else to be angry about later tonight.

Cracked me up that as I was driving home I heard TK talking to some kid on the phone who was calling to solicit money for the State Troopers Association or something. Now I know the cops are there to protect us, etc. but right now the states of FL and MA are on my sh*tlist!!

OOOH, and this burns me too. Ha, and you thought I was done!!! There are about 10 handicapped spaces right in front of our apartment. Then maybe about 10 more regular spaces... if we aren't lucky enough to snag one of the regular spaces then we have to park all the way in the garage which is completely out of my way. Especially at 7 months pregnant, walking up my own stairs winds me... let alone blocks to the garage. There is never more than 1 or 2 handi spaces LEGALLY being used, yet that HAVE to be there. There is ONE handicapped person who lives in this building... so she gets 10 freakin' spaces??? Not only that, but now we can't even park in ONE of them to carry freakin' groceries in the house. TK got a nice $250 ticket the other day even though his hazards were on, there were like EIGHT other empty handi spaces, and he came in for about 10 minutes.

Today I come home and every single handi space is taken... and then there's some moving truck parked in one legal space and one handi space... and NONE of these people have handi plates or things on their cars... and none have tickets. But if my tired pregnant butt parks there I'll get ticketed. It's ridiculous.

OK I am done now.

D



• 2/4/04 •

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Well, if you read my post from last night... LOL! I was not happy. I am not very happy today either but a little better. I am really uncomfortable today. I think miss baby is getting bigger and doesn't have much room. 2 more months of this??? She must be thinking "GET ME OUT!" She probably weighs close to 4lbs right now. WOW!

Last night after my rantings on here I had Boston Market for dinner (thanks TK) and started working on baby book. I also started an address book since I don't even have one! Every time I need to send people things I have to call or IM or email for their address!! I had saved all my Christmas cards with return addresses on them so I could start the address book. I will need to send a lot of thank you cards and birth announcements soon!

The baby book... well, I am just a big loser at stuff like this. I took the ultrasound pictures and tried to write cute little captions in the space provided... and of course I messed up writing it. I HATE THAT. I guess I should do it in pencil? I want it to be perfect :( I have this idea of what I want it to look like in my head and then I screw it up. I am so not crafty. My sister and my best friend are totally artistic. If only they lived closer they could help me!

Well, I need to focus on my show today. Some high up people are around today listening to the station to make sure we're doing our jobs and sound good on the air. YES, I have big brother looking over my shoulder too sometimes!

Have a great day.

D



• 2/3/04 •

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9:41pm... Well, I'm not happy.


Lexi pooed and peed all in her cage today. TK says he took her out this morning... and that when he took her out she had gone in her cage and he cleaned it up. We took her out FOUR TIMES last night and she did not go... Then she went in the middle of the night and again today while we were at work?? I am really frustrated.


I am starting to think that maybe we just don't have enough time to dedicate to the dog. And I know in a few months I will be home all the time for a little while... but I'll be taking care of a baby, and the last thing I will have time to do is worry about a dog. Don't get me wrong, I totally love this little puppy but I don't have the time, patience, or energy right now to clean up dog crap on a daily basis!!


She did great at doggy boot camp... but they also take the dogs out several times a day, and they are professionals. No matter what we do, there's at least 8 hours a day... usually 10 - she is in a cage. If she has to go, she can hold it for a little while but not long. I don't know what to do!!!


I told TK tonight we need to consider finding a new home for her... or get a dog walker... or he should come home during the day, maybe during lunch, to walk her. He is at work from 10am-10pm every day. I am at work from 10am-about 8... By the time I got home tonight it was too late. I shouldn't be going near dog waste since it can carry lots of germs. I feel bad just being like "you clean this" but I have no choice. I can't risk my health right now.


I don't even know what we should do now. It just seems that this dog requires more time than we have. We're obviously going to hire someone to take care of our baby... so I guess this person will also be responsible for taking the dog out. I guess that will actually help. I do not want to give her away... but I also don't think its right to keep a sweet little dog that we can't properly attend to.


I guess I am really stressed out. I am so tired. I have so many things I want to do... and I feel like I can't get a single thing done. I want to unpack from my trip and do laundry but I'm tired. I have to clean up the MESS in the kitchen from making steaks last night but I am tired. I want to get started on making a little baby book but I have no motivation to do it right now. I keep forgetting/blowing off all these little things I need to do. By the time I get home from work all I want to do is lay down! And the moment I walk in the door I hear little Lexi crying in her cage... and I go to let her out and take her for a walk - something I enjoy - but when I come home to a cage full of poo, it's not so fun. Then I get upset... and then we end up arguing over it because of course he's not home yet to help me with her... and then I just come in my room and shut the door and I don't do ANYTHING.


I am starting to think I can't do it all... I thought I could... be a mom, take care of a dog, take care of a house, and have my career too. But oh no... It's starting to feel like I can't even do ANY of these things well - let alone all of them! And I can't even say that he doesn't do anything because he does help. He made dinner, he kept the house pretty clean while I was gone, and I have been begging to get the dog trained for a while and its finally been done - it's not his fault she poops in the cage. I just get frustrated that every thing I try to do gets complicated.


I am also concerned because we have SO MANY THINGS to do before the baby gets here! We have so many things to get... His parents have given us the crib and mine gave us the rocker... two major items that I am so happy are taken care of. We have the stroller and a few other big items on the way... but there's so many more things and I don't have any money for them right now. I just know I will be on maternity leave and am holding on to every penny to pay my bills when the time comes. I only get 60% of my pay when I leave for 6 weeks... HARDLY ENOUGH!! We need 2 other pieces of nursery furniture, all of the bedding, toys, a swing, etc... not to mention all the diapers, bath supplies, bottles/breast feeding things, etc. I am getting overwhelmed! I think we've both had some major expenses lately and now its getting out of hand... Lexi was a lot of money to train, I spent money on maternity clothes, trip home, etc. plus we both dropped a TON of cash on Christmas for each other and family... Now it's just catching up. HELLO I WISH SOMEONE COULD GIVE ME A FANTASTIC PLASTIC PAYOFF!


We also have to finish setting up our house and move a bunch of things around. The room I use is going to be the nursery and we should get started on it soon. I am so uncomfortable at night - as I have mentioned - I sleep in my own bed. We have seperate rooms right now, for that reason and because we both have so much crap! I have to get rid of some of my furniture, move the computer to the master bedroom, etc. Then we will set up nursery. It's just a LOT to get done... and time is flying!! I have anywhere from 6-11 weeks before she gets here. I am 31 weeks now... babies can be born anywhere from 37-42 weeks... MOST first babies are late... But you never know. I could get a surprise 6 weeks from now and I really don't think we're ready for her!! In my heart I cant' wait for her to get here... she's kicking me like crazy now and I am wondering "who are you..I can't wait to meet you" but realistically, we have so many things to do. Part of me feels like he thinks she will just pop out and we'll be fine. But there's a LOT of things that have to be done and I'm freaked!


OK... I should go now. Food is here and I do need to clean up the kitchen and do some laundry and unpacking. Thanks for reading. Sorry this is a whiney post but you know how I am!!


D



• 2/3/04 •

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Hi! Good afternoon... Well it has been some time since I have RANTED about any drama but this is a good one!

A few months ago it got back to me that TK took some crap from other radio people about our situation at a big event in LA or Vegas or somewhere... The exact location is not important. I heard some people were just being rude about my being pregnant with his child... saying that "you knocked up the midday girl..."

I guess that is to be expected. I mean, most radio people are completely clean cut. None of them sleep with each other, have drug problems, etc. NONE OF THEM!! SURE. Radio people are about as holy and clean cut as Catholic Priests.

There were a number of people being rude, so this person is being singled out because she's a chick who should have known better and hypocricy makes me mad!! I do not know her, have never met her, and only know what I've heard. But when she talked trash about me, that's exactly what basis she made her opinions on. NOTHING but gossip!

I can take people being rude and talking crap... But like I have learned, don't dish it if you can't take it. So this person who had a good laugh at my expense, giving TK crap about "knocking me up"... WAS ONCE ENGAGED TO HER BOSS WHEN SHE WAS AN INTERN AT A RADIO STATION!!

Is this not hypocritical? Let's see... she was an INTERN, obviously very young, wanted to be in radio, and figured hmmmm.. might as well sleep with my boss! Now, I can't say that I would not be judged for something similar for having a relationship with TK. I was successful before I even met him. I had my job here long before anything ever went down between us. Just wanted to clarify that. :)

But what I can say is WHO IS THIS BEEEEOTCH TO TALK???

She hooked up with this dude for a while, ended up doing pretty well at this station, they got ENGAGED... and then SHE CHEATED ON HIM right before the wedding. There's more to the story but I'll leave it at that.

AND NOW SHE THINKS SHE HAS THE RIGHT TO LAUGH AT ME & TK FOR HAVING A BABY TOGETHER?!?!

Oh, and she also is what we like to call a STAR F***ER. Rumor has it she had her fun with a certain boy band member while he had a girlfriend who I happen to know! I have NEVER EVER EVER hooked up with an artist. It's just one of those things you DON'T DO in this business. Like there's messing with co-workers... and then there's just plain being a star f***er.

Yet I AM THE HO she can laugh at? LOL!!

Like I said, I admit to my own scandal... but when you've done your share of shady crap, don't laugh at someone else!!

Hopefully next time this person wants to judge another radio chick she'll think twice. I've done my share of silly stuff with radio boys... I don't judge other radio chicks for it because hey, I did my thing too - I'm just pointing this out to show how stupid people are when they open their mouths before thinking.

I guess I don't like to be mean to other girls in radio because we get a bad enough rep in the business. The guys can sleep around, do whoever and whatever they want, and get patted on the back. Girls do it and have to live with it for the rest of their careers. It sucks, so I try not to perpetuate that kind of talk... but this person thought it was funny to do it to me so now she can see how it feels!

I have actually tried to be friends with a number of chicks in radio and most of them are so competitive and jealous of each other they never want to defend each other, share ideas, or even be friendly. Add to that trash talk and it gets real ugly. Aren't we all doing this for the same reasons? I am used to radio girls being catty and bitchy... but this made me really mad because it involves one of the most personal and great experiences I will ever have, and people who don't even know me thought it was funny and something to give us crap over!

It makes me so angry because it involves MY CHILD. It makes me mad that people think they have the right to ridicule our decision to have this baby. I know a lot of radio people who have kids out of wedlock (mostly men) who don't even SEE their children... TK is ready to be a daddy and is very excited about us having this baby. I don't think he deserves a medal for it - but he doesn't deserve to be crapped on for taking responsibility and actually loving a child! Add to that the fact that none of these people know what our relationship is like and how tight we are... so to just assume we were casually screwing is also rude. Nobody knows what goes on in our house or how we feel for each other so to laugh at the child we created is just disgusting.

I know a lot of radio girls who have done a LOT WORSE than me with other radio guys, bosses, co-workers, rock stars, etc... and I know a lot of people in radio with loads and loads of other problems. Funny that THIS SITUATION is one people felt they could bash us about. But if you have a crack problem everyone is sympathetic! We have a baby and people make fun. It's gross. I work in a very corrupt business.

So anyway, next time any of you want to talk trash, think about your own past and your own indiscretions and then decide if you should be nasty to someone else. I don't usually even bother with talking trash about people but somehow I always end up being the subject of gossip and I am tired of it. Like I said, if you want to talk about others and their personal lives, you better be ready to face your own demons!

I think it's completely normal and understandable for radio chicks/radio guys fall for each other... I mean, it's a very crazy business and people who are in it are very passionate about what they do. I have told you before the story of TK and me... I try not to judge people in radio who get together because I understand it. But what made me mad about this is THIS CHICK who is guilty of her own scandal had the nerve to judge us.

In 2 months we'll have a beautiful little child and she'll still be 30-something and alone...

Thanks for giving me something to rant about today! Pregnancy makes me really moody sometimes and I'm happy I had someone deserving to take it out on!

I'll shut up now.


D



• 2/3/04 •

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Back at work. Seems like I never left even though I had 4 days away! My flight back yesterday was good... a little bumpy here and there but that's normal.

What isn't normal - I SWEAR THE BABY CAN FEEL TURBULENCE. When the flight was steady, she's still. When we hit bumps... she would move. Not kidding at all. It was so weird. When I took off from Tampa Friday, it was a little shaky on the way up and she was all flutterring around... then about an hour into the flight it was bumpy again... she starts moving. Landing time - bumps... she's awake. SAME THING ON THE WAY BACK! I hope she does not inherit my fear of flying!!! I am actually really getting over it. I usually get queasy and nervous before boarding and sit there kind of sweaty and tense the whole time - especially going up and when there's turbulence... but this time I just chilled out. I talk myself out of being scared. I've done it so many times and should just be used to it. But then I think - the second I get used to it and DON'T get scared is when ish will go down... At least I don't let the fear stop me from getting on a plane! Anyway, I just hope she doesn't have a fear of it like I do. She'll probably grow up travelling a lot which will help - I only flew twice when I was a child so that's why I ended up being scared of it.

OK enough of that! I am feeling lazy again. You'd think time off would make me feel refreshed but no. The second I got home last night I plopped on the couch and am tired again! I'm waiting for that surge of energy to hit!

I really want to start making a baby book. I have a photo album with room for me to write things. My intern Ashley gave it to me the other day - it's SO CUTE! I am going to put the first ultrasound picture of her when she was a little pea, then the other u/s pictures... and some pictures of my shower so she knows how excited everyone is for her to come into the world!

How sweet is THIS? When TK came home last night he brought me flowers and a little card with a cute baby on it... making a kissy-face (and drooling) and he wrote a nice little note in it that he missed me! Then he made us steaks because they have lots of iron and the doc said I need more iron. Plus, steaks are freakin' good!!! We cooked them on the George Foreman grill. Now I get to clean that mess up when I get home......

So how about the whole Janet Jackson thing? Does anyone still care? Of course I missed being on the air yesterday when it was fresh news... and now I still want to make fun of it but it was SO YESTERDAY... Anyone who believes it was a mistake or a "wardrobe malfuntion" is seriously beyond dumb. Almost as dumb as the stunt itself. Am I offended by Janet's boob? NO. Am I offended and ashamed that Justin was a part of something so lame? YES! There was nothing even SEXY about it. It was just a big boob flopping. How was that even hot or sexy? It was dumb. That outfit with the snaps on the boob reminds me of a nursing bra... and I'm learning all about those! Just stupid. Janet's new song is REALLY good though!!!!

So on the plane ride home I caught up on my InTouch reading... Guess who is RUMORED TO BE PREGNANT!!! Jennifer Aniston!!!!! Apparently she hasn't been drinking or smoking at all lately and has been wearing baggier clothes, placing her hands in front of her belly a lot, etc. I'm betting my kid will be cuter than theirs because really beautiful parents don't always have the best looking children... AND... the other preggers & proud lady - Helen Hunt! She and her boyfriend are having a baby sometime this summer. He's some producer, nobody we'd know :) Being pregnant is the trendy thing to do. I'm actually happy so many celebrities are with child or just popped kids out because it makes it "hip"... LOL! KIDDING!

That's all for now!

D



• 2/2/04 •

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11:18am... I should be getting ready to go to the airport but just wanted to update real quick.

First of all... PATRIOTS WON THE SUPERBOWL!!!!! Hooray! I am going to try to pick up a Superbowl Champion shirt before I fly back to Tampa. My guess is they'll be selling them AT THE AIRPORT! :)

How about Janet's boob? LOL!

Happy Birthday Kristen!!! It's my best friend's birthday. She's almost 30... LOL! No, we're all getting there though. :)

I had a great time at home. It was so cool to see everyone. I just had to organize all my gifts and figure out what I can carry and what my family will ship down to me... I want to take everything with me right now to show TK but I can't possibly carry another bag. My pregnant body has a hard enough time with a suitcase and one carry on!

I gotta get in the shower. Logan Airport is the WORST and I need to get there at least 2 hours early. IT SUCKS!

I'll write more later. I can't wait to come back to warm weather... I heard it was "chilly" there this weekend but NOTHING like the cold up here.

D




• 2/1/04 •

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SUPERBOWL SUNDAY!!! Still haven't decided where I am going to watch the game. I think I'll end up with some friends but I am not sure yet. I heard that driving the night of the Superbowl is even more dangerous than driving on New Year's Eve!! And that little statistic goes for anywhere in the country... add to that the fact that I'm in Boston where the fans are... Could be bad. People are stupid and drink and drive more after the Superbowl than New Years... :(

Baby shower yesterday was great! I posted a few pictures already and there's a lot more coming. My friend Jess went home and sent some to me right away. I have to wait until I get back to Tampa to plug my camera in and get mine up... forgot to bring the little cord to plug it in. I got so many adorable things!!!

My dad & Kerry are having the rocker/ottoman ordered for me so I can pick it up at the Babies R Us in Brandon... my grandmother, aunt & cousin got me the stroller/carseat travel system, my friend Christine got the Baby Papasan and a cute outfit... Kristen got me my FAVORITE thing on my registry at Pottery Barn Kids - the butterfly fleece blanket... and a little outfit from baby gap! Stephanie gave me a whole bag full of stuff... a little Winnie the Pooh sundress, booties, little pink hangers for all her cute clothes, receiving blankets, and some other cute things... Maura gave us a bunch of Eric Carle outfits. He writes really great children's books and the outfits go along with the books... butterflies and little worms... they are adorable!

Jessica gave me the most adorable little RED SOX onesie with a little pink skirt so she can be a RED SOX cheerleader! TK says "she's not from Boston, she'll be born in Tampa Bay, and she's wearing Yankees things..." SCREW THAT!!!! Over my dead body she will wear Yankees...

Donlyn gave us the "Make Room for Ducklings" book... its a very famous children's book in Boston. Everyone knows how important it is for my little girl to know where she's "from". Born in Tampa or not, she will be Boston girl at heart, THANKS! My sister gave me some really cute outfits from H&M Kids, little windpants and a sweatshirt and a sundress. SO CUTE!

My Dad & Kerry also gave me some picture frames with pictures of ME as a little baby. I was so not cute. I should put some baby pictures of me up here... I admit, I was not cute. I get better with age :)

Allright I will stop oooh-ing and ahhhh-ing over everything!

I actually slept well last night. I fell asleep with the bright light on in this room... I woke up at 3am and it was still on. Duh, maybe that's the key to get me to fall asleep... leave the light on? It seemed to work last night. No restlessness or anything. It was nice!

Just got up and had breakfast... and then I watched the video we took yesterday of the shower. It's not very long... I am an idiot and forgot to have someone videotape me opening the presents! That is the funnest part. Then I was watching myself cut the cake and just had to have a piece!

I am going to chill out for a little while and figure out what I want to do for the game. I want to see my friends but at the same time I feel kind of anti-social today and just want to lay on the couch. Hmmmmm...

Have a great day. It's cold here.

:)






• 1/31/04 •

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12:38pm... Well you'd think after the busy hectic day I had yesterday that I would just crash and sleep through the night. NO SUCH LUCK! I tossed and turned all night. Then I get up to walk around or something but I'm so tired I just want to lay down, and then the restlessness starts all over again! Baby was kicking at lot but that doesn't bother me. I love when she moves :) She was doing somersaults all night! I hope she kicks and moves today for people. Everyone is fascinated by WATCHING the belly bubble up and down!

I'm just waiting to get in the shower. My sister is here and she snuck in before I could. The water pressure in this shower is horrible... It doesn't get used that often, only when we come to visit.

My dad and I figured out how to use my video camera this morning - the one he gave me for Christmas - so I'll put a little video of my shower up when I get back! Plus lots of pictures. It's the last time my friends will see me before I am officially a mommy! I am so happy I came home and will get to spend time with everyone. And a lot of people are planning to come see the baby when she is born. I bet they wish she was coming NOW so they could escape this cold. It's just horrible!

Lexi is doing great! TK says he did the routine with her last night and this morning and she has it DOWN. We have to do it with her 4 times a day for a week to make sure she knows everything. I wish I was there to do it my 2 times a day since she needs to learn that BOTH OF US ARE BOSS!! I'm sure she will be fine. She's so cute!

OK time to shower. I will kick my sister's butt if she used all the hot water. With the heat running and stuff hot water is always an issue. No matter how nice your house or where you live up north, hot water turns cold real quick. I love home but it is so easy to get used to the warm weather in FL. There is all static in my clothes and hair. I was messing with all the blankets on the bed last night and SAW SPARKS!!! That's how dry the air is from the heat. INSANITY! I would rather have it sticky than dry. Anyway, enough TALK ABOUT THE WEATHER - I am such a dork.

This post was basically about nothing. Sorry. Like you really care about the water pressure in my dad's house!!!!!!

I'll write more after the baby shower! There's a pretty pink cake and pink dishes and stuff. SO COOL!!!

GO PATRIOTS!!

Dana



• 1/30/04 •

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1:20am... Yes, it's 1:20am... I should be sleeping but I'm up writing. This has become like a daily routine! Actually, they happened to move the computer into the guest room that I am staying in so I couldn't resist getting online :)

Can I just say one word. COLD. Actually, there's 2 words. COLD and PATRIOTS. From the moment I got ON THE PLANE to Boston this morning... it's all about the Patriots. The crew of my flight was Boston based so of course they were all about the Patriots... and even threw in a few digs on the Yankees. Boston fans are all crazy. Even though this weekend's game is all about the Patriots playing FOOTBALL against CAROLINA, the BASEBALL-PLAYING YANKEES are still the enemy. I love this place! :)

So I had a pretty nice flight. A little bumpy here and there but that's normal. I don't freak out and hyperventilate during turbelence anymore. I just close my eyes and tell myself not to worry because I always get scared and it's always fine. Turbulence is completely fine. I think little baby likes to fly. I hope she does not have my fear of flying... among other things. I could get into a long heartfelt entry about all of my fears at this point, but I won't.

I felt the ice cold the moment they opened the airplane door! Even though you walk up that rampy thingy, you can FEEL the ice cold air... I had to open my suitcase and pull out my old winter coat, hat, and scarf. My winter jacket doesn't button around my belly - but the top 2 buttons work so it's cool. I didn't have to wait long outside for the shuttle to get my rental car. Boston Logan Airport does not have car rental on site, instead you take a shuttle bus to the lot where they keep all the cars, it's about 10 minutes from the airport. I got a Dodge Stratus for the next 3 days for $71 - unlimited miles! Gotta love Orbitz.com.

I talked to tk a few times today. He is always asking about baby and telling me to "be careful" - men are so cute about their little babies. This morning when he dropped me off at the airport he kissed me and then said bye to my belly in front of all these people... it was so sweet! OK enough gag me stuff.... I don't want you to get annoyed with me the way I got annoyed with J-Lo & Ben. :(

My friend Stephanie took the afternoon off from work to hang out. I know she REALLY loves working every day so this was really cool... lol. Yeah right, who wouldn't want to take a day off! So we went to the mall. They actually have a Gap and an Old Navy at this mall with maternity clothes. Let me just tell you it is a GOOD THING I did not splurge on a pair of overalls because I tried them on and they look RIDICULOUS. A small was HUGE on me and I looked like a big oversized HOUSE in them. I didn't end up buying anything at those stores, which is probably a good thing. I could have picked up a sweater, but why bother buying something I will wear once while I am here and never again. It'll be spring in less than a month in Tampa!! These poor eskimoes have 2 or more months left of cold... I have a few weeks left of "chilly". I don't know if I could ever live in this cold again... My skin feels all dry just from the coldness and then the dry heat in the house... my nose is bright red from the wind... my hair is messy from wearing a wool hat and blowing around in the wind. Just not pleasant. And I almost slipped on ice. I do NOT miss winter at all.

I did get a few things at the mall. Gloves! They were only $5 so I grabbed a pair. And I got a fabulous light pink Boston Red Sox hat. You can't buy all the cool ones anywhere but here... I love the light pink one! I also got a battery charger for tk's iPod. He let me borrow it to use on the plane... but the battery is just about to die and I forgot to pack the charger. This little gadget actually takes 4AA batteries and you just plug it right into the iPod and it will run for 10-12 hours. Perfect for long trips!! I REALLY want my own iPod now. I've kind of been like... what's the point, I never would use one... but now I am addicted to it and I want my very own! I want a mini in pink with my name on it. Thanks. The best thing is that I took his iPod and didn't have any time to download my own songs on it... and I was still fine. We love the same music. I have NEVER dated a guy who I agreed with on music. And obvoiusly its a big part of my life so it's cool he and I share that. Anyway...

I went to dinner with some friends tonight. It was good to see some people I have not seen since before I moved! I also met my best friend's boyfriend for the first time! We ended up sitting on opposite ends of the table so I didn't get to talk to him much... but it's probably best that way - for her sake. Hehehe... the stories I could have told! He's very cute, and she's really happy with him.

I actually was going to keep writing but I suddenly got this pain in my back and I have to lay down. It has been a REALLY long day. My stepmother put extra blankets on the bed up here for me... GOOD THING - ITS FREEZING!! :)

I'm having a nice trip. GO PATRIOTS!

I'll write tomorrow and tell you how my baby shower goes! I am so excited it's ridiculous.

:)

D



• 1/29/04 •

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First of all I have to say THANK YOU to Maryi who sent us an adorable little Anne Geddes doll!!!!!! I received the package today at the radio station. I was freaking out at first because its such an adorable present and I was like "OH NO I DONT KNOW WHO SENT THIS!!!" and then I found her name on one of the papers in the box. It's the cutest little doll... she's wearing a pink bear suit, she smells like powder, and she is SO SOFT. I LOVE this doll!! Maryi, I wish I had another way to contact you to say thank you!!! :)

Lexi is a new puppy!! We are so proud of her!!! She is completely trained. She knows how to walk nicely and calmly on a leash. She "sits" when we say "sit". She comes when we say "here". She lays down when we say "down". She knows it is ok to get up and play when we say "OK!" I am amazed!! She didn't poop or pee in her cage once the ENTIRE time she was away... and now we just need to continue to keep her in good habits. MONEY WELL SPENT! All the details about the doggy boot camp are on the main page and if you have any questions about it or are interested in taking your dog, you can email me! It is a lot of money, but well worth it. I'll let you know how she does with us in the weeks to come. :)

So I have to pack for my trip. I need to do laundry and remember to bring some things home - video camera, camera, 4D ultrasound pictures... I don't think my grandmother or my aunt have seen them yet, I don't think they use computers. Should be exciting for them! I am a little scared of flying but it's one of my biggest fears and I give myself some credit for not letting it stop me from going away like this. I have been scared of flying for a loooong time, it's not even the terrorist thing, it's my fear of heights and of just falling out of the sky. I have gotten used to it over the last few years since I've gone home a lot and went on some other trips. I always pay extra to fly direct so once I go up, I come down once and it's over until my trip home. I might even upgrade to first class so my pregnant body can be comfy. We'll see if they let me for a reasonable price!

OH! This is something I wanted to ask earlier and completely forgot... but I'll be checking email from home and in the morning so you can stlil respond if you know... Is it customary to get a gift for the hostess/es of your baby shower? I am not sure if it is or not, and I hadn't thought of it until just the other day. I looked online at some baby shower websites and haven't seen anything about it, but I want to make sure! SEEING ME IS GIFT ENOUGH, RIGHT??

I should get to work on laundry, etc. I am really tired so hopefully I will be RLS-FREE tonight and get a good night's sleep... :)

Dana



• 1/29/04 •

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Yo! So here's what's going on. For some reason I am slightly ANEMIC! Not enough iron. That might explain some of the exhuastion. I have been taking vitamins every day but I guess sometimes there's still not enough iron in them for me and baby. Now I have to pick up an iron supplement too. Ugh, now 2 pills a day. I hate taking pills!

Other than that all is good. All the complaints I have are normal and of course the remedy is rest/sleep/relaxation. Yeah right!

Not much else to write about so this is a short one! I just want to get out of here, get Lexi, go home, relax, and pack for my trip and fly home tomorrow morning!

I'll update from home and let you know how my flight was, etc... :)

D



• 1/28/04 •

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10:12pm and I still feel like CRAP. I am not hungry at all lately... I don't know if it is stress or just knowing that eating will make me feel even more enormous. Plus, I think eating at night is what is keeping me awake. But I have force myself to eat because the little baby needs to keep growing and gaining weight. I am afraid my belly is not big enough yet for 30 weeks... YES - 30 WEEKS!!! Only 10 left... maybe a few more - MAYBE LESS! Normal time to pop kid out is 37-42 weeks.

No stretch marks and no swelling. That's definitely good. I do have what they call RLS... RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME. Yes, there is a name for this bizarre condition... I thought I was going insane every night with restless feet and legs but it is a real thing during pregnancy. I read about it in the What to Expect book... For some strange reason, when I am sitting down at night or laying down to go to bed, no matter how tired the rest of my body is, my lower legs and feet want to wiggle around. They kind of tingle.. but not like pins & needles. I have tried soaking them in hot water, making TK massage them, etc. and nothing works!! While in the hot water they feel better, but the second I take them out they are back to being weird. This annoyance is one of the reasons I can't sleep. It is very frustrating. The book says there isn't much you can do about it... elevating feet doesn't seem to help... soaking, rubbing, etc. NOTHING works. If you've had this and can help me PLEASE DO!!!

So tomorrow afternoon we go to get LEXI!!! TK took the day off so we can go right when I am done at 3pm. I am excited to get her back but I also know we are supposed to go over a routine with her 4 times a day - 2 times each - and I am PRAYING he does things with her 4 times a day while I am away. In order for her to be a well-trained dog we have to reinforce her training routine every day... 4 times a day the first week, and twice a day after that. We SHOULD do it every day anyway, just to keep her in good habits. We spent about $700 on this so I really want it to work!!

Baby is kicking my ribs and my back all the time. Sometimes it almost hurts when she wiggles around. I just feel like she doesn't have enough room in there, or sometimes I worry that she will get crushed or bent the wrong way! I am sure she is fine, but I just don't get how they live for months in this crunched up position! I like to STRETCH!!

So I've been a greedy brat checking up on my baby registry since my baby shower at home is this weekend... things are flying off the list!!! I hope people aren't afraid to get thigns just because I won't be able to carry them home. There is always shipping... and Babies R Us lets you buy something in one store and I can pick the item up here. Haha hint hint wink wink to people who read this and will be there! It's so bratty... but I know my friends who have had wedding registries checked up on theirs all the time so I don't feel bad... and the people that have never had a registry will do the same thing anyway so whatever!! I'd "leave room in the suitcase" to carry some little presents home but I can barely carry what I'll have... let alone bring an empty one or another bag.

Anyway, I'm really just happy to be going home to see my family and friends. I think I have said that every journal entry since I found out I can go home! I have met some really nice people here who have been great friends to me, but being home with family and the people I have known for years is going to be great. Some people can't make it to the baby shower but I will get to see them at dinner on Friday or at some other time during the weekend...

Now - where to watch the SUPERBOWL! How freaking exciting for me that I just happen to be home this weekend and the Patriots are playing. I have to tell you though, I can't really drool over Tom Brady anymore. He looks too much like my little brother for it to be ok. I will try to show you pictures... It's insane how much they look alike!!! No wonder my brother is such a pimp!

I could either stay at my dad's and chill out... I really want to spend some time with the family this visit since I usually come home and end up with my friends the whole time... or I could go to a friend's house and watch it. I'll be with my family all day Saturday and Saturday night, and Sunday night after the game. We'll see how I feel too. I have been so tired lately and I'm sure I'll want to relax instead of running all over Massachusetts. My dad lives about 40 minutes from Boston so going back and forth will not be fun. Plus, I would like to limit my exposure to the arctic blast cold up there. That reminds me, I need to wash my few reasonably warm items of clothing. I'm going to freeze. Stephanie said she would pick me up at the airport with a hairdryer and an extension cord to defrost me...

I have to go see doctor tomorrow. I won't forget this time!!! I have a lot of questions... usually I don't have questions but now I have a list!! Of course I have to find out about the cord blood and what I need to do to make sure all goes well with that. I have to ask them to fill out a medical form to submit to the cryo bank and I am hoping there is nothing in my record that prevents me from donating. I have a tattoo but I got it a LONG time ago - I know sometimes these things can prevent you from donating blood. Then there's a bunch of really strange questions like... "have you ever taken money in exchange for drugs or sex" and stuff like that.. I guess they think these people are at a higher risk for STD's and whatnot. Just seemed bizarre to me at first! I give it up for free baby!!

The other thing I want to know about is if it costs anything. The woman at the cryo bank today told me that some doctors will charge the donor to do the collection - anywhere from $25-500. I think that is a little outrageous. If I am DONATING this so that another person might be saved, why would they charge me? I will have to find out about that. A $25 fee I would pay, but $500 to DONATE blood - no can do! I really hope that's not the case. For some reason I feel compelled to do this and I am excited about it. I think I have always felt so horrible about not helping people or thought "what can I do" but never really do anything, so now I am doing something. In a way it sucks because once you donate and your blood is tested and approved for use in transfusions, it becomes anonymous. They strip the blood of all personal information and just include the genetic/medical information with it, but nothing about the person who donated it. I kind of thought I would know if it ended up helping someone... but this way I will never know. At the same time, sometimes people who receive transplants do not do well and that would make me feel horrible. I need to get off this subject I am starting to upset myself.

Other questions for the doctor... What should I expect when I go into labor and stuff. When will my water break? How soon after water breaks do I go to hospital? What do real contractions vs. Braxton Hicks contractions feel like? And I have to make SURE she knows I WANT THE DRUGS! I am also wondering when I should prepare myself for... well... lactation. I have this nightmare of walking around the radio station one day with huge wet circles on my shirt.... I just have a lot of other questions too but some are too graphic to post. I am also going to ask about this awful heartburn and find out if there's anything I can eat or drink to help it.. or anything else to avoid. It really sucks.

So... I guess that is all for now. TK is cooking for me and it smells GOOOOOOD... He is online downstairs and I am online upstairs. We live in the same house these days and still communicate through the internet. It's easier than yelling up and down the stairs.

More tomorrow... and then I AM GETTING THE BLEEP AWAY FROM WORK FOR A FEW DAYS!!!

:)

D



• 1/28/04 •

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Ugh. I am so uncomfortable today it is ridiculous. I feel HUGE and bloated and fat and sick and tired. I had to TAKE MY BRA OFF because it is squeezing me and the wires are digging into me! I think not only are my boobs growing but there's an extra layer of fat all around and my bras don't fit. All I am going to do is complain through most of this post so if you're not interested, don't read.

Yeah, I'm moody too. I am going away for a few days and all I want to do is get out of here and rest before my trip home... but NOOOOOOOOOO I have to do a ton of crap before I can go anywhere. I work for some other stations in other cities and I am kind of upset that they won't let me have a few days off so on top of getting ahead here, I have to worry about another 2 hours of work. We'll see if I do them any favors in the future!!!

We also have to pick up Lexi tomorrow afternoon which makes life even more hectic. I can't wait to have her back but I'm so tired - the timing on this is just BAD.

I am having trouble breathing and the doctor told me to lay down on my side. Yes, that's just what I can do all day. I'll do a radio show from my couch laying on my side. I did lay down from 11:30-noon when I had to come in here to do my show. I guess sitting up makes the baby push on my diaphragm and that's why I am short of breath. Everything crunches up. I can also feel my stomach like growing into my chest and ribs. It sucks so bad!!! Part of me wishes they would just put me on bedrest so I could be comfortable and not live exhausted all the time. I got sleep last night... I'm not even that TIRED - but if it isn't one thing it's another. Now I just feel like I am going to explode.

Haha... if you just got pregnant or are thinking about doing it... here's what you have to look forward to!

In other news... I am going to donate the cord blood so I found out all the info about that today. Some people think it is intrusive or controversial... but its really no different than donating actual blood. In fact the blood in the umbilical cord/stem cells can be MORE beneficial than regular blood. The cells are not yet developed so they can be turned into whatever kind of cells a person needs. I have been reading a lot about childhood cancer after hearing about Katia Solomon - little girl in Tampa who has leukemia - and I wanted to donate the cord blood in hopes that it can save another child. After your baby is born and they cut the cord, they drain the blood from it. It doesn't hurt me, and the baby is already out and cut off from the cord... while they are cleaning her up and stuff, I just lay there while they drain the blood from the cord and placenta. Definitely something you should look into if you are expecting. You have to fill out a big medical form and have your doctor fill it out... then they send you a kit for collection which you bring to the hospital. Other than that, it's nothing... A small amount of work to save someone else's life. Why toss it away as medical waste when it could save another life!? I'll let you know more about it after I have it done. I don't think there's anything to be afraid of.

Hmmm... what else? Well. I keep spilling toothpaste on myself like every day. I don't know how or why I keep doing this, but every time I go to brush my teeth the toothpaste falls off, onto my chin... and then onto my fat belly that sticks out. It's starting to annoy me. I am going through double the amount of toothpaste and screwing up my clothes!

My back hurts too.

Have a pleasant day. I'm not.

Dana





• 1/27/04 •

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OMG! I just realized something... I had a doctor appointment this morning and I FORGOT!!! I completely forgot. They called FRIDAY to remind me. I really need to hang a calendar in the house and mark these things down. How did I just space it? I usually like going because I get to hear her heart beat and be assured that everything is going well!!! Now I have to call them and be like SORRY I'm an idiot. I think they charge if you miss appointments too! Sh*t! Oh well, I'll figure it out. I have to go before my trip just to make absolutely sure I am cool to go. This every two weeks thing is going to get me... I am bad at remembering things!

So I feel a little lost at work lately. Sometimes being on the radio just gets monotonous. I feel like I talk about the same celebrities... and my baby... every day. Do you get sick of listening to me????? I look for other interesting things to talk about but there's not much going on.

So I am a little upset with my baby registry! My shower is at home this weekend and there's a problem with their system so half of the items I want are showing up as "unavailable"!!!! What if I don't get anything I need? I am not trying to be greedy... but this has me a little concerned. I keep checking the registry like once an hour to see if it's fixed - and to see if anyone is buying me stuff!! :)

More later.




• 1/26/04 •

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Yo! It's 11:29pm... We just got back from the Sting show at TBPAC a little while ago. He is just incredible! I have to be honest... I was a little disappointed he didn't do more familiar songs. It was mostly new stuff that I don't know. But he is still just awesome. Even though I didn't know the songs I was completely into it. He had these 3 screens behind him with all different images on them... some stuff was just designs and symbols, and other things were like videos with people in them. The lights were amazing. Of course he did Desert Rose, Every Breath You Take, Roxanne, Fields of Gold, and a few others that I love. We got to meet him back stage before the show. It was a very quick shake hands take a picture, peace out. :) Sting was on my list of MUST SEE LIVE artists so now I've done it! Would totally go see him again. Baby really liked it. At first I was worried the noise might bother her but I think she liked it. I almost cried listening to Every Breath You Take... we always think of songs like that being about a lover... but the words can totally go for a baby too. Except the part about "every vow you break" but other than that - totally could be about a parent watching a child grow, learn, smile, etc. :)

OK, so how about JC in the studio today?!?! He was SO FUN to hang out with. Such a nice guy. I was sitting there on TK's computer answering IMs from people and he was sitting right next to me. Then I asked him to autograph the pictures I took of his butt at Guavaween and he did it. Does anyone want them? I mean, they're just of his behind but they are funny and it's his autograph! It is so weird to me that JC is such a huge star... I mean he's got so much freaking money. I try not to get starstruck anymore but its' a little weird. I am used to it by now but of course inside I am like... this is pretty cool. One of the guys from the biggest freaking pop sensation since the New Kids is sitting here chilling out with us. Not many people get to hang in a room with JC or any celebrities for that matter. And TK brought up the whole Tara Reid thing. Did you hear what JC said??? If not I'll tell you later.

Hmmm.. what else. Well, Lexi is all done at puppy boot camp! We have to pick her up on Thursday. I am happy because I want to see her before I leave for Boston. Only 3 days until I will be HOME!! I am a little nervous about flying but I don't think anyone likes flying these days. I just get nervous and have to calm myself down. I'm going to steal TK's iPod for the weekend so that should keep me relaxed on the plane. Friday night I am going to dinner at Boston Beer Works with my friends, then driving to my dad's house. Saturday will be my baby shower, and Sunday is SUPERBOWL and I will watch the game with friends. Monday I fly back.

I am a little nervous about the weather.. seems like every week there is a storm up there. I'd be happy if it hit on Sunday night or early Monday... that way I would be stuck home for an extra day or two which would be nice! There are so many people I want to spend time with and 3 days just isn't enough! Here I have nobody to hang out with and I go home and there's so many friends/family I want to spend time with I can't squeeze it all in. I miss home :(

Well I think I am going to TRY to get some sleep. That hasn't been working out for me lately. We had turkey for dinner at TBPAC so maybe the sleepy thing in the turkey will work for me.

More later...

Dana



• 1/25/04 •

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Just a quick update before we go out to dinner. Been a pretty busy weekend! I'm still having a LOT of trouble sleeping at night, but I'll complain about that later.


TK's parents have been here so we have been trying to juggle work and spending time with them. We went to Estela's for Mexican food last night... Now I know where he gets his taste for hot stuff!! Of course picky me just ate a PLAIN quesadilla and chips with no salsa or queso dip. I am hoping our daughter gets his taste for food since I'm so picky I think I miss out on a lot of good stuff.


His mom brought a whole bunch of pictures of him as a baby, child, teenager. He was SO CUTE as a baby and a little boy... but the pictures of him in high school - OMG DORK!!!! Not that I was cool by any means. We all go through that akward stage where we think we are really cool but we're just NOT. I want to post them so bad but he'll kill me. His parents have also told me lots of stories about him when he was little... It's fun to learn about someone and what they were like before you knew them. :)


His mom has also been working hard our spoiling our little baby! She brought a TON of realy cute baby clothes and some other gifts. She's done more shopping than me!! I have to stop myself though because I'll run out of cash. Toby's parents have 4 sons and no daughters... and now they will have two granddaughters so I am sure his mom LOVES buying all the cute little girly things she could never buy for the boys.


We are going to Bella's for dinner, then TK and I have to go to work! Yes... work on a Sunday night. I guess we left stuff to do until the last minute but we're both so tired.


I am excited - a week from today I will be watching the Superbowl at home in Boston! GO PATRIOTS!! Haven't decided where I am going to watch the game yet. Part of me wants to go into the city to a bar and watch it with friends.... I just know I won't be comfortable for too long, but I miss the excitement of going out. There's no smoking in bars in Boston anymore so that isn't an issue. Hopefully a friend will have a house party or something I can go to. :)


I'm looking forward to my baby shower at home. It will be so great to see family and friends... some people I have not seen since before I MOVED here a year and a half ago, and some people I have not seen since last Christmas or September.


The only thing that sucks......... COLD. ICE FREAKING COLD. Toby's parents were telling me the weather up north is supposed to be back into record LOWS next week. AAAAAAHHHHH!!!! And it feels chilly here right now! I don't even have a winter jacket or a pair of gloves. I am going to demand door to door service no matter where I go. It's going to be a real shock when I step outside at the airport. I am hoping maybe I can get some special treatment with my "condition"... I am so big right now there is no hiding the baby!!


OK TK's parents are here and of course he is still in the shower. GRRRRR!!!!


TTYL!


Dana




• 1/23/04 •

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11:07pm. I just did something very challenging. I painted my toenails! I have been wearing sneakers all the time lately. It's been cold... and my toenails were just icky and unpainted. I should go get a pedicure but I have never gotten one and I am scared. I have ugly feet and I don't want them to laugh at me. Seriously, I am afraid. So I just cut and painted my toenails myself. Not easy. It's a good thing I did it now because I won't be able to reach AT ALL soon!

I bought some new shoes today at the Skechers sale. IF YOU NEED SHOES - especially sneakers or casual sandals for summer - get to the sale! I got 2 pairs of really cute sandals, a pair of black chunky flats *can't wear heels right now - they hurt my back a lot and can cause vericose veins and increase swelling* and a pair of nice dress shoes for TK all for less than $100!!! 4 pairs of shoes for under $100. It's fabulous. Alecia reminded me today that we HAD to go to this. She got a few things too... very cute!!

Right now I am doing laundry - I HATE doing laundry. I love having all of my clothes clean, but the whole process really drives me nuts. It's not as bad now since I have the w/d at home but still... I usually fall asleep or forget about it and then wake up to nothing clean - just wet in the washer!! I have a lot to do though, so I'll be up for a while.

TK's parents are here! They got in tonight. They are tired, he's at Storman's, and I am tired so they are hanging out at their hotel tonight and I think we are meeting them for breakfast. Should be a fun weekend... it sucks though, he and I have to work a lot. That's just how it always is... I'm so looking forward to maternity leave when I can have visitors and spend time with them, etc.

I am getting even bigger. I am so happy I haven't gotten any stretch marks. My belly is just really white and feels dry sometims but I put lotion on it all the time. I think it really helps. And I am also happy I don't seem to be gaining a lot of weight anywhere but in my belly. I am starting to have that weird pregnant walk!! My belly is just sticking out more and more - there is no hiding that I am carrying a little one. It's about time - I am now 29, almost 30, weeks! It is so strange to think that in 2 and a half months I will be a mom.

I think more and more it is sinking in. I mean obvoiusly you know when you find out you are pregnant - I will be a mom... but now it's becoming more real. I am scared. I am not giong to lie - I am freaked out! I have been reading a lot about taking care of a baby and I have heard from friends that it isn't as hard as you think it will be, but still. I know nothing.

We are also getting concerned about who will watch her when I go back to work. I am totally against day care for my newborn. I just think there are too many babies and too few caretakers. I don't want my child crying all day while someone tends to other babies. It is not about spoiling her either. I read that babies CAN'T be spoiled and that they are actually happier and less fussy if you meet their needs immediately. Leaving a child to cry when she needs something is not right... They can't be spoiled as infants. They are too young to know any better.

I think I am going to go watch TV now. I am have to work tomorrow from 1-5 even though I was not supposed to. Kooz is REALLY sick. I feel so bad for him... He's like coughing and has a fever, etc. He was actually going to go in to work because there is nobody to fill in but I said I would do it. We usually don't have to work 2 days on the weekend (I am on Sunday too) but I know I hate working when I am sick - and people cover my a$$ all the time when I don't feel well...

I'll update more tomorrow! Sorry the dirt page is lacking. I know you don't really give a crap about J-Lo & Ben's break up anyway!

D



• 1/23/04 •

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WOW! I knew people read this but it's become and addiction!! I didn't post yesterday and I've gotten all these emails.. "Is my computer broken, I can't get your journal entry!" No, I just didn't have much to say yesterday.

Today I'm really tired. I could not sleep last night. I was up until 5am. Now I feel all icky. I almost fainted walking to my car this morning, turned around and went back in the house and laid down... Then I tried to eat a little something and I think it made me feel worse. TK got me donuts, chocolate milk, and a decaf but it's all not working!! I hate this. I feel huge too. Baby is kicking around and all I want to do is LAY DOWN!!

I can't believe I am going to just keep getting bigger. It's not comfortable. I'm also getting Charlie Horses in my legs!!! That is the stupidest name for a muscle cramp but whatever... They are SO PAINFUL. I guess this is normal. The other night it was so bad I started SCREAMING - he thought I was going into labor or something!!! Now I am getting them in both of my legs. So not fun.

I also find myself crying all the time. I cry about sh*t that is so far in the past. Like I will think of someone I haven't talked to for a while and just cry about it!!! It's so stupid. Then I start to worry about my child being teased or falling down or something and I start to cry over THINGS THAT HAVE NOT EVEN HAPPENED YET!!!!! Then this morning I started crying because I KEEP CRYING ABOUT OTHER THINGS!!!!

This is ridiculous. I am so happy about having a baby but I don't know if I will ever be able to do it again - and I haven't even experienced the labor yet. I want her to have a little brother or little sister some day (NOT ANY TIME SOON!!) but this is just making me miserable!

I also feel like my work is never done... I do a lot more here than just talk on the air for 3 hours a day... I work for some other stations in other cities, and I do stuff in the music office and produce commercials. I try to get things done and then something else falls in my lap right when I think I can go home and go to sleep. Then I cry about it, of course. I used to be a very motivated, hard working, all about my job, didn't mind the hours, etc. person and now I just want to sleeeeeeeeeeepppppp!!!

And then at night when I am TRYING to sleep I can't. My stupid body wants to sleep during the day. I can't fall asleep until like 5am, and then I have to get up at 9 and that's when I can barely move. So today I am dragging a$$. I can't have caffiene to perk me up.

Now, aren't you happy I posted????????

Hope your day is better than mine. At least it's the weekend but of course I HAVE TO WORK!

Me




• 1/21/04 •

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Ok we're getting at the point where we have 2 journal entries a day! Guess I've just had a lot on my mind. It relaxes me when I come home at night. Maybe boredom is a little of it too. TK works late and I don't find much on TV all that interesting. In fact, TV sucks. I should watch American Idol but I'm kinda over it. Anyway...

I was pretty excited to come home and get the mail. Usually getting mail sucks. It's all junk, or for him, or bills... But tonight I got 2 exciting things!! A baby gift and card from my friend Jen who lives in MA. She works for a radio station in Springfield and she is just starting out on the air. She also sent me a CD of her show so I can hear what she sounds like and offer some advice.

It is very weird to be in a position to teach others but she's got a great personality and she REALLY wants to do this.. plus she is super hot which always helps... so I am sure she will do well.

Believe it or not I do not have a CD player at my house that can play burned CDs so I have to wait until tomrrow to listen to it at work.

I am sitting here thinking about how much I SUCKED when I started. Oh, it was awful. I sounded like a chipmunk and a robot... It takes time to learn how to talk on the air and sometimes I still think I don't do it right. I don't think I've ever posted my "how did I get into radio" story here... I'll save that for a day when I don't have so much other crap to spew at you!

At any rate, I'm anxious to hear her and offer my expert advice (yeah right!)

The other thing I got in the mail - a check I wasn't expecting!!! I overpaid my rent in my old apt. and got my security deposit back. $417!!!! That takes care of my car payment and then some. SWEET!!!!

Of course I got some bills in there too but whatever.

So on to tonight's deep thoughts.

I was driving home listening to this new song I totally love. It's called 100 Years by Five for Fighting. They did that song Superman that was really big after 9/11... Anyway... this song is kind of a reflection on life, but looking back on it as if you are 100. The lyrics just kind of play on different ages and stuff... so the first age he mentions is 15 and it just triggered something in me.

I was 15 when I met my friend Scott. I just started crying...

I haven't talked to him since shortly after I left to come here. I was going to write "long story short".. but after I wrote this whole thing and am now re-reading it, this is one of the longest posts ever!!! So anyway.

We were friends for many many years but nothing ever went on between us... I wanted him BAD in high school but he didn't want me as a girlfriend. We just talked on the phone ALL THE TIME... Years passed, we both went to college in different places, etc. but always kept in touch, saw each other when we were home on breaks.

In Sept. of 2001 we got an apt. toghether (as friends) with another girl I was friends with. Major drama erupted with her and eventually I kicked her out and my best friend Kristen moved in.

Sometime in April... Scott and I started hanging out more, becoming almost like boyfriend girlfriend... And then finally we just were "together". We were so comfortable... we already lived together and took care of each other, had Sunday dinner together, etc. so it just seemed right. I thought this MUST be who I should marry... I was 24, he was 25 and we'd both dated a TON of idiots. I thought... I guess who I really need is right here in front of me all this time. He felt the same... I guess he wanted to marry me. We'd talked about it here and there but I never thought it was SERIOUS...

Then late May I found out about this job. My dream job. The only thing I ever wanted to do with my life was be on the radio.. from the time I was 12. I was working at a station in Boston but only part time and filling in for other people. I did not have my own show. Usually you have to move around a lot and work in small cities and work your way up. I was lucky enough to work in Boston (after working in a few smaller cities in MA for a little while) and I hadn't really LOOKED for a full time job because I didn't want to move.

Then one day this came up. I am not sure if you even realize this, but within the radio industry FLZ is a legendary radio station... very highly regarded... So when someone asked me if I would be interested in having my own show I was FLOORED... and completely psyched. I got my tape ready and sent it here asap...

I was so excited about this I emailed him at work to tell him about it. He was happy for me. I sent my tape and they liked it... I got the interview! A few days before I was flying down here, we had a HUGE party at my apartment. It had been planned well before I knew about this. I loved throwing massive parties... Everyone was excited for me and wishing me luck, and he seemed to avoid me most of the time. It was weird.

So then he emailed me the day before I was flying here and he told me... "I really think you are going to get this job and it sucks for me..." I honestly didn't think I would get the job. It seemed too good to be true.

Well, obvoiusly I did end up getting it. I knew in the back of my mind I was going to take it, but my friends, dad, etc. all warned me of how much there was to consider. Leaving all my friends, family, everyone and everything I knew behind. But I did it anyway. It was my dream job!!

So my friends had a big going away party for me at a bar in Boston. That night so many people came out for me, it was great! Scott ended up getting REALLY drunk... and he was going to drive home. I had to stop him... took his keys. But then he was going to just get a cab. He was insisting he would leave. I had to go with him. He was so out of it and it was a long way back home... I could just tell he wasn't coherent and he was about to get sick. I felt horrible leaving my party but I couldn't just send him out into the streets of Boston all completely intoxicated. I left. Good thing I got in the cab with him because when we got home, he had no money!!! We had a $30 cab fare and he had not a dime. Unreal.

A few nights before I moved I wanted to go visit some radio friends for a little while and then just chill out at home. He got all mad and didn't want me to go anywhere. He couldn't believe I didn't want to spend all my last moments around with him. It was hard. I didn't get why he was so mad. I guess it was at that point I started to realize that maybe my feelings weren't as strong as I thought they were. I could leave him. Getting this job took precedence over every other thing in my life. It isn't that I didn't care about him, but I think had I really been in love it would have been harder to just up and leave.

When I first got here it was hard. My stuff took weeks to get here and they charged me way more than they should have... I was broke. Living in a hotel room. Nervous about my new job. I cried when I took my brother to the airport. It was a rough few weeks.

Then as I started to get more and more settled I spoke with him less and less. I was just getting to know people here and wanted to be out all the time. TK and I would go out every night! (At this time we were NOT hooking up or anything... that happened later.)

Scott started to get REALLY mad that I wasn't home to take his call every night, etc. It was hard. Then he wanted to come down to visit and I said no. I just knew I would have to entertain the whole time and I also knew I wasn't ready for what he wanted. He'd talked about moving here to be with me. I couldn't do it. I wasn't ready.

After that he and I got into massive fights over the phone and email. We said really really horrible things to each other. He thought I had purposely torn his heart out... and I thought he should have supported me more and let me live my life. I did some things I should not have done. He called me very angry one night and left this viciuos message and I played it on the air. I also posted something about him on my website (which was just in the early stages at the time...) and he saw it and was extremely upset. Even my best friend thought it was "not like me" to do something like that. It wasn't... but I was just so angry over the whole thing. I just wanted him to let go of his feelings and be my friend again... and he felt he had lost the person he really did want to spend his life with.

We have not spoken in over a year. He actually lives with my best friend still... they have a 4br apt with some other people. Luckily I can ask her how he is doing. Apparently my name is not to be utterred in his presence. I thought eventually he woudl get over it, we would make up, but nothing. I tried calling a few times about a month after we stopped talking but nothing. He just despises me.

Now that I am going through all of these changes in my life I have been thinking a lot. I miss my friend Scott. I thought about writing him a letter to apologize for what I did. I realize I was wrong. I never MEANT to hurt him, but through his eyes it seems that way. There is never a way to let someone down easy, but I should have been a lot more understanding of how difficult it was for him to watch me leave - and be happy about it. He cried a lot before I left.. and my best friend told me he was sitting in my old room one night crying. How awful! And I was completely so wrapped up in my fun new life in Tampa I didn't really pay any mind to it. I think I was also surprised that anyone really cared for me that much it would be so painful to watch me walk away.

So now I feel like I want to talk to him. I just want the friendship back. I want to make amends. We were friends for TEN YEARS. We went to each other's proms together... we saw each other though relationships, ups and downs, etc. His family was wonderful to me and I miss them too. If he and I were still friends I know I would stop by their house to say hello when I am home in a few weeks. They are great people.

I don't know. It's been a while since I have really really thought about this and I wanted to write about it. I don't know if he reads this or not. I know my friends who know him do... I know for a time his aunt and his mom looked at it.. maybe not anymore. I don't even know if he knows I am having a baby. My guess is he would have something really nasty to say about it since he hates me so much, but deep down I don't think that at all. I think I ripped his heart out and when you do that to someone so badly, they hate you in order to get over it. It would just be nice to talk to him again. I always thought no matter what we would be friends. I have a lot of memories of things with him and it sucks when things like that become so tainted and bittersweet.

Allright I really gotta wrap this up because I just used the word "bittersweet".

I have other thoughts about this whole situation but I really do need to keep them to myself or discuss privately with a friend.



Anyway, that was a long one!!! TK is picking up food from Maggiano's for dinner and he should be home soon. YUM! I actually haven't had much of an appetite lately but have to eat for baby. I think I've just had so much on my mind... when I get emotional over things I don't like to eat. I think the pregnancy has made my hormones all freaky crazy right now and that's why I've written about a lot of things/people in such a deep way.

:)

Dana



• 1/21/04 •

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Hi! Since yesterday I wrote this sob story that made everyone cry, I thought today it would be nice to make you laugh.

So I'll tell you all about the CRAZY dreams I had last night!!! They were all jumbled together... and you know how hard it is to put into words, but since I woke up at 4am and my friend was also up and online, I told her about them so now I remember. Maybe some dream analyzer can tell me WTF is up with this insanity going on in my head. It was like having 5 dreams at once. They weren't really NIGHTMARES, but the fact that I felt stuck and weird in all of these situations made them nightmares... and then when I tell you what happened when I woke up you will laugh.

First of all... I was in some big room listening to some lady talk about a wedding gone bad. She was older, and kept busting out into other languages. I was scared of her. She was freaky. And there were like flowers and crazy vines and stuff all over the room... I was trying to figure out how to leave the room without being rude and just couldn't get up out of my seat. I was getting really aggravated with this woman.

Then... I was emailing with some RANDOM people from my past... people I used to work with who I haven't seen, thought of, talked to, in ages... but then all of a sudden they were in the room talking to me about how excited they are to help me with my baby. I was thinking why are you helping me you weirdos, but they were all about it! Then they were talking about their kids and stuff but I don't remember that they had kids so that was confusing me.

Dream number 3... This one I can explain. I was in an unfamiliar apartment and there were a bunch of little animals around me. Cats and dogs. And then slowly the animals started to disappear. I would leave the room and come back and next thing I know there are only two left... and I was thinking, ok well I will keep these two, I can handle two... One was defintely a dog, and the other was like a cross between a cat and a dog... Then I had the back door open for some reason and kept looking out of this apartment to the stairway in the building... and I was looking at all these people walking dogs up the stairs. I couldn't stop looking out the door. I sat down in a chair and just left the door open. And then I realized I was checking out the dogs trying to find LEXI!!! Then TK was there and I was going crazy because we couldn't find Lexi. Every person who walked by I would try to stop and say IS THAT OUR DOG??? And TK was kind of just there. Then I tried calling people to help us find her. And then every dog I saw would kind of look like her but it wasn't. I was so upset!!!

That one can obviously be explained. Lex is still at doggy boot camp! I'm pretty sure we pick her up tomorrow. She needed the few extra days. I think what triggerred this dream is I had to park pretty far from my apt, in a garage across the street, last night and I walked home the same little path I always walk Lexi and then I missed her. It has been nice not having to come home all tired and have to walk her in the chilly weather, but now I miss her!! I can't wait for her to come home!

The last dream was the strangest. When I told my friend Loni she just burst out laughing. I was riding a bike on the crosstown!!!!!! And I'm not talking like a 10 speed... this was an aqua pee-wee's big adventure style bike... complete with silly basket, etc. For some reason everything was like an aqua color... and my flip flops kept falling off! I was pedaling down the crosstown and everyone else was on bikes too but they kept passing me. I kept having to pay tolls like every time I got a good pace going and got my shoes securly on my feet... I would have to stop and fish through my basket for change for the toll. Then I would make it to the exit and end up starting all over... the exit never took me home. Then I finally made it somewhere... and there was a little girl with a purple bike but she couldn't ride it. She needed to adjust the seat on the bike and I wanted to do it for her but she said she needed to take it to a bike specialist.... Then I got aggravated because I couldn't fix her bike. Then I'd be back on the Crosstown riding my bike.

AM I WEIRD?????????????????? I don't know. I had all of these dreams LAST NIGHT. I woke up all weirded out. I got up and of course had to pee... then I just had that eerie feeling after you get stuck in dreams. I ran into TK's room (I think I explained I can't sleep with every night right now bc I am so restless and uncomfortable) and woke him up at 4am. I was like a little child... I shook him and I was like "wake up wake up wake up I am having bad dreams..." So he woke up and was all comforting but he was still pretty much asleep. Then I was telling him about my freak dreams and he was snoring... Then I woke him up a little again and he was like.. its ok just stay here... Then he starts saying "we need to find number 24, we need number 24" and I was like WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? So he just says... "I'm making a baby book where is picture 24 mommy!"

It was funny. But then in my weird state of mind I got up and went back to my room and I said "it's not fair I have nightmares about crazy things and you have nice dreams about baby!"

Then I got online and talked to my friend. She is an insomniac too. I had to wake up completely from all of that craziness in my head. Now, am I going insane or is this a pregnancy thing? I mean, the dreams are bizarre, vivid, and all jumbled together... then the fact that I wake up and run to his room like a 5 year old saying "wake up wake up I had a bad dream".. like regressing to childhood! Then I get upset because he was talking in his sleep about something pleasant and I had these freak dreams.

Anyway, that's what went on last night at about 4:30am in the TK & Dana house....

What else is up? Well, I forgot to change the electricity over when we moved in to our new place so our apt. complex is mad. Oh well, I'll take care of it today. I also keep forgetting to pay my bills. I have plenty of money for them - of course since I haven't paid anything - LOL! TK came home last night and cleaned up. He put the rest of the junk that was sitting in the dining room away, cleaned the living room, etc. We wanted to hang pictures but it was midnight by the time we got around to that and the lady next door would have flipped out if we started banging on the wall in the middle of the night.

His parents are coming on Friday for a visit! I think they want to escape the ice cold of PA. Should be fun, I am excited to meet them! I have to email his mom and ask her to bring some pictures of him when he was little. I don't know, I guess I am just curious as to what he looked like as a child.

I actually want to get someone to make an "if they mated" morphed picture of us for the website! How funny would that be!?!

OK I should focus on my show now. Have a nice day!

:)

D





• 1/20/04 •

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It's 11:15pm... LONG day. I want to say thank you to everone who emailed me about my last post... I haven't written back for a few reasons. First of all I didn't have time today. I was pretty tired and had a lot of crap to do so I couldn't really take the time to write. The other reason is I couldn't really respond to the emails while at work because I would have ended up crying all day! I was on the air talking about stupid Kelly Osbourne and Christina Aguilera hanging cigarettes from their ears and laughing at them... while at the same time reading emails from people who could relate to my situation. I will write back to everyone, but sometimes you have to take those kinds of things in small doses.


Now I have to eat something. I came home from work and spent some time talking to my friend. Some ish went down last night that I was upset about but we worked it out. Then I was talking to my friend Stephanie about how stupid men are. Of course that was a long conversation. :)


Now I have to go eat something. And of course I am exhausted and this is the time TK is all motivated to hang all of our artwork up. I better just get off my a$$ and direct him while he's up for it. I can't really b*tch about him not doing stuff if he's willing to do it now... If I say no then it's on me.


Did I mention I am hungry? I gotta get dirt up on my page too. I wish I had someone to help me with that part of my page. I could just be like... ok put this up there and type this. I am so anal about it though that I'd probably end up redoing it. Sorry I haven't kept up with that part. I'm a slacker!


I think my boobs are really starting to sag.


:)


Dana



• 1/20/04 •

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It is 2:26am and I have been tossing and turning thinking about a number of things for HOURS now... Usually I can't sleep because I am uncomfortable in my pregnant body, or because I have heartburn lol... but tonight I have things on my mind. I have been thinking all of these things in my head that I want to write down. I keep this journal not really to "entertain" or give too much info about my life... but because it has proven to be a really good way for me to get my stress and feelings out. I have never kept a journal like this before, I think I mentioned when I started it that it seemed weird to me to write all this stuff down and nobody ever read it. Why go through the effort? This has also been good for me because of the responses I get from people who read it. My friends, family, and people I don't know read it just about every day and respond.

I have been contemplating writing about these things all day, and have opted not to so far because of the real personal, deep, nature of the things I have been thinking about. I left some things out this morning because I've felt the need to try to keep this as positive as possible. I don't really think that what I have to say and what I am thinking of is "negative" or "bad"... it's just not an easy thing for me to talk about, and not an easy thing for people to read about. I just want to warn you before you continue that this may strike a nerve with you if you've experienced anything like it... and I don't want you crying at your desk!! I am going to write this because I need to sleep... and having these thoughts that I feel need to put into real words play over and over in my mind is driving me insane. Part of me wants to go to TK and wake him up and tell him about this... but trying to talk to someone about something so personal to me at this hour, when he's been asleep, is not really a good way to handle it. Plus, I don't really talk about this with anyone. It is often too difficult to even say the words or to get much out. I almost feel like talking about it out loud is so hard for me I just lose it and end up not saying anything at all...

So, I'm going to try to write all of this out. It might be long, and there are a lot of aspects to all of this... plus a whole new thing I am dealing with knowing that my own child is on the way.

Yesterday (1/19) was the 8th anniversary of my mom's death. Stop reading now if you feel you must... I do NOT want to depress anyone!!! Now I guess you see why I was forcing myself NOT to write about this earlier. It ate at me so bad all night I had to do it...

So anyway, the things that have been on my mind today are really more about my own child and feeling really sad that she and my mom will never know each other. It's also about realizing in a whole new way how much my mother loved me, loved my family, and realizing all the things she must have felt before I - her first child - came into the world. I also miss her in a whole new way because I will not have the security of knowing I can just pick up the phone at any time and call her to help me when I need advice.

I actually wanted to write a letter to my baby... for some reason driving home earlier tonight I started thinking about it. I was listening to the Billy Joel song Piano Man and it made me think about all the things I have done, places I have been, different stages of my life. I don't know why... that song always reminds me of high school. The first concert I ever went to was Billy Joel with my friend Stephanie. And I remember how at school dances the last song was always Piano Man and EVERYONE who was at the dance... no matter how cool or not cool they were, got in a circle and sang it. So I started thinking about my little girl and how I hope she will have a great life filled with memories like that. I also think about how REALLY OLD Billy Joel will seem to her. I mean, the people who are so hip and popular now, the trends, the things going on in the world, will all be unfamiliar history to her. My parents remember when MLK was shot, when Kennedy was shot, when the man walked on the moon, etc... I just know those things from seeing clips on TV. I also think about what a scary time we live in and if it will be better or worse for her.

I also thought about writing the story of how her daddy and I met... I have heard the story of how my parents met so many times and it is so weird to think of how my child will have this picture in her mind of what we looked like when we were younger, how we acted, etc. I also have pictures of my parents holding me when I was just a tiny little baby and I think of how cool it will be to see Toby with her. I will probably cry at the sight of it... and she will just look at a picture and wonder how she doesn't remember it.

I wish I had a scanner because I am looking at some of my favorite pictures of me and my mom and I would love to put them up here. I was so young I don't remember these times... There's one where we are sitting on a bench in Story Land in New Hampshire. It's a real tacky park with all the nursery rhyme characters. I honestly don't even know if it is still there... We just look so happy. I think I was 4 in the picture, I'm pretty sure we left my baby sister at home with a neighbor when they took me but I'm not sure. I was a cute little child... I looked like a boy until I was about 3, and then I was really cute :) I wonder if she will look like me. I have never seen pictures of Toby when he was little. His parents may be coming for a visit soon, I will have to remember to ask his mom to bring some.

I have also realized even more how much WORK my mom did to keep our family in order. I guess having a big house and living with another person and expecting a child has made me realize just how difficult it is. Taking care of myself for the last several years hasn't really been that tough. I clean up my own mess, do my own laundry, spend my money on myself... But now that I clean up for two, do laundry for two, grocery shop for two... and soon three... etc. (and he does help... sometimes) I realize how hard it was. Both of my parents did EVERYTHING for us, and nothing for themselves. I am sure you heard the saying too... "someday you'll have kids!" and now I know what they mean. I only wish my mom could be here so I could tell her all of this.

I was 18 and very selfish when she passed away. I won't get into the whole story of how horrible I felt for years... I went through a lot of therapy and finally made peace with myself about it a long time ago. But it still sucks.

So I have received emails from people wondering why I want her name to be Kyla Marilyn. I like the name Kyla because it is different... it is #190 on the list of popular names, so she will most likely the the only Kyla in her class. I like the idea of her name being somewhat original, but not weird or strange or made up. It means "beautiful perfection" (just look at that picture!).. and it is just the name that HIT ME and stuck. Most people like it... a few disagree but you can't please everyone! I am still wondering if TK likes it. He calls her Kyla now but I am wondering if he's just doing it because he knows I have my heart set on it. I don't know... I hope he is being honest with me because she is his baby too and if he hates tha name I wouldn't want to force it on him.

And her middle name... Marilyn. I think I have mentioned before - that was my mom's name. First of all, it is family tradition to have grandmother/grandfather's first name as your middle name. My middle name is Grace after my mom's mother... my sister's is Lee after my Dad's mother... my mom's middle name was Ruth after her grandmother, etc. THis also carries more than just tradition though. I know my mother would have LOVED being a grandmother. My grandmother is one of the most amazing, thoughtful, strong people I have ever met. I hate that I live far away and can't see her (and the rest of the family) as much as I used to. I also feel bad that for a time I was so wrapped up in my own life that I didn't visit with her often.

I know my mother would have been so happy about this baby... I am sure it would have been difficult for her at first - as it was for my dad - knowing I am not married and knowing she would have wanted to be there for the wedding first... but that just goes with being a loving parent. It didn't take long for my family to be very excited about her. TK and I both wanted to be married before starting a family, but for whatever reason we were given a child first. She has already changed me for the better, she has brought us closer together, and I know her coming into the world will bring my family closer as well. She is the first grandchild... the first great-grandchild for my grandmother... the first grand-neice (is that a word???) for my aunt and uncle... I am excited to go home and even more excited for when they get to meet her.

So as I was saying... of course I got sidetracked... I want Kyla to have my mother's name and ask me to tell her about my mom and why it was so important that she be named after her. I have friends who never knew their grandparents and it's always "she died before I was born" and while I completely understand that it is difficult to know or really love someone you've never met, I at least want my daughter to know who her grandmother was and how important she was in my life. I was lucky enough to know all of my grandparents. Two have passed away, and two are still here.

I guess this whole thing didn't get as emotional as I thought it might... I'll post it. I am not sitting here trying to see the screen through tears as I thought I would be... uh oh just thought of something - here they come...

At this point I believe this baby is really healing things for me when it comes to my mom. For so many years I had such a REALLY hard time with this day... Last year I freaked out. I was away from family and friends, didn't have anyone to talk to about it, and was really depressed. I confided it in someone who couldn't handle it and that made it even worse. I now realize that this is a very deep thing that not a lot of people understand. Some people think... it's been so long, aren't you over it yet. I never understood deep loss until I felt it and now I do understand. It is something I live with every day. You never really heal from it... you move on, you live your life, you are happy... but there's always that place that can never be filled. I guess the anniversary of her death this year was more about what kind of a mom I want to be, and thinking about the great things my mother did than feeling the horrible guilt and sadness I have felt in years past. I often focused on how lost and guilty I felt the day she died and in the years that followed. I think about the difficulty my family went through and how things are still not the way they used to be... But now I have this whole new person coming into my life who will bring me so much joy. I thought of her today and thought of the way my mom must have thought of me before I was born. I feel sad and I miss her, but I also feel at peace with it.

Not sure if that makes sense but it's how I feel. Anyway, thanks for reading. If you read it and you're crying at your desk - I WARNED YOU!!



Can I just tell you that this was the 1st draft of this. I went back and wrote more and changed some things... and when I went to save it it didn't work. So now its after 4 and I can't go back and redo it. I'm mad. I hate when I really get something out and am happy with what I write and then I lose it! I tried to make more sense of some of this stuff, added to it, etc. and then lost it. So you get the first draft... otherwise I'll never get to sleep! Now I am going to be thinking about the words I wrote that didn't make it to the screen. UGH I HATE COMPUTERS!!!


D





• 1/19/04 •

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Hey! It's Monday which always sucks. Actually, I can't complain. I had a pretty stressful weekend but we won't get into that. Some things are best left alone and kept private.

But the things I do have to say today are good! I FINALLY got my hair done on Saturday and I feel 100x better. It looks SO MUCH BETTER than it did. I got it colored the way I usually do, and cut a little bit shorter with some layers... I like it a lot!! Thanks to Danny at Regis in the Westshore Mall for doing such a great job... and for the free nail polish! Call Danny if you need to be taken care of... And of course it's always cool to just talk about your life with a stylist. They listen and listen and listen and ask questions, it's fun! I sit there babbling about nothing and then wonder - why am I telling him this... but that's part of the fun of getting your hair done! Then I came home and TK had made me dinner!

I also got a TON of things in the mail. I ordered some new maternity clothes from Gap.com and the rest of my shipment from Due Maternity in Santa Barbara came in. I was really going crazy only having a few nice things to wear to work and now I am much better. I also ordered a bunch of cute things that were on sale on babygap.com for my little baby! A few onesies, socks, bibs, hats, etc. Baby Gap is just so cute and dainty. I got a few different sizes since she'll grow out of and in to stuff. She is moving around a lot right now so I guess she's happy!!

When TK tries to feel her and she doesn't move I always tell him she is sleeping... and he's like "how do you know she's sleeping... maybe she's just chillin' out reading a book." LOL... This is kinda TMI but we were laying in bed cuddling and she kicked me so hard HE FELT IT and was like WHOAH! I was like yeah, you are crushing her!!!

I was a little p*ssed at him this morning. I parked in the garage at our apt. complex for the first time ever the other night... We usually park on the street but they have become psychotic about ticketing so I just went ALL THE WAY to the garage... I guess anyone can get IN to the garage, but it's getting out that is a pain. You either have to pay or use your resident garage door opener. Well, I'm sitting there waiting for the gate to open and nothing... so then I start swearing at it wondering why it won't open... Then I realize, the garage door opener isn't even IN MY CAR anymore. It's a thing you attach to the windshield under the mirror, but there's a little holder and a piece you can take out. Well I guess TK decided to STEAL MINE the other day so I couldn't escape the garage. I had to run around like a crazy person trying to get out... then they tried to make me pay, etc. I was running late for work. I called him and he's like oooh yeah sorry I took it... GRRRRR!!! Finally someone let me out but I was so frustrated!!

Um... what else is new? Hmmmm... not much. I'm excited about the baby shower we'll be having soon. I am also excited to go home in less than two weeks. I will be out a Friday and a Monday but I'll of course update and let you know.

OOOOOOOOH!!! HOW COULD I FORGET!!!!!!!!

My New England Patriots and TOM BRADY are going to the SUPERBOWL!!! So, maybe that will give you Bucs fans hope for next year... Patriots won, didn't make it last year, and now they're going again. Favored to win against Carolina. I'm sure my dad is SO EXCITED. And the best thing is, I will be home Superbowl weekend so I can watch the game with my fellow fans!

Now we just have to pray for the Red Sox. :)

Hmmm... maybe I'll give a prize to the first person who calls me today to congratulate me on the Patriots going to the Superbowl.

Have a good Monday - more later and I have to update the dirt section now!

:)

D


I'll be updating more in a minute.



• 1/17/04 •

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I am so happy it is Saturday and I can sit on my a$$ all day and do nothing. I'm getting my hair done at 6pm... but other than that I can do NOTHING!! I'm actually going to clean the house and do some laundry, but it's so nice not to have to run around all day!

Last night I went to dinner with Rachel, one of our interns. We went to the restaurant at Splitsville in Channelside... Really good food and the place is awesome. If I wasn't prego we would have gone bowling. If you haven't been there yet, you HAVE to check it out. It's a bar/bowling alley - and it's REALLY nice. Then there's a restaurant/lounge next door and that's where we ate. They have these little mini desserts and we each got a little chocolate cake with ice cream... and a nice glass of ICE COLD MILK. I was SO FULL but it was great! And it was cool to hang out with a friend and just shoot the ish about girly things... I don't do that often enough!

I am REALLY mad at my bank right now. I changed over my address days ago but for some reason it hasn't taken yet... so I can't book my airline tickets! I want to fly on Delta for $180 non-stop flights to and from Boston... and I can't book them because my address/billing address don't match. I'm furious. If I lose out on that great rate I will go postal on these idiots! The guy at the bank was such a moron and he's like "well, it's all changed in our system so I can't tell you what's wrong!" GRRRRRR.....

I am getting bigger and more uncomfortable. It's hard for me to sit in my computer chair, I can feel her head against my ribs and even though I am sure she is perfectly fine, I keep moving around so that I don't hurt her! I seriously don't know how I will manage when I get any bigger. I'm starting to feel that stretching itching thing too... SCARED OF STRETCH MARKS. I check every day and nothing yet!! I think its this great "Lay it on thick" shea butter I have. It smells SO MUCH BETTER than cocoa butter and its even thicker! You should try it if you're prego.

Now of course each post has to have a little rant... besides the bank thing, something else I found out recently really has me irritated. There is a certain person I know who has the BIGGEST MOUTH ever and says really rude things about people for no reason... She's done it to me a few times and I've gotten p*ssed but just learned to accept that this person smiles and giggles at the right people and nobody is aware of just how rude she is... I can take it I guess, and since I'm an easy target I'll put up with it. But now I'm REALLY MAD because of the person she's said stuff to/about lately... I think she thinks nobody overhears her, or that others agree with her snotty comments... but in reality, people are getting upset and fed up. She has something nasty to say about everyone and every time I find out about it I really want to say something. Problem is, I can't. It's one of those things you have to just let fly and "be the bigger person", but I HATE finding out someone's feelings are being hurt. This chick says really rude things about some of the NICEST PEOPLE I know, snickers, and then flips her hair and walks away. Her comments are overheard... and in a way I am happy that more and more people are seeing her for what she is. Guys never see or notice these things, but girls do and it's upsetting. Some people feel really uncomfortable around this person and sooner or later I hope she REALLY puts her foot in her mouth and pays for it. I can be a mean b*tch as you know - but only when people really upset me and deserve it... the people she's picking on are some of the kindest, sweetest girls I've ever met... just the kind of people you can't possibly find fault with, and somehow this little snot finds it fun to make comments about them. Anyway, if you're that type of person chances are you won't change... but if you know who I'm talking about, just know that everyone's on to this and thinks its HORRIBLE. I am sure you know someone like this and you just want to haul off and smack the person but you can't... You know, that girl who was like so totally popular in high school and thinks since she was so awesomely cool back then, she's still that super popular now... still thrives on gossiping like crazy about EVERYONE else, is like "psssst guess who blah blah..." and thrives on saying crap about other people just to make herself feel better. It's sad in a way that the high point of some people's lives is high school, and that these chicks perpetuate that whole immature, snotty, thing in an adult environment, but some people just don't grow up. You were cool then, you're even way cooler now. Haha... so, I can't do anything or say anything. Instead I just mention it here to get it off my chest... I wonder if some people will read this and make me take it down because it will be so blatently obvious who I'm talking about. That would be funny! Anyway, that's all I'm going to say about that.

I am having this massive craving for Macaroni Grill today but TK has to work this afternoon and I'm getting my hair done at 6 so we might have to wait until tomorrow... He is going to work on editing the video of the baby and putting music with it to make it even cooler. He has the picture as his screen saver on both of his computers - at work and his Mac. How cute!! We are so cheezy we call each other "mommy" and "daddy"... Do other people do this? I guess once she is here we will call each other that anyway... Actually, EVERYONE calls me mom, mommy, ma... I never hear "Dana" anymore!

I think that's all for now.

:)

D



• 1/16/04 •

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OK, so I made a little bit of a change to the page & the baby journal. I wanted to put her picture at the top... I am sure you don't mind! And I am going to put a direct link to the baby journal at the top of the main page since I know a lot of you like to come right to the journal since its updated just about every day... As always if you have any suggestions for my page let me know!


So I'm really excited that it's the weekend and I DO NOT HAVE TO WORK. I am going to get my hair done... I really need it. I have been BROKE and you know how expensive it is for color, cut, blowdry, etc... I have no choice but to get my hair colored since my roots are horrific. Some people have warned me that the chemicals are not safe but I checked with my stylist AND my doctor and the chemicals they use on hair now are not dangerous to a baby. The only risk is that the hormones in your body can change your hair color and react with the dye... but I've gotten my hair colored a few times since I've been prego and nothing bad has happened. I'll be going to see Danny at Regis at Westshore Mall. I've had about 10 different people do my hair since I've lived in Tampa and he's the best.


The new 28 weeks belly pics are up! You can check them out on the belly pics section which I will move to the top of the main baby page. My site has become a maze - I need to somehow reorganize. Wait 'til I am on maternity leave and have all the time in the world to work on this site... I swear more people look at my page than listen to my show! I need RATINGS not webhits!


Now can I complain for a minute about BABY SHOWER PLANNING?!?!?! I had no idea this would be such a nightmare for me. First of all, aren't these things supposed to be somewhat of a surprise? Don't get me wrong, I am very happy that so many people want to have baby showers for me and that I get to have one at home and here... Plus the one I'm planning for you...


But deciding who to invite to baby showers... both the one at home and the one the girls are throwing for me here.. is turning into a nightmare. With the one at home - there are some friends I would really like to visit with and see... people who I have kind of lost touch with since I've been in FL for the last year and a half, but who I miss spending time with and talking to and would like to catch up with. I am sure these people would be happy to see me - but then there's always the chance they'll think "hmmm... haven't talked to Dana in about a year, now I'm invited to her baby shower? Someone wants presents..." And it's not like that at all!!!!


So, I am keeping it pretty small. It'll be my cousins and aunts, sister, stepsisters, and close girl friends at home. I also want to have some of the guys there too - my brother, dad, and a few close guy friends. It would be an all girl thing if I lived at home, but since I never get to see these dudes I am sure they'll want to come. I am not giving my family much time to plan this but my stepmother is an amazing party planner and my best friend is helping out so I am sure they will do something really special. I am just happy to go home and see everyone since it will be a while before I can travel with my little one!


And the baby shower that is being planned for me here by Alecia & Rachel... They are seriously 2 of the sweetest girls I know... and I feel bad because TK and I disagree on how we should do this shower, so they are kinda stuck in the middle. I want to keep it pretty small... my friends from outside work and then some people from the station who I am friends with. It's my baby shower - not a big social event. TK thinks if we don't invite EVERYONE then some people will feel left out. I don't want to leave anyone out... I just want to have it at our house and be able to spend some quality time with my girl friends, being silly, etc. instead of entertaining a LOT of people. And then there's the gift issue again... If we invite every person on staff, even people I don't know very well, are they going to assume we are just trying to collect as many gifts as possible? I suppose everyone has the option not to come, but I am so NOT greedy about this and am getting a little fed up with "gifts" being such an issue.


Plus, if we invite every person who works here, I'll end up doing the company Christmas party social small talk thing instead of really enjoying my baby shower with my friends.


I hope that makes sense... and I hope I don't hurt anyone's feelings by writing this. It's just a personal experience - and while we've made our baby very public and a lot of people are excited for us, I really need some parts of this to be for ME and the people I am close to.


Anyway, any advice? Am I being rude or anti-social or selfish? Please tell me what you think!


Don't forget to check the LEXI UPDATE on the main page - she's at puppy boot camp!


I also received a cool email yesterday from this woman Cara... she owns "Preggers N Proud", a small company that makes tee-shirts for moms-to-be. She saw one of her shirts on my maternity clothes page and contacted me. She's sending me a free BUDDHA BELLY tee-shirt. I would really like her to get some business from my site, so if you're expecting or know someone who is, check out the maternity clothes page or go to her site www.preggersnproud.com!


Have a great day. I have a TON of food from Whiskey Joe's today so I am going to eat up!


D



• 1/14/04 •

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It's 7:40 pm... I have to tell you - that glucose test for gestational diabetes was NOT BAD AT ALL. Basically, I had to drink a bottle of orange soda. The stuff looks and tastes JUST LIKE Fanta Orange Soda! And it wasn't a 1/2 gallon... why they told me that last week I have no idea. It was like less than a bottle of soda. I had to drink it fast and it was carbonated so I felt like I was going to BELCH like crazy but it wasn't bad. What sucked is sitting in the waiting room for an hour while the sugar was absorbed into my blood stream... but there was a guy sitting there with a 1 year old little girl while he was waiting for his wife, and he was nice to talk to. The baby was so cute... and I was like wow, in a few months I will have one too!!! Then the WORST part of it.... the NEEDLE! She used a pediatric needle on me because my veins are so small but it still hurts. I HATE NEEDLES. Who doesn't right? They only took 2 small vials of blood but it made me nervous because the nurses were all shooting the ish and laughing while she's poking me!! All in all, nothing to fear. I think they have probably improved the glucose drink and the whole process a lot since other people who told me "ITS HORRIBLE" have done it. The drink was tasty!


So, I am VERY excited because I think I am going home in a few weeks!! My family and friends really want to have a baby shower for me so I talked to the doctor today and she said they don't recommend flying in 3rd trimester, but as long as I go soon (in 7th month) and haven't had any problems thus far, I should be fine. As long as I don't go into labor on the plane...... Not even going to think about that. I mean, would they do an emergency landing for me? Imagine having a baby in like West Virginia - half way between here & Boston... wow. Scary thought. I would make headlines though! So I have to talk to my dad tonight and see about this. I feel bad being like "ok I can come home, get cracking on a shower for me in 3 weeks!" but I am sure they understand. I always imagined I would celebrate this with family and close friends and it's really important to me to see them before I have her. Of course they want to see me pregnant!! One of the things that sucks about my job is moving far away to follow my career dream and having to raise my child away from her grandfather, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. My family was very close growing up. My cousins were like another sister/brother to me... my aunt and uncle were like 2nd set of parents, etc. so I always wanted my children to have the same. I am sure all will work out... and I found CHEAP FLIGHTS HOME. And it'll be SUPERBOWL WEEKEND and my N.E.PATRIOTS have a shot at making it to the Big Game AGAIN so that would be especially fun for me to watch them play while at home with the fans! :)


I'll keep you posted on that. Now for the other baby shower... Well, actually the 3rd LOL. Some of the girls here are throwing one for us at our house with my friends here in/out of work. That's a whole other thing that needs to be worked out... Oh, and let me say that I feel weird being like "my baby shower this my baby shower that" but I think in my situation I have to be a part of planning it. My work friends don't know my outside of work friends, and even my outside of work friends don't all know each other... so I have to make sure everyone gets invited...


OK, so for the baby shower I want you to be invited to... It's so cool to get your emails responding to my post about it. Sometimes I wonder why all of these people I don't know give a crap about my silly life but I appreciate that you do! I try to have fun with my job and share stuff about my life that I think you can relate to. So when we were talking about the "friends/work" baby shower last night, TK came up with they idea of doing one for they listeners and I thought it was fabulous. It isn't often that we get to go to baby showers and they are always fun. Just girly silliness. And since we're a radio station the prizes will be pretty freakin' sweet!! I can't promise that this is going to happen but I appreciate your interest in celebrating with me. I have all these ideas in my head of things we could do and welcome your ideas for games and stuff. I really hope this works out because I would love the chance to meet a lot of people face to face and hang out.


I have to write up a little proposal about this now. Wish me luck. And make sure you look at my baby registry if you even think of coming because ITS ALL ABOUT THE PRESENTS.


Uh, actually its not... but I guess some people would see it that way. I just have to put a stop to the negative spins people want to put on things and prove my point. Or I could just say NO GIFTS ALLOWED STRICTLY ENFORCED?


Anyway, thanks again for reading every day. I'm going to post some new belly pics HOPEFULLY very soon!


:)


Dana




• 1/13/04 •

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I am still glowing about the pictures! I feel so much better now. It's so amazing to see what she looks like. If you are having a baby, and have the money to do it ($200) you should. First of all, the video and the pictures will SHOCK your kid when she is older... Imagine being able to see what you looked like swimming around inside your mother's belly? None of us can see that because this is such new technology. It's also good for the father... I think guys tend to not feel connected to the baby, it doesn't seem real, because he can't feel her moving around inside, etc. When TK saw those pictures last night he cried. It sucks he was still at work when I got done and I ended up emailing them to him since he was going to be here late... SO I DIDN'T GET TO SEE HIM CRYING!!! We watched the video when he got home...

THEN HE CLEANED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shocking, yes. Maybe the baby inspired him. I don't know... we put the video on and watched it together... then he put it on AGAIN and watched it while cleaning. The place is by no means DONE, but I'll take the baby steps toward getting it taken care of!

OK, so back to why you should get this done. For me... I was feeling crappy. At the beginning of pregnancy you wait for first ultrasound... you wait to find out if its a boy or a girl and 2nd ultrasound... then you wait to start getting big so everyone knows YOU are going to be a mommy... You go nuts when you first feel the baby really moving around in there... Then after about the 4th or 5th month... it's just like OMG this sucks. You just want her to get here, you are exhausted, you feel like crap, you feel unattractive... You have a baby shower to look forward to but that's still 2 months away for me... and then the birth is 3 months away... So it just seems like a long stretch of CRAP with little reward. Of course feeling her kick is always nice and you get that every day, but you get so used to it it's not really that rewarding. Seeing the pictures at 28 weeks when you are in the middle of that "This SUCKS" phase is a real pick me up!! I feel better today and more "alive" and awake just being excited about it. Now I know who is kicking me... I know who I am shopping for. It also provides for a LOT of comfort. She has all her digits, her face is perfectly developed, she's growing at the perfect rate for her age... All good things.

So, thank you for all of your emails. At first it was not easy sharing this with everyone because it is such a personal thing and our situation isn't exactly "right" by some people's standards and that bothered me. But now, I am so happy I did it. It's great to be able to share my stories and feelings with people and know that I am not alone - and know that there are a lot of other women - and even guys - who are going through this or have gone through it and feel like they know me because of this... I appreciate every person who writes with advice or kind words!!

I have also received a lot of emails from people in my life I haven't talked to in a long time and it means SO MUCH to get "pleasant surprise" emails from people I don't talk to very often. Hopefully we will keep in touch more!

OMG I just found out Sting is coming Jan. 26... I love STING. I told TK dude we have to get tickets and he was like.. "already got them it was going to be a surprise" Oh, and he cleaned. I guess he's not so bad. :)

More later... Enjoy the pictures of my little child.

:)

D







• 1/12/04 •

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4-D Ultrasound TODAY! I see what my baby looks like.

PICTURES ARE BEING HELD FOR RANSOM TFN... Read to find out why!

Yes, you read correctly on the main page. I'm being called "lazy" these days. Not to spew our dirty laundry... but I'm not going to act like everything is rosy when it isn't. I'm sure all couples go through these things, but I'm really getting annoyed.

You've seen my posts about how tired and crappy I have been feeling. It would just be nice if the person in my life WHO DID THIS TO ME - LOL - could be a little more understanding. I've talked to a lot of women who say guys just don't get it, but THEY NEED TO. I'm really just upset because all I want to do is fix up our house so I can invite friends over to hang out with me, watch a movie, etc. and the place is still a disaster.

I unpacked EVERY SINGLE DISH, washed them all, did a TON of grocery shopping, etc. so that there is a nice place to cook, eat & drink. I did it pretty much all by myself. I did all of this in the day or two after we moved in. I keep the kitchen clean, wiping down the stove, doing the dishes, emptying the dishwasher, etc. I also pick up the dirty dishes from the "daddy den" rinse them and wash them on an almost daily basis. Yet I am lazy.

The livingroom is pretty much set up. I moved the furniture around, set up the TV, cable, stereo, etc. so we have a decent livingroom. I took all but one of my boxes of stuff out of the main rooms of the house, either unpacked them or put them neatly in a closet, within the first week of moving in.

All of my clothes are put away. I did about 15 loads of HIS laundry when we moved in and now it's all in a pile with the dirty clothes in his room. Yet I AM THE LAZY ONE!

Last night we came home from Doggy Boot Camp and he went to his room to play online, watch TV, and sleep... while I cleaned up HIS daddy den and the entire kitchen. YET I AM LAZY??

Seriously... not only should I be pampered like a princess right now, but I'm being called LAZY.

Well... I'm not even really that upset today because I'm excited - 4-D Ultrasound this afternoon!!! I get to see exactly what she looks like. He wants the pictures, but since I'm lazy, I might be too lazy to show him... I want the house cleaned - he's got plenty of energy to be at a club til 3am and come home and play on the computer all night, but when it comes to picking up - NOT HAPPENING.

OH, he does stuff too. Because last week - after being in our new place for 2 weeks - he finally set up my computer. I guess I am lazy because I couldn't lift a computer base and a monitor - but at 6 months pregnant, should I even be lifting those things??? So he set up the computer in my room - and left the excess wires, torn up boxes the router and other things came in, etc. all over the floor in my room. "I set it up, you can throw these boxes away." That's how it is.

So today he'll tell you all about what a "bitch" I am and how horrible I am. That's cool. I'm only carrying his child and exhausted because of it. Any decent human being would have a little consideration for that...

The only reason I'm even doing this publicly is because maybe someone other than me telling him he needs to pull some weight - maybe a little extra - and take my situation into consideration, would make a difference. I am fed up with doing just about everything and STILL being called lazy. Am I supposed to clean up his crap too? I will - I'll just toss it all in the trash!

We pay OUT THE A$$ for this place and for what? So it can be a MESS? The front door looks great... you walk in the house and it's like WHOAH! Nice walls, floors, etc. but the CRAP all over the place is annoying me to no end. Now he says since I am doing this he won't clean it up to spite me. Hasn't done it anyway!

So... about the 4-D Ultrasound. I am very excited. I can't WAIT to see what she looks like. It is going to be so amazing. My friend Loni was supposed to come with me but nobody will work for her this afternoon!!!!!

The good news is we finally took Lexi to puppy boot camp. I had to put my foot down to get it done... I guess that makes me a b*tch because I wanted our dog to learn how to pee and poop outside, obey our commands, and be well-behaved enough to actually come out into the main areas of the house and play. Since we moved to the new house she's been pretty confined to the bathroom (which she did her best to destroy) and her cage and that is not right. I hate keeping her locked up all day while we are at work as it is... It will be nice to let her hang out with us at night and the only way she'll be able to do that is if she listens and is trained to not destroy everything and knows to pee and poo outside. This little dog is a lot of work and I just want her to be more fun than work so I pushed for it. If that makes me an evil b*tch so be it.

Anyway, thanks for listening. Any advice on how to deal with this would be appreciated... I've gotten a few emails about it already and all I hear is MEN DON'T CHANGE. So, I guess I'll deal with it. Just sucks that I am trying to do everything I can and I'm cleaning what I can while he's sitting in bed on the computer all night... Totally not right. Hopefully when the baby gets here he will grow up a little bit, but I doubt it.

Oh, and the other thing I've been told lately. I'm not fun anymore. Yes, you see, since I can't go out drinking anymore I am no longer a fun person to be around. God forbid we go out to dinner, watch a movie together, or do something like that for fun... Unless it involves drinking and a club, it's not fun. I guess I thought someday he would grow up - thought having this baby would make him see outside himself and the life of a 21 year old he's been living for the last I don't know how many years - but nope. Being out on a Saturday night is his "escape" from reality and from me. I feel bad for our little girl because I really hope when she arrives she'll be considered fun even tho she can't go to clubs and drink. How going to the same club week after week and seeing the same people get wasted can continue to be fun to a 29 year old is beyond me. I love going out and miss going out, but more important things have come along and I would take home life with a family and a baby over that stuff any day!

I guess maybe it takes these kinds of life situations for people to find out if they are compatible or not. I do love this man, but it sucks to not really be able to share certain things with the father of my child and to not be supported 100%. Maybe I thought being pregnant, having a house together, etc. would be a lot more fun... I thought we would put the house together as a team and I thought he would be more understanding of how I feel, both physically and emotionally, right now. So much for that!

Good day anyway - I have a TON of new clothes coming in the mail soon and I get to see my baby!!!!

Pictures are being held for ransom. I want the house cleaned. He wants to see the pictures of the child but since he hasn't done anything to clean the house we live in, and calls me lazy and treats me like crap half the time, I'm not showing him until he smartens up and gets it. So, I'll hold on to the pictures until the house is cleaned and he sits down to talk with me about these issues instead of going to his room. I would show you, but once they are on the website he can see them.

Sorry you have to be punished because I know everyone wants to see these pictures, but I have no choice. I'm done "bitching" about it, I'll just hold on to what he wants until I get a little of what I WANT!

Dana





• 1/8/04 •

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HAPPY DAY!! I found out I WILL be having a baby shower! Sometimes they can be a surprise, but the girls who are throwing one for me wanted to make sure they invite all the right people (and leave out the ones who I don't want there heheheheee...) I don't know why I have this "nobody likes me" complex but they totally made my day!!


I told them PLEASE have it at OUR HOUSE - I need to put the pressure on TK to get the freaking house neat and tidy and perfect so this will be it! If there's going to be a party at our house he has no choice but to get on the ball...


Today was a pretty good day. Of course I'm tired but that's just part of the deal.


Can you believe this Jessica Simpson rumor? I'm not sure if I do or not... we'll find out in the next few days. It's spreading like CRAZY right now!! All it takes is one person to say something false and it gets around to everyone - trust me, I know - but for some reason a part of me thinks this might be for real. Not good timing for her - but pretty much EVERYONE I know right now who is pregnant was not "trying" for a baby!!! I don't think Gwyneth was trying... I have a few friends who are having children and they weren't expecting it... and of course my little baby was not planned... She was just like "HEY PEOPLE I'M HERE!!"


I have to say that she has already changed our lives... I sometimes wonder what would have happened had she not been created... I don't think either one of us was ready to "settle down" but I really think this is the best thing that could have happened to us. I'm 26, he's 29, we're not getting any younger! I want to have children before I am 30 anyway, so I won't be an old fashioned out of touch mom!


Oh, the packages from his parents!! They sent us some cool gifts... clothes for me!! Some nice maternity clothes which are a LIFESAVER right now! And of course a baby book. I'm reading the one my dad gave me right now, and I'm interested to read the one they sent us because I won't be surprised if some of the advice is conflicting...


Anyway, it's time to go home and make some dinner, take Lexi for her walk, etc. My friend Loni is coming over later to hang out. We haven't seen each other since well before Christmas!!! I think the last time we hung out is the beginning of December when we went to Grinchmas!


Have a nice weekend. We're going to get Lex trained!!


D



• 1/8/04 •

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Is it me, or is this font just way too small? It looks nice and neat, but too tiny for my tired eyes. Let's make it bigger...


MUCH BETTER...

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz........ when does this exhaustion end? You don't notice it because I try VERY hard to be up when I am on the air. I guess that's why I make the big bucks to do this - YEAH RIGHT!! But sitting in that studio I am like squirming, nodding off, etc. Everyone offers to bring me coffee.

HELLO!! Pregnant women are not supposed to have caffiene. I was having a small cup every morning which the doc said was OK, but for some reason I have NO DESIRE to drink it anymore. Not even decaf. I think it makes my heartburn 10x worse...

Yes, that is the other ailment. Heartburn. All I can say is at least I don't have hemm... well, you know where I am going. None of those. And no swelling. My belly is enormous and seriously growing by the hour. I don't know how much longer I can stand this. I even find myself getting angry at my little baby for making me so uncomfortable... not really... but I'm sure at one time or another every prego lady has been like WILL YOU PLEASE JUST FIND YOUR OWN SPACE INSTEAD OF TAKING UP MY WHOLE BODY???

I am joking around... OK. Enough complaining!!

I am going NUTS waiting for TK to get home from work (it's 8:45pm) for 2 reasons. First of all he's making me a nice dinner tonight which he hasn't made for me in a long time. It's just chicken and linguine with white sauce, but I've tried to do it myself and it never comes out right. Only he can make it right!

The second reason is we have a package from his family and I am anxious to see what it is. It's gifts. Presents. Goodies. Even though they aren't for me, I still want to see what is in there!! I should have opened it myself since I went to the office and picked it up but that wouldn't be fair. :)

I guess I should also rejoice in the fact that it's been a while since I've received any real hate mail. I guess people finally realized I don't give a rat's behind what they say about me, my relationship, my baby, etc. and that I will be happy or depressed regardless of stupid people. Thanks for SCRAMMING!

OK. Here's something that is freaking me out a little. I've caught myself saying things such as "let's go pick some more money of the money tree in the backyard" and "you dilly dally while talking to every Tom, Dick, and Harry in the office before coming home"... THAT IS SCARY. Those are things you hear from OLD PEOPLE. I say them joking around, but the fact that they even enter my head is freaking me out. Wow, does becoming a mom make you an unhip old person?

My hope is that my "I'm a big ugly loser-dork" feelings will go away once I have this baby and some of my energy comes back. In other words...

I am hoping I am still capable of being the MILF I always dreamed I would be...

On that note, I gotta go!

:)

Dana



• 1/8/04 •

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Actually, it is 12:47am on 1/8/04 and I am FINALLY online AT HOME!!!! TK got it all hooked up. He talks to tech support like he is some genius. It's kinda cute.


So, I am such a dork... I keep checking the registries to see if anyone bought me stuff yet. Do you do this? It's bratty but whatever.


I finally broke down and spent some money on myself. I've been trying not to do that anymore but I needed a pick me up and some new clothes.... I went to duematernity.com and bought $300 of clothes. They're really cute though! Some of the stuff is on the maternity clothes page.


Lexi is getting trained this weekend. I am so happy it is FINALLY getting done. She will come back an obedient little soldier. She better anyway... It's an intense week-long program. We'll let you know how she does. I have a feeling these people MEAN BUSINESS with the doggies. TK and I are so nice to her she doesn't know what discipline is... YET! I will feel guilty leaving her in a strange place but we'll all be much happier once she knows whats up and to stay off the furniture, pee and poop outside, and maybe she'll even learn some tricks so we can show her off!!


My belly is growing by the minute. I guess I have been in denial that I would get to the point where all normal clothes are no longer wearable, my undies are too tight, my bras hurt because of the extra layer of fat, etc. Being pregnant is not the "beautiful" thing every NEVER BEEN PREGNANT woman says it is. Yeah, it's beautiful... you try it then!


I'm mostly depressed for 2 reasons... 1 - I HATE being tired. I am so tired that doing things like picking up my dirty clothes, putting things in the dishwasher, getting out of bed to pee, etc. all seem like horribly exhausting tasks. I have a spurt of energy from about noon to 4 every day and other than that, I want to be sleeping. I am literally nodding off right now but wanted to write!


The other reason I am depressed is I really miss my friends! We chat online or thru email all the time but it isn't the same. My best friend Kristen and I used to LIVE TOGETHER and now we talk through email maybe once a week! And I really wish I could have a baby shower with my friends. I know they would do something really cool and it sucks to be going through this without my girl friends to shop with and stuff. Who knows if there will even BE a baby shower! I guess I shouldn't complain but it's something every girl looks forward to and because I live away from home I won't get it. Now I will pout.


I think I will go to bed now... I have lots to do tomorrow (today) and I hope you like the page now that I've been updating it more often! Some days there is lots to write about and post, and other days there's just nothing going on or I don't have time!


Oh, one more thing. I have gotten some emails about whether or not I will keep my page updated when I am out on maternity leave and if I will come back... YES and YES. I will definitely be posting journal entries, dirt, baby pictures, etc. while I am on leave. I am not one to sit in the house all day... I know I will be busy with baby, but 6 weeks is a LONG time to have to myself and I'll want to share... And as far as me coming back on the air - as long as they don't find someone better while I am gone! Of course you should listen... but don't forget about me!!


That's a few months away anyway... unless she pops out early. Sometimes I feel so huge right now I can't imagine she's gonna get any bigger but I have 3 more months of this!!


Monday is the 4D ultrasound. I'm already trying to make sure the video gets up asap!


OK that's really all...


Goodnight!


D



• 1/7/04 •

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Baby registries are DONE!!! I am so happy that is over... now I keep checking to see if anyone has bought us anything but not yet. I don't even know if I'm getting a baby shower :( All of my family and friends live up north and are coming AFTER the baby is born. A lot of people have offerred to come visit now or wanted to throw a shower but I would rather have people spend money on a trip when the weather is beachy and they can actually meet the baby!


We did Babies R Us and Pottery Barn Kids. I will post some pictures of the items we picked out. I know some people have asked to see our registry but in order for us to keep our personal information private, I can't link you to it. Hopefully people understand. :)


I want to thank the people who send me emails all the time... I am amazed at how many people who don't even know me offer advice and kind words! I really appreciate all of it and I apologize if I fail to write back. I haven't had internet access at home lately and when I'm at work I just want to get my stuff done and GO HOME. I do read every single email and try to keep in touch with people. The advice is very helpful!


I am very achy and tired. I have a sore throat too... Of course the doctor just says "you are pregnant, deal with it" which is not what I want to hear. There's just nothing they can do... or she says "get more rest" which is impossible! I can't just NOT WORK!


So get this... The Look For Less episode I was on aired over the weekend. It is on in repeats this week on the Style Network. LOOK FOR ME!! I was a little embarassed by some of the stupid things I said and some of the dumb looks on my face, but all in all I think it was pretty cool... Some guy in Philly emailed me saying he saw me on the show, looked up my website, and is now in love with me! Pretty funny. Let me know if you saw the show and what you thought of it!


I gotta get to work and eat something. I am hungry ALL the time... but when I eat, I feel sick... but when I don't eat, I also feel sick. THIS SUCKS.


:)


Dana






• 1/3/04 •

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So yesterday I was pretty unhappy... Today I feel a little better. I got a LOT of sleep last night so I think that helped me a lot. For some reason I wake up in the middle of the night every single night... at around 2:30... I went downstairs and TK was up watching Old School so we watched it together and ate cookies and did Monopoly Scratch tickets he picked up on his way home from Storman's... We won $31. Big whoop - I want the BIG BUCKS!

I think I am going to do my baby registry tomorrow. I really think some serious baby shopping will cheer me up. I have been reading my "What to Expect..." book and I guess this "bored" feeling is normal. Of course I am excited about the new baby but the months seem to drag on now!! I'm just anxious. And there's so much to do before she gets here... We have to get rid of my old furniture and buy a nursery, etc.

Right now we have seperate rooms... I can't sleep through the night sharing a bed!! I am so restless and uncomfortable I get up and run to my room in the middle of the night where I can stretch out. And I'm going to keep my own closet and bathroom since there is just no possible way we could share. We both filled up our walk-ins so putting everything together would be ridiculous. I left a big space in mine for baby things... my bathroom/closet is off the room that will be hers. She won't need the potty for a while anyway :)

I don't have much else to write. Life is pretty booooorrrriiinnngggg right now!

Dana



• 1/2/04 •


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Happy 2004!!! I wish I could say I am feeling great and excited about the new year... I am just worn out, tired, a mess! I guess this goes along with being pregnant. Our house is far from being settled... I moved a TON of stuff out of the dining room into closets or where it belongs... only to have someone drop a whole other load of crap right in the middle of the floor! I am trying my best to be patient but I'm getting annoyed.

My New Year's Eve was uneventful. I stayed home while TK was at Amphitheater and then I guess at an after party til 4am... I wish we could have done something together but he had to work. Plus, I'm "no fun" anymore since I can't drink. LOL! I didn't even see the ball drop... I fell asleep!

My hair and nails are a complete disaster... and I am BROKE from Christmas and moving!! All I want right now is to go to a salon for like 4 hours and get pampered and I have no loot. My roots are a mile long and my hair is just horrible... I wear it in an ugly ponytail. This morning I even thought about cutting all my hair off... But I won't allow myself to do that - it's like the typical pregnant woman thing to do and MEN HATE IT! Not that I feel very attractive right now ANYWAY. And I had to let my acrylic nails grow out because I couldn't stand to go to the crazy people at the mall anymore (remember my horror story about the guy with the hairy mole and dirty NUB who did my nails!!!) so now my hands just look ick.

None of my maternity clothes fit right... so all I wear are sweats and teeshirts. I feel like a complete scrub!! I want to get new stuff - but again, out of cash.

TK gave me my Louis and a Tiffany's key ring for Christmas the other day. He had to wait to get the Louis I wanted and it turns out the pink one on my page is DISCONTINUED!!!! No pink Louis for me :( so he got me a cute lavendar one instead. I must be really depressed because I'm not even that excited about it right now.

I have been reading more of this baby book and it's scaring me. I just picture myself all alone in my house with a screaming child and don't know what I will do! I also haven't done a baby registry yet. I don't know if he even wants to go with me to do it... I guess some guys do, some don't. I'm sure my girl friends would enjoy it though! Maybe I should do that this weekend to cheer me up. I have been so focused on moving and Christmas shopping and all the extra work I've had to do lately that I've completely forgotten how excited I should be about all of this.

Anyway, sorry for the depressing rant! I guess it just goes with the territory. Other things are going on but I won't touch on them here since it's just not right. I'm just frustrated that right now I can't kick back and enjoy being pregnant and shop for my new baby. Instead my body is worn out, I look like crap, I have no money... Wah!!

AND WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP PLAYING THAT TINY VIOLIN FOR ME!!!

:)

Dana



• 12/29/03 •


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I am wearing a sweet 50 CENT sweatshirt today... a gift from one of the record companies... it's so ghetto and funny looking on me, gotta get a picture up for you!

Our house is still a disaster. We ended up lounging around ALL DAY yesterday and didn't lift a finger to fix anything! Last night we played Monopoly. I got my A$$ kicked. I was low on cash, landed on one of his properties with lots of houses on it, and then I just kept sinking deeper and deeper in debt... It was nice family Sunday night fun. Big change from the booze bags we used to be! Then we laid in bed and read the "What to Expect" book to each other. Funny, huh?

OK so I am starting the Housetraining for Dummies section on my page... We're getting Lexi straightened out. She's finally learned not to poop in her cage or in the house... Now we have to get her to stop the "happy pee"... She gets so excited she just pees everywhere! It sucks because I want her to be able to run around the hardwood parts of the house but she pees too much :(

But... the housetraining section has nothing to do with Lex! TK needs some training. I am not a neat freak but I'm not a slob either... we're having some issues. You'll get more on that later... then maybe you can help me - how did you get your man trained??

So my belly hasn't grown much in the last 2 weeks or so. It's weird... it has like growth spurts. Baby is alive and well in there kicking all around all the time. She's nuts! I have been reading this book on the first 5 years... I am getting kinda scared. I read like 3 chapters on breast feeding, how often babies need to eat, etc... and then all about changing and sleeping, etc... and I'm like OMG how am I going to do this??? I'll be alone... TK has to stay at work and I don't have a close relative around to help me!! My friends will be around but it'll be the blind leading the blind... ok what do we do now? What does THAT cry mean? How come she won't stop crying!!?? I guess all first time moms feel this way but I started to get freaked out the other night and I couldn't sleep!!

OK gotta get back to the show. Fink is out so I'm here ALLLLLL day long!

Dana




• 12/26/03 •


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Well it has been a few days since I updated... almost a WEEK!!! Did you miss me??? Sure.......

Well, Monday I spent the entire day MOVING. We hired Move Helpers and they were GREAT!! They moved my ENTIRE apartment and Toby's furniture (and what he had packed...) to our new place for LESS THAN $500!! If you need movers... CALL THEM. They are reliable, careful, fast, and friendly. It was not easy moving 2 apartments into one but they were awesome. :)

Tuesday I had to come to work for a little while but I wasn't on the air... Hehehee sometimes I am here and you don't even know it! Then I went home and tried to unpack and make sense of our new house. We have 3 bathrooms and I have no idea where to put everything... We have so much space it's like hmmmm... what should go where? Of course now that we are getting set up we want to buy 100 new things... dining room set, rugs, artwork, mirrors, new bathroom stuff, bedroom set, king size bed, etc.

Wednesday I was here for a while but just did my thing on the air and didn't worry about my page or anything. I just wanted to get some things done before the Dysfunctional Family Christmas... did you hear us?? We all stayed in town for Christmas and decided to have some fun on the radio. We all picked on each other and had a good time. I know some things probably sounded completely trashy - but that was the point. We joke around with each other and tease each other just like you do with your friends & family. We all got a good laugh out if it - and since none of us were with our real families, it was nice to be together. :)

TK and I went home and heated up some Boston Market food for Christmas Eve Dinner. We ate off the coffee table since that's the only room that was set up! We started to watch the HULK on pay per view but it was HORRIBLE so we just went to bed....

Christmas morning I wanted to get up and open presents!!!!!! I tried to wake TK up at 8:30am and he wasn't having it. I am just used to getting up early on Christmas... even as adults my brother, sister & I got up pretty early... 8:30 is LATE compared to 5:30 when we USED TO be skipping and jumping all over my parents to get up and let us open gifts!! I ended up having some breakfast and letting him sleep until 11:30... Then I put my foot down and got bratty. "It's almost noon we have to open presents on CHRISTMAS MORNING NOT CHRISTMAS AFTERNOON!!!!" Haha... he thinks I'm bad, wait 'til we have a 3 year old pouncing on us at 5am to get up...

So... I got a digital video camera from my dad & stepmother. It's really cool. And of course my dad gave me all the little attachments for it too... the lens cleaner, extra tapes, a tripod, carrying case, etc. I've wanted one for a LONG time, especially now with a baby coming! Get ready to see video of our new house (once it is set up) and videos of the baby once she is here!! They also gave me a book about parenting for the first 5 years which I already started reading. :)

Toby gave me an original Disney sketch of Tinkerbell... she's my favorite!! It was definitely a surprise gift and something really nice for our new house. I always look at the Disney art when I go there but would never buy something like that for myself since they cost so much... I totally love it. He's got one more gift for me that he couldn't get yet... They ran out of the one I want... wonder what THAT COULD BE?!?!?!?!

I gave him a Louis Vuitton wallet. I was APPALLED to find out the girl in the store gift wrapped it BEFORE REMOVING THE PRICE TAG!!! Not that it's any secret how much they cost but I would expect more from LV!! I also gave him HALO for his Mac. He loves his Mac but doesn't have any games for it and the guys in the store told me HALO is the best game right now... and I gave him a Polo fleece blanket since Lexi destroyed his old one!

Lexi got some new toys and lots of puppy treats... and she gave us a "Jack Russells for Dummies" book. :)

We had Christmas Dinner at Nick Daley's new house. Nick makes all the cool promos and sweepers for the station... basically all the cool "93.3 FLZ" sounders and funny things you hear on the station - he & a few other people make them. He just bought a house in Brandon so we went to see it and have dinner there. His house is great! We want him to come help us decorate ours!! We had turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, dumplings, corn on the cob, and of course I made RICE because I am so picky... One of Nick's friends who was there works for Universal and showed us the demo for the new MUMMY ride that opens in April... sssssshhhhhh... it's going to be UNREAL!! We had a really nice time!!

Today we are both WORKING!! Nobody else is here... Nice huh?? We still have a LOT of work to do at the house so hopefully we can get some time this weekend to get it done. We want to have a little housewarming party soon but we have to organize everything first.

I think that's all for now... Hope you had a nice Christmas!!

:)

Dana









• 12/20/03 •


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Well... it's 1am Saturday morning. I am feeling much better now! I got some Christmas things done - got organized at least! I made a list of all the people I need to shop for and al the people I need to send cards to. I shopped online for a while tonight and have some good ideas which should make shopping at the mall a little easier. I got my dad something I could only get online and it won't be there by Christmas... Kinda sucks but I think he'll like what I got and there was no way to get it down here.

I got some really nice gifts today!

I do some work for other CC stations... my boss in Chattanooga, TN and his wife sent me a Babies R Us Gift Card!! LOVE THE GIFT CARDS!! We're holding on to all of them until after baby shower so we can get what we need later.

Alecia, one of our interns, gave me some Cucumber Melon (one of my FAVORITES!!) and some "lay it on thick" body cream from Bath & Body Works. This cream is supposed to prevent stretch marks and it smells SO MUCH BETTER than cocoa butter!! If you are prego, GET THIS STUFF!!

Another one of our interns, Rachel, gave me some Dunkin Donuts coffee (MY FAVORITE - nothing compares to DD!) and a little onesie that says "BABY DJ" on it!!!!! How adorable is that!!!???

Finky had me for Secret Santa at our Christmas party the other night. He gave me a little purple/green baby robe (so adorable in FLZ pastels!), a bib that says "I love my Mommy", and a toy. There was a little something else in the bottom of the gift bag but I'll keep that to myself. Pretty funny though!

Like I told you earlier, my cousin sent me a bunch of things from family... A nice check from my aunt & uncle... MAC lipgloss and she picked out a MAC lipstick from my grandmother. They also sent me a baby name book and some M&Ms... We ALWAYS have big bags of M&Ms for Christmas at my grandmother's house!

I'm feeling pretty homesick right now but I guess everyone does if you life far away from home and can't visit for the holidays. For so many years of my life we did the SAME things every year... it almost seemed boring and repetitive at the time, but now that life is different and I am not there anymore, I totally miss it! Christmas Eve we used to go to my Great Aunt Elaine's house. All of my great aunts & uncles, cousins, etc. were all there... One time we decided to watch Pretty Woman in the basement and my grandfather came down to check on us - of course right when Julia Roberts was whipping out the "I'm a safety girl" condom - and we got in trouble for putting that movie on!

Christmas morning we always got up at the crack of dawn. Half the time we didn't even sleep! We were allowed to tear apart our stockings before my parents got up... and then we would sit there and wait... and wait... and wait... until they FINALLY got out of bed at around 7am. Now I don't get out of bed that early for ANYTHING!! After we opened gifts at my house, my cousin and I would talk on the phone about what we got... Then later in the day we went to my grandmother's house for dinner.

I remember the year my cousin Cara & I got our Schwinn pink bikes and my sister got the Barbie McDonalds. I don't know why that sticks out in my head... I just remember the two shiny bikes standing next to the Christmas tree when we got to my grandmother's house!

My grandfather who passed away a few years ago loved the color red and loved peanuts - so you know what he got every year... Red socks, hats, shirts, pj's, and lots of peanuts! My grandmother loves cats and birds so she always gets little trinkets and sweatshirts with cats & birds... Now she likes Beanie Babies so I am going to pick up a few for her tomorrow. My aunt & uncle bought her a microwave a few years ago, thinking it would make life easier so she wouldn't have to wait for the oven every time she reheated something... its still in the box. My dad bought her a nice CD player/radio that same year and we searched high and low to find music she would like on CD... I think she used the radio a few times (to listen to me when I was on in Boston!!) and that's it. In a way you wonder - how does she live without a microwave & CDs? She did finally give in and use the cordless phone she got last year!!! So she appreciates simple, cute, thoughtful gifts more than the big stuff... I really miss my gramma!!

I really don't remember what my parents and aunt & uncle got because they sat on the other side of the living room and we were too wrapped up in our own gifts to pay attention!! It was always about the kids in my family anyway.

I am hoping TK and I will be all settled into our new place quickly so we can put a tree up and have a nice day together since we won't be with our families. It is so amazing to think next year we will be Santa Claus!! I already want to buy baby's first Christmas things!! I have gotten a lot of gifts for baby already - so I know what every Christmas will be like from now on - all about baby, not about us. It's fine though. I really don't need anything anyway.

Well, I won't be in this week so you won't hear me. I think I have to work Christmas Eve Day but other than that I am on vaca 'til Friday. I do have work to do for the station but not on the air.

I'll be updating the page of course - it is therapy for me... And something for you to look at while you're bored at work waiting for the holiday or when you are trying to escape your crazy family!!

:)

Dana



• 12/19/03 •


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Yippee its Friday!! This week could not be over fast enough. I am so tired it's ridiculous. And I am depressed for a number of reasons....

First of all, I figured I would try a new type of microwave meal for lunch today and it is NASTY. The guys are going to a place I don't like, so I will starve all afternoon. :(

Next, I received some nice gifts in the mail this morning from family. My grandmother, aunt & uncle, and cousins sent me money and lipsticks and a baby book... I haven't even shopped for my immediate family yet. Haven't sent cards to ANYONE. I feel horrible. At this point, my Christmas has been reduced to shopping online and tossing stuff in the mail. It sucks. I haven't had time to shop. When I do have time to shop, I either fall asleep or end up doing work instead. Every year it seems like Christmas is so far away and THEN it pops up out of nowhere and I am less prepared this year than EVER!

Hmmm... what else sucks... Well, we had our FLZ Christmas party last night and I couldn't even have fun because my back was hurting, I feel huge and unattractive, and I sit there sipping lemonade while everyone else can drink and relax. We went to Splitsville - brand new place in Channelside - ITS AWESOME... And we were all bowling and I couldn't do it. I couldn't lift an 8 lb. bowling ball!!! I kicked ASS the last time we went bowling together and this time I couldn't even get the ball down the alley.

I look like crap. I am so unbelievably exhausted that getting dressed nice and putting makeup on is a pain and I would rather stay in bed for a few extra minutes than do those things.

Anyway, that's enough depressing crap for one day! Luckily the weekend is here and we are moving in to our new place on Monday... Oh yeah, that reminds me, moving SUCKS too!!

Hopefully I didn't depress you too much. I guess it's just a bad day. When everyone else gets to check out and enjoy the holidays, I am slammed with work, moving, and baby stuff I haven't even had time to worry about the "normal" holiday stresses!!!

Have a nice day.

:)

Dana



• 12/18/03 •


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Well it is Wednesday night... so not quite the 18th but I do things MY way around here... I am exhausted and about to go to bed. Things have been very hectic lately and since my page is not a REQUIREMENT of my job, it suffers when I don't have time to update it. I've been working on some other stuff since I got home from work at 8... and now at midnight its time for mommy and baby to go to bed.

And if you were listening to TK's show when he talked about the baby names - hear my rebuttal later. I'm not the only one being anal about this. He is such a hypocrite sometimes!! I want to name my daughter Ava and he squashed that for a LAME reason too...

Find out why later.

Do all couples get nasty over naming the child? I mean, not that its a "fight" but we tend to get very heated when we argue even over the littlest things (in case you haven't noticed)!

:)





• 12/17/03 •


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Well I am not happy today. The Louis I want for Christmas is DISCONTINUED. Of course when we went to the store at International last night HE found plenty of things HE wants and I got the SHAFT on the one I want!! Not fair. Maybe I will get it in lavendar but pink is my favorite. Pout. :(

We also went out for dinner at Cheesecake Factory - my favorite!! He ate the spiciest chicken with EXTRA spices and then ADDED crushed red pepper... I had one bite and felt it for an hour... He ate the whole plate and is still on fire today!! I feel bad, he's begging me for TUMS.

We talked about having a party at our house after we move in... it's been a while since we've had the whole FLZ staff over so we'll see if I'm up for it in a few weeks. He also tried to convince me that the 4-D Ultrasound should be on HIS page!!!! WHAT????? He says that I have gotten all the hits because of the baby, etc. WELL HELLO, that's because I update every day and do the work!! Someone asked him this morning when the baby was due and he didn't even know!!! I mean, he was off by one day but STILL!!

I am sick of not being able to wear normal clothes. I am getting enormous. I just feel icky most of the time. Tired. And I can't fit into anything so I dress like a scrub. And then I don't feel like doing anything after work because I look like hell... It sucks. I also haven't had time to get my hair or nails done in FOREVER so I'm just a big mess!!!! I feel like when I walk down the hall people are like ooooo she's a mess but whatever.

Anyway, I am just dying to have this baby and meet her!! It's really weird there is a little stranger in there... Having the 4-D U/S will be cool so at least I can put a face with the kicks!

Oh, here's some good news. TK is staying HERE for Christmas! He was going to go home to see his family but decided to stay with me so we can get settled in our new place and celebrate together... next year we'll have a little baby to shower with gifts! I did NOT b*tch to make him stay here regardless of he might tell you... I wanted him to go see his family but travelling right now will be so expensive and we need to save money... and we really need to get our new house set up. So I'm happy. I hope we can get a tree... we move in on the 22nd so it might be a pain to move AND set up a tree.

Gotta go. I am just rambling about nothing!

Thanks for reading the journal and emailing me!

Dana



• 12/16/03 •

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So I went to the doctor this morning... What an ordeal!!!

First - the good news. I gained 10lbs since my last visit 4 weeks ago. I'm at 128 (never weighed this much in my life!) and I started at 115... So I'm right on track now. Of course the doc asked if I was "overdoing it". Hello, one time its DRINK MILKSHAKES AND EAT PEANUT BUTTER and now she thinks I'm stuffing myself. I'm not. I just eat a little more each day. Baby is growing fine. Her heartbeat sounds great, I can feel her kicking and moving all the time, and my belly is growing right. She also told me not to worry so much about stress hurting the baby... She said to give myself more time for ME, take a relaxing bath, a hot shower, but that temporary stress should not hurt the baby. As long as I am eating right, not drinking or smoking, and taking my vitamins, I should be fine. It is in the 1st trimester that babies can be harmed by stress... right now I am almost to the 3rd trimester and we should be just fine! Nothing's gone wrong at all. I am a baby making machine! LOL sure. Next time I go I have to do the gestational diabetes test. They make you drink 1/2 gallon of sugar water and then sit there for an hour... then they check your blood sugar. Not fun. But 2 days before that is my 4D ultrasound when I get to see what she looks like!!!

OMG just have to interrupt for a second. There are 3 strange people standing outside the studio window STARING AT ME as if I am some kind of specimen!!!

Anyway, all went well as far as my visit. Someone else in the office wasn't having such a pleasant day... This woman and her husband apparently got billed for some tests or an ultrasound or something and they were freaking out. I ended up sitting there for 30 minutes before they even NOTICED I was in the room since this woman was wiggin. And she and her husband were yelling at each other too. I guess I have a temper too but they were so out of line. THEN THE WORST PART...

The woman turns around and I realize she is wearing...

MATERNITY JEANS WITH THE PANEL COMPLETELY SHOWING!!!!!!! Like that silly looking blue cloth belly pouch, totally showing. She was wearing a non-maternity shirt!!! HELLO!!! Me and this other young girl just looked at each other and smiled. These people obviously had no clue.

Not that I should talk - I look like HELL today. Wearing a wool hat to cover my roots and icky hair, but at least I'm not showing BELLY PANEL!! Gross.

Next - I'm a little disturbed by an email I just got. Metropolitan Ministries only has 14% of the toys they need for kids in Tampa Bay this year. Not even enough to give ONE toy to each kid. That is so sad. Any one of us could end up broke... think about how bad the job market is right now... If I lost my job I would be screwed and I really hope if I didn't have any money there would be people out there who would help. I know money is tight for a lot of people, but if you have a little extra and can give even one toy, it would make a huge difference. Please check my main page for all the info. There are tons of drop off locations in the area and some of them collect right up until 6pm on Christmas Eve! I am going to make sure I take my little girl shopping for other kids every year. :)

On another note... when doing your own holiday shopping online... watch out for this. It didn't really matter to me because stuff like this doesn't get to me, but... My friend Stephanie had my gifts sent directly to me. She bought them online and just shipped them to me. There was nothing to indicate whether or not the package was a gift - and when I received the stuff, the price tags were still on all the items. I don't care - we agreed on an amount to spend anyway and even if we didn't it wouldn't matter... but some people are concerned with this and I don't blame you. It's such a fopaw (I have NO IDEA HOW TO SPELL THAT WORD PLEASE HELP!) to get a gift with pricetags on it... of course people like me go and look it up online anyway :) J/K...

Have a great day, I gotta get to my show.

:)

Dana






• 12/16/13 •


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I am having MAJOR FONT ISSUES with this new site!!!

It's actually still Monday night but thought I would update. I came home today and got my 4 packages in the mail!! One is a gift for my friend Erin that I can't tell you about in case she reads this... 2 of the boxes were gifts from my friend Stephanie. She got me some really nice candles from Pier One. The other was a box full of Gap stuff I got myself... Need maternity clothes so bad so I can stop wearing sweats to work every day!

I am really tired and haven't felt like doing much on the computer. I feel bad because I know you guys check the page every day for dirt... but there hasn't been much anyway.

I scheduled my 4-D Ultrasound for Jan. 12 so that will be exciting. I can't wait - I will see exactly what she looks like!!

And about the road rage... I am afraid to play it on the air because I was told not to ever swear on the air, even if I bleep myself out. And then there's always what if its not as funny as I made it out to be. Sometimes when you build something up so much and then you hear it.. its not that funny. Maybe Loni & I just think its funny because it is me and I know myself... I dunno. I'll try to get it up.

Have a great day, I will update more later. Have a doctor's appointment in the morning!

Dana



• 12/15/13 •

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Had a pretty busy weekend so I'm just getting to update now. Eating my PBJ for lunch... I want some chips too. PBJ HAS TO GO WITH CHIPS!!

So Friday night I was at work late... then drove to Orlando and stayed at the Royal Pacific at Universal Orlando Resort... What a BEAUTIFUL PLACE!! As always, we get the royal treatment up there.

Saturday I did a live broadcast from the radio studio at Universal. Thank you sooooo much to Noah, Bob & Mike for taking such good care of us!! After the broadcast we went on the new Shrek 4-D.. It's unreal. You have to see it. And I'm psyched because the new Mummy ride opens in the spring. It's going to be huge... a roller coaster with the technology they used to make Spider Man. Also got some other inside secrets but... well... can't tell ya!

After Universal we went shopping at the outlets. I got TK a present... can't tell you what it is though because he doesn't know yet...

I also bought something for baby! I am wondering though, were you scared to start buying things? I don't know if I am supersticious (sp, I know!)... or if its just that buying things for her makes it that much more real that soon I will have a little baby... I don't know. I just kind of stood there looking at things and felt compelled to walk away. But then I found the cutest little baby Polo onesie that I saw on the website for $20 and it was marked down to $5. Had to pick it up. I haven't been able to take it out of the bag yet. What is wrong with me? Is this normal? I am so excited about this baby but I get this weird feeling when I look at baby things.

I have been under a lot of stress lately - working a lot, worrying about Christmas and haven't had time to shop, moving a week from today, etc... and I keep having these horrible nightmares. Part of me is starting to worry that something bad is going to happen... Is this also normal??

OK enough about that. Yesterday I did a bunch of work at the office... then I finally cleaned up my messy house. :)

I feel horrible I still haven't shopped for ANYONE yet. I don't know what to buy for people!! My dad is so hard to get stuff for... He doesn't wear ties to work, doesn't golf, bowl, or do any of those dad things, doesn't want any CDs or anything... it's tough!! Getting him a gift certificate just seems silly because he can buy himself whatever he wants! Of course my sister is easy - check the main page for her Christmas Registry... it'll crack you up! My brother is tough because he won't even give me an idea. And my stepmother is tough because I have issues with buying women domestic things, but everything I have seen that she might like is something for the kitchen - she's an amazing cook! This is tough. And I have to act soon because I gotta ship all of it and that takes about a week. Friends are tough this year too, especially since I have to ship things so you have to watch what you buy... I am going crazy over this.

Other than all of that - not much is up. I am again dressed like a complete scrub for work because nothing fits. Belly is growing more though, I'll take pictures again soon.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow so I'll let you know how that goes. I'm sure everything is fine. She kicks all over the place and is constantly moving around.

:)

Have a great Monday.

Dana



• 12/12/03 •

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I had a whole other post up here but I took it down to write about something more important...


Yesterday I was feeling pretty stressed out so I decided to open up the phones and let you vent about your stresses... I don't do that very often because I like to keep my show fun and entertaining, but I figure if I'm ready to snap then there's probably a lot of people who are so sometimes I think it works. Anyway, what I thought would be a "my in-laws are driving me crazy... money is tight for Christmas... I hate putting up Christmas lights..." kind of venting session turned a lot more serious...


I got phone calls from a lot of mothers struggling to even have toys for the kids because of fathers who don't pay child support... or married women with husbands who have been laid off... one woman moved here to be with a man who abandoned her and her child and now she is about to be out on the street. Her family has money but won't help her because they told her he was a jerk... nice family huh? I got calls from people who have fighting parents who don't want to see either of them on Christmas... people with sick relatives going in for surgery on Christmas Eve... things like that. I pretty much felt helpless. I gave away a Toys R Us gift card I had as a prize to one of the mothers so she could buy toys for her 2 daughters... but other than that, I had nothing to help these people. I suggested all the mothers go to Toys For Tots but a lot of them didn't want to take the charity. "There are others who need it more" they said.


My heart goes out to these people and I feel like a jerk because there was not really anything more I could do to help them. TK & I filled up an entire shopping cart with toys to give when we did the Stuff A Bus, and donated a ton of canned goods... but is that enough? I don't know. I felt really stupid being upset about meaningless gossip and business politics when all these people are REALLY sufferring.


So it made me think about all the things I do have and I wanted to tell you a little bit about the important people in my life.

First there is my family. I am thankful for my brother and sister who are both happy and healthy and who I know would be there for me at any time even though we still fight like we're 6, 9, & 12 years old sometimes. I am thankful for my stepmother and her family... After my mom passed away I didn't know if my dad would ever be happy again and since she has come into his life he is very happy. I am thankful he found her and is enjoying life with her and her family. I am most thankful for my dad who would do anything for me no matter how much I brought my trouble upon myself. When this woman called me telling me her family would not help her and her child out of trouble because they "told her so", and they are about to be homeless, she has no toys for her son, no Christmas tree, etc. I thought WOW - I couldn't imagine that.

I am thankful for my friends, here and at home, who love and support me. Kristen, Stephanie, Jess, Brian, Loni, Erin and a lot of other people who I also know I can count on no matter what.

I am thankful for the new life that is coming into my life and Toby for sharing it with me. It's funny I have gotten emails saying "you are lucky he supports you and is going to help you"... First of all, its sad that when a man decides to be a part of his child's life with a woman he is not married to, people are surprised! And second of all, he's not just supporting me and helping me, he is doing it with me as my partner and making just as many changes in his life as I am to make sure he is the best father he can be! Some people have tried to interfere and ruin things for us, but it's only brought us closer than ever. Hopefully those people find what they're looking for.

I am thankful for my job and that I have been given the opportunity to do the only thing I ever wanted to do with my life. Some people work their whole lives and are never satisfied with what they do, and I am happy I can do something that I love. Sometimes it's tough... especially having my professional life intertwined with my personal life because I talk about it on the air, but the good outweighs the bad.

So anyway, there's a lot of other things I have to be thankful for at this time but those are the biggies.

Now let me tell you just how tired I was last night... I didn't get out of work til late... I stopped at 7-Eleven on the way home at 11pm to get some milk so I could have cereal and choco milk for breakfast... Woke up this monring and realized I LEFT IT IN THE CAR. I'm still at home now and dreading the smell if it got hot in the car.... And I don't have anything to drink this morning except water :(

Tonight I am going to Universal Studios... I'm pretty sure we get a VIP tour but haven't heard back from the people in charge yet. Usually we get to go. Doesn't matter much to me since I can't go on rides, but my friend Loni is coming with me and she has never been and I want her to enjoy it! At any rate we are staying at one of the NICE Universal Resorts and tomorrow I am live from the radio studio there. I'll tell you all about Grinchmas!!

I'm eating PBJ on toast right now and my fingers are all sticky. Don't want to mess up my keyboard so I'll be peacing out now.

Thanks for reading!

:)

Dana









• 12/11/03 •

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You're stuck with me again all day today... Sorry.

So is anyone else stressed out? I know I am feeling the extra AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH that makes me want to tear my hair out right now. Unfortunately I'm not really allowed to share the real cause of my aggravation... It's cool for everyone else in the world to talk crap about me behind my back or in front of my face, but if I say anything on the air or in writing I'm screwed. So anyway...

I was laying on my couch last night talking to my friend about all of this insanity that I have had to deal with lately... certain things I've brought upon myself and certain things that other people have done to pour salt in wounds, etc.... not to mention the nosey gossipy wenches I see on occasion who feel the need to comment on my personal life while at the same time claiming "I don't want to be part of your drama" - a statement which in itself acknowledges the belief that there IS drama and the only way they know it is because they talk about it and follow it... but whatever. If that sentence didn't make sense I am sorry, but I think you get the point. I tried to reword it and that's what I came up with! As I always say if people have nothing better to do than worry about and discuss my mediocre life than so be it... I'd just prefer you do it over IM between the two of you or in your own homes, rather than where I can hear it or where it gets back to me and I have to listen to it.

OK so the point... :)

I'm all upset... freaking out over things and wondering how I am supposed undo the damage that has been done by deceitful vindictive people... and then a little earthquake erupts in my belly!

That's the only way I can explain what it looks like when the baby kicks up a storm and you are lying there watching it. She's doing jumpin' jacks and somersaults and handsprings in there and I just told my friend to hold on. I put the phone down and just watched my belly and my tears of anger and sadness suddenly were just happy tears. I just smiled. I just watched as she was moving around and thought about how stupid it was to let these people and all this stupid crap get to me when soon I will have the most amazing little child! I picked the phone back up and changed the subject to what we think she will look like and I felt much better.... TK is in NY visiting friends and he is kinda feeling some of what I am feeling too... not my place to share what we talk about, but I know when I called him to tell him how much she was kicking it made him happy too. I just want her to get here so we can look at her and hold her and play with her!!!

Anyway, there's a lot more on my mind right now but like I said I'm not allowed to talk about it. Some people's feelings might get hurt....

Have a good day!

:)

Dana





• 12/10/03 •

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Haha you are stuck with me all day today! Hopefully I can find some good gossip. Working a 5 hour shift is just SO draining... YEAH RIGHT - as if I am usually only here for 3 hours a day.

So I got some hysterical hate mail. I won't post it but this person was "trying to bring some honesty to your uneduated life", etc. Claimed that ALL OF TAMPA BAY hates me and wishes I would go back to Boston.

Why do people who hate me waste so much time on my website???? This person had obviously read every last word in this journal and on my other pages... I hate sci-fi and would NEVER sit through an episode of Star Trek... I hate war movies and would NEVER go see one... That's what is so funny about people who don't like me. Why put yourself through the misery?

So tk is away for a few days - he went to NY to visit some friends and maybe go to the Z100 Jingle Ball. I get to watch Lexi (so nobody around here has a problem with someone else watching her LOL) and hang out with her. I wish we had more time to take her to the doggy park! She had so much fun that day.

Still haven't started Christmas shopping. I paid off a lot of bills and a credit card last week and now I have nothing left for shopping!! This year I will be shipping most of the gifts I buy back to Boston for family and friends :( I actually found myself MISSING snow while watching it on TV and talking to my friends about it. Hopefully we'll be able to take our baby up north for Christmas next year so she can see snow. It's weird that people who grow up here NEVER see snow! It is a massive pain in the a$$ but a white Christmas is the coolest. It doesn't feel like Christmas here AT ALL. If you lived up north you know what I mean... Palm trees with Christmas lights?? Bizarre. This will be the first Christmas in my 26 years I am not with my family so I hope I don't get depressed!! Last year I spent over $1000 to go home and it ended up snowing like CRAZY and I didn't get to see my grandmother and other relatives.

OK I guess that's it... Nothing baby to talk about today!

:)

Dana



• 12/9/03 •

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Did you watch the final episode of "Average Joe" last night? I have been DYING to find out who she picks... the finale was on from 9-11... I watched the whole thing and FELL ASLEEP AT 10:45 - and MISSED WHO SHE PICKED!! How that happened I have no idea. I've been passing out cold a lot lately. Very weird! Anyway, she picked the HOT GUY! Of course... and the sad thing is she seemed to have so much fun with the not-so-hot guy who looked like the not so cute brother of Joey from Friends! He had TONS of loot, lived in a nice place in NYC, was SO sweet, fun, etc. and she picked the dopey 26 year old undergrad who wanted to get her drunk on their date JUST BECAUSE HE WAS HOTTER! She did seem like a really sweet girl though, and amazingly gorgeous. I can't believe she's not a model or an actress... She kind of has a little bit of a Tara Reid look but in a good way and she's not a stupid lush.

Anyway, that has nothing to do with baby journal.. other than the fact that pregnant lady over here FELL ASLEEP and missed the reactions of the guys when she made her choice!

So... what else is up? Um... Not much. Definitely going to look into getting the 4D ultrasound now that I know it's not that expensive. Imagine if you could watch a video of what you looked like when you were still inside your mom's belly??? It will be great to show her when she is older. SEE I REALLY DID CARRY YOU AROUND NOW BEHAVE!! If we get it done you'll hear all about it and see it on this page.

I'm kind of amazed at how many pregnant people are writing to me for ADVICE... I'm totally new at this and just learning as I go! I know nothing about being pregnant other than what I've gone through. People are asking me how to lose weight after - I HAVE NO CLUE! Hopefully I'll figure it out fast but for now I'm chowing down...

That's all for now. Try the game on the main page for fun! It'll drive you NUTS!

:)

Dana



• 12/8/03 •

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Ick it's Monday again. I should still be in bed since it's 5:30am but for some reason I wake up really early... I'll fall asleep around 7 again and won't want to get up for work. Sleep is all messed up.

I was laying on the couch earlier watching TV and baby started kicking like CRAZY. I think she was doing somersaults... And I can tell she's getting big because I can feel her from one side of my belly to the other!

This is a picture of a baby inside at 24 weeks... I am 23 weeks tomorrow so this is pretty much what she looks like!

Hard to believe she is chillin' in my belly. And its also weird how I can lay on my tummy, move my body in pretty much any position, and she's comfy and well protected. Sometimes lately I think about how little and fragile she will be and it scares me!!

OH... something we want to get done... the GE 4D Ultrasound! Has anyone had this? I am sure insurance doesn't cover it, but we were looking at the website the other night and tk's like... we're getting that I want to see this child... It looks really cool and I think they give you the video which would be great to have. I want to find a doctor around here who does it and find out what it costs. Then I could put the video up here...

Speaking of videos - some people have suggested that I have the child live on the air with streaming video on the web. ARE YOU F'in KIDDING ME??? I will of course have pictures of me holding the little child just after she comes out and even though I'll look like hell I will share... but other than that... this is private! There's a line, ya know?

OK I'm gonna go back to bed. Make sure you check the dirt on the main page because there's some GOOD ISH today!!

:)

Dana



• 12/7/03 •

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Went to Chris Rock last night! He was HYSTERICAL!! All new jokes, all new stuff... he's the best. Our favorite comedian. He is so right on about everything... One thing he talked about really struck a nerve with me, especially given the crap I take from people sometimes...

He started talking about how everyone hates the United States... and how it's OK with him because people only HATE THE WINNERS! Like... people HATE the Yankees... they HATE the Lakers... they HATE the most popular girl in school... He's like... "Nobody HATES the Clippers, nobody HATES the Tampa Bay Devil Rays..." because why hate them? They pose no threat...

People HATE the winners!!!

I guess that explains why I deal with so many haters. Because I'm good at what I do - if I completely sucked, I wouldn't have my job - and nobody would feel threatened. So haters - have a nice day!

Baby is kicking a lot. I can't believe she is probably a foot long and about a pound right now... and growing every day.

I've been feeling pretty icky. Very very tired and fatigued. I am hungry a lot, but get full fast... I'm always thirsty, but for some reason I'm getting nauceous drinking ANYTHING - lemonde, punch, OJ, milk, water, soda... nothing seems to sit right. I also have to pee about 20 times a day which is really annoying. I wake up 3 times a NIGHT just to go. GOD THIS SUCKS!! Sorry to anyone who is grossed out by that - but if you've ever had a baby you know what I am talking about!

I HAVE to start Christmas shopping. I am so bad. Friends & family have things in the mail to me already and I just don't know what to get ANYONE. I will probably end up doing gift cards or just cash for my brother and sister - we all have such different tastes, and who doesn't love shopping??? My dad and his wife - I have no idea what to get them.

And TK... well, he was talking about buying me a FAKE LOUIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am going to pray that he was just kidding. I know real Louis are expensive but the fake ones are FAKE and not worth a DIME anyway so why get a phony? He told my friend Lisa Paige - yes, Lisa who used to work here! - about it and thank God she put the smack down on that and told him not to be a cheapass. He always gets me Tiffanys so why would he start being a slouch now? I don't really need a Louis anyway - I would rather spend the crazy money on baby things.

Suddenly I am not selfish when it comes to getting gifts anymore.... What is happenning to me???

I thought we had decided on Kyla Marilyn but now he's not digging it again. Listen this week because I have a feeling the fight is about to start brewing...

Allright time to search for dirt and gossip and stuff for the show tomorrow. Hope you had a great weekend... The Bucs actually won a game!! That's something to be happy about! We were lazy ALL DAY and watched it.

:)

Dana



• 12/5/03 •

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Today I feel EXHAUSTED AGAIN!!! I went to bed very early and have been eating all kinds of good stuff and STILL I feel fatigued. This sucks! I thought the 2nd trimester was supposed to be fun... It was for a little while but now I feel like I am going to pass out constantly. I talked to the doctor and she said it's normal and to just eat a lot and get sleep at night... THANKS!

At least I know baby is ok because she is always kicking. Isn't it cool how excited the daddy gets when he feels it? OMG he felt her kick really hard a few nights ago and is STILL talking about it to people. LOL so cute!!!

I really need to get on the ball and do my baby registry! I want to do it before Christmas. Everyone is telling me to enjoy this Christmas and get things for myself but I really don't need anything - all I want is to make sure we have everything for baby!!

I think we've pretty much decided on Kyla Marilyn. Now I just hope they were right that it's a GIRL!! Marilyn, in case you are wondering, is after my mom. It is a family thing... My middle name is Grace after my grandmother, my sister's is Lee after our other grandmother, my mom's middle name was Ruth after her grandmother, etc. Most people really like the name. I don't like Kylee, Kaylee, Kayla, etc. AT ALL but for some reason I LOVE Kyla!! Weird.

I'll be at Banana Joe's tonight from 11p-1a so come by and say hi! I'll buy you a drink since I won't be having any :)

Tomorrow is TK's birthday so we're taking a limo to see Chris Rock. I should get him something else for his birthday but I don't know what to get... we both buy everything we want for ourselves!!

That's all for now. I am dozing off... gotta wake myself up somehow - it's not easy when you can't have caffiene!!

:)

Dana





• 12/4/03 •

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Part 2 for today... Hey, I have a lot to say!!

I know who I want to ask to be my baby's godmother... when is it appropriate to ask the person, etc. I know NOTHING about this!! I mean is it something you mention in passing or do you make a big deal out of it? I just have no clue!

I am slobby today. I wore PJ pants and a teeshirt to work. I feel weird walking by people who are all dressed up in the hallway but I'M PREGNANT I CAN WEAR WHATEVER I WANT AND STILL LOOK CUTE!!

I am expecting a package with some more maternity clothes in it today! Can't wait... I am no longer able to wear ANY of my old clothes.

Going to STUFF THE BUS for Toys for Tots now!

Dana




• 12/4/03 •

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So... sorry I didn't update yesterday. Busy day!

This morning I almost fainted a few times. I am eating more - but maybe its not enough. I get plenty of sleep, so I have no idea what is going on. I called the doctor and she said I was having too much sugar for breakfast - this after the other doctor I have seen told me to have juice and sugar if I feel faint! I'm confused! It just sucks coming in to work with stuff to do and having the computer screen all blurry... feeling like I'm going to pass out... I guess this is somewhat normal? I had some bagel bites and water and I feel a little better... Now the problem is feeling stuffed!

Last night I went to Martini Bar for Ladies night... I was sitting there thinking about how much fun we used to have getting all stupid and partying!! Now I sit back and chill while everyone else sips martinis and dances. I kinda miss those days, but then when I think about having a little baby to love and play with, it's all so worth it. I'd take a night at home with the baby and daddy over any night in a bar!

OMG someone is making popcorn in the building... I can smell it..........

TK and I looked at Pottery Barn catalog last night (I am sure he was thrilled) and decided on the bedding I think we are going to get. I am torn between the ones I had picked out and the more expensive less flashy ones from Pottery Barn!

I bought a few things for her on babygap.com last night! I've been one of those supersticious (sp?) about buying things too early people... but I'm 22 weeks now, more than half way there, and I think its ok to get a few things here and there. Most of the stuff is for winter anyway, but my intern Melissa works at the gap and hooked me up with the friends & family discount so I HAD TO buy a few things!!!

WE HAVE TO GET LEXI TRAINED!! I am going a little nuts about this. We love her so much, she is the cutest dog, but JRTs are NOT easy to train and before we move into our new place I want her to obey my every command :) She is still a puppy and I think we have just been lazy when it comes to working with her. I've never had a dog before so I don't know how to train her... We found a dog trainer in Sarasota so I think we're going to take her there. I need her to be a little more calm when the baby comes and of course she needs to know to stay off my furniture!!

I'll be back at Banana Joe's on Friday so come by and see me! Just don't be one of those inconsiderate people smoking in my face! Is it me or do a lot of people lack etiquette when it comes to that? It's weird having to be in bars as part of my job while I am pregnant, but the only harm in it is the smoke. I try to avoid it... but what really makes me mad is the people who sit there and ask me about my baby while lighting up!! I used to smoke when I was out... obvoiusly I don't now and since it was pretty easy to not smoke, I don't think I'll go back to it after she is born. I just wish people had more courtesy when it comes to things like this!

I guess I will shut up now. Have a great day!

Dana

:)





• 12/2/03 •

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We had a busy night! First we went to Hilary Duff... she was amazing. The funniest thing kept happening to me!!

I was standing on the side of the stage before the show and all these girls in the audience were screaming "Hilary! Hilary!" and waving... so Finky was like... "Dana I think they're waving at you - they think you are Hilary!" I guess it was so dark all they saw was my shorty little self and long hair and thought I was her... so I waved - and the kids went NUTS!!!!! Wow - what it would be like to be famous!

Then... as we were leaving the TBPAC through the "stage" door... there were TONS of you crowded outside waiting for Hilary... once again I faked you out - as I was walking with the rest of the FLZ staff to the door, people started screaming and cheering, once again thinking I was her!!! Then we open the door and everyone just stopped and stared at us - sorry to disappoint!!

The moms made me feel special though! Thank you to the people who said Hi, congratulated me on my baby, etc. That was really cool. Sometimes I sit in the studio alone and wonder if anyone really pays attention so it's nice to know you're there!!

Then tk and I went to the 3rd Eye Blind show at Twilite. That place is AWESOME for live shows... And of course 3EB just has tons of songs... Jumper, Semi-Charmed Life, Hows It Going To Be, Crystal Baller... We had a good time - and we were both completely sober!! Now that I can't drink bc of baby... he's not drinking either :) Candlebox is playing there tonight and we might go back!

Needless to say I am pretty tired this morning. We just got up and I should be in the shower but instead I am updating my page because I couldn't wait to talk about Hilary Duff.

Eating some hostess powdered mini-donuts. OMG they are so good!! Then I just HAD to make myself a cup of decaf to go with them. I can not eat powdered donuts without coffee!

Enough talk about nothing. I'll update the rest of my page later with some gossip!!

Dana







• 12/1/03 •

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Do not ask why this backround is black. I have no idea and I can't fix it!

Happy freaking Monday! I am EXHAUSTED today. I slept well last night and went to bed early... but I am dragging a$$ today. Guess it goes with the territory. I am wearing a pair of jeans today that I haven't worn since I bought them - they used to literally slide off my hips and now they are a perfect fit! Not maternity clothes, just regular jeans about 2 sizes too big. This is scary... but I don't think I look any bigger anywhere else than in the belly. I think its kinda cute!!!

My family went back to Boston this morning. We had a nice dinner at Dish in Ybor last night... tk made a good impression on the family. He was very well behaved - they even ganged up on me which was funny...

So tonight is Hilary Duff - and no, I'm sorry, I don't have any more tickets for you!! We can't even watch the show - we sold all the tickets and gave the rest away... If I had tickets I would probably give them away since I know so many of your kids want to go!!! The ticket brokers and ebay people who bought them for $20 and are selling them for well over $200 should seriously go to HELL. It's one thing if its for adults, but there are kids who want to go and these people are hoarding the tickets for massive amounts of money. I think becoming a mom is making me more sensitive or something but this really bothers me.

Brian Fink & I will be there at the beginning of the show to present a check to charity and to introduce Brooke Hogan. I'll be wearing my new maternity clothes so check me out!! :)

If you are one of the lucky moms who got tickets for the kids - enjoy the show!!

So as for the name Kyla - TK says it's growing on him and I think he's going to give in. It means "beautiful perfection" which I really like... and it sounds good with Marilyn which will be her middle name, after my mom. Kyla Marilyn. We could change our minds in the next 4 months but for now, that's her name!!

I need some help with a few things...

Movers. We're moving on the 22nd of December - can anyone recommend a good company, affordable, not going to rip us off, etc? We're literally moving our 2 apartments into one, in the same complex... but I can't lift anything and we just want to hire someone to do all the work!

Daycare/Nanny. I know I have time, but if you have kids, what is your take on daycare vs. nanny, what would I expect to pay? I'm definitely coming back to work after my maternity leave but I'm not sure who I'll get to watch our baby! We want to bring her to work every day but that wouldn't go over too well...

I think that's all. Back to my show!

Dana




• 11/30/03 •

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It's Sunday and I'm working. ICK!

Well... we had a really nice time in Orlando. Went to MGM studios & Magic Kingdom on Thanksgiving. We had turkey dinner at Spoodles on Boardwalk. Toby came up to meet us - of course he entertained my family the whole time :) Then we went to Magic Kingdom and did a few rides... Buzz Lightyear (pic of TK and me on the Buzz ride coming soon...), the Haunted Mansion, Pirates of the Carribbean... The line for Space Mountain was enormous and none of us wanted to wait... and of course I can't go on roller coasters now anyway!

We were in line at Haunted Mansion discussing the name Kyla for our child and Toby decided to find out what everyone else in line thought of the name... he just kind of spoke up and asked the crowd what they thought. Most people liked it. SCORE FOR MOMMY!! My dad thought it was hysterical... my sister was embarassed.

Friday we went to Island of Adventure & Universal Studios. I can't do many of the rides but I went on Spider Man. They did Jurassic Park, Ripsaw Falls, etc. and just my bro went on the big roller coasters. Yes, we're wimpy. I've never gone on the Hulk or the Dueling Dragons but I think I am ready for them... It made me mad that I COULDN'T go on so now I want to!

We went to the old Universal Park and did Twister, Back to the Future, ET & T-3. I am DYING to see the new Shrek 4-D but the wait was 90 minutes and we were already tired! I am going to Universal Dec. 12-13 for Grinchmas so I'm going to demand to see Shrek!!

Yesterday was recovery day! We drove back late Friday night and we were all exhausted. I got up yesterday and went to a little maternity clothing store to get some things to wear this week... to Hilary Duff show, Aerosmith if I get to go, my gigs, and Chris Rock on Saturday for TK's birthday. Then I met the fam for breakfast (at 3pm!!!)

We all took Lexi to the doggy park on Davis Island. She got picked on by the bigger dogs. She was the tiniest dog... at first she was brave but this one dog just pummelled her and she came running to me & TK like mommy daddy save me!!!! This other cute little dog kept stealing her toy and she didn't even go after it. We're gonna have to take her there more often and toughen her up!! It was pretty chilly out so we didn't stay too long...

Last night was pretty uneventful. Family came over to chill and my dad & brother wanted to eat at Hooters. My sister is "against" the Hooters concept so she made herself some food at my house... Don't ask.

I fell asleep pretty early and now here I am - WORKING! They just want to watch Football today anyway. I wish there was more to do here... we are theme parked out so no Busch Gardens - plus it's too chilly now for that anyway! I think we're gonna go to Dish in Ybor for dinner tonight and maybe see a movie. They fly back to Boston tomorrow (and I'm hoping they take this cold back with them!!!)

Oh, and I wanted to let you know baby is fine! She has been kicking and moving around a lot. I didn't feel her for a day and started to freak, but she's fine. I felt her a lot the last few days!

Check out my maternity clothes section that I made yesterday! Let me know what you think of the stuff I want. I am getting even BIGGER!!!

Hope you had a great Thanksgiving weekend!!!

Dana




• 11/26/03 •

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Yeah my family is here! We had a nice dinner last night at Bella's. I'd never been there before, fabulous place!

So I am getting a little freaked out. Every day I've been feeling her kick a lot and yesterday she only moved a little... and today I haven't felt her move yet. I've read this is normal, but it still freaks me out. I've gotten used to her being like "hey mom what's up kick kick..." Maybe all the milkshakes I've been drinking are making her fat and lazy. I'm definitely gaining a little weight now so I'll slow down on the fatty stuff. I smell like cocoa butter today! ICK.

Well, you're stuck with me for 5 hours today. Finky's on vaca so I'm here allllll day long. MOST people get to leave early... But there's always someone that gets stuck at work for hours before a holiday - that would be me. :)

Hope you and your family enjoy Thanksgiving. I have a lot to be thankful for this year... My job, my home, my supportive family, my great friends, and my soon to be family with Toby and our little girl!! EAT UP. I am craving turkey and gravy already!!!

:)

Dana



• 11/25/03 •

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Let me just thank you again for the nice emails. Some people who have never paid attention to the DJ or have never written to a DJ before have started emailing me so THANKS!

I had some fun today with a hater. She actually wanted to be the leader of the haters and asked that I post her email on my page so that she could assure the other haters that they are right and that I am "young, uneducated, and have no class"... She went so far as to put herself above the other haters as if there is some authority on the subject! I'm amazed at how many people waste their time worrying about me and my life. I'm tempted to post my response to her because I took my time writing it and I make a lot of good points. She accused me of being on the radio for 3 hours a day just so "someone would listen" to me... and in the same email she asked ME to post HER thoughts on my page - so who wants to be heard??? Bizarre.

I finally bought cocoa butter today. Not digging the smell. I like fruity smells, like Cucumber Melon from Bath & Body Works... not this buttery suntan lotion smell. It does feel good though. Every time I feel a little bit of stretching I inspect to make sure there's no stretch marks! Why am I so afraid of this? Did you just FREAK OUT the first time you got one? I'm curious to know if anyone didn't get any... or if you had them and they totally went away... or maybe you got 'em and they never left... No matter what it'll be worth it, I'd just like to be able to wear a bikini again!!

I cleaned my entire apt. top to bottom tonight. Family coming in tomorrow so I wanted to make sure it was immaculate. I'm a pretty neat person but I've been so tired lately I've slacked on the cleaning.

Not much else is up. Baby kicks all the time now and sometimes I even start to get worried her strong little feet are gonna poke through! What an amazing feeling.

:)

Dana





• 11/23/03 •

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Didn't do much today but that's what Sundays are for! I am putting lotion on my belly like three times a day. I can feel her kicking ALL THE TIME now!!

This rude girl whos email I posted the other day (and took down a little while ago) says she is sorry and that she was mean to me because she felt like I was "angry at the world" and she wanted to give me a piece of her mind. What is wrong with people? I am not angry at the world!! I get really frustrated at people who come at me with all kinds of nastiness for NO REASON. She didn't even have anything to back up her argument... she insulted both of us and then accused me of lacking tact when I fired back. People are so ridiculous. When I have a bad day I do not yell at callers or send mean emails to people who are nice to me - so why do some people feel the need to do it to me? Take out your bad day on your boyfriend or a co-worker, not some stranger you don't even know!

Anyway, enough on that. I'm just excited that Thanksgiving is almost here... and then Hilary Duff... and then we're going to see Chris Rock.. and before we know it it'll be Christmas!!

Have a good Monday!

:)





• 11/22/03 •

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Saturday night and I am home updating my web page... ah how life changes when you are expecting a child! It's cool though... I did some work tonight and now I can relax.

We are trying not to let the haters get to us but I just don't understand why some people are SO MEAN. It's not constructive criticism of our shows or the radio station, people just downright HATE us for NO REASON! This one girl emailed both of us today saying that my show makes her want to gag, and insulting Toby - for NO REASON. I gave it right back to her... I guess in a way I shouldn't be "rude" to listeners, but why should I sit down and take crap from people just because I am on the radio. If this girl or anyone else wants to personally attack me for NO REASON, I'll do it right back. I got nasty with her and told her where to shove it. It's fun! Pregnant people get angry very easily...

We got our first baby gift in the mail yesterday!!! Toby's friends in NY sent us a Burberry Bear!! We fought over who got to keep it until we have a place together and a nursery... I won. The baby is in my belly therefore it lives with me and the gift for baby STAYS WITH ME. :) Definitely a decoration toy and not a play toy - but they hooked up the Toys R Us gift card too! Now I am waiting for my Anne Geddes Thank You cards to come in the mail so I can send it out!

Did anyone else get THIS excited about gifts and thank yous and all this silliness???

We also got our new place today... we move in the last week of December. All the changes going on in our lives are kind of crazy but I'm excited!! I'm getting all the sleep and relaxation time I can now because pretty soon life will be even more insane.

We need to buy a few area rugs since the new place has hardwoods and I want carpets... any ideas on where to get nice big area rugs cheap???? HELP!


Still have go to shopping for clothes... I had a few pairs of regular pants that were too big for me a few months ago, and now I can't button them. It's a little upsetting - I think I'm afraid I'll never get back to the same size again. At the same time I feel kinda cute walking around with a belly and soon there will be no question I am pregnant!

Anyway, that's enough for now. I am starting to use this page just to babble and forget that everyone reads it! But, hey, it's your choice to read it. Before you send hate mail, remember... you chose to read this, nobody shoved it down your throat!!!

:)

Dana




• 11/21/03 •

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Hooray it is Friday! That means I can sit on my prego a** all weekend and pig out... :)

Actually I need to do some shopping. I'm getting large in the belly area. I can actually FEEL MY SKIN STRETCHING as I am sitting here. Is that normal? I should have hot men come in here and rub cocoa butter on my belly every day. That would be fun!

Next week its Thanksgiving! I am very excited... my dad, sister & brother are coming for a week! They've never been to Disney World, so it's cool we can finally go as a family. I suppose at some point since I'm going to be a mom I need to learn how to cook a turkey, but this year we're going to eat on Boardwalk in Disney. My family is also going to meet Toby for the first time so that will be exciting. It sucks our families are so far away - I still need to meet his parents too!! We are just so busy and never have the chance to take vacation together... hopefully that will change with baby!

I think I'm going to set up a new poll... Overalls on pregnant women - cute, cool, or ICK!?!?! I am undecided on this. I guess when you are huge the only thing that matters is comfort, but I'm curious what the consensus is.

That's all for now! I'm getting another chocolate shake for lunch - YUMMYYY!!!!

:)


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• 11/20/03 •

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So it was nice to be back at Marino's Martini Bar last night... for a while I had "night sickness" and couldn't go out. It would have been a bad scene... I was so miserable every night for about 2 months! Now I feel much better. Thanks to everyone who congratulated me. It's amazing how many people know about my pregnancy. We pray the ratings show it so we can get bonuses and spoil our baby... And a note to those who think this is a ratings stunt - you're nuts. I would not have planned to get prego and have the child due during the SPRING BOOK - duh! Maybe we will name her Arby though :)! It's nice to see some other people are getting show ideas from our situation. That's pretty cool - it seems you need the help!!

So I am getting pretty frustrated. I am in-between clothes right now. Getting too big to wear my regular clothes, but maternity shirts are too big since my belly isn't sticking out that much. I actually think it grew a lot in the last few days since you can definitely tell I am pregnant now. I know you want to see pictures but I'm not sure yet.............

Thank you for all of your emails. I took some time last night to write back to a lot of people I had been meaning to write back to... It took me a few days to even get back to my best friend!

I am starting to think the entire world is pregnant. Just found out today one of the sales girls here is having a baby too!! Every few days someone else is pregnant. If you really don't want to have a baby right now, I suggest you wrap that sucker up TWICE, use those spermicide gels, don't forget your pill, AND PULL AND PRAY. I'd say don't have sex but that would just be insane.

I've been having really weird dreams lately and I wonder if this is normal during pregnancy? I even FELL OUT OF BED because I was rolling around in my dream... Yes, I rolled out of bed onto the floor!!! I don't think I have fallen out of bed since I was like 4. Anyway, I was not injured. Just happy I was sleeping alone!

Make sure you check out the nurseries I am looking at! The link is on my main page.

Dirt will be updated as soon as I get all my ish together. I promised myself that I wouldn't let this become the iVillage of FLZ, so for every baby thing I have to put up a good gossip story or something cool not related to my wonderful child...

Have a fabulous day!

:)

Dana





• 11/19/03 •

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So yesterday I think I overdid it with the "gain weight" thing. By the time I went to bed I thought I was going to yak... But that chocolate milkshake was GOOOOOOD!!!

I bought some cool things online last night from AnneGeddes.com. Her work is amazing... I got birth announcements and thank you cards (since the gifts are ALREADY pouring in!) for $14.50/pack of 36. Ridiculously cheap!!

Other than that, not much is up. I'll be back at Martini Bar tonight... I haven't done gigs for a while because I had "night sickness" but now I'm back for a little while. I'll be avoiding the smoke and of course drinking virgin whatevers! Come by and say hi... and if you want to feel my belly its cool, just ask first before you start poking at me!!

:)

Dana





• 11/18/03 •

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I think I will keep a little baby journal here... This way you can check it out if you're interested... and if you are already sick of the baby talk, you don't have to be bothered.

I went to the OB today and she said little baby Knapp is growing just fine! Her heartbeat is steady and perfect...

The only thing she was concerned about is my weight. She said I have only gained 3lbs. and that by this point - half way through the pregnancy (OMG!!) - I should have gained 10. So, I have to start snacking more, eat peanut butter, cheeze, AND MILKSHAKES!!!!! Don't hate me for this... because in 6 months I will be doing endorsements for Slim Fast and DYING to lose weight!!!

I am very excited that I can feel her kicking and moving around a lot now. I was laying on the couch the other night and could actually SEE my belly pop up when she moved. FREAKY but very cool... Thanks for all of your calls guessing that she had the hiccups. I have yet to experience this, and don't wish the hiccups on my little girl, but I'm sure it'll be cool when I feel it. Just hope I don't get the hiccups when I have to talk on the radio!

Belly pictures coming soon. I am afraid of doing this but everyone seems to want them... I put my ass up here so the belly can't be any worse! Plus, obviously I will do anything for web hits.

OK... that's enough. I have to get back to my show...

:)